Here’s the dealio. There are 25 bloggers doing this thing. We each get one day to accumulate as many comments where people link to their photos on Facebook as possible. Today is my day. (Although it doesn’t officially start until 9am Central time).The winner? Will have $5,000 donated to their local foodbank from Quaker Oats.

Is there a downside to this project? NO. There is not. Oatmeal. Comments. Photos. Charity. It gets no better than this! Unless, of course, you add unicorns. Which I couldn’t do. BUT I TRIED.

Here is what you have to do:

1. Visit Start With Substance to get to the Quaker Facebook fan page and to read the official rules.
2. You need a Facebook page. I’m sorry in advance if you do not have one, but once you sign up? You will realize how big of an addicting time suck it is. Here is mine.
3. Go to the Quaker Oats Facebook page. Download and print off the picture of the Quaker Oats man on the sidebar of that page.
4. Take a picture (or video of you’re feeling adventurous) of yourself and/or your family with the Quaker Oats man.
5. Click the “Add Photos” link on the Quaker Oats Facebook Page and upload your photo. Once it’s uploaded, get the link to that photo (which is on the bottom of the photo’s page) and leave it in the comments section here.
6. Feel good about yourself for participating in such an awesome charity oatmeal event.

Now, Quaker Oats is sending me two Quaker Oats coupons to give away as well as sending a case of Quaker Oats oatmeal to my local foodbank as a “Thank You.” If that’s not awesome, I don’t know what is. If I get the most comments with valid links to Facebook photos, they’ll donate $5,000 to my local foodbank as well. So Quaker Oats? Doing their part. Now, for my part:

For every qualifying comment I get on this entry before midnight tonight, I’ll donate one can of food to my local foodbank.

So…go do your thing! And help me help my local food bank! Pretty Please with brown sugar on top…?

Get it? Brown Sugar? Because it’s OATMEAL! I’m funny!

To get you started…here’s my picture. And here’s the link to my photo on facebook.

If you want to know more, visit the Official Web Page of the Quaker Oats event. In the meantime? Get to snapping pictures of yourself with that handsome man. If you dont leave a link in my comments to your photo on Facebook before 9am Central tomorrow morning? It won’t count and I might lose and then I would cry.

The End.

(Sidenote: The blog that posted yesterday? Has the most amazing recipe using Quaker Oatmeal I think I’ve ever seen. YOU MUST CHECK IT OUT. And then make it for me because I think it’s too complicated for my novice skills.)

Can you believe it?

Turns out, I’m supposed to actually do more than just read the articles. I’m supposed to do the things they tell me. Otherwise, the email still piles up and people get angrier and angrier as they get ignored longer and longer.

I’m using the excuse that I haven’t decided the best method to take. I personally like Email Bankruptcy (Throwing it all away while asking people if to re-email you if it was important. Essentially giving you good “Start” point.) But, I don’t think that’s the best solution. I feel like it implies that I’m hoping your wants/needs are not important enough to contact me again. When in reality it’s just that (A) I have about 2 seconds of “free time” a day and (B) I’m really lazy during those 2 seconds and would rather soak in the tub than answer emails.

So, I’m going to stall a little longer by simply asking YOU.

1) Have you ever gotten really behind on emails? Did you rectify that? How?

2) Do you stay caught up on emails? How?

3) How do you feel from the other end? If someone finally responds to your email months later – what do you consider a “good” excuse? Are you just happy they finally emailed you back or do you want a good explanation?

4) Can you make up a good explanation for me to use? Something that would possibly involve me being preoccupied doing something noble and respectable. Like, feeding the world, or saving the planet. Something like that.

It is only second to that time I strained a muscle reaching for a Kleenex. That was my finest injury ever.

I have more range this morning than I did last night, but seriously? I need a good cause of my injury. I refuse to tell people who say, “Did you hurt your neck?” that I did it by coughing. I’m thinking that it was a mountain biking incident. Except I don’t own a mountain bike. Or maybe I injured it rescuing small kittens from a quick flooding sewage drain? OR MAYBE…I chased down a guy who mugged MrZ and when I tackled him to the ground to get MrZ’s wallet back, I strained my neck. I like that one! Not only am I cool – - but MrZ is the damsel in distress! LOVE IT!

I’ve been signed up for various services that I’ve had to immediately “unsubscribe” to. I’ve been emailed coupons for businesses I don’t use and newsletters for organizations I’ve never been a part of. I don’t know if people just enter my email address as a random one knowing it’s not theirs, so they won’t get spammed. Or, if it is legitimately a mistake. Either way – it happens all the time.

