Two Opposing Views Inside My Own Head
Someone recently made a comment about how much I do and I immediately responded how I always do when someone says that. “Oh, but I don’t do a lot too. Like clean my house. Or cook meals that require more than 4 minutes prep time. Or bathe.” I like to be funny, but I honestly believe that as long as I’m still finding time to watch my favorite TV shows, then I’m not doing too much. (My new favorite: Revenge – but I haven’t seen last night’s episode yet. DON’T TELL ME WHAT HAPPENS.) I know people who really do, do it all, and I don’t want to be mistaken for them. So, I always make sure to correct the person saying it to me. “I don’t do as much as it looks like I do. I assure you. I’m much more impressive on paper than I am in reality.”
But then…24 hours later…
I forgot to put dinner in the crockpot on my lunch break on Monday. I realized it later in the day and felt awful because I knew I wouldn’t be able to cook that night, I wouldn’t be home! I was actually going to dinner with my friends…something I’m not sure if I’ve ever done, just a spontaneous social gathering. So, I felt like crap for forgetting to feed my family. I called/texted/IM’ed Donnie to break the news and – on all three platforms he said something like, “No problem. I’ll stop by the store and grab something to cook on my way home.” But, what I was FISHING for from him, by apologizing repeatedly, was for him to say, “No problem! You do so much! You are amazing! It’s okay to mess up once in awhile! I don’t see how you do it all! YOU ARE A ROCKSTAR!”
So…evidently…when I’m juggling the balls in the air just fine I want to convince everyone it’s no big deal I can juggle. No big deal at all! Even if they’re standing there saying, “Wow! You can juggle!” But when I drop one of the balls? I panic. And I want everyone to say, “That’s okay! We just saw you juggling 2 seconds ago, we know you can do it!”
I’m a very weird woman.
One of the best executive-isms I’ve ever been told is that “We all juggle a lot. A lot. And it’s okay to drop something every now and again. Just make sure what you drop is a ball and not an egg. ALWAYS CATCH THE EGGS.” I say this to myself over and over again when I’ve dropped something .. just make sure to catch the eggs.
I like that because I’ve always felt like I had a knack for knowing what I can screw up and what I can’t.
I have a new friend I met at Arun’s school — over the past month, we’ve gotten to know each other pretty well because we walk back and forth to school with the kiddos every day.
She’s made a few comments about all of my hobbies and the cooking, etc. (not snotty comments, she is actually really sweet) At one point, I mentioned something about knitting and she exclaimed “What do you NOT do?” And I laughed and immediately replied “Clean my house.”
Because seriously, my house is a WRECK. But hey, at least I am interesting. In my dirty house.
EXACTLY. I don’t think people realize how much free time you have if you stop stressing about cleaning bathtubs or toilets or children.
I still keep things picked up, but lately that’s about all I do. And I feel like it has given me LOADS of more free time!
In no way are you weird. Yesterday I was so irrationally angry at my husband. I was just referred to yet another dr. appt and was feeling like he was so “mean” for not understanding how horrible the situation was. Yet when I told him about it I was all “it’s no big deal” ummm….yeah. I just read a book Bittersweet, and in it there is a chapter called “Things I don’t do”. Not surprisingly that was the most discussed part of the book at book club.
I think he WAS saying that, just by the simple words he said…
I am the SAME WAY!
I hold down multiple positions at work, juggle the schedules of 3 kids and a husband who never remembers what is going on each day, but don’t really like it when people are impressed…. until I want them to be impressed but then they don’t say the right things!
And I don’t clean the house much…
I love how you make me feel normal! Thanks !
I just had my fourth kid. And all those balls? Fell out of my hands, rolled down the street into the gutter, floated along some sewage for awhile, and are currently out to sea on their way to France. Where they will drink better wine than I.
Cause I think that’s just life and motherhood in this century. I think we all want validation, whether its for the work we do outside the home or within, the parenting awesomeness we display, we just want someone to validate how we feel.
So. Here’s some validation for you: You are super amazing, the ultimate ball juggler, AND I bet your kids didn’t eat cereal for dinner last night like mine did. BOOM.
I know exactly what you mean. Like you, I work full-time out of the home. I used to work with a woman who would chat with me on the elevator. Almost everytime I saw her she would call me amazing, or super-mom, or something similar…and she didn’t even have kids! I would always just say that I’m not any more amazing than anyone else, I just do what needs to be done. But now that she doesn’t work in my office, I miss the daily affirmations that I really am pretty awesome. Sigh.
just wanted you to know, I could have written this post. Yes, word for word.
When did you go back to work outside the home? Are you still doing the same field?
I think sometimes we LIVE in run on sentences, and we have the greatest intentions but want people to understand when we inevitably stumble.