I read something interesting this week: Anxiety is rooted in FEAR. Maybe this is common sense but I had never thought about it that way before. That many times, my anxiety (especially in social situations) is truly just a manifestation of the fear I feel of failing in that situation. Today? I face BIG fears as I go be a part of the FIRST full dress rehearsal for Seussical at my son’s high school. This is a BIG DAY. I’m on the makeup crew and have just learned the very basics about stage makeup. (LilZ let me practice on him last night…how cool is he?) Today I learn some of the big jobs (hopefully) and help apply stage makeup to a dozens of high school kids. Fears I’ll be facing:
Fear of Failing: What if I’m the worst makeup applier in the history of theater? And they FIRE me? Can a volunteer be fired?
Fear of High School Kids: Yes, I have one. He’s awesome. Yes, his friends are awesome. Yet I still fear them IN GENERAL. Because I’ve been scared of them since I was in 8th grade. Hard to get past fear that ingrained.
Fear of Social Situations: Many, many adults will be part of this day. I’m getting SO much better in this crowd but I still freeze up and blunder and panic and inevitably say something really dumb. It happens every time.
Fear of Makeup: SERIOUSLY. I don’t even wear it regularly, when I do wear it I don’t really know how to put it on. Yet somehow I’m now on the makeup crew? HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?
But mixed in with all of the fear is the excitement of being part of something SO AWESOME. Seriously. I wish I could let you all see this production. I have no idea if this is a typical high school production or not, my high school only had 56 people in it’s senior class, so this is foreign to me. But the set? The costumes? The dance numbers? The voices? It’s amazing. I can’t believe the talent in these kids and in the teachers/parents helping. It really is something I’m so proud to be a part of.
There’s a song at the end of the show where Horton is being convicted of being insane for hearing voices in a dust speck. While the “court” is deciding they’re going to boil the dust speck, Horton starts BEGGING the Whos to shout together, demanding that they let their voices be heard so they won’t be boiled. The people in the courtroom are singing “Boil it! Boil it!” while the Whos are singing “We Are Here! We Are Here!” and it’s just the fantastic scene that is so full of energy and emotion and such a perfect end to an amazing show full of amazing people. Every time I hear them sing it…Hell, even when I hear it on the cast recording on my iPod…I cry. I cry EVERY TIME. Because I’m just so proud of these kids who have NO idea who I am. I’m proud of my kid for being part of it all. I’m proud of myself (hopefully) for helping backstage. Everyone in that room is conquering some sort of fear (forgetting lines, missing notes, falling down a HUGE set) yet they show up and perform these amazing musical numbers. And they do it WELL.
So, conquering my fear of makeup? Come on. Way easier than having to dance on a 6ft high platform adorned with Truffula trees. Ask my son. Who will be doing just that. AND who will also be doing one dance number blind as he’ll be inside what is essentially a giant black pillowcase. While he’s blind he’ll have to work with other dancers (who will also be blind in the same type of getup) to pick up JoJo – the lead in the show. Yes. LilZ thinks I should shut up already about my fears because if I screw up? Someone washes their face and starts over with a crew member who knows what they’re doing. If HE screws up…”People DIE.”
Good point. I’ll shut up now.