However, I do also get a lot of personal emails not meant for me. Usually they are part of a group email sent to an entire family reminding them about some upcoming function. Or a list of friends who get forwarded the same religious chain letter. Easy to spot as not being for me, but also easy to ignore. But sometimes it’s a one-on-one email intended for one person who happens to have my last name – but is not me. When it’s a one-to-one email, I’ll pause and consider emailing the person to let them know they have the wrong email address. I’ve been contacted before by someone saying, “I finally found a person who knew your email address and I’m so excited to be back in touch with you. How are you? Love, Uncle Frank.” I emailed him immediately. That was obviously someone very excited to be in contact with the intended recipient, so I wanted to let Uncle Frank know he has bad sources for email addresses.

Most of the time I just archive the emails and go about my business. However, recently I’ve been emailed in a group of college students in New York about some sort of Student Action Coalition battle going on with administration. I get these emails that say things like “Emergency Meeting: We’ve Been Suspended!” They’re some sort of an Anti-War group that is protesting something and are all riled up over the suspension of some of their members. It’s actually kind of exciting, but when they started worrying there was a “traitor” on their listserve, I decided to tell the head of the group that he was emailing the wrong person by having me on the list. I didn’t want someone to spot my email and be like, “Her! I don’t know who this person is! She must be ratting us out!”

So – I contacted that person. And I’ll usually contact direct emails, but what about the other emails? What protocol should I use to determine whether I should respond and say, “Sorry. Wrong Number.” Should I respond to all family-type emails even if they’re generic “Jackie made the softball team!” emails? Should I consider that the intended recipient might be sad at not getting those emails? Or should I just assume it will work itself out sometime at the next gathering when that person pipes up about not getting emails? What would you do? Would you simply ignore them all?

And most importantly – is it sad that I am going to miss being on the protesting student email list?

But – if you need a more specific face – let me give you one:

That is Sasha. She is currently being treated by St. Jude’s for Leukemia. She has been in NikkiZ’s class since the day she started at her school. She is one of the many kids I got to know well while going back to the school ever two hours to nurse NikkiZ. Both of her parents are from Russia, so she is growing up bilingual. There’s hardly a girly bone in her body. Her best friend in the class is another little boy, and the teachers fear the damage the two of them can do together.

She has not been at school for months, but her parents are hoping she’ll be back by the end of the year. St. Jude’s is taking care of her now. And my family and I, who normally eat out at least once a week anyway, are going to choose Chili’s this week. And we’re going today. Actually – we’re going twice. We’re planning a family lunch with everyone and then we’re grabbing take-out on the way home.

While we’re there – we’re going to all color a chili pepper and hang it on the wall for a donation. We don’t have a lot of extra money, does anyone really? But we’re going to take our usual eating-out-so-Zoot-doesn’t-have-to-cook money for the week – and we’re going to put it to a meal and a cause that we can put a face to. Sasha’s face. If you have a Chili’s, and a hankering to eat out, we hope you’ll join us.

This is a popular topic in my home because LilZ sometimes shows the same tendencies I did as a kid and her forgets things. Whether it’s a jacket at school, or a permission slip, or to do a certain piece of homework – he sometimes forgets. I’ve tried to encourage him to come up with different “systems” to try to help him remember. He seems to get better every year, although I’m sad to say the most effective system is: Write It On Your Hand/Arm/Forehead in Permanent Marker. Hey – at least it works, right?

What is YOUR system? I have several different systems depending on the task. I repeat groceries I need over and over again in my head hoping it will help me remember. This is about 5% effective. But it’s better than 0% which is what the “grocery list” provides me in terms of effectiveness because I ALWAYS LEAVE IT AT HOME. At work I have a few things I use. I have a marker board, I have index cards, and I kinda use my inbox as a To Do list. (Bad! I know!) None of these methods – here or at home – seem to really help me make it through the day completing every task successfully.

On the way home Wednesday I said to Lil, “Wait. Did I make your lunch this morning?” Nope. I didn’t. And I didn’t even think about it until 12 hours later. That’s one of the normal tasks I do every morning, but for some reason I missed it that day. I sent my kid to school with no lunch. He had to get a friend to buy him a hot lunch on her account. It’s like I need a checklist before I walk out the door in the mornings. A list that must be filled out before the door will open. Why hasn’t anyone invented that yet? It would surely keep me from forgetting to bring my laptop to work, which I’ve forgotten EVERY DAY THIS WEEK. Bah.

So – enlighten me. What is your system? How do you remember groceries? How do you successfully get everything done for your child’s school (permission slips, supplies, homework etc) without becoming that Mom that the teachers all talk about as never remembering anything on time. (Yes. That’s me. I admit it.) How do you get everything done at the office without feeling like you’re running in place? Most importantly: How do you remember to FEED your children, since that’s obviously a tough thing for me to remember.

But seriously – I can not believe I’ve almost made bail. Most of the people who get arrested don’t make bail, you know. Most spend the hour in jail raising money by calling the people they know or work with and asking for donations. And even then – most of them don’t ever make their bail. They just let you go after an hour. But me? I’m making my bail, Baby. All because of this blog. Because of you guys.

