I’ll Never Be a Nutritionist
So…we watched the much-hyped Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution this past Friday. It got me really thinking about how I feed my kids. Thinking for THREE days. THINKING AND THINKING AND THINKING. Because since I’ve watched the show, I’ve monitored feedback on blogs and twitter and have come to the realization that this is a VERY touchy subject.
For me.
Let’s begin with the facts: Our family is mildly healthy. We rarely eat fast food, and when when we do we rarely choose fried options. When we do go fried it’s inevitably the Chik-fil-A chicken sandwich because OH MY GOD. They’re just impossible to resist. We tend to eat healthy without really trying. Partly because MrZ and I both grew up understanding healthy food choices. Partly because we just prefer the taste of grilled over fried. Mostly because we want to try our best to be as healthy as possible. We don’t own a fry cooker of any type and we don’t keep sweets around the house. In general: Mildly Healthy.
THAT SAID – Our daughter is the most unhealthy eater on the planet. Well, that’s not necessarily true. There are a lot of typical unhealthy foods she hates: Chocolate, cake, chips (she’ll eat plain chips) and popcorn. BUT – she is such a picky eater that the few things she does eat? AWFUL. Chicken fries. Chicken nuggets. Turkey and cheese sandwiches on white bread WITH MAYONNAISE. Plain potato chips. Sausage (she picks sausage off pizza and eats the sausage patty out of a biscuit.) And everything is better when she dips it in ranch. Now – in her very small defense – she loves oatmeal and sometimes yogurt. That’s it. The only healthy stuff besides the occasional bite of fruit she eats. Maybe unhealthy isn’t a strong enough word.
I’m embarrassed just talking about this. Because there are a lot of people who would scoff at what I let my child eat. My husband is one of those people.
Now…my Dad never forced me to eat anything. But he also never really kept anything too bad around the house, so even if I had my choice it was never as toxic as what NikkiZ eats. Still – he let me turn down stuff whenever I wanted. I hated anything with tomato sauces: Pizza, spaghetti, soups. I wouldn’t ever eat ANY of it. When I discovered you could order pizza without the tomato sauce? I DIED, I was so happy. Yet…as I got older…I wanted to try new things. I’ve been taking foods of my black list since I was 18. Besides spaghetti, pizza and soups I’ve learned to love green olives, guacamole, eggplant and sushi. I’ve been trying and loving new foods since I had LilZ. Now, there are still healthy foods I hate: Lettuce, Creamed Corn and Vinaigrette dressings. But periodically I’ll give it a try in case it’s changed.
My point: No one ever forced me to eat anything, yet I became a healthy and adventurous eater as an adult.
This is the sliver of evidence I hold onto when arguing my case with letting NIkkiZ eat Chicken Fries while the rest of us are eating homemade vegetarian lasagna.
This drives my husband CRAZY. He thinks I shouldn’t give her an option. While we watched that show Friday night we argued about it because I get very defensive. It’s very VERY hard having a picky eater. Every time Dooce wrote about Leta eating refried beans for breakfast, I wanted to hug her and thank her for giving up like I did. Because, if you have a child who fights tooth and nail every time you put ANYTHING in front of them (EVEN CAKE) you might one day…give up. That’s what I did. I decided it wasn’t worth the stress or the pain anymore. I just fixed her one of her staple meals while the rest of the family ate something new and most often: DELICIOUS. I’ve seen AndyZ eat homemade guacamole from a bowl with a spoon. LilZ orders the salad whenever we go out to eat. My other two kids? PERFECT EATERS. NikkiZ? I just gave up.
So…I told MrZ we’d try it his way for a few weeks. I get VERY bitter/grumpy/angry about these type of decisions that end up affecting my life more since I’m at home with the kids. I fight them almost as much as NikkiZ fights eating vegetables. It took a lot of swallowing of my pride and my ego to allow this experiment to proceed. But – thanks to Jamie Oliver – I at least did that much.
NikkiZ fought dinner tonight and ended up eating nothing. MrZ says she goes to bed hungry. NikkiZ says, “I’m NOT hungry.” Because she is made from two of the most stubborn parents on the planet and she will NOT give in that easy. It will take much more than just one skipped meal to make her give up her Chicken Fries.
