Remember the lady I see walking every morning who up and changed her uniform out of the blue? Well - it seems there is NO uniform anymore. Everytime I see her she is wearing a different shirt. There is no rhyme or reason to it anymore. No daily or weekly pattern. NOTHING. Even weirder? I don’t see her everyday anymore. Some days she’s there? Other’s she’s not. And when I see her she never seems to be in the ARMY shirt. All of this concerns me to unhealthy levels.

There is also an update on NikkiZ’s croup/staph infection/ebola virus sickness. She seems to not be any better. Isn’t that awesome? She stopped running a fever that first day but the cough and congestion is still bad. Of course, that might be because she tends to gag out the majority of the medicine we cram down her throat. She’ll say, “No more meh-cin, No more meh-cin,” over and over - begging us to stop the torture. It’s awesome. And by “awesome” I mean “the most heartbreaking thing ever.”

And the staph infection on her butt doesn’t seam to be getting better, but I think that maybe the daycare isn’t putting the cream in the right place. This rash is on the back of her bottom, almost more on her lower back, so I’m thinking the teachers heard “diaper rash cream” and are just putting it where you would normally put the cream. And not on the rash itself. So, MrZ is going to actually show them where to put it this morning to see if that may be the problem. If not - this infection is incredibly resistant and we may need to get more powerful drugs for it.

And my goals for this week? Bah. I just feel like I can’t even stay caught up with my normal tasks, because I started the week getting behind having to care for a sick child. So the goals stayed back there with my sanity and my healthy eating motivation. I’ve been pigging out, not excercising, and still enjoying my nightly The Sick Kid Is Finally Asleep Beer. (It’s on the shelf between the Deadline Finally Met On Time Beer and the Just Finished Cleaning Out The Garage Beer.) None of my goals are even close to being met which makes me incredibly depressed and makes me want to eat fried chicken and milkshakes for lunch. Which sets me back even further. The Failure Snowball is the fastest moving one out there. One roll down the Mountain Of Good Intentions and it’s no time at all before you’ve landed in a pile of uncompleted To Do Lists.

Man. I’m Little Miss Optimism today, aren’t I? Bah.

I mean - it is no secret what the power of positive thinking can do. (Hee!) Of course, there’s no need to be Miss Sunshine (because that’s just as annoying. Right, Mila?), but I’m not going to make any progress on becoming a Better Me by whining about my failures. I need to focus on the positives - like I am wearing some really awesome jeans right now. I bought them on sale at Old Navy and I think they may be the most comfortable jeans I’ve ever bought. Yay! For comfy jeans!

Hey - it’s all about the baby steps. Right?

I have done so much talk around here lately of the need to better myself physically, spiritually, and professionally - that I’m starting to feel like this blog has taken a dark turn for a more boring place than it has ever been before. However, I really think it’s something we are all dealing with on one level or another, so I’m going to placate myself by saying, “It won’t be as boring if we’re doing it together.”

Hmm. It didn’t sound as dirty in my head.

Anyway - I mentioned here that I’m reading a book to help me refocus my thoughts in a positive direction. I mentioned here that I’m reading a book to help me organize my life and be more productive. Since I’ve been reading all of these books - I guess it’s time to actually start doing something. Right? Or can I just read the books and immediately my life becomes better? Man. That would be awesome. Someone should get on that.

I’m going to strive for a few things this week that are probably out of my reach but I’m afraid if I set the goals somewhere realistic they will be something like, “Wake up every day. Shower at least once. Try not to eat the entire pint of ice cream in one sitting.” And while those are goals I might could reach, I’m not sure they’ll help me become a better person. So - here are my goals.

• Process my work inbox to empty everyday. I did this on Friday so I’m starting at a good place for this week. I just need to keep it up.
• Process my blog inbox to empty by Friday. I am so behind on emails for this blog and my personal cyber life it’s not even funny. And some of them have accidentally been spammed (don’t ask) so I’m sure there are even things I haven’t gotten to that I’ll never get to because they are hanging out with the offers to enlarge my p3n!s and email alerts from fake companies.
• Exercise at least once this week. I ran my marathon in April and got pregnant in May at which point I was told not to do anything physical for risk of miscarriage. Ha! Funny joke on me. I was lazy as hell and still miscarried. Bah. Well, that inspired a series of lazy months that brought me to this weekend where I actually walked two miles on Saturday and am still hurting. WALKED. TWO MILES. That’s it. I was at the point where I considered a half-marathon a no-brainer. And now walking hurts. I’ve got a long way to go.
• No beer Monday through Friday of This Week. I’ve gotten into a One Beer Before Bed habit that I’m thinking may not be the best idea. Well, as long as it’s only one beer I guess it’s not a big deal, but it seems more often last week that the one beer was becoming two. And we all know where that road ends: With A Pregnancy Belly And No Pregnancy To Explain It.
• Do not waste hours with family doing housework. I’m bad about using my “quality” time with NikkiZ after work and before bed by doing laundry, or washing dishes, or cleaning bathrooms. And while she and I are still together, it’s not exactly quality time. I need to try to use those few hours every evening before she goes to bed to actually play. Or go for walks. Or something fun. Laundry is not fun. Not sober anyway.

