My Best Friend

SO. I have endometriosis, but I’ve also had ovarian cysts and uterine fibroids. If you are a male – you should probably stop reading now. It’s about to get all girly up in here.

Severe cramps/painful periods – or “dysmenorrhea” for you medical types – can often be blamed on any one of those three issues. I tend to blame it all on the endometriosis because there are millions of women who suffer with endometriosis so it gives everyone a point of reference. I have had severely painful cramps for 10′ish years or something. They were so bad through several points in my life that I found myself having to take sick days off work at least once a month. This causes problems since most businesses only give you 5 days a year. AND I MENSTRUATE EVERY MONTH. Which, you know, seems excessive to me. But whatevs.

But since I started REALLY running, I think I’ve only had to miss 2 days related to my girly bits. The cramps have REALLY subsided. Now, I still have bad days and I still over-indulge in ibuprofen every month, but I rarely am actually incapacitated by it. UNFORTUNATELY – my suffering was always 2-part. And this is where any males who stuck with this entry should REALLY turn away now.

I also suffer from menorrhagia and menometrorrhagia. Basically? I bleed a lot. And it can be all month. And with the subsiding of the severe pains, it seems the bleeding has increased from “A Lot” to “OH MY GOD I’M GOING TO HAVE TO LIVE IN THE BATHROOM FOR 72 HOURS EVERY MONTH.” And I’m not exaggerating. Whatever “method” I choose to use to deal with this, NOTHING keeps me away from a bathroom more than an hour. And let me tell you – THIS IS AN AWFUL WAY TO LIVE. It also creates a lot of dirty laundry which is the most depressing part. Screw the hormone fluctuations associated with my cycle, you know what makes me the most batshit insane? The constant need to change my pants due to MENORRHAGIA. It’s embarrassing and it makes me feel about as awesome as you can IMAGINE it would make me feel.

So, yeah. Things are BETTER with running. But they still SUCK ROYAL DONKEY BALLS.

I did plan to get some “cleaning up” done last April. They were going to go in and burn some of the endometriosis off my girly parts, and they were going to give me a D&C (For Fun! Not for miscarriage! Who knew?) to just get everything cleaned up so that Donnie and I could maybe still try to have another kid someday. But then the tornado came and took out power to the entire city for 5 days and I haven’t rescheduled. I will reschedule, but we’ve actually been wondering if we’re done having kids or not. If we’re done having kids, they can do a lot more to “treat” me. So, you know, I suffer with excessive bleeding and tolerable cramps as long as I run, until we decide.

But I really do think the running has helped with the cramps. I think I’m probably at a “normal” level of monthly pain now, with periodic “severe” days where I used to be the opposite. Will running help your cramps? I don’t know. But I know that I’ve heard from a lot of sufferers who run, the same thing. Now, if only I could find something to stop the other joys associated with my wonderful reproductive system. Something other than ripping it all out, of course.

It seems this week that the balls I’ve dropped have fallen more towards the more severe end of that spectrum. And let me tell you – it sucks donkey balls. (OH MY GOD. Why do I keep saying, “balls”?) I have convinced myself somehow that there is no shittier person on the planet than me. And while – logically – I’m fairly certain it’s not true. (FAIRLY…) I still have made myself sick stressing out about my screw-ups this week.

I was wondering if you could make me feel better by telling me about YOUR big screw-ups. I’ll tell you about one from my past so you can appreciate the severity of the similar ones this week: Once, when I was working on my biology degree, I lost the notebook my professor used to keep track of his data in. He was monitoring certain birds near our school and he wrote down his observations in a notebook until he could log them digitally. I lost several weeks worth of his data. Now…think about the severity of that. Luckily, it was a college professor I’d never see again. Imagine the same level of severity with your best friend. That’s where I’m at this week. BIG. GIANT. OOPS.

So…what is your story? What is a mistake you made that had you feeling like the scummiest of all pond scum? I’m hoping your story will help me feel less crappy. Or at least let me know there are other people out there as crappy as I am.