*sigh*
It’s going to be a long few weeks. But here is the conclusion I’ve come to. There is a range on the spectrum of Feeding Our Children. (Just like with ALL parenting issues.) At the crappy end of the spectrum there’s Huntington, West Virginia: Where Jamie Oliver is because it is our nation’s “Unhealthiest City.” On the other end of the spectrum is the family that eats all organic foods and never a drop of soda. I am currently probably somewhere right in the middle. THAT IS NOT A BAD PLACE TO BE. We don’t have to give up our over-processed fattening foods for the sake of our sanity. We just need to make them the exception, not the rule. I recognize I should, at least with NikkiZ, scoot further from the Huntington end of the spectrum. I recognize that and that’s why I’m trying it MrZ’s way for a few weeks. (Weeks that will probably KILL ME.) But – I’m never going to be the person who refuses the chicken nuggets FOREVER. AND EVER. BECAUSE THEY ARE AWFUL.
They are awful…I know that. But I am also lazy. And I suffer from anxiety attacks CAUSED MY MY DAUGHTER REFUSING TO EAT. Those two things will keep me from ever being the perfect nutritionist for my stubborn and picky daughter. If after a few weeks my sanity is on the line and my daughter is still not eating? I’m going back to my way. And I’ll just seek solace in the bowl of oatmeal she eats every morning because HELLO…I’ll take what I can get.
Oh this should be an interesting journey….please keep us posted as you go along.
Sunnie
I am struggling with this too (though chicken nuggets have gotten the boot, at least)….
My problem isn’t really what my kids will eat – I don’t have a problem forcing them to try things – that part they know happens…
My problem is as a currently single working mother, I CAN’T MAKE EVERYTHING FROM SCRATCH.
What are good alternatives? I’m hoping to hit Trader Joes Wednesday for goods like bread, cereal, etc.
But….
what the heck am I supposed to do? I don’t have time to make things fresh and unless i spend ALL DAY both days of the weekend cooking food for the week, I HAVE to make stuff easy to make.
Sandwich meat? I’m sure that’s not good for you.
Sausage? Nope.
Turkey Bacon? Nope. The Trader Joe’s version got a HUGE THUMBS down from EVERY SINGLE MEMBER of my family.
burgers – I make those fresh.
Hot dogs? I buy the kosher ones – are they ok???
How does one know what is ok and what is hiding out as decent (aka chicken nuggets – if I had KNOWN how they make those, I’d never have given those to my kides).
We are booting McDonalds, if we HAVE to eat fast food, it’ll be something like ChickFilA or Qdoba.
What about restaurant food? How do I know if it has high fructose corn syrup? I KNOW it has too much salt.
I need a GUIDE!!!!
My son is 12 years old now. You could have been describing him when he was NikkiZ’s age. Seriously, the exact same eating habits. Unfortunately, he never learned to like the healthy foods and since I didn’t make him eat them, and continued to let him eat his way, he now weighs 164lbs. He is very unhappy with his weight and is finally trying to eat healthier because he’s so unhappy with the way he looks and feels.
I’m not saying NiKKiZ will turn out the same way, but I just wanted to applaud you for trying to change her eating habits now. I wish I had done that for my son.
My son was a very picky eater when he was a toddler and my daughter eats pretty much anything. I have the same argument as you, he will grow out of it. I was a picky eater when I was little, now I eat anything. In my case, it has been proven right, now he is almost ten, he is more adventurous in trying/eating new food.
I’ll be interested to hear how it goes – I’ve got a toddler who will eat anything spicy, but pleads for Annie’s pasta….I live in fear that a strong like will become an sole food source.
I’m guessing you’ve heard of this one, but maybe it might help:
http://www.amazon.com/How-Get-Your-Kid-Eat/dp/0915950839
Oh please keep us up to date! My daughter has very few “meals” that she will eat at home. Luckily though she likes the vegetarian chicken nuggets and has just started to eat things like carrots again and applesauce. I can only hope that constantly offering her good food will someday click in her head that good food TASTES good too!
That show totally alternated, for me, between making me feel guilty, and making me say “AMEN!” I’d like to think I’d feed my children better than I feed myself.
Anyway, as far as you … kids are rough, man! I think you’ve come a long way in the last year or so (I fail timelines…) in making more stuff homemade and eschewing the processed things. So, I think you’re pretty awesome. Making any change is hard, but you have actions to go with your good intentions, and you kick butt.
This is SUCH an interesting topic! I really can’t wait to hear more about how it goes.