So - those are my goals for the week. There are more spiritual and emotional goals I should set, but those are much harder and involve things like actively liking myself and purging my mind of negative thoughts about myself. Well, that’s about impossible right now, so I thought I’d start with the tangible things in my life. It’s much easier to schedule Dance Time with my kids than to change 32 years of negative programming in my head. And Family Dance Time makes for better blog entries.

The green movement is a weird one, doncha’ think? I live in the South, home of the evangelical fundamentalist southern Baptist, yet I have never met anyone more pushy than a Green person. Either they’re preaching against certain lifestyles because they’re adding to the greenhouse emissions or they’re scoffing at the glass bottle in the garbage can that someone didn’t take to the recycle bin. They openly tell me I’m ruining the planet with my use of disposable diapers when I’m really just trying to be funny. They are VERY SERIOUS. Do not mess with them.

And the opposition is just as extreme. I’ve heard more heated arguments debating the cause of climate change than the existence of God. It’s a weird era, to say the least.

But here’s the thing that frustrates me the most: So many people seem to miss the point. Does it matter what, if anything, is even causing climate change? Does it matter if the hole in the ozone was caused by man or by nature? Does it matter if recycling actually consumes more energy than waste-disposal? Does it matter if you’re a tree-hugging, baby-killing liberal or a god-fearing, conservative? I guess it matters to some, and on some levels should matter to all. But - doesn’t much of that seem to miss the point? Or maybe not that it misses the point, but that it takes away focus from the simplest, yet most important of ideas: Waste Less.

We — as US citizens and wealthy humans on a planet with finite resources — should quit throwing away so much crap. WASTE LESS. Why isn’t everyone just using that motto? Can anyone argue with that? Is there anyone out there that honestly thinks our society isn’t wasteful? If so, they need to walk down my street and see the garbage each house produces in 7 days. Does anyone actually think that we should continue abusing natural resources? Is there anyone that says we should be throwing more crap away?

My family and I are wasteful. I can say that very honestly. We are actually very wasteful. Not as wasteful as some, I’m sure. But no where near as resourceful as my Dad who saved yogurt cups (back when they were actual cups) to use as drinking cups on camping trips. He had a backpack that had a hole in it so he cut out the zipper pouch from the front and used that as a bag for small tools. He made furniture out of old wooden crates (Right, Dad? Isn’t that what the TV stand is made out of?) and rescued a plethora of trashed equipment on the job to use in science fairs and in many ways around our house. I have never met anyone who re-uses more than my father. Once, he explained it that growing up in a big family on a farm, you learned to save everything in case you needed it later and (a) didn’t have a 24-hour Wal-Mart down the road or (b) couldn’t afford to buy the item if you did. So you use pencils until they are too small to write with, and pens until the ink runs dry. You use both sides of the paper and save mis-matched socks for dust rags.

The older (And possibly wiser? Nah. Surely not.) I get, the more I want to do the same.

MrZ and I have always held to the “Be Less Wasteful” mindset, but the manifestation of it has been a little lacking. Except for one area: We rarely, if ever, throw away food. That’s one thing we really don’t waste. We eat leftovers until they’re gone. We take food very seriously. But everything else? Not so much. We’re just busy. It’s easier to throw stuff away than to decide if it can be re-used in anyway.