They choose the $2600 mark because that sends four kids with MDA to their special summer camp. FOUR KIDS get to go to camp now, thanks to you guys. Do you realize how awesome that is. There are the haters who knock the blogging – but you all have shown what kind of community we have. And I have never been more proud.

(Which I needed after the random comment I got yesterday on an old post about moving NikkiZ out of an awful daycare – why do people who end up in my archives via Google need to throw their parenting critiques my way? WHY? Let’s learn to play nice, can we?)

Brace Yourself For A Very Childish Plea

I am going to make one last plea. Like I said – I will write the check for the remaining so I can make bail. I was hoping to only write a check for $100, but I’ll do $77 more if I need to. But listen – Um – I want to come in first! The last newsletter I was in SECOND PLACE. I have already passed the girl in first in the newsletter (she had $2200), but I don’t know how much she’s earned since then. I want to BEAT HER! I want to beat everyone! [insert evil cackling laugh here.] I’ve never come in first in ANYTHING! So – if you have a few dollars to spare between now and 9am CST, please donate them. It is for a great charity, you know.

Edited to Add: I’m providing updates in the comments section!

• First and foremost: The City of Huntsville has now become acquainted with my sweaty boobs. The directer of the MDA fundraiser got wind of my blawwwg and that I’m using it to raise money and she was very impressed with all of your quick action and included it in her jailbird newsletter that she sends out updating on everyone’s progress. This newsletter goes to everyone participating in the fundraiser, including some city officials. I find this both hilarious and terrifying. I feel she should have put a disclaimer on there that says, “May Contain Pictures Of Krazee Girl Documenting Her Own Sweat Marks Under Her Boobs.” Hello, Huntsville. Aren’t you proud of me?
• I’m very excited about doing these spotlights for those of you who have emailed me your receipts. Some of you are people I know and read regularly so it seems almost too easy. The rest of you may be new but you’re cool and I feel a little guilty for acting like this is worth $20. But it’s going to charity – so I won’t feel too guilty.
• I am going to start the spotlights on Monday. I don’t have a lot of free time during the week, so I’m going to set aside time this weekend to write several spotlights to publish M-F of next week. I don’t want to do them on the weekends because the traffic to my site isn’t that great on the weekends. So – look for the first spotlights on Monday.
• I hate, abhor, and loathe my life without diet coke. Seriously. I am really struggling with this. I’m drinking a little bit more coffee in the mornings and I’m trying various substitutes for the caffeine – but it all SUCKS. Diet Dr. Pepper: SUCKS. Diet Pepsi: SUCKS. I hate it all. I like Diet Root Beer okay, but there’s no caffeine. So, I’m suffering adequately over here, you should be happy to hear.
• Life without meat and fast food is a lot hard than I thought it would be. I thought that having been a vegetarian for 5 years and a vegan for 9 months would make it pretty easy. I was wrong. We took my sister-in-law to dinner the other night at my favorite rib place in the world and I didn’t order ribs. And it hurt. Of course, LilZ did and that made it even worse. And I haven’t been able to have a Chik-Fil-A chicken biscuit even once this week and it’s SO SAD.
• As of this moment I believe we have raised right at $1,000. That is one fifth of our goal and we have about four weeks left, so if we can raise the same amount every week – we’ll be doing great. I would love to hear any other suggestions you have of how I can promote or pimp this fundraiser. I’m not very creative and would love if you have any ideas.

There’s your update. I can’t thank you enough for the donations made already. You all have a special place in my heart. Right between the spot I reserve for my new favorite show Burn Notice and the spot saved for buttered movie popcorn. You’re right in between those two. And considering how much I love them both – that’s not a bad place to be.

Okay. I’m getting arrested. By a real cop. With real handcuffs. And the only way to bail me out is to go here and donate money to the MDA. Do you see my goal? My goal is $2,600. That’s how much I have to raise to get me and my friend Stace out of jail. SERIOUSLY. You must help me!

I have no idea who nominated me (but if I find out – I’m totally kicking your ass) but it’s obviously someone who has much more faith in my fund raising skills than I have. The phone call went something like this, “Someone nominated you to be arrested – do you mind if we use handcuffs?” My first thought was: Only my husband is allowed to ask me that question. And then, do you know what they asked me next? If I had a preference for what type of cop comes to arrest me.

Now – does that sound like a fund raiser or a strip-o-gram?

The question isn’t as bizarre as it sounds. It’s more because they use real police officers and some women are uncomfortable being fake-arrested by men. But me? I’d prefer a man. A big, beefy, blond man to be exact. And yes. I like handcuffs. Thank you for asking.

