I sit down many times and compose entire entries for the blog…only to delete them and start over. This morning I did one discussing whether other SAHMs feel guilty complaining about their job as a Mom for fear that their spouse may think, “Hey…you CHOSE this. If you don’t like it…get a REAL job.” Then I deleted it because I just didn’t feel like the words really conveyed what I was saying and I worried I sounded like a spoiled bitch. Other times I delete things because I just think: OMG. That is so boring. Then rarely, and I mean rarely because I’m not controversial by nature, I delete something because I don’t want to…start anything.

These are all moments when I realize, Hey. I obviously don’t write this blog just for myself.

I don’t check stats. I don’t look at numbers. I stopped doing that several years ago because I found myself trying to curb my writing in the direction of more traffic. I didn’t like that at all. I keep this blog as a way for me to make friends, and document my family’s history. It’s my cathartic outlet and my social circle. It’s my scrapbook. When I focus too much on numbers, or even focus at all on numbers, I lose the organic feeling of this environment.

Yet still…I delete entries. I think that’s because this is my social circle. I don’t want to disrupt it with something that has the wrong voice, or the wrong message. You are all my friends and if I can’t get my thoughts out in a way that makes sense without boring you to death…then I delete it. And I’m okay with that. It’s just something interesting I thought about this morning. Some entries I just stick in draft mode because I do want to write them some day. But often? I just delete. I feel like the message is off from the first word to the last. Or, I feel like it’s something I wont feel in a few days so why stir the pot now?

But – it got me thinking – so many of you are bloggers. Do you ever delete entries? I’ve even been known to publish something and then take it down a few hours later after letting it sink in because, Crap. That entry does not actually say what I was trying to say. I’m betting hardly anyone goes that far. I just find it funny that I don’t look at my stats, my referrals, my visitor numbers: Yet I censor myself. In my head, the only people reading this are the dozen or so that comment. Why do I worry so much about what you guys think? Most of you know me well enough to read between the lines anyway. Or to just skip over a really boring topic and come back tomorrow. Yet still? I delete. And I’m wondering if you do that. Do you get something written and then delete it, or take it down later? Why? Is there anyone who truly writes their blog just for themselves? Because even if you all stopped reading I would be writing for my family. And I don’t want to bore them either. (Although I often do, they’ll attest to that.)

So: What is your DELETE policy on blog entries? Do you ever delete something you’ve finished writing (or come very close)? Or do you just stick it in your draft folder? Do you publish everything you put even a portion of effort into?

I decided to update my “About Me” page relatively recently. Mainly because I wanted an excuse to post really awesome pictures of the teenage version of myself. Or maybe just because the old one came from such a different voice than I have now. Or maybe because it was just time since I seem to embark on this project every few years no matter what. Either way – I updated it. And let me tell you, it nearly killed me.

I wanted to create a page that would give a first-timer a decent thumbnail picture of who I am and what this blog is like. However, I had a hard time deciding what was important to tell about myself. Well, that’s not exactly true, I had a hard time deciding what was important without writing a novel. My first draft would have printed to be about 50 pages long. I ended up having to debate with myself over what was About Me Page Worthy and what wasn’t. But it’s important everyone knows I have three tattoos and what each of them are! No, it’s not. What about the fact that I don’t like making left turns? Still unimportant. And after reading your blog for a week they’re bound to hear you mention it at least once. It’s a staple of yours. Well then I really must tell them about my addiction to office supplies. Why? Because knowing you’re a pen snob is necessary when reading your day-to-day writings? I don’t think so.

I think there is something to having an About page that never changes. I’ve read Dooce’s About page 100 times. I have no idea why, because it really doesn’t ever change. Maybe I find that comforting? I know that part of me tries with every About Me page rebirth to create a page that is timeless. Then I remember I get bored too easily and I need an excuse to change it because I would change it every few years EITHER WAY. Timeless or not.

So, timeless and never changing About Me pages? Not for me.

I think Miss-Britt’s About Page was the one I liked the most when I scoured my blog list for ideas. I like the voice of it and the conciseness of the information. Just a simple but well-written About page. One that puts my final product to shame because OH MY GOD…it’s still way too long. I just couldn’t condense it any more! It’s all very important information! The world must know about my obsession with wizards and vampires! THEY MUST!

Anyway…it’s done. I even updated NikkiZ’s age this morning to account for her being FOUR now. (eek.) And suddenly it occurred to me, maybe I should have written an entry about this first to see what other people think about their own or other blogger’s About pages? THAT would have been GENIUS.

Well, better late than never, right? Your answers may make me totally re-write my page all over again, and I’m okay with that. Feel free to answer any or all of these questions. Also feel free to post a link to your own About Me page, I’d love to check it out!

Do you read About pages on blogs? Am I the only one who does that?

If you do – what do you look for? Is there ever anything consistently missing you wish people would include? Like alias origins or URL background?

