The Perks Of Being A Wallflower
I was invited to a Pedicure Night Fundraiser by a fellow boot camper last night. My first instinct – as with anyone with social anxieties – was NO! But, I like this woman, and it was so cool she invited everyone at boot camp. 2 years ago? I would have gone with NO! but last night? I said YES!
I ended up having childcare issues and could only pop in and drop off my donation, but still…I DID IT. 2 years ago? I would have used the “excuse” to just bail entirely. But last night? I went, thanked her for inviting me, explained my situation, and left feeling GREAT.
Now…did I totally embarrass myself by being too loud not realizing there was a girl talking to the crowd downstairs? Yes. Did I have to be shhh’ed because of this loudness? Yes. Did that make me want to crawl in a hole and die? YES. But you know what? I SURVIVED. I still was able to put aside my anxieties and realize how happy it made my friend that I came by. And you know what? THAT’S WHAT MATTERS.
Am I ready to go to a blogging conference? Not yet. But man…I’m getting so much more comfortable in social situations. I’m so proud of myself. Just like I am after every book club session, which I’ve come to depend on with every ounce of my soul. Just like boot camp which as much about friends as fitness. And my volunteer jobs with the high school theater department…I miss everyone after Beauty and the Beast!
I guess my point? 2 years ago I did NOTHING socially outside of family events. NOT ONE THING. Now? I have several different peer groups and I’m grateful for each of them. I’m living proof that social anxieties can be conquered. Do I still get nervous? OMG. I almost didn’t go into my friend’s house last night because there were so many cars! I knew I wouldn’t know those women! AAAAH! But I did it. Because I’m learning that I feel so much better later, when I do participate. It used to not be that way. I used to feel better NOT participating.
I’m just proud. I often assume that my negative characteristics as AN OLD LADY are too ingrained to be changed. Old dog. New tricks. Not gonna happen. But it’s just not true. We can all change. It’s not easy. It’s not over night, but if we want it bad enough, and are patient with baby steps, failures and embarrassments…we can see change in our lives. And this gives me hope for all of the other improvements I’m trying to make on myself. Maybe some day I’ll learn to sew! Quit binge-eating when I’m stressed. Be less dependent on diet coke. Be more dependent on sleep. Just like I can learn to not fear social situations, maybe I can learn to be brave when I’m going to the dentist.
Okay. Probably not. Some things are probably never going to change.
Good effort for saying yes rather than no and then going for the short amount of time rather than bailing – well done!
Very well done! And you give me hope.
I went to my second WW meeting this past Saturday…and was fiddling with my iPhone when the iPod in it started playing a song…REALLY LOUD! I was so flustered and embarrassed to be the center of attention is such a way, but I kind of just laughed it off. Didn’t wish I was invisible, as I once would’ve. Go you and me
Seeing all the progress you have made seriously gives me hope that I might get past my social anxiety/ awkwardness. Hopefully. In time.
What kind of flowers are those?
I’m proud of you, Kim! You are all kinds of awesome. I am awesome today because I walked down to the ocean and back (It’s not terribly far, but it’s a mighty steep hill on the way back up! And it got my heart rate going pretty good for half an hour +, so I totally get points haha.) Anyway, that was really great that you stepped out of your comfort zone that way in a positive direction! Also, I like your picture
That’s so awesome! I know what you mean about wanting to crawl in a hole and DIE. You give the rest of us hope!
Now, you’re totally going to start making left turns, right?
Right?
Oh, God. I so feel you. And I’m DYING, DYING and the thought of being “shhh’d”
OMg_that’s so inspirational~~xx
This is so good to hear – both for you (how exciting! It’s something to truly be proud of), and for me, because I have recently realized that I talk to almost no one, outside of my immediate family and health professionals, in actual physical life. Online, I talk to all sorts of people, but (i hate to say in real life, because online life is real, but I don’t know what else to call it) IRL, I don’t. And it’s frightening to even think about making changes, but I think I’m almost ready to try. So good for you, and thanks for the inspiration.