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If you’ve struggled with weight loss at any point, then you probably have a span of weight you lose and gain over and over again. Depending on how long you’ve struggled with weight, you may have several spans of those pounds. For this point in my life, I’ve gained/lost the same 11 pounds since Wes was born. When I started treating my eating like an addiction, I was at the maximum level of that weight gain. And today? I passed the minimum.

That means, after almost 3 years, I’m finally about half a pound below the lowest point in that range. I’ve been losing the same 10+ pounds for almost 3 years. And today, I’m finally starting to lose NEW weight. This is a HUGE moment for me. I’m so sick of those 10+ pounds. I’ve seen each number between them on the scale dozens of times. Sometimes it’s, “Yay!” because I’m finally losing weight, other times it’s “No!” because I’m gaining again. Either way, I’ve seen each of those numbers several times since Wes was born.

Today’s number? A NEW number. A number I haven’t seen since somewhere during the first trimester I was pregnant with Wes.

I really think that treating my eating like an addiction has changed me. I no longer dream about binge days. Whereas, I used to look at them as rewards for successful weightloss. Now I know that I can’t let myself binge ever again. It is essentially falling off the wagon. Will it happen? Probably. It did last week. But when it happens now, I treat it like I would any stumble in a battle with an addiction. Something I need to avoid with every ounce of power I have because it can so easily lead to the downward spiral to rock bottom. Where I gain all of that weight back again. That’s why I kept gaining/losing the same 11 pounds. When I would binge? I wouldn’t take it as seriously as I needed to and it would lead me back down my path of addiction.

12 pounds. Finally past that mark. And I’m hoping, like with all of the other marks along the way, this will be the last time I see it. I feel like my approach is different. It’s harder, that’s for sure, I’m learning to deal with stress/anxiety in new ways. And often they don’t work. But the approach is right, I can tell. Some days it feels impossible, but I know this feeling. It was the same when I quit smoking. Every day I deal with that day, not the day before or the day after, THAT DAY. And I question every bite of food. Is this my emotional crutch or is this to nourish my body? One bite at a time, One day at a time.

And today, finally, I feel like it’s worth it. And to celebrate? DONUTS!

JUST KIDDING. Jeez.