I read these from friends every year, but reading Sarah’s yesterday really inspired me to FINALLY DO MY OWN, DAMMIT.

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before? Ran the entirety of a half-marathon, ran a race that involved jumping in mud and climbing over walls, was assistant-producer on a musical, learned to do hair for the girls in that musical (including putting on wigs and doing french twists!), did a plank for 3-minutes…HOLY CRAP. I did a lot of stuff this year for the first time. Yay me!

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I always keep up with the general theme of the resolutions.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Some friends, yes. No family.

4. Did anyone close to you die? No close family, thank goodness.

5. What countries did you visit? None. And that answer would hold true for every year before this as I’ve never left the country.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011? Easy: MORE TIME.

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Blizzard (for here) in January, E’s first solo singing lines in a musical in March, Tornado in April, half-marathon in November. It’s been a great year.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I’ve been telling everyone, “2011 was the year Kim got into shape.” And that is true to epic levels. I’m so proud of this it makes me tear up sometimes.

9. What was your biggest failure? I did not take as many pictures as I like to. I’m quite disappointed in myself for that.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Nope! Yay! I did have a few issues with my reproductive system but those are such a constant that they don’t slow me down as much as they used to.

11. What was the best thing you bought? Probably the year of boot camp. I’m convinced that decision is what put me on the path to fitness this year.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? MINE. What the heck? Of course I’m going to say Me! I AM AWESOME. But, I’ll also praise Donnie for having to carry more parental obligations with my new-found running habits and of course E always gets credit for being Parent #3 so often when Donnie and I want to go for a run.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? AMY POHLER. I’m depressed because she isn’t my best friend yet. YET.

14. Where did most of your money go?  Mortgage. No contest.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Lots of things! Every race and competition! And the final Harry Potter Movie! And E’s musical! And my new boots!

16. What song will always remind you of 2011? ‘Moves like Jagger’ – It’s on my running playlist and the kids ask to hear it ALL THE TIME.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? HAPPIER
b) thinner or fatter? STONGER (Stolen from Sarah)
c) richer or poorer? SAME

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Taken more outings with the kids. I think that’s why I didn’t have as many pictures this year. I had to be very deliberate every few weeks to SCHEDULE outings, that’s how busy life is. We used to just get up and go.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Thinking about my dirty house. I wish I could either A) Afford someone to clean (I keep things picked up, I just don’t clean) or B) Stop caring so much. My Dad didn’t care and I kinda wish I was more like that.

20. How did you spend Christmas? With all three kids. That only happens every other year so it’s nice when it happens.

21. Did you fall in love in 2011? I really think Donnie and I fell in love in a different way this year as it’s the first year we’ve exercised together and it added a whole new dimension to our marriage. I love it.

22. What was your favorite TV program? I’m going to list NEW shows (new to me, anyway) that I put on my “favorites” list this year: Revenge, Happy Endings, Parks and Recreation, Homeland, Once Upon a Time, Pretty Little Liars

23. This question has been deleted because it’s SOOO teenage emo Xanga shit.  (This is what Sarah replaced #23 with and I’m too lazy to look up the original question and I kinda like how she rephrased it anyway. She’s funny, that Sarah.)

24. What was the best book you read? Divergent, hands down. <<< Sarah’s answer and I WHOLEHEARTEDLY AGREE.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? Eh. I just download songs for my running playlists, I don’t really explore music. Although, I did kinda obsess over the cast recording of Book of Mormon for awhile.

26. What did you want and get? Just Dance 3

27. What did you want and not get? Nothing off the top of my head.

28. What was your favorite film of this year? BAH. I don’t know! I loved Bridesmaids, Ghost Protocol, the last Harry Potter  and I’m sure several others. But nothing jumps out at me as BEST! BEST! BEST!

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 36 and I think I just did the usual, dinner and a movie. Not sure!

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Nothing. Seriously. This has been a great year!

