Moving Past The Bird Poop…
I didn’t have a lot of patience yesterday. I got frustrated with the kids all day. Sometimes it was warranted: AndyZ has decided to scream NO NO NO NO NO NO if we ever try to hand him food to eat instead of letting him get it out of the container. I appreciate his desire for independence but sometimes that just isn’t feasible. Sometimes I have to take something out of it’s container (like a tube of crackers) and put it on a plate. (I know! I’m so EVIL!) And this makes him want to punch me in the face. And sometimes he does. It’s awesome.
And then my daughter with her inability to grasp the concept of “Interrupting Is Bad And Makes People Want To Say Curse Words” as she just can’t help but to talk 24 hours a day. And heaven forbid if I try to talk to anyone else, like her teacher, or my husband. We should all be focused on her conversation about Long Necks and Why They Would Eat People If There Were No Leaves For Them To Eat. It’s the most important thing going on right now, you know.
And let’s not forget the third day of nasty bird poop on the side of my van. How do they poop on the SIDE of my van? And how do they hit the same spot EVERY DAY? There are no trees in my yard, for chrissakes! HOW ARE THEY DOING IT?
So…my patience was limited. Probably because I started studying yesterday and had flashbacks to trying to go to college with kids as I got my first degrees through LilZ’s early childhood. The easiest option is just to wait until after they go to bed. But in the last 10 years I’ve become allergic to nights. I can’t stay up much longer than they do because I get up so early. And I can’t study in the morning because I’m already trying to cram in a million things before they get up as it is. In other words, stressing out about how to arrange my new schedule to allow for GMAT preparation disintegrated a lot of my patience reserves for yesterday.
But you know what? I kinda don’t feel bad about it. I’ve really been trying to quit being so hard on myself lately. Stopping myself from spinning down the spiral of OMG I SUCK TOTAL DONKEY BALLS that I fall in on bad days. Where I think more and more about my failures than my successes. This is NOT a healthy way to be spiritually and I know that so I’ve been slowly but surely trying to retrain myself. POSITIVE. POSITIVE. POSITIVE. And I realized yesterday it’s starting to make a difference. I didn’t go to bed last night crying over my failures during the day. Instead I thought about the optimism I felt for today. The sun is supposed to make an appearance, we’re going to build birdhouses, and there’s going to be FUN TO BE HAD. And if I lose patience again? I’m not going to let it ruin my mood. I’m just going to refocus on the next moment and doing it better. There are plenty of people in the world prepared to think negative thoughts about me, why should I encourage them with my own negativity?
Nope. Not gonna do it. Spring is here. For the most part. Birds are singing (And crapping on my van…THREE DAYS IN A ROW…DID I MENTION THAT ALREADY? Wait. Sorry. POSITIVE. They’re SINGING.), flowers are blooming, I have an amazing family, home, and life. And that life is too short to spend time being too hard on myself.
Not when there’s bird poop waiting to be washed off my van.
My 19 month old son is the same way. Heaven forbid that I actually hand him a french fry and not have his dirty, ketchup fingers all over my plate. You would think the world was crashing to an end. I love this age, don’t you
Could they be sitting on top of the van? And when they ‘go’ it just lands on the side?
Also, I feel your pain with studying. My husband and I have been online students for a year now. And while it is awesome to not have to schlep to campus, it is hard finding time to do classwork. Hubs works during the day, and I am a SAHM. It’s all about finding your niche. And unfortunately, it will probably take awhile.
I can’t help you with the kids, but I can tell you that I had a spell where there was a bird who fell in love with my car and hung out on it all the time when it was parked in the driveway. You wouldn’t think, with 4 cats roaming the yard. Or maybe that was part of the fun of it all. But that’s why *I* would come out to bird poop on my car every day. I started looking for the bird and when I found it out there I’d chase it off. It took a few days, but finally got the hint.
