And Open Letter To All Of The Parents I Adore Who Also Happen To Blog
I often find myself getting down and disappointed about myself as a mother. (I know! Shocking!) I’ll catch myself comparing my inadequacies to people online or in the real world that appear so much more awesome at everything. I use my blog to vent about my failures in an effort to make myself feel better while other mothers say,”I feel bad about that too!” I think all of us who write about parenting find ourselves doing the same thing. Using our blogs as a way to let out the guilt and stress over our inadequacies.
For example, lately I’ve noticed a trend of parents out writing about how they don’t like certain stereotypical kids activities. Things like coloring, watching cartoons, or playing Hide-n-Go seek. You see parents on blogs shamefully admit to hating some of these activities like those admissions should be paired with “Beats Children” or “Starves Puppies.” One of the many examples about how we sometimes use our platform to get down on ourselves about something.
But you know what? We all hate something about parenting. I’m not a big fan of most cartoons, but Pinky Dinky Do? I can’t get enough of her. I don’t really like scissors or glue projects, but I’m all for chalk on the sidewalk and body painting. Outdoor crafts! I don’t like swimming pools, but I’m all for trips to the fountains around town.
I think we sometimes worry too much about what we don’t do as a parent. The things we often feel are required – but that we avoid like the plague. Or things we feel should be concerns but we just can’t seem to work up the energy to care about. But in reality? We should instead focus on the things we do differently. I post pictures like the one above and someone will twitch over the potential mess. But to me? I’m all for kids making messes outside where it just requires a squirt from the hose and their clean. Puzzles in the bedroom? Make me twitch because it takes NINETY MILLION YEARS to clean all of that up. So…those of you who let your kids do puzzles? You don’t even realize how awesome you are for that because I can think of nothing worse and only break out the puzzles if there is NO OTHER OPTION.
I wish that we would talk less about our flaws and more about our discoveries. Maybe someone who hates cleaning up puzzles will see my body paint project and think, “Holy Crap! An activity to entertain the kids that doesn’t make me lose my effin’ mind!” Instead of talking about how bad I feel for not forcing my kid to eat right…I’m going to try to focus on how awesome I am for hosting daily dance parties. I am always inspired by you parents out there who write about new activities or techniques or methods that work for you and your family. Almost 90% of what I do with my children I learned from you. But for some reason I still often write about how I feel like I suck and the guilt I have for sucking. And I notice some of the parents I love the most online? Do the same thing. Get way too down on ourselves.
So…I’m taking this moment to tell each of you I think you’re amazing. Don’t worry about how you hate craft time because you love story time and sometimes story time makes me want to punch myself in the face. Don’t get down on yourself for not having the energy to force your kid to eat vegetables…you only got 4 hours sleep in a row for an entire week during the Flu outbreak of 2008. Don’t punish yourself for not potty training until after age 3, you’ve bandaged enough boo-boos and cleaned up enough macaroni from the couch to be allowed to pass on potty-training for awhile. We are all doing the best we can and when you write about your successes? You inspire me to be a better Mom. Yes, YOU. You may think your kids are always filthy and that you are a crappy Mom for not making sure their faces are clean before you walk out the door…but you let them sing their songs in the car at the top of their lungs. Many of us force our kids to listen to our music because their singing kinda sucks. (What?)
I guess I just worry that we use our blogs to voice our inadequacies too much. (AND OH MY GOD – I’m talking to me too! Don’t worry! I do it all the time!) It puts the spotlight on our failures for too long. We are all doing the best we can for ourselves and our kids. Don’t forget that for every failure you’re thinking about as a Mother? You have at least TWENTY successes that the rest of us hate you for. If your kids look clean for more than five minutes? I’m kinda jealous. If you drag your kids to the pool every warm weekend? I admire you and don’t even care if you hate glitter. If you manage to wrangle three kids in all of their different afternoon activities? I can’t even muster up any interest in whether or not their eating healthy dinner. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You are more amazing than you ever give yourself credit for and you inspire me with all of your stories and photos and tweets. Keep up the good work, you’re making the world a better place by inspiring all of the mothers around you. I promise.
I’d like to reach through the computer screen and give you a big ol’ hug right now. Thank you for this post.
I don’t blog (publicly) anymore but my private blog is full of me beating myself up for all the parenting things I feel I’ve messed up. So, thank you for this post. I look at you as one of the most AWESOME moms on the planet. I hope you know you are. 
I completely agree with Michelle. You are one of the moms inspiring me to be better. Thank you!
Agreed! By the way, I am planning on stealing many of your entertaining-the-children ideas.