Do you have an About page on your own blog? Did you sweat over it like I did or am I a huge dork?

If you do – how often do you change yours? Is it timeless or do you get bored?

For about 4 months, or so, surrounding my Dad’s sickness and death – I was in the blog dumps. For the first time since this blog was born in January 2004. It was a combination of things, but even as those things faded, I still found myself in the dumps. I just couldn’t get motivated to write. Now, for me? That meant instead of twice a day I was posting once every few days, which isn’t a huge deal in blog land. But for me? I felt like I had become the World’s Suckiest Blogger. I told Marilyn that I totally knew where she was coming from when she talked about her own blog flakiness. We’ve all been there, right? It’s just part of the cycle of a blog. Just like the river it has it’s eb and it’s flow.

(Hee. Love the overly-dramatic blog metaphors.)

I thought I’d share with you guys some of the ways I revived my blogself in case you find your blog in the same place. Of course, I’m no professional on blog advice, but these are a few things that worked for me.

• Don’t write. (What? Seems contradictory?) For one night, instead of writing…cruise blogs. Start with a familiar one and start linking to others from there. Read entries everywhere you go. Click through links in the comments of the blog (because that will take you to other active bloggers) and try to choose ones you don’t normally read. Seeing new blogs, no matter how off-topic they are from your own, will open your mind to new blog topics. This will inspire many topics for your own blog, I guarantee it. Even if that topic is, “Why I Don’t Blog About _______.”
• Continue the conversation on your own blog! I started emailing myself links from blog entries or articles around the web that I thought would give me good blog topics. Example? I emailed myself Marilyn’s entry linked above. Sometimes you read something and feel like you could respond with more than just a comment – but you don’t have time at that moment. Email it to yourself. Then, when you do have time, it will be there waiting in your inbox.
• Carry a notebook around. Or maybe a piece of paper. Something small so that when that idea pops in your head throughout the day, you can jot it down. Sometimes, just the fact that we have something to document an idea with, aids in the idea being born. It will have you looking at things with wider eyes, scanning your experience for blog ideas. I’ve been amazed at how many more interesting things I observe now that the back of my mind is waiting for blog material. For example: There are THREE fire hydrants on my street between my house and the end of the road. About .8 miles. THREE. And I never noticed them before. WEIRD. Look on your street today…how many do you see?
• Dig through your archives. Just sit down one afternoon and dig through some of your older entries. You’ll be amazed how inspiring it is because you’ll be reminded that it’s important you write. You’ll need those words later. Either to make you laugh. Or to make you cry. Or maybe just to make you wonder, “What in the hell was I thinking?”
• Remember…unless you’re really trying to make money…this should always be simply: FUN. If it’s stressing you out maybe you need a break. If it’s not bringing you joy, why do you do it? There’s nothing that says you HAVE to do it. Some of the best relationships I’ve made blogging are with someone who no longer blogs. They don’t disappear, they just stopped blogging. No big deal. But remember, if you stop or take a break, backup your blog. You might want to start back and you don’t want to lose all of that hard work. The world would be a smaller place without entries documenting our stupid moments don’t you think?

Love. Love. Love LilZ’s new shoes.

I’m using this rainy weekend to update the design at my blog. Don’t leave the feed reader, however. It’s not that exciting. When it’s all working I’ll post a screen capture so that if you read from a feed reader you can still see what the design looks like. I don’t like to force anyone away from the comfort of their RSS feeds. Unless I can offer them donuts.

Two days ago, out of the blue, I stopped receiving email notifications from Wordpress. As in, I was no longer getting emails with each comment. Therefore eliminating my option to reply to commenters in email instead of in comments. This KILLED me. I Googled, I submitted forum threads at Wordpress.org, I twittered about it – I did everything short of begging the internet to MAKE IT WORK ALREADY. I found several places on the Wordpress forums where people had posted the same issue, but there was never any useful resolution other than insistence that the blogger had changes something. I knew I had done nothing to change my blog but I had a hard time convincing anyone of that. I kept saying, “I’ve done nothing but write blog entries.” To which they would say, “And did you change [insert random setting here]?” NO. NOTHING BUT WRITE AN ENTRY.

Finally today I submitted a ticket with my host in the hopes they could help me. After much back and forth (They kept insisting that it had to do with my Spam Assassin. NO. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT.) it suddenly started worked. When I asked what happened this was the response:

A recent cPanel upgrade has blocked the mails that is generated from the scripts, that was implemented by cPanel for added security. This has been corrected now. Let us know if you need any further assistance.

So, for those of you who are googling any of the same things I was last night like:

no comment verification
Wordpess no longer emailing me about comments
my blog is suddenly possessed by satan and PISSING ME OFF

Then you maybe will find you way here and know what to do: Ask your host if there has been a recent cPanel upgrade. And then buy beer.

The end.