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011? I HAVE FASHION THIS YEAR. This is the first year I’ve ever had any style and I owe it all to my daughter. I guess I’m siding on a bit of funky/young because my biggest concern is always: Am I too old to wear this? I like Neutrals with CRAZY pops of color in weird places. I like my boots. I like leg warmers. I like the red jeans I just wore the other night. I’m just glad I have ANY style/fashion sense, to be honest with you.

32. What kept you sane? Running. No lie.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Darren Criss. I loved him way back when he did the Harry Potter musical spoof and then BAM! He became famous FOR REELZ and I’ve loved keeping up with his career. The VERY close second that grew out of the FIRST is: Chris Colfer. He is – hands down – my favorite young celebrity right now. I love the role model he is for gay teens and I love his wit/humor when he’s being interviewed. I can’t wait to read his book or see the movie he wrote. I also love that one time he had to use the bathroom on set and accidentally took a wrong turn and ended up peeing on the Monk soundstage instead of a real bathroom. BEST CELEBRITY STORY EVER.

34. What political issue stirred you the most? I’m very bitter at politics in general because it takes so much to really get so little done. But the issues that always take my heart are LGBT issues and reproductive rights. They will always be my top concerns.

35. Who did you miss? As always: My Dad.

36. Who was the best new person you met?  I’m not going to say “one” person but I always joke that LAST year was the year I made book club and theatre friends, this year is the year I made boot camp and running friends. LOVE my exercise friends, they keep me in line.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011. The hardest step in fitness is the one walking OUT THE DOOR. Also? Right now? Someone busier than me is going for a run. So I really don’t have an excuse.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

I like you so much better when you’re naked. Ida Marie

That’s just the most recent song I’ve bought and thought it worked quite well THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

This time every year I hear a lot of, “I hate New Year’s! The expectations! The resolutions bound to fail! The pressure is too great!”

Obviously these people aren’t as OCD about beginnings as I am.

I’ve always been someone that starts a “diet” on a Monday, and if I fail at any point in the week, I throw the whole week out and wait to start again the following Monday. I was the same with exercise plans. And vows to keep caught up with laundry. Monthly beginning are even more powerful: I’m going to read the kids a story every night! I’m going to cook real meals five nights a week! I’m going to shower!

(Who am I kidding with that last one, right?)

So, if Mondays and the first of the month hold that much weight for me, you can imagine how much I love New Year’s Day. BEST DAY OF THE YEAR, in my opinion.

I do get a little anal retentive about things, this LAST week of the year, however. For example, I really want to log all of my runs this year. I’ve used RunKeeper off and on this year, but I wanted to start anew so I spent about 30 minutes the other day DELETING ALL OF MY RUNS off RunKeeper. Just so I could start clean for 2012. I’m also pledging in 2012 to not start any new Pinterest projects until I finish the several I’ve started in 2011. To do that I had to clean and organize my workspaces this week.

So, basically? The last week of the year I spend prepping for the first day of the year.

But I love it. I love it ALL. I love the feeling of a fresh start, I love the potential. Do I ever really see through any of my “resolutions” of the year? Never. At least not how I map them out. But I always see some sort of change in my life. At least a budge in the right direction. 2011 was a HUGE year of changes for me that all started with the excited start to the year.

So I jump into 2012 hoping to be able to look back at the end of the year and say, “I didn’t do it all, but I made a step in the right direction.”

Because like I always say – as long as I’m trying to be better in some way, then I know I’m at least heading in the right direction. I don’t want the failures of the past to discourage me from successes of the future. That’s what’s great about the New Year, you can compartmentalize all of the failures in the past year and start with nothing but potential for success.

