Nothing More That I Can Say

I started following Katie some time this year after discovering her through Heather. Katie has kids that span a wide range of ages, mothers how I wish I mothered, and lives in Knoxville – my hometown. She’s in a business I think is fascinating and she has the beautiful family I often envied through photos and stories. I don’t think I ever commented on her blog but I periodically responded to her on Twitter. I felt very much a part of her life, as many of us do as lurkers on stranger’s blogs. When I read her tragic article about her addicted son and the recent catastrophe her family suffered as a result of that addiction, I became wholeheartedly invested in Henry’s recovery. I followed every update on Twitter and every entry at her blog.

Katie lost her beautiful Henry last night and I can think of nothing but the pain she and her family is in right now. I know we are all just watchers in each others’ lives, but my heart aches for her and wishes I could do something as the stranger who read her stories and followed her journey. There is nothing I can do for her, but I couldn’t let my blog sit here without some sort of acknowledgment of her loss. I want her to know that her beautiful Henry has been in my mind these last several weeks and that her family holds a place in my heart today.

12 thoughts on “Nothing More That I Can Say”

  1. I feel much the same way about YOUR family. I sit by the sidelines, periodically comment, reply to some tweets but am wholly invested in all that is your family. Seems like such a strange thing, right? But that is all part of the blogging deal, I guess.

    So… this morning, I saw your tweet about Kate and Henry and I have been in tears for them. He’s lovely. She’s lovely. Their family is lovely. And now they are on that path of grief that is so heart-wrenchingly painful. I’m praying for them.

    It’s weird to say thanks for sharing the story, but it touched me and reminds me of the fragility of life and all I can say as a result is thanks for the reminder.

  2. I totally understand what you’re saying about feeling a part of someone’s life through their blogging. I feel that way about you and your family — When I’m the mom of a teenager, I want to be a mom like you.

    I had never read Katie’s blog, knew nothing of her or her family. But having clicked through and read just the first page… I know that story. I lived that story. My cousin died a drug related death when we were 19 (he was just a couple of months older than me, my best friend). I was there through the coma and the respirator, through what looked like he was going to recover, rehab, home, a stroke and a return to the coma and ICU. I was there when the holes were drilled to monitor and attempt to relieve the pressure in his brain. And I was there when they said the swelling had become too much, that the brain was damaged to the point that he would never be able to be more than what he was at that moment. And I was there, in the room, with my hands gripping his left foot so I could watch his face as my family circled his body and we cried and prayed and let him go. I don’t remember anything about the nurse in the room with us except for her right hand as she pushed buttons and turned machines off. Mostly though, what I remember is the moment of peacefulness that went through his body. And I remember the monitors beeping his final heart rhythms after the machines were off, that they stopped the minute that I whispered “It’s ok, I’ll be ok, we’ll all be ok.”

    I can’t fathom it with my child, but I know the story only too well. It’s been 14 years now and the pain is still fresh. Addiction is hell for everyone — including those of us who are left alone in the aftermath.

  3. I, like the others, am mostly a lurker in your life, but enjoy your blog and twitter so much and have followed you for years.

    I also had never read Katie’s blog, and yet my heart breaks for her and her family. And though it may seem small and insignificant, I am having a conversation tonight with my husband, about what is and what is not acceptable for our son (who is only 15 months old) as he grows older.

  4. Her blog has been suspended so I couldnt read anything – but having a daughter who was close to the end because of addiction as well..before she pulled herself out – I can definitely relate to her initia pain. Thoughts are with her.

  5. I didn’t read her until her recent post at babble talking about breaking her silence. I felt awful for her, to carry that great big burden without sharing it, though I can certainly understand why she would keep the struggle private. She is constantly on my mind today, and it all makes me so sad. What a beautiful young man, and it seems like such a waste for him to be gone so very soon. Addiction is so ugly and scary and I pray it won’t touch my children. Along with prayer, I plan to be really honest and upfront about our family’s tendencies toward addiction – just like my mom was with me.

  6. This is absolutely terrible. I used to read her KNS /MP columns even when I was at UT….this is unbelievably sad.

  7. I’m among those who hadn’t read her blog, but my heart also breaks (as I am now close to tears over someone of whom I’d never heard five minutes) for their pain and for the loss of one so young. I am so sorry for their loss, and even for yours by extension, and the sadness you feel for them. Consider this your internet hug, ok?

  8. how devastating..I never read her blog but just spent the morning reading back to the start of henry’s attack….I’m just sobbing and heartbroken for this family. So many prayers going out to them. I hope that justice is served and Henry’s MURDERERS! are put in Prison!

  9. I’d been reading Katie’s blog a few years already when this happened, and it is just so devastating. Even though I don’t know her personally, I got to know her through her blog. I can’t even imagine what she’s going through.

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