Awww, Zoot, I have this same “hard on myself” problem. I know I miss out on happy moments because I’m so focused on the to-do list and what isn’t getting accomplished. I’m TRYING to change, but lordy jeez is it ever hard.
I read a magazine in the mornings while I blow dry my hair and an article I read this morning was an interview with a famous person. This person said, “I wake up every morning grateful and thankful for another day”. At 6:40 this morning, I was not grateful or thankful. I was already planning out what needed to get done first, second, etc that day. If you figure out how to be easier on yourself and ease up on the “must get done” lists, PLEASE LET ME KNOW.
Liv – I looked on top of my van this morning scanning for birds after you comment and I found my kids shoe that has been missing for weeks! HA! I posted a picture here:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/misszoot/4442510735/
I think it is important to allow ourselves the right to have bad days sometimes, and bad moments other times. The important thing (that you already keep in mind, based on your post) is to not allow ourselves to live in those bad moments, and not to beat ourselves up because we are human.
I try (note: TRY) to live with that positive attitude… that “today might have sucked, but tomorrow is a brand new day” mentality… while at the same time, not going all Annie (cue: the sun will come out….) on those around me.
I am a very impatient person. I am trying my best. And while I am impatient in some ways, I make up for it in other ways. I am probably about the best parent I can be to my kids and I have to trust that they will know that. I do know that beating myself up, just makes me a worse parent.
That shoe picture is awesome
Glad it hasn’t rained much! Although you may want to check it for poo…
And see? Good things happened as a result of the bird poo. Maybe it was a sign to look there for the shoe
I imagine birds flying at top speed, wearing those little soft brown helmet hats (whatever they’re called) and goggles, aiming their diagonal arcs of poop at our cars, and laughing their evil little bird laughs as they zoom away. I… also have issues with birds.
Independence = screaming CHECK
Talking at top volume = insane parents CHECK
Denying yourself credit for all you do/have done = self defeating CHECK
But the birds ARE singing and the crocuses ARE coming out and it’s a new beginning, baby!
Congrats on deciding to take on a new challenge. Go you!
I also have a very hard time with being nice to myself. I keep trying to get better at it, and failing, and that just gives me another reason to be hard on myself! I’m a failure! At being nice to me! So it gives me hope that you are succeeding. I’m going to keep trying. Thanks for the inspiration.
Your little ones are absolutely beautiful! I want to scoop them up for hugs and raspberries. Both of my kids, who enjoy babysitting, agree. Too bad we live several states away.
That said, I *completely* understand how the little ones drive you insane on a daily basis. I’ve been a SAHM to my 2 daughters and there were so many times I wanted to run screaming into the night. My older one talked early and incessantly. She demanded real answers, not absent-minded “uh-huhs.” Her persistence and inquisitiveness have paid off in school. She’s going to college in the fall and I’ll miss her a lot. My younger one (by almost 3 years) didn’t talk so much until the older one went to school, but she always talked at the top of her lungs. We kept telling her to use her inside voice. Turns out she has a beautiful (powerful) singing voice and plenty of air to play trombone. The moral of this story: Keep telling yourself that your children’s currently annoying traits will be positive tools when they’re older. I can tell NikkiZ, in particular, is very intelligent by the things you write about her.
I’m glad you’ve resolved not to be so critical of yourself. Life’s hard enough to be sweating the small stuff. Look at the wonderful job you’re doing with your older son–not many teenage boys willingly hang out with their younger siblings much.
Your blog is one of the best that I read.
P.S. Birds poop down the side of my vehicle, too. They must be talented!
Seriously, I am surprised the “I do it” stage doesn’t kill all parents. Makes me want to stick a fork in my eyeball.
As a single person with no kids, I bow my head in shame. I’ve been thinking about going back to school to get my Master’s, but whenever I think about it, I also think about how much I like my free time. After I get home from work, I like my after-work time to be free. But you have three kids, and you are awesome, and I’m extremely proud of you. Rock on, Zoot.