My Goals for 2012

• Log all of my runs. I hit 100 miles in October when I was logging miles for my training group and knowing that felt SO GOOD. I’d love to keep track of it all for 2012 and see how THAT feels.
• Finish projects. I’m not going to commit to finishing them ALL, because some projects are better left discarded. But I’m not going to start any new projects until I finish most of the half-complete ones I’ve got haunting my craft table and office.
• Cut back on my consumption of Diet Coke. I’m not going to say I’ll quit, but I’m going to drastically cut back. My goal is to stop grabbing one to take in the car every time I walk out the door. But it will take awhile to break that habit.
• Do more trail running! Did my first one last week: SO FUN. I’ll write more about that later.
• Nag less, Goof Off more. No explanation needed, that one is pretty obvious.
• Run the Rocket City Marathon. I’ve finally been vocalizing that goal to make it real so I feel like I can put it down in writing. I’m going to join the Rocket City Marathon training group for the last half of the year so that in December, 2012 I can run it. EEK.

I LOVE THE NEW YEAR. Bring it on, 2012. In many ways I feel like I kicked 2011′s ass, so you better watch out.

Sundry mentioned Honeycrisp apples on Twitter the other day and I just wanted to proclaim my love to the world: I LOVE HONEYCRISP APPLES. When they show up on the shelves in the fall, my life just falls into place. At least for those 3 seconds in the produce section of the grocery story.

But I love TONS of things about autumn. I love pumpkin flavored everything: Beer, cream cheese, coffee creamer, MUFFINS…I love it all and you can find it EVERYWHERE right now. It’s a pumpkin lover’s culinary heaven.

Then there’s the leaves. MAN, the leaves are gorgeous. The colors haven’t lingered as long last year as they did last year, but they’ve been gorgeous none-the-less. There’s a tree in my neighborhood that I adore and it’s finally losing it’s leave and it makes me VERY SAD.

Then there’s the smells of fires in people’s homes, which I love but don’t want in my own home because I have this irrational fear that if we light a fire in our fireplace, our home will burn down. The End. No matter what, I’m convinced the two are an unavoidable Cause and Effect relationship.

In other words? I love Autumn. LOVE IT. The foods, the sights, the smells…everything. That’s why Autumn is always my favorite season. Many people won’t claim one…I WILL. Most people say they like Autumn and Spring…I DO NOT. I love Autumn more than Spring because our Spring around here might as well be summer. Autumn gives us a bigger chunk of mild than Spring does. So even the weather is glorious.

What about you? Do you have a favorite season? Does it involve Honeycrisp apples and pumpkin cream cheese?

P.S. I have no idea how to make or edit a video. I just used E’s webcam on is MacBook and have no idea how/way it’s shaky or if the sound is messed up. JUST GO WITH IT.

Kim’s Accent Vlog – THIS IS HIDEOUS from zoot on Vimeo.

Say the following words:
Aunt, route, wash, oil, theatre, iron, salmon, caramel, fire, water, sure, data, ruin, crayon, toilet, New Orleans, pecan, both, again, probably, spitting image, Alabama, lawyer, coupon, mayonnaise, syrup, pajamas, caught

And answer these questions:
What is it called when you throw toilet paper on a house?
What is the bug that curls into a ball when you touch it?
What is the bubbly carbonated drink called?
What do you call gym shoes?
What do you say to address a group of people?
What do you call the kind of spider that has an oval-shaped body and extremely long legs?
What do you call your grandparents?
What do you call the wheeled contraption in which you carry groceries at the supermarket?
What do you call it when rain falls while the sun is shining?
What is the thing you use to change the TV channel?

Okay – for BONUS material you get to see Nikki and Wesley in this one. Pay close attention to the giant forehead that keeps crossing the screen, that’s Wes. Also, notice how my husband TRIES to pretend like I am the ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD to use the word “buggy.”

A while back I wrote about how losing weight and getting fit – for most of us – is not about finding that one magical moment. There’s not ONE exercise plan or ONE diet or ONE book or ONE magazine article that is going to change our lives. For most of us – it’s about the tiny moments along the way. The small moments of triumph that may be followed by a trip-up or a failure…but that gradually lead us to success.