Sometimes, I worry that I do not worry enough. When I hear parents complain how their kids wear them out and they don’t get a minute to myself, I just nod my head like I know. But I don’t. I freely let my kids entertain themselves for hours on end. Because I am their parent, not their playmate. But then, I worry that maybe I let them have too much free time. Yes, I spend time with them. But I also don’t feel guilty about reading a book or reading a blog while they have fun running around together.
But then, I hear someone complain about not enough time herself and I wonder. I cannot help but wonder.
I love you! I love this post! Is that too much too soon?
I don’t blog (I twitter and facebook, but don’t really talk about my parenting failures there.) but there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think I’m a bad mom about something.
I really appreciate your words. I’m trying to remember that I’m doing the best I can.
Thank you.
I love this!! But I hate sidewalk chalk
Thank you so much for this. You are SO right, we don’t spend enough time talking about what we love or what we do well. Sometimes it seems like the blog world, for parents at least, is all about guilt. I hope we can all take a lesson from this post and learn to celebrate a little more.
I love you! Thank you!
That’s really all I needed to say.
Love the idea of letting the kids paint themselves. What type of paint are they using? Does it stain their body? clothes?
I love outside messes, not so much inside messes…Thanks for the post.
Thank you so much for this post! I often feel inadequate as a parent. Sometimes it is because my boys are 11 years apart and I feel like all the 4 year old gets to do is get drug around to all the teenager activities and sometimes it is because I am too freaking tired to play Spiderman catches the Green Goblin in the backyard one more time! My 4 year old has an 18 month learning delay and I have to remind myself often to quit comparing him and my parenting to others. When ever I feel down about something that is not going well (Potty training!) I remind myself of all my little guy has accomplished and suddenly the other things I was worrying about just don’t seem important anymore. Thank you for reminding me that we are all doing our best and that is good enough!!
Thank you for putting it out there! Why do we think we all have to be the same to be wonderful? Good for you!
I’m 10 weeks, give or take, from parenting for the first time. I’ve thought alot in the last 30 weeks about how hard Mom’s are on themselves and each other. I am a lawyer for kids who have been abused, abandoned or neglected. My most common comment to a Mom beating herself up has been ‘I know what bad parenting looks like, and this isn’t it.’ And even most of those parents, aren’t bad parents. Kids who are loved and know it are so much more resilient than parents think. You just can’t screw them up that easily. I really hope you influence a sea change here, because that’s the standard I’d like to remember when I’m the one doing my best. It’ll be alot easier if we’re all in this together.
Great post! Like I hate Play Doh. With a passion. But Legos? Throw ‘em all over the house, I don’t care!
You’re awesome. I want to join your daily dance parties
Hi! I came across your blog from another blog I read and I have been lurking around here for a few months now. I’m not much of a commenter but after I read this post I really felt like I needed to thank you. I am a first time parent with a 10 month old and many days you can barely see our floor! I love doing the unexpected with my daughter, we also have daily dance parties!! (sometimes it’s the only way I can get dinner finished!) There are so many things that I get down on myself about NOT doing because I hate it and it’s nice to know from another mom that it’s okay and normal, so thank you for making me feel normal! On another note, any way I could get your recipe for cake poppers???
I love puzzles and legos and sidewalk chalk. I hate pushing her on the swing….it’s BORING to me
But, Kim, I think you are AMAZING!!! When we first met in Miss Barbara’s class, I thought you were amazing!! And I look forward to reading your adventures on a daily basis! You are a fantastic mom
I think what happened is it was such a relief to find other parents who weren’t Stepford, it turned into a Thing, like, “Oh I am so awful for not doing this parenting thing!” And so now it has almost swung the other way, so that “hating certain aspects of parenting” is the thing to brag about. It’s tiring. I think all of us who CARE about what kind of job we’re doing are probably doing a Fine Job.
I think you are an awesome mom! I love this post. I also love puzzles. But OMG I hate glitter!!
I have read a couple of posts this week about owning our successses and recognizing our accomplishments. I think it’s super easy to get really down on ourselves, or to focus on the negatives and forget to give ourselves credit for the good things we do. So, thank you for posting this! I think we could all use a little more focus on the positive in ourselves and each other in our lives!
BRAVO! I make a concerted effort not to bitch too much on my blog, but even so it seeps through sometimes. I love this post. THANK YOU!
I’m not a mom (yet!) but this post spoke to me anyway. I beat myself up far too much over stupid stuff, and this was a good reminder to knock it off. So thanks for that
I’ll try to keep it in mind when I’m beating myself up over not taking my future kids to the pool enough (the fountains! Brilliant idea, I don’t know why it never occurred to me! That’s a WAY more fun activity for someone like me who never quite grasped the skill of swimming!)
Oh, DUDE. Love this. Yes, just…yes.
u r a great mum~~
This is just one of the reasons I adore you. Thanks, I needed this today.