So, someone nominated me to be arrested in about 5 weeks and I need to raise the money for my bail before the come get me. Can you help me out? It’s a great charity that helps so many needy children. The money goes to research, summer camps, and medical equipment. That should be enough, but just in case? I’m totally going to make it worth your while on my end as well. I promise. I’ve come up with several ways to motivate you.

Motivational Item Number ONE:
If you are a blogger and donate $20 and send me a copy of the confirmation email (misszoot@gmail.com) along with your blog URL, I’ll dedicate a “Blogger Spotlight” entry where I’ll peruse your blog, find an entry I like, and I’ll write an entry about it. It’s not that exciting, I don’t have a dooce-level readership. But, what my readers lacks in numbers they totally make up for in awesomeness. (Dear MimiSmartypants, I’m sorry.) Hopefully this will be a win for all of us. I get new reading material, you get new readers, and my readers get new awesome blogs to read! And then – the money goes to a charity! It’s awesome times FOUR!

Motivational Item Number TWO: (The one my brother is totally going to take advantage of.)

If you have an task you would like me to complete for a donation, you must make your donation and then send the confirmation email to MrZ at this email (misszoot.mda@gmail.com) along with your request. Maybe you’re nice and just want me to sit on my ass and watch TV (if so, I hope you win!). Maybe you’re enterprising and you’re pimping your own product and want me to talk about it on my blog. Or maybe you’re totally EEEVIL and want me to mow my lawn in a cheer-leading outfit. Whatever it is – it must follow these rules:

• It must be LEGAL
• It must be physically possible
• It must be FREE

I’m not checking these emails because I may accidentally delete the really embarrassing ones.

Keep in mind: Just because you donate, doesn’t mean you’ll win. If you donate $100 and want me to ride my bike in my wedding dress to Target, but someone else donates $110 to see me dye my hair purple, you lose but the MDA still gets your money.

(P.S. MrZ joked he’d be willing to sacrifice some dignity for the cause, so if any of you would like him to be the subject of your humiliation, feel free to email me directly. He looks really cute in a plaid mini-skirt.)

Motivational Item Number THREE:
I have set aside TWO of my own particular brand of humiliating tasks to motivate us to get to the halfway mark and then to the final mark.

My Final Point: $2,600: I’ll go grocery shopping in my Prom Dress (yes, the one from the early 90s) and I’ll have LilZ videotape it and put it online. I have two dresses to choose from and I’ll even wear the side-pony-tail hairdo to go with the dresses in all of their satin and black velvet glory.

Double the Goal (to help Stace with her portion): $5,200: I’ll do Karaoke. At a bar. And I’ll try to be sober. And we’ll videotape it and put it on YouTube. I’m telling you – this is my biggest nightmare. I may have the world’s most awful singing voice but I’ll sing, and I’ll even let you all choose the song. I may even dance a little. And wear period-appropriate attire. To maximize the humiliation.

Motivational Item Number FOUR:
I think there is plenty here to help you feel inspired to donate to the MDA, but I don’t want you to feel like I’m not sacrificing anything (other than my dignity) as well. So, until I reach my goal – or until I get arrested (Sept 13th) – whichever is first, I’m giving up the following things:

• Diet Coke (I drink at least 6 cans a day, I’m addicted to the stuff.)
• Fast food (I eat at chic-fil-a as often as possible)
• Any meat (Hot wings, BBQ, and ribs are the meals of my dreams)

I think those are good sacrifices, don’t you? I ate hot wings three times last week! And I eat fast-food breakfasts several mornings a week. And Diet Coke…oh…going with Diet Coke is going to be the toughest of all. You remember how much I buy weekly, right?

This is a HUGE sacrifice.

So, what do you think…can you help me reach my goal? And I’m open to other suggestions as well for donations. If you want me to clean your house for a donation, I will! As long as you live in Huntsville and don’t mind if my method of cleaning is a little sub-par.

Come on…help a convict out. Please?

Oh. My. God. First, we have reached a little bit of territory where I have to preserve some information to avoid embarrassing my son to any level, but let’s just say he now has someone to talk to on the phone (wink…wink…) and he is talking to this person every hour of every day.

He is learning my long-standing rule of “Off the phone by 8pm on a school night and 9pm any other night” is a lot more restricting when you have someone to talk to who does not have the same limitations. Now, suddenly, this rule is questioned and he is…get this…asking for a cell phone. Like seeing him on the phone for the last 72 hours straight motivates me in any way to want to sign a contract forcing me to be responsible for paying for those minutes. I have told him he only gets a cell phone when it is something that will make my life easier. No sooner.

So – seriously. What are your phone rules for your talk-a-holic? What about cell phones? When do you give them to your child and how do you make sure they don’t end up costing you your home? And more importantly: How awesome in it to now have the leverage of: “If you don’t do [insert task here] there will be no more phone tonight!” I’ve never seen him take out the recycling so fast before in my life.