While this is all very true for me – my year journey has had as many successes as it has failures – I do need to talk a bit about how boot camp started pushing me, and keeps pushing me, in the right direction.

I started my boot camp a year ago this week. I remember being TRULY TERRIFIED on my way over there the first morning. I was actually scared the entire first class, wondering if I was screwing up, or if anyone was making fun of me behind my back. Did Joe (The trainer) wonder what in the heck I was doing there? Did I stick out like a sore thumb? AM I THE ONLY ONE DOING THESE PUSHUPS ON MY KNEES?

After a year I know that all of those questions and fears were ridiculous. In a class of women ranging in age 60 years and in body sizes and types covering the spectrum…no one was laughing at me. Probably because they were too busy laughing at themselves, as we’re prone to do. Joe would never think anything but positive things about anyone and HELL NO, I wasn’t the only one doing the pushups on my knees.

But I want you to truly understand how scared I was. I want you to see how little confidence I had, and how my self-doubt took over every second of every thought during that first week of class.

My first week of boot camp I was struggling with 5lb weights, I did pushups and planks on my knees and I had absolutely no balance because I believe I actually had negative core strength, if that’s possible. But now, one year later and I’m using 10lb weights, I’m doing pushups on my toes and holding a plank for 3 minutes.

Why 3 minutes? Because several months ago a girl in our class held a plank for 3 minutes and I thought there is no way in hell I could ever do that. But yesterday – I did it. And for the record? I have video proof of that 3-minute plank. It’s HIDEOUS. I’m sweaty and gross and frumpy BUT IT IS PROOF. Mainly because I didn’t believe I could do it either, so I thought you wouldn’t.

So…that’s where I’m at now! Smaller! Stronger! And a WHOLE LOT Sweatier!

Somewhere along the way, boot camp did do something magical for me. Did it allow me to immediately become fit and lose weight? No. Even better: It showed me I have the potential to be AWESOME.

I’ve been my own harshest critic for so long, there was no part of me that ever believed I’d be posting video of myself exercising on the internet. (THREE MINUTES!) But somehow, with each shoulder press and bicep curl; with each set of squats and sprints across a parking lot; somehow I learned I that I had potential to be BETTER.

It was a slow transition, but eventually I found myself doing more reps and advancing to tougher techniques. I started using heavier weights and doing longer holds. I learned to sprint faster and run longer. And then, one day, something strange happened. I casually referenced something being difficult and a girl in class said, “I don’t see anything being hard for you.”

I did a double take.

What? Was she talking to me?

Suddenly, it occurred to me, new people in the class each month were looking at ME like I was at some sort of unreachable level of fitness. ME. ME? ME. One girl mentioned looking to me when she wanted to push herself harder. Another girl called me FAST. Another called me STRONG. Me? ME.

And that’s when it hit me: I AM BETTER. I always just assumed I couldn’t do it. And “it” can be anything from using 10lb weights in boot camp to running 6 miles in the rain. (Two things I did this week, for the record.) But boot camp showed me that I can keep getting better until suddenly I’m doing all of those things and more. (THREE MINUTES!) BETTER. Boot camp proved to me that I can just get BETTER. And each time I get BETTER? I’m getting further from the girl who started out. Boot camp helped me redefine my limits.

Actually? Let me be honest with you: It has helped me REMOVE my limits ENTIRELY.

Because each step I made along the way, from planks on knees to planks on toes, was a step I didn’t think I could make. And each time you make a step you thought was impossible, you start reanalyzing all of the things you call “impossible”. I didn’t think I could do 5 on-your-toes pushups in a row without dying. Now I can do 20. So…who says I can’t do 50?

And somehow, in redefining and removing my previous self-set limitations, I’m allowing myself to be PROUD. I see my accomplishments and my advances and I just tear up because I just CAN’T BELIEVE IT. I can’t believe who I am, and what I’m doing. I can’t believe I got up and went to boot camp on Tuesday at 5:30am and then ran 6 miles IN THE RAIN at 4pm.

