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When we first bought the house, this is what the view from the back porch looked like.

We both really liked the idea of a wooded back yard. There are so many cookie-cutter neighborhoods being built here, with tiny young trees, a yard with REAL trees and REAL shade appealed to us. Unfortunately, the area around the play structure was a little too wooded and there was poison ivy everywhere. Also – behind the play structure there’s a drop into a gully. This kept me from really wanting the kids to play out there alone, for fear they’d wander into dangerous territory. Between all of this and the dogs, we decided to call in landscapers to help us out. They fenced in a decent size around the play area, cleared out all of the treacherous undergrowth, and this weekend? We could play.

The problem is – the house had gone a whole year without anyone even living in it. Then the several months we have lived in it, but avoided the backyard. This meant the slide on the play structure? DISGUSTING.

Even after using a stick to remove the pounds of debris at the bottom, Nikki was still hesitant to go down it. So, I taught her a trick I’ve used on all three of my kids when they were in diapers: HUMAN SPONGE. Kids wearing diapers are the PERFECT sponge for wet slides. Their ass soaks up the moisture and they don’t feel it a bit. In other words, we sent Wes down a few times until he could clean it up for us.

After a few scrubs with a toddler butt, the slide was good to go. The kids played out there for a good chunk of Saturday and Sunday. I sat on the porch watching them a bit thinking this is what we were waiting for. We knew the yard had potential, and it was nice to finally see it enjoyed without fear of poison ivy or falls into deadly gullies. The mosquitoes are still a pain in the ass out there – but all in all? Not a problem.

Of course, you can’t be the kind of person that always dresses their kid in nice clothes if you want to use the Toddler Ass/Sponge technique for slide cleaning. Because this is the result.

Will they come clean? Eh. Who knows. Even if they don’t he’ll still wear them. He’s not old enough to care if it looks like he pooped his pants and summer’s almost over anyway. It will be pants time soon and it won’t even matter anymore.

Now…who’s nominating me for Mom of the Year again? I can’t remember.