My ObGyn Is So Used To Me Crying By Now…

Yesterday I had my appointment to discuss the horror that has become my reproductive system. We did another ultrasound and he found that my endometriosis seems to have produced a lovely assortment of polyps along my uterine wall which explains a lot of the horrible things I’ve been experiencing. (I’ll spare the details here. There are enough details here to last a blog lifetime.) While a hysterectomy is – of course – an option, he doesn’t want to go down that road yet. It will definitely solve my problems, but the recovery time is at least 6 weeks and the 4+ weeks I took off of running last fall with my pregnancy and miscarriage made me as close to needing to be institutionalized as I’ve ever been. So…we want to save that as a last resort. Making me cope with something like a hysterectomy without my therapy of running is a recipe for a mental disaster. We want to avoid that recipe as long as possible.

SO! Endometrial Ablation it is! And we knew we were not supposed to make that decision until we were ready to be done having kids. Which we are. But it turns out that they recommend a tubal ligation too, because, technically we could still get pregnant. As in – the egg could still be fertilized. But, implantation would be difficult/impossible and there would not be enough fetal lining to sustain the fetus. In other words, a normal woman would be almost guaranteed to miscarry. Me? Well…we all know that if there’s a chance to miscarry, I’m going to take it.

(Remember when they told me I was a habitual aborter? Like it was some kind of drug I couldn’t quit? Good times.)

SO! Tubal ligation it is! And even though we agreed we were done having kids. And even though we knew the endometrial ablation would make us unable to have kids. Something about the decision to get my tubes tied was the one that REALLY hit me. And…I started crying.

OF COURSE I STARTED CRYING. Because I can’t talk to my ObGyn without crying, evidently. Pregnancies. Miscarriages. Yearly Exams. Whatever…I cry.

“Are you sure you’re really ready to make this decision?” “Yes. I’ve been miserable and I know I’m not emotionally stable enough to handle one more pregnancy loss.” “You’re just sad about it?” “Yes. Yes, I’m sad about it.”

So we’re scheduled for August 9th. It’s a good thing it’s that far off because that will give me one more surely DREADFUL period to suffer through before the surgery, cementing in my mind why we’re doing it in the first place.

I left the office with tear-stained cheeks. I called Donnie to give him an update and tried not to cry again on the walk to my car. As I entered the parking deck, where I was parked on the 4th level, the phone cut out. This was a good thing because, as I was taking the stairs up I saw this and SCREAMED BLOODY MURDER:

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What? Having an emotional episode due to the realization that you aren’t going to have any more children? Well! The quickest cure for that is a SNAKE IN A STAIRWELL.

But! Did I take the elevator? NO! I walked up the rest of the way on the actual ramps you drive. NO SNAKE WILL MAKE ME USE AN ELEVATOR, DAMMIT.

And…how was your day yesterday?

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8 Responses

  1. Heather@YSP says:

    Just because it’s the right decision doesn’t make it easy. Hugs. I’m glad you’re taking steps to relieve the pain you’ve been dealing with. I wish it was something easier, but I’m glad you have non-hysterectomy options.

    Find good beer. Sometimes it helps with coping.

    Also? That snake is an asshole.

  2. junkie says:

    hugs

  3. Della says:

    Since you asked…
    My son got kicked out of summer day camp, we’re suddenly a critical employee short on Sunday, my car needs tires desperately, I need about $500 for business expenses and don’t have it, my daughter was just diagnosed with IBS, my husband is going slowly crazy from working 7 days a week/15 hours a day, my ex isn’t cooperating for the next step needed for my son (the one who got kicked out).

    Other than that, yesterday was pretty good.

    I am sorry to hear about your day. The decision to not have any more kids is a hard one, especially when it’s taken out of your hands (even if you’ve already made it, having it final like that is tough). I’ve had a ligation and an ablation and I still get pangs of “but what if I decide I DO want another baby?!” The snake would have creeped me out to no end! :-)

    Hope today goes better for you, sending happy vibes/thoughts/energy your way.

  4. Liv says:

    I hate snakes. I cannot deal with them. A few weeks ago one got into my house and I could not walk on the floor for 2 days without getting heebee jeebies.

  5. Tracey says:

    Holy balls that SNAKE!

  6. Fraulein N says:

    I’m sorry. I think an OB/Gyn is probably used to tears (of all different sorts) from patients.

    And that is NOT okay, a snake just on the damn stairs like that. HOLY SHIT.

  7. Lauren E. says:

    I’m so sorry you had such a crazy rough day. I’m hoping this funny article/video will cheer you up a little: http://jezebel.com/5952287/maxipad-company-replies-to-mans-facebook-rant-with-awe+inspiring-sarcasm

  8. melaniek says:

    Last week was my period week and I sobbed about it… I am just so sick of dealing with it and I am very jealous of your ablation appt (but sorry you are sad about it all, having to made decisions like that when you’d still like kids sucks). I had the audacity to not bring my purse/supplies with me to the pool to watch my kids 40 minute swim lesson and of course even though I changed EVERYTHING before I drove 5 min to the pool…I bled thru everything by the time I got home (never been so grateful for black capri’s). I am looking forward to hearing how life changing this is for you, and I am going to do some serious begging at my next annual exam. I know they don’t want to do it, there is nothing “wrong” with me … but quality of life has to count.

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