And here is when we come to the truth of it all – The beauty of what boot camp has done in my life.

Do you know what I would say about that girl if I had seen her a year ago? If I watched her do an hour boot camp with 10lb weights, and then (less than 12 hours later) run 6 miles in the RAIN? Do you know what I would say about her? That she was AWESOME. And AMAZING. And POWERFUL. And BEAUTIFUL. And I would have said – EMPHATICALLY – that there is no way, in ONE MILLION YEARS, that I could ever be like her.

But here I am. I am her. I am that amazing and powerful woman that I would have been in awe of a year ago. And if I’m her right now…who can I be in another year? I’ll tell you who: I’ll be LIMITLESS.

So…THANK YOU, Joe. THANK YOU, Adventure Boot Camp. I can’t wait to see what the next year brings.

OH MY GOD. This pictures is SO DORKY. See? Boot Camp can also redefine your limits of dorkiness! YAY!

Edited to Add – I was not compensated in any way for this promotion of my Boot Camp. I do love it with all of my heart, and would accept payment in the form of Burpee Passes, but I have not been offered such a deal. YET. I am simply praising a wonderful fitness class and the coach at the helm.

Autumn has rolled into Huntsville and I’m torn. We’ve got so much going this year, stuff I’ve been referencing as “Fall” that I’m supposed to be doing, and Fall is here and I don’t have the time to do it all and suddenly these cool, cloudy days are sending me into CRAZY PANIC ATTACKS. GIVE ME MY SUMMER BACK! I’m not READY yet…JEEBUS.

I’ve taken some of your advice lately and been trying to turn nightly tea into a ritual. An anti-anxiety ritual that doesn’t involve eating 14 bowls of cereal or 12 peanut butter sandwiches. It’s kinda working, I guess. I miss the nightly binging, tea doesn’t quite do what a full belly does, but it’s something.

I’ve been talking to people a lot lately about what they do to unwind. Some shop, some take baths, some just go out for drinks with friends. All of those seem nice but the people who kill me are the ones who clean or COOK to unwind. Why can’t I do that? Why can’t I have an actual therapeutic desire to cook or clean? Do you know how much EASIER life would be if I had to cook or clean to calm my anxiety? THAT WOULD BE AWESOME.

Oh…OH! What if I had this unquenchable need to scrub toilets when I was stressed? Or wash bedding? Or…OR…DUST BASEBOARDS? Man. Can you imagine? I’d live in the cleanest house EVER.

For now? It’s eating and beer. So I’m starting by trying to substitute the ritual of making tea. And it’s close enough to eating and beer that I’m kind of fooling myself a bit. *sigh* Maybe someday I can train myself to clean when I’m stressed. A girl can dream…

For several months there was NOTHING on E’s walls in our new house. And then, for Christmas he received a few things for his room (One you see in the picture is this ‘Alice’ poster designed entirely with text from the story.) that we hung up at the beginning of the year. But until this summer? Those things were the only items gracing his walls.

This summer gave E some free time at home and he spent the every second of it cutting out things from magazines, digging through old stacks of posters, and buying items to hang on his walls. I absolutely love it. I’ll go in there some nights while he’s doing homework and just stare at his walls. There is a method to some of the madness, themed collage areas, and I think I actually like the Katy Perry area the best. He did a great job.

Of course, I photographed it; not only to document how cool his room is, but also to prove how weird genetics is.

This is our office that I call my office because I’m mainly the one who uses it. My walls would be as covered as E’s if I had a solid summer to collect things to hang on the walls. This is basically me hanging up everything cool I get for a year. Pictures from the kids, performance posters for E’s school, pretty greeting cards and even one page of paperclips from Anthropologie. They’re just too cute to use! I prefer to look at them!

I’m sure there not a gene for Hanging Crap On Walls, but I do know that whatever it is? It’s obvious we share it. And it’s probably a good thing I’m married to someone who does NOT share this tendency or else there’s no telling what the rest of our home would look like.