I have the opposite problem and it’s just as frustrating for me – my three year old is TINY (the biggest he’s ever been is 4% on the charts and for a long time he wasn’t even on them at all) and I would LOVE it if he would eat chicken nuggets, etc. Instead he begs for cucumbers and melon and celery and peppers. The doctors all say to put olive oil and butter and ranch on his food, but of course he won’t eat it like that. He will eat an entire cucumber at one sitting, peel and all, but will not eat chicken nuggets or fries or a hamburger.
I try not to stress because it gets me nowhere – and because I can’t emotionally afford to let a kid who is SO small just not eat because I won’t give him what he wants to eat. And because my parents were that “no soda or candy or sugar ever” family and I grew up with the MOST screwed up attitude towards food ever. In my husbands family, they literally ate whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted it, and they all have the healthiest attitudes towards food and appetites I’ve ever seen. So we try not to let it be a control thing and mostly to let Eli eat whatever he wants, whenever he wants, because I just don’t know how else to do it.
But man, it’s hard. Kids who don’t just EAT are really really hard.
We are having the same battle with my almost three year old. Only he won’t touch protein. Animal or legume. Fruits, raw vegs and grains, yes. But no freaking protein! I do tell myself his diet isn’t too bad because we have no HFCS syrup in the house and most, but not all, our processed foods contain less than five ingredients. Still I feel like a failure because kid isn’t eating anything close to the food pyramid.
Oh, boy… do I feel you on this… when my daughter was born, I swore that I would NEVER make more than one meal. “I am not a short-order cook,” I declared. Now, I find myself making a box of mac and cheese when I make anything more adventurous than pasta or mashed potatoes. My husband and I are enjoying chicken tikka masala, and my kid is eating kraft. Sigh. I always said I’d have a kid who I could take to a sushi restaurant… I can TAKE her there, but she won’t EAT there. (Also? Michelle? My kid won’t eat protein either… I’m PRAYING we’re getting enough milk and cheese into her to make a difference.)
You understand the problem, there just may not be a lot you can do about it right now. I hope the experiment works, but it doesn’t sound to me like your daughter is doomed to a life of unhealthy eating.
Do you think she would eat breaded chicken that you make, instead of pre-packaged chicken nuggets?
Supposedly, you should keep putting the stuff in front of them…it is supposed to take x repetitions of putting that one new food in front of a kid before they accept it.
That said, I’m not a parent, and I’m not having to fight these battle of wills…
Can you have Mr. Z be responsible for being the enforcer? Make him fight the battles? I don’t know if that would cause you any less stress, or if watching the battle would be just as bad for you.
Hang in there…
OH MY GOD. Yes, people are very, very, very, very sensitive about this topic. It is frustrating trying to talk about it and get people to understand that crap that is being hidden in our food (Yellow #5 in macaroni and cheese for example.) Everytime I try to talk about it, people get defensive. I am NOT judging, folks! I am just trying to get the word out. you know???
Because of the low fat craze in the early 90s, I read the labels on everything by sheer habit. The stuff in our food is SCARY.
We do eat junk food but it is for eating out and is a treat (McDs is my favorite cheeseburger. really!) I try very hard to keep only healthy stuff in the house. I see so many folks bring junk food into their house, then fight with their kids about it or even HIDE the junk food from their kids. Sure, I hide chocolate and we have wine, but other than that, our kids are allowed to eat anything in our pantry!
We cook a meal, but if the kids want to eat a sandwich, then we let them, too. I don’t make my kids eat anything because *I* am not forced to eat anything *I* do not want to eat. I do have a One Bite, You Can Spit It Out rule. Which actually, Arun thinks is fun (although, he rarely spits it out and usually eats more of the food.)
In short, I am not a fan of making kids eat food. Also, I hate spaghetti.
Great post!
Kim, I have to agree w/ your husband. I think some of this is a power struggle and you HAVE to win. You are the parent. No child starved to death by going to bed w/out dinner if they won’t eat what’s served, believe me, when they are hungry, they WILL eat. And NikkiZ will eventually get hungry enough to eat. You don’t need to be cooking different meals for your family. That is just my opinion, I’m no specialist or expert by any means. But I will tell you my 8 year old granddaughter is allowed to eat crap food and she is getting overweight. REALLY overweight. She is allowed to eat crap. And I hate seeing an 8 yr old already 20 lbs overweight because I think that is almost child abuse. NikkiZ is a perfect size now – but she’s not 8. So just factor this into your decision. You’ll figure it out. You are a great parent!
