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How I Use The Internet To Hold Me Accountable

After Saturday's Performance

We closed the show Saturday night and had most trace of ‘Alice in Wonderland’ gone by about 11pm. I woke up early Sunday morning knowing I needed to run but I was so tired and it was VERY cold. Mid 20s. I decided to “wait” until it got warmer. Around 9am it had only gotten up to about 26 degrees out and I was running out of time to get my long run in before I had to be at E’s school. I was having a REALLY hard time pushing myself out the door so what did I do? The same thing I always do when I’m struggling to leave the house for a run: I posted to Facebook.

I see a lot of snarky lists around telling what statuses people hate on Facebook and it always includes something derogatory about people posting about running. And I get it, I do, but I have to do that. It’s not for the sake of everyone else, it’s because I know that once I say something like, “Bah! It’s cold but I have to run!” then someone out there is suddenly holding me accountable. They may not know it, but they are. At least as some sort of imaginary force in my head. Because I feel like once I’ve told Facebook I need to go run, then I have to or someone on Facebook will yell at me.

I use my blog in the same way. I was winding down last night thinking Damn. I complained a lot at Family Dinner tonight. My blog would not be happy with me. I had a bad evening where I became Debbie Downer and popped into a family gathering and proceeded to whine/moan for an hour. I’m sure my family really appreciated that. I didn’t think about it at the time, but at the end of the day I thought about how bad I sucked.

I write on this blog a lot about my goals to BE BETTER. To increase the Awesome in the world as best as I can. And after nights like last night where I spewed negativity out into the universe I think about how disappointed my blog would be.

It’s not that I honestly think any of you are going to hunt me down and say, “Why are you being so negative! Be positive!” But because I use this platform to encourage myself to be better, I somehow use it as a force of accountability. I was thinking Well, I better tell my blog how sucky I was so that it will help me be better.

And this is why I love the internet. The online community gives me a support system that I need desperately. Even if I’ve invented it entirely in my own head. Because, even though I can’t undo the damage I might have inflicted on my unsuspected family when I unloaded my stress bomb on them, I can try to be better next time with this weird assumption that if I don’t: MY BLOG WILL BE VERY DISAPPOINTED IN ME.

So, thank you. For being the imaginary angel on my shoulder I need to keep me from falling into downward spirals of negativity and binge eating. Here’s to an AMAZING Monday where I try not to alienate people around me with my whining. Instead, I want to alienate them with my constant chatter about trail running. Because I’m kinda hooked on it and like to talk about it incessantly. I am just a walking and talking “Things I Hate About Facebook” list, aren’t I?

7 Comments

7 thoughts on “How I Use The Internet To Hold Me Accountable”

  1. I took my daughter to see Beauty and the Beast last year, and my husband was jealous, so he took her to see Alice this weekend. They both had a great time and were really impressed with the quality of the show. Tell E great job!

  2. Just don’t make us the imaginary negative angel on your shoulder. Remember that we send you compliments throughout the day about how pretty you are too!

  3. I also use social media (facebook and twitter) as accountability on exercise. People will notice if I am not posting about working out and I will look like a lazy bum…at least in my head :)

  4. I think there is a BIG difference between using social media to hold yourself accountable (which I don’t even view as being negative, really) and people that just have those “negative nancy” posts all the time (which I don’t think you do at all!). I’m actually taking a week long break from facebook and twitter because I’m experimenting to see if my mood improves when I’m not exposed to as many of those “nancy’s” hah! I think a “cleanse” once in awhile is good for the soul. (But I’m totally going through withdrawl)Fear not girl, you have a lovely internet disposition :)

  5. i love when u post about running. i run *vicariously* w/ u, ha. i walk all the time (treadmill and out and about), and do yoga and swim. Can’t run cuz i blew out my ACL skiing (yeah don’t i sound super-cool now. not. even :(

    i would love to be able to run but that’s the way it is.

    if anyone doesn’t want to hear about other people getting motivated… they need to just stop checking statuses.

  6. Oh no plz don’t say negative nancy, i just saw that!!! it’s what the mean PTA moms at my kids’ old school used to call me. (sad face.)

    How did i find out? One of the moms didn’t “mean” to tell me, whoops!! “You’ve never heard that before?” It was awful, like middle school awful. I’m a positive person swear to you. I just was taking care of business TCB and they were… not.

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