However, we recently started watching this show that has inspired me in ways I just don’t know how to explain. It’s a show on the Sundance Channel called “It’s Not Easy Being Green”. It’s about the most fascinating family ever. I won’t bore you with the details except for the husband (engineer) and wife (hippy) prove that two different views on the world can still bring you to the same place in life: Where We Try To Be More Responsible Citizens Of This Planet. (Also, their son is cute and is always shirtless. Bonus.) This show does not preach politics. It simply shows one family trying to change their life. Become self-sustaining. They are just trying to learn and it motivates me to do the same. We’re not going to be driving a hybrid anytime soon because we can’t afford a new car. I don’t know how to sew so making use of old clothing may not be an option. The wife on the show is always talking about doing “Whatever You Can.” Not everyone can build a water-wheel on their property to power their lights. But we can try to create less waste. And that’s what we’ve been trying to do.

Before we throw things away now, we stop and just think if it could be used in anyway. Now, Huntsville has a Waste-to-Energy facility so we can throw away with less guilt than the average person. But - we are trying not to. We are not going to start using re-usable maxi pads (sorry, not there yet) but we are saving bread bags to use a lunch bags. We use grocery bags to line the trashcans. We are using both sides of the paper. It’s nothing ground-breaking. We’re not going to win any awards. But we are taking steps to using less. No matter what side of the “GREEN” argument you are on - you must admit - we use faster than the earth gives back. And we are just trying to tip that scale a little bit. One re-used diaper box at a time.

I’ve been hesitant to mention my weight-loss mission for fear that I’ll jinx what little success I’ve seen. But, I’m throwing caution to the wind for the sake of the blog.

If you’ll recall, I was one pound away from my pre-NikkiZ weight this time last year. And then proceeded to put on about 15lbs. I’m good like that. Well - since my miscarriage - I’ve lost 6 of those pounds! I think it’s partly due to loss of appetite when pumping ibuprofen all day to deal with cramping and the other part was just feeling depressed about the miscarriage and not wanting anything else to bring me more down. So, I focused more on eating healthy. I get really blue when I’ve been eating poorly and gaining weight, so I knew if I wanted to avoid falling into a downward spiral of tears, I needed to at least eat better.

I stepped on the scale this morning and I’m six pounds lighter! In about three weeks. Yay! Go Me!

BUT - here is where the bad news comes in. We discovered a treacherous thing last night. Our new favorite Mexican Restaurant has ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT Buffet night on Wednesdays. I stayed strong last night and just ate some of a small bean dip (not diet food, but not greasy refried buffet food either) but MrZ and LilZ helped themselves and it looked awesome. MrZ was so happy with it he is now wanting to make this a semi-weekly tradition. Of course, my refried-bean-loving palette would like to second that motion. The food was even fresh! And they had all of the toppings on the bar that they usually charge extra for. AND DESSERT. They had dessert included in the buffet price. AND…(there’s more!)…they serve Dos Equis in GIANT Mugs! My favorite beer served in what is essentially a trough. It’s like the epitome of diet evil and it’s just a few miles away. How is a girl supposed to resist that?

It’s simple. We move. We’ll put the house on the market tomorrow and move to the other side of town. MrZ will understand. I’m sure.

Guess what I just did? I just ran 5 miles - on my lunch break. I’m totally hard core, aren’t I? Actually - because I’m slow - I had to take an extended lunch break to accomplish this task. So, I guess I’m not that hard core, but still! Five Miles! And because I’ve heard the Nashville Marathon is very hilly (The exact comment was, “That is going to be your first marathon? You’re a braver woman than I.”) I decided to add some inclines during my treadmill run. Let me tell you, running on a treadmill pointing up slightly? Is very weird. I kept expecting to lose my balance and bust my ass in front of everyone. But I didn’t. This time.

I also did my first Shower At The Y routine so that I could try to clean myself off before going back to work. (The owner’s of the company all say in unison: THANK YOU.) It was an interesting experience considering I was the youngest one in the locker room by a good thirty years. At one point I actually looked at my body and said to myself, “Damn. I look good.” Which is exactly the opposite from the evening when I’m the oldest by 15 years. It’s all high school girls and I’m cowering in the corner trying not to walk past any mirrors or even look down at my own body.

I think I may try to do this again next week. It’s difficult finding time to do my mid-week training runs now that they take an hour minimum and sometimes 2+. I just don’t have the energy at night to run for 15 minutes, much less 2 hours. I’m going to start trying to do a couple of the runs in the morning (forcing MrZ to get NikkiZ ready for daycare - which he’s thrilled about) and one at lunch each week. This will free all but one weeknight for me, allowing me to watch my TV shows hang out with my wonderful family every night after work.

Another thing running at lunch does? Gives me motivation to avoid the candy bowl for the rest of the day. Or at least for the next 10 minutes.