Sometimes I worry that my son only likes to eat pasta and pears and pizza but I know he will grow out of it someday. I just keep offering him things that I make and surely he will pick up that homemade and healthy tastes better. I think it’s ok to not fight with your kids over what they eat. You can’t only do so much!
I love Jamie Oliver. He is trying so hard! My daughter is 9. She would eat pretty much anything as a toddler but now is very picky (I don’t understand that!). Anyways, I only fix one meal–she has to at least try it. If she doesn’t like it she is welcome to fix something else that I approve of. Mostly she will choose a fruit/yogurt smoothie. We use a banana, 4-5 frozen strawberries (or 1/2 cup frozen mixed berries), 3/4 cup low-fat plain yogurt, a splash of milk, and a tablespoon of ground flax seed. This is something she loves and I feel like is healthy.
I know this will be really hard on you, but maybe some built in rewards for NikkiZ? Something simple…but that keeps her motivated? I felt SO much better about what my child eats after watching Jamie Oliver, but like VHM Princess, I don’t make everything from scratch. I’m lucky that he likes the Annie’s white cheddar pasta, that’s all – and that’s what I started out giving him. Sure, we have fast food too often, but we’re not eating chicken nuggets at home. (He actually refused them! He’s more a french fry guy.)
VHM Princess, have you seen the books, Eat This Not That? I’ve heard it’s good for helping you make better choices.
Good luck to you, Zoot, and keep us posted!
oh forgot to add that Michelle Obama has started a campaign to raise healthier kids Check out the website at http://www.Letsmove.gov . Jamie Oliver’s website has a lot of cool recipes too. http://www.jamieoliver.com
Ok, I promise this will be my last post on this subject lol. I’m majoring in Family and Consumer Sciences with a concentration in nutrition so this is all very interesting to me. Also, I work in a daycare as a cook so I have tons of info running around in my head. Awhile ago I book marked a website where this person made what she called Monkey Platters. They are plates or platters of fruit, veggies, cubes of meat and cheese, crackers, etc. I think she also had dips for some things. Anyways, I think these would be great to get kids to try new things or just to eat. I won’t post the link but will say to just google Monkey Platters and it should be one of the first ones that pops up. =)
I need to watch that–we’ve seen and read a bunch of food issue books and are trying to eat better. It is a hard and complicated subject, and I look forward to hearing how it goes with ya’ll. As I prepare for the birth of my first child, I don’t even want to contemplate how I’ll handle it.
Now I’m going to go and be a total downer. I was a really picky eater as a kid, and have grown out of it completely. One of the things my mom has always talked about was that she made a conscious effort not to let food become a power struggle. She says that there were enough power struggles anyway b/t the two of us. But her main reason was that she never wanted food to be about power. Because girls already have enough body image issues and complicated relationships with food. She figured the quickest way to an eating disorder was for a child (esp a girl) to mix up eating and power.
I don’t know if that is true or not, but thought I’d throw it out there. Anyone else agree/disagree?
I don’t have kids, but I’m a former picky eater. Like you, I wasn’t forced to eat what I didn’t like (or thought that I wouldn’t) and now I try to be more adventurous. I also keep trying things that I hate, hoping a new way of preparing it or time will put it on my good list. I eat broccoli now! I love asparagus!
I’m super eager to see how this experiment turns out because I think it is a good idea (again, no kids, remember that) and that a hard line just might work a little.
My main point is that picky as a child does not mean picky forever and an active kid who isn’t eating constantly isn’t in any danger. You both obviously have great metabolisms, so no worries.
My almost four year old will eat anything… and I mean anything! I’m lucky that way. BUT, it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t try that whole picky, choosy thing. It doesn’t work. Around here, what I put on the table, is dinner. Period. No extra courses, no make a sandwich, eat or don’t. Does it suck from time to time? You bet. We believe wholeheartedly that you cannot starve a healthy child. I will offer this to you though, keep nothing in your house that qualifies as junk. It’s much easier to “sell” the whole healthy eating thing if you address the “junk” as a treat. Go out for ice cream, make that single serving bag of chips seem like the biggest treat ever! I realize that I can’t choose every meal for my kid, but I do try to emphasize that we eat a particular way at home and there are other ways to eat outside of the home.
Your daughter is growing up surrounded by healthy choices, and one day she will make them too. For now, as my pediatrician assures me, it is better for her to eat something than nothing, and what she eats doesn’t matter. Most kids her age are the same way, and they all turn out fine.
As I am quickly learning, whatever keeps you less stressed is the best possible choice.
