I’m feeling a tad better today. It wasn’t so much the forced happy, which I didn’t have to use so much, as it was that I kept tabs on my eating much better. I wrote more in my food journal than just what I was eating…I wrote things like, “Grumpy and Hungry @ 12:42pm.” Then, two hours later, “That passed. Now just grumpy.” Somehow, that helped. At least it kept me from eating non-stop to cope with the bad mood. And since that is my biggest hurdle in weightloss: Emotional Eating, I consider it a good day.
ONTO BIGGER THINGS: My daughter starts Kindergarten in two months. KINDERGARTEN. That’s real school around here. I was not the best school parent for E, I just wasn’t as involved as I should have been. Most of it was due to my social anxieties – I was even nervous about Parent/Teacher conferences. Anything else would have KILLED me. I just couldn’t cope.
But mostly I was just a wee-bit self-absorbed to be an active school parent like I should have been. In Kindergarten I was still in college, then 1st grade we were setting into non-college life. Then, 2nd grade I got married and then commenced the years of Reproductive Hell. When he was in 5th grade, E finally became a big brother, but that added a whole new distraction. Basically, I didn’t participate in his school or even actively involve myself in his school work until he was in High School.
NOW…I have no desire to do Nikki’s homework for her, I have problems with that in theory AND in practice. (Even if I believe in it in THEORY, I’m too lazy to practice it.) But, I do want to be more involved. Volunteering with E’s theatre program has kept me so close to his life, I don’t want to miss out on that opportunity with Nikki. I don’t remember ANY of E’s teacher’s names from elementary or middle school. (Except for his 1st-grade teacher, because it’s Nikki’s name. Heh.) That’s how out of touch I was, I would like things to be different with Nikki. Will I be room Mom? Eh. I don’t know. Will I volunteer with the PTA? Eh. I don’t know. I’ll just wait and see, I guess. Our schools need tons of help, I’ll try to just be there, somewhere.
And then I really want to be more help at home. Again, not do her homework for her, but at least help or guide. At least look over it, which I’m not sure I ever did for E. I just didn’t have the energy most of the time. I feel bad about that so I’m going to try to do right by his sister to make up for it.
What about you? How involved are you as a school-parent? Do you at least look at homework at night? Do you do it for them? Do you volunteer? In what capacity? I’m excited but also SCARED AS SHIT. Because, while I’ve gotten past my social anxieties in E’s theatre program, they are all STILL THERE. I have to get passed them again for Nikki’s school. ::sigh:: Sometimes I can really relate to agoraphobics. It just takes soooo much energy to put yourself out there. I just have to remind myself of the payoff: Time with my kid. And also? Time with my kid’s friends, which is just as important.