There are as many opinions as there are people on this topic. But, since you’re trying this experiment, I thought I’d offer up what seemed to work for my parents when my sister and I went through the picky stage and when we just plain didn’t like dinner. (Mind you, neither of us stayed there, so its not really the same thing.) We didn’t have to eat what was served for dinner, but only one dinner was made. We must have been a little older, because if we chose not to eat what was cooked we fed ourselves and our choices were what was in the fridge. That meant yogurt, fruit, cheese, whole grain cereals, a peanut butter sandwich – you get the idea. We could come up with our own dinner, but Mom just made sure the options in the house were healthy. We did have ice cream and cookies in the house sometimes, but those were treats and so were off limits. We never went to bed hungry, and really there wasn’t much of a fight because we could get up from the table and get something different. Or not eat… All the books swear a kid really won’t starve themselves.
My cousin (who is now 33 and a child psychiatrist) only ate peanut butter and McDonald’s French Fries until he was 15. Then he branched out and started eating a couple other things … like pizza. He’s about as healthy as anyone I know. Keep trying, but honestly, don’t battle it. She’ll start trying new foods eventually. The way I get my son to eat things is to tell him he can’t have it. It’s adult food. That makes him want it all the more. Good luck.
Hang in there Zoot. Sounds like the next few weeks will be a bit tense…maybe start with talking to NikkiZ about ingredients of food? She’s probably old enough to grasp the basics, right? I’m sure you already do, but from my experience, just talking about it, playing make believe cooking, having her help with real cooking…who knows? You’re doing a great job just by thinking about it!
Eating healthier and knowing what is actually IN our food is my New Year’s Resolution. So far, I’ve changed what bread we eat (we now get it from a local vendor at the permanent farmer’s market by our house) and some meat (which we get from a local butcher). I usually can find the rest of what we need at the grocery pretty easily. And I definitely still buy things I know aren’t great (mac & cheese). But little changes over time are what I’m going for. Dropping the things I’ve found replacements for.
Oh, and we’re growing veggies this year in containters on our deck (stinkin’ deer!). Maybe NikkiZ would eat some things if she helped grow them?
Good luck!
We have the same issue in this house. I have 2 young kids who are very picky, although they love fruit! I have decided to not be a short order cook, if they don’t eat, they don’t eat, but I try to make sure that at least one thing on the table during dinner they will eat. My daughter (at 3.5) is starting to come around. And my son (1.5) who used to be very adventurous is now eating nothing at dinner time. I also try to make sure once a week we eat a family friendly meal. I have noticed my kids eat a LOT of cereal in the morning.
Good luck. It is tough trying to get them to eat and the battles, we don’t talk about it, we just expect it and if they don’t want it they know there are no more options…and no desert, if we actually have any!
My 4 yr old is like your daughter but we do not give him the choice. He must sit at the table with us at least for a few minutes for some family time OR he needs to go get ready for bed. We are not HARD CORE but generally two things happen. He goes to bed and passes out exhausted. Or he will sit down and after complaining about the food he will eat ALL of it.
I am not a Kate Gosselin fan but one show I caught she said about her littles (before she got all into being a celeb and this was early on when the show was kind of cute) “I am not a short order cook.” I agreed with Kate on that front. If I make him different foods and offer him alternatives he will take them. Hell if he could he would eat ICE CREAM for dinner every dang night!!!
Finally I stand by the idea that if I keep offering stuff he says he hates eventually he will come full circle and will eventually eat what he formerly hated (what’s the rule? Offer it 10 times after being rejected??) I will not pander to the five year old!!!
Hang tough sister – she will be okay! You are not alone!
I was a picky eater as a kid. My mom never cooked anything special for me, and she’d make me sit at the table and try whatever she made for dinner but then afterwards I was allowed to have cereal or pop-tarts or something else if I was hungry (I pretty much always was). That pretty much worked for us, but I imagine it was frustrating for her!
To offer a ray of hope, I did change my eating habits when I got to college and I will try just about anything now. Unless it has olives — I still HATE olives. And tomatoes. Some things are just hard wired into the taste buds!
I’m thankful, VERY thankful, P isn’t a picky eater!! She’ll try a bite of everything I put on her plate. And if she doesn’t like it, she doesn’t have to eat it. And we talk about why Mommy isn’t eating it…because…Mommy IS that picky eater!!
When I was a kid, I never ate pizza or hot dogs. Peanut Butter and jelly for me!! I never ate green vegetables (except lettuce). I have gotten better at the veggies….I eat them raw, but NEVER cooked! Yuck!!!
Two of P’s favorite….green beans straight out of the can. Open it, drain it, dump it in a bowl! The kid eats them like they are going out of style. And broccoli – steamed with butter, but NO cheese on it!!
I had to go through a brief phase of P telling us she didn’t like something. Or telling me she was full. Then telling me 10 minutes later after I had cleaned off the table and thrown all the food away that she was hungry again. I did what you are struggling through now. I told her if she didn’t eat when we ate, then she didn’t eat at all. If she got up from the table before she was truly done, then she doesn’t eat.
You can do this, Kim!! NikkiZ might be stubborn…but you are stronger than that stubborness
Don’t give up!!
I know the picky eater dilemma, as my twins began to show signs of it around 3. I don’t know if she will eat PB but my solution, that has worked well, is the PB option. Eat what I make (dinner we’re talking) or you get a half a PB sandwich on the healthiest bread in the house, no jelly. Unceremoniously folded in half and tossed on your plate.
They pretty much eat what I make now. I haven’t had to make a PB in months. I am sure she’ll grow out of it, most kids do, just keep trying to push the healthier stuff, she also has two brothers that will be good eating role models for her.
I’ve been watching too (and recording them so my nine year old can watch them later) and like you, I find that we are somewhere in the middle. Jamie has made me spend a lot more time thinking about what we are eating and that has to be a good thing, right?!
I will never say no french fries ever again but I am spending a lot more time in the produce section.
When I was in kindergarten, I lived on frozen pot pies and corn dogs, and if I ate a sandwich, it would be mayo on white bread … yes, that’s all. And, now, I eat almost everything. The changes happened gradually. Now, my little brother, well, he would cease to live if he couldn’t eat chicken nuggets. And, he’s going to be 30 next month! Good luck with your experiment. I’ll be watching for updates. My baby is turning one this month, and I’m trying so hard to make him a healthy eater from the start.
You’re doing great Zoot! Food struggles at your daughter’s age are normal–it’s one of the few things your daughter feels she can exert some control and autonomy over. I know that over the past few months you’ve been working on cooking more from scratch and making healthier choices. It might seem rough right now, but really, what you’re doing is making food more of an adventure for your family and it *will* pay dividends down the road.
You clearly have a LOT of support/empathy on this topic! I watched the show and was so horrified that I immediately got out a book with all pictures of fruit and veggies to “test” my 3 1/2 and 2 year old. I was very relieved that they knew 90% of them. My kids are very, very good eaters. I say this with pride, but also with humility, because I know how fortunate I am. It is hard, as noted by a previous poster, to figure out how to incorporate healthier choices when we work outside the home, are single parents, etc. Healthier food is also much more expensive than processed/fried food, so $$ can be a very big factor.
I think we are about 2/3 of the way to Jamie’s side. I will never give up Diet Coke, and my husband is a southern boy, so there will always be bread with dinner (although I try to make it whole wheat as often as I can), but I am not EVER going to buy chicken nuggets for my kids again. I am going to try harder, and that is all I think any of us can do.
You are a fantastic mom, Kim. I read you daily and love your perspective (very similar to my own-hello ATT commercials!). I know that everything you do is influenced by your children and you shower them with love (even when you yell, as do I). NikkiZ is a very lucky little girl, and she will quickly learn if she wants to eat, she will have to eat what you give her. She may not like all of it, but she will find healthier foods that she really does like. All will be well!
I fall into the camp of not making a separate meal, but not forcing them to eat if they don’t want to. No child has ever starved in the presence of adequate nutrition.
Of course, the downside is they make you totally miserable whining about the food they’re given, and they’re vicious little beasts when they’re hungry because they haven’t eaten.
Good luck!
When my son was a baby, I read Ellyn Satter’s book, “Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense.” Her cardinal rule is this: you, as the parent, are in charge of what food you put on the table & when. Your child is in charge of whether to eat, and how much. Ms. Satter encourages having at least one thing at every meal that your child will eat, but don’t force them to eat anything, or to finish anything.
My almost-5-year-old son is pretty picky. He takes one look at most dinners I make and says, “YUCK! I’m not eating that.” But usually, when reminded that this is all he’s getting, he’ll eat a piece of bread, or pick some sausage out of the soup, snack on broccoli, etc. He’s not wasting away, as I happen to know for a fact that he eats much more at daycare than he does at home (someone PLEASE explain to me what that’s about!!). Occasionally I remind him that he has to eat good, healthy meals if he wants to grow tall enough to ride the big rollercoasters (this is a good motivator for him).
I have also tried involving my son in making dinner, which he likes to do. Doesn’t always mean he’ll eat it, but at least he’s getting closer to the food. And just recently we’ve started talking about the good things IN food, the things he needs for his body to work properly–protein to build strong muscle, healthy carbs for energy to run around & play, healthy fats to keep him full, calcium for bones & teeth, etc. He seems to enjoy those conversations.
I’m not sure any of this is that helpful to you–having a picky eater is endlessly frustrating. I just hope that at some point our kids will realize that a lot of the food we eat is really good, and that they’ll be willing to try more things. Good luck! My heart goes out to you, believe me!
I’m in your husband’s camp (and not just because he’s a hunk LOL). Our son is 9 and extremely fussy – and a number of years ago I realized that he wasn’t going to grow out of it – I’m fussy and because I was never made to eat the foods that were put in front of me, or really give them a good try, I still have issues with many foods. With Toad we tried everything the dietician recommended – putting out foods he’d eat along with foods he wouldn’t, putting bread on the table, ect. But he refused to really give things a try.
So then we got mean, and we put one dinner on the table and that was it. And if he didn’t make a good effort to eat and try things, he got nothing else the rest of the night. Eventually he started trying foods and making an effort. Now he eats many more foods than he did before. I agree with a few of the other posters – it is a power struggle, and even though it’s “assvice”, I’d push you to really back up your husband. If she senses that you two are divided, she’ll get her strength to constantly refuse. You definitely need to be a united front.
try chicken breast cut into bite size pieces , baked with shake and bake in the oven , it might work and maybe fat free ranch or if she doesnt like that you can make your own ranch with FF mayo or FF sour cream and low fat buttermilk ,thats what we do , cause we love some ranch on our chicken but getting older we have to watch our fat , calories etc……
though I’m a big ‘ol fatty, my kids eat healthier than I ever did growing up. That said, there are options I resort to because I get too tired, lazy, whatever. Ramen noodles. I hate when I make them but sometimes I must. Aidan likes to go through spurts where he only wants junk-and we don’t keep it in the house. And there are nights when he goes to bed without dinner because he won’t eat his meat but he’ll eat spoonfuls of ketchup.
I know it’s easier said than done but sticking to your guns on this will not scar her. it has not scarred Aidan.
Love this post. Just love it. Thanks for your honesty. I seem to fall into the exact same place as you and your family: we don’t buy everything organic (well, honestly, we don’t buy ANYTHING organic) but we’re not stuffing our faces with french fries at every meal, either. I’m happy to be in the middle – I like that we eat home cooked meals that I make myself, but I am not going to be one of those parents who feels guilty about using muffin mix, either. BETTY CROCKER MUFFIN MIX! NO GUILT!
Oh, I did want to add that I love Moxie’s take on dinner. I believe that her kids have to try what she makes, but if they don’t like it, they have one go-to meal that they can have. I think they get a peanut butter sandwich instead of dinner, but that’s it. No other options. Either they eat what she fixes, or they fix a sandwich themselves. I hate for my kids to go to bed hungry (they wake up resembling DEMONS from HELL) so I thought that was a nice compromise.
And I don’t even think they’re so very horribly awful. Chicken nuggets? Meh, not so awful. I don’t even think I’d put them in the “awful” category. A turkey sandwich? Not particularly awful either. I think things have gotten to a point culturally where if it’s not a steamed organic vegetable it’s “junk food.” I’ve read blogs where people are calling themselves bad moms because their kids had cheese chunks, crackers, grapes, and an orange for dinner. That’s actually a pretty good meal, made of good foods.
Please keep us updated and tell us more about how it goes! I have a picky toddler, although more like what Swistle describes-meals are often cheese, a cereal bar, and fruit-fresh or dried. Occasionally he’ll eat chicken nuggets and I consider it a victory
De-lurking to comment on a subject near and dear to my heart.
Firstly, MAJOR props to you on your honesty. Food has become a highly charged emotional subject-we all need to be able to be honest without fear of being judged.
I think the most important thing is to be informed and to know what is important to you. We still eat Mac & Cheese in our house, just not the kind with the artificial coloring. We’ll still have cupcakes and such, just ones made from scratch so I know what is in them. We still eat fast food every once and a while-knowing that we are putting those ingredients into our body and the effect.
I’m going back to finish up school and become a registered Dietitian, so it’s near and dear to my heart. We need to be informed about the growth hormones in our dairy products, the potential hazards on aspartame, the role subsidies play in what children eat in their school lunches, and even the effect on lobbies and the appearance of the USDA food pyramid. I think the problem isn’t all with parents, but corporations and media marketing, and the state of ignorance we exist in.
I believe there is no right or wrong answer, and you do the best you can. Food struggles in our house with my 7 year old stepdaughter happen at least once a week. Good luck!
I have no advice, no pearls of wisdom, just a big fat amen. I’m right there. And I’m ashamed to admit it. The same fight with my husband, the same bitterness at decisions like these affecting me more than him, all of it. Please keep us updated.
Oh, and I have heard that some moms put the still-full plate in the fridge if the kid leaves the table w/o eating, and when the kid comes back and says he/she’s hungry, the plate comes right back out. Moms? Anyone do this?
I KNOW, RIGHT? One of my four year old’s has decided he is only going to eat peanut butter and jelly. Actually, that’s not true. We ran out of peanut butter and he demanded a nutella and jelly sandwich. I ended up setting fruit on the table without saying anything and he ate some before realizing it wasn’t a sugar with other sugar sandwich.
I suppose many picky youngsters grow out of it, but certainly not all! So think the practice of making one meal, take-it-or-leave-it is a good one to adopt. As long as SOME of the meals (or meal components) are ones your kid will eat, they won’t starve.
I really liked these posts from “It’s not all Mary Poppins” (a blogger who does in-home daycare, so has worked with toddlers for decades) really drive home the point:
http://daycaredaze.wordpress.com/2009/11/23/picky-eaters-dont-fade-away/
http://daycaredaze.wordpress.com/2009/11/10/picky-eaters/
Good luck! It may be a struggle in the short term, but in the end, it’s worth it!
Oh my god, we are so much alike. LOL! Liam (our own middle child) is EXACTLY the same way. And I just WISH he could brag as large and varied a palate as NikkiZ does.
Maybe it’s a middle child thing. He is the most stubborn being on the planet and the pickiest too. I’m convinced he would starve himself just to prove a point. And he vastly prefers to “drink” his calories. We probably perpetuated this by giving him “Instant Breakfast” in his morning milk cup because he’s always been so small and I needed a way to know he was getting nutrients. He would drink that full time if I let him. Every now and then, he’ll deign to eat the insides of a PB&J sandwich or some cheetos (cringe), or french fries dipped repeatedly in ketchup or french toast sticks. It’s awful, what he eats. And yeah, Evie and Harry are fine eaters. WTF?
In related news: where does one acquire these chicken fries because I think Liam would enjoy them and then maybe at least I’d have the knowledge that he is eating MEAT. GAH.
I’m with you! My daughter loves fruit, which is my salvation. Other than that, though, she’ll only eat chicken nuggets, hot dogs, fish sticks, or carbs – noodles, chips, bread, cereal… I do what I can with lowfat hot dogs, organic milk, wheat bread – but hot dogs 5 times a week can’t be that nutritious. My husband gives me grief about it, but at least she’s eating! And it’s protein, right? As long as she’s healthy and not overweight, I’m trying not to worry about it too much and hoping that she’ll eventually start trying other foods. You’re not alone!
First, good for you for stepping out of what you know and trying something different! I was a picky eater with some things growing up. I too, would not touch anything tomato-based. No pasta sauce, no ketchup. I still eat my fries without. I wouldn’t touch maple syrup. Still prefer a fruit-based syrup, coconut is best!
I think my kids are more adventurous than I am, but their first response to a new food is “YUCK! I’m not eating THAT!” Lil’bug will eat sushi, though, and they will usually finish their dinner. What’s hysterical is when the initial response is YUCK! and they go back for seconds.
It’s not that much harder to cook from scratch, it just takes some getting-used-to. Packaged food manufacturers have spoiled us to the point that we think we can’t cook from scratch. I like starting with a packaged starch dish (like a cheesy rice), adding browned chicken and a frozen vegetable (like broccoli or peas). Voila! a nutritionally well-rounded meal!
One rule I have in the cereal aisle: sugar content can’t be more than 1/3 by volume, which is a tough rule to follow in the cereal aisle! (Compare grams of sugar per serving to overall weight of serving.) There aren’t a whole lot of options. I make my 11-yo do the math, BONUS MATH PROBLEMS!