Brit
I knew she’d be awesome, and she didn’t disappoint. She brought me diet coke and crackers the night I arrived and didn’t mind that I wasn’t wearing a bra. And she is freakin’ hysterical. Her notes throughout the conference were enough to make me snort diet coke Pepsi out my nose on several occasions. She also saw a shirt that said, “What happens at BlogHer stays at BlogHer” and answered with, “What happens at BlogHer was blogged about ten minutes ago.”

Marilyn
When I first saw Marilyn, I convinced myself she looked “too busy” to bother and avoided making contact. I’m telling you all – I’m a FREAK. I was scared to talk to anyone! Luckily for me – she was a bit braver and came over to my table where I immediately dropped my stupid guard and gave her a hug. I’m an idiot. She is so awesome and she brought her brand new baby. After my workshop she and Brit announced that they had bonded and they were going to go pump together. My work there was done: Bringing together women with breast pumps everywhere.

Jes
I just recently got to know Jes, but was still very happy to meet her face to face. She was one of the women I wished I had more time to chat with, but it seemed like she was always in the middle of a conversation whenever I saw her. She is also damn pretty. DAMN Pretty.

Grace
She was truly as kind and loving and awesome and fantabulous as you would imagine. She also organized a childcare setup that impressed me beyond my wildest dreams. She did a great job at the final keynote and she is truly a beautiful woman. When I hugged her for the first time? I cried too. She’s beautiful in every way. All hail Grace. The exact woman I want to be when I grow up.

Megan
When asked by BlogHer if I knew anyone else who could help teach workshops, Megan was one of the names I dropped. I have heard nothing but wonderful things about her workshop and according to her, she has gotten GOBS of business from it. I’m super proud I got to help and even happier she and I got to meet. Next up? Janet, of course. Right Megan?

Yvonne
HOTT. Seriously – she is, without a doubt, one of the sexiest women I’ve ever met. I would kill for her boobs and her skin and her hair and her…I’m sounding stalkerish, aren’t I? Just trust me: She is as a total bombshell and don’t let her tell you any different. She wonders why we all tell her how hot she is online. Because she’s totally that hot in person too. She’s also freakin’ hysterical. She had a slam book and it cracked my shit UP with Beth and Amy arguing over N’Sync in it. She has asked me to come live with her and I have said “Hell, Yes.” Amen.

Beth
You know how there are people who make you laugh with their snarky remarks or smartass comments? Well – there are a LOT of those women at BlogHer which is why I laughed almost the entire time. But even better? Were the women like Beth who can, in one eye-roll, or goofy smile, convey EXACTLY what I am thinking and crack my shit up. I ran into her first at a small party where I was surrounded by women I loved so I spent the time hiding in the corner, rocking back and forth and singing songs by Milli Vanilli (ooh. ooh. ooh. I love you.). And of course, she was awesome and hilarious. She even talked to me at the party which was hard to do since I was doing my best to be absorbed into the hotel chair.

I also wanted to hug her a lot. But I refrained. She might not be so lucky next time.

Melissa
I barely even got a chance to talk to Melissa because she was entering one room as I was leaving it. We passed a few other times but that is it. I can honestly promise her it is a good thing because I was proving to be a complete bumbling idiot. I think I may have shaken her hand a little too long and looked a little to intense when I was saying, “It’s soooo good to meet you.” I’m sure she issued a restraining order on me immediately. If not? She should have. She is truly a beauty and even though I probably wouldn’t have been brave enough to speak to her, I wish I could have hung out with her more.

Karen
She is so beautiful and funny and how does someone discuss stinky cheeses in a way that kept me hanging on her every word? That shows how brilliant she is. Either that or how much I was suffering from hero-worship which could have been the case too. She was also very kind to my children the next day when I introduced them to her at breakfast. When she left our table LilZ said, “She’s very nice. And pretty.” Yes, she is.

Gayla
I met Gayla for the first time Saturday night. She is probably the only person in the world who could teach me how to not kill the plants I bring into my home. She was so funny and kind. I was very intimidated by my surroundings and found myself trying to disappear into the background as she spoke to me. She discussed her glorious hotel that she was staying at in a way that made me kinda want to stick myself in her bag and follow her home. She also had the brilliant idea to SHORTEN the lanyard our badges were on. WHY DIDNT I THINK OF THAT?

Angela
I was “introduced” to Angela as I was leaving a gathering. It feels really silly to be introduced to someone whose archives you’ve read so completely that you kinda feel like you know them already. And of course, the next day she offered assistance to me as I was on the brink of a full blown anxiety attack. She is truly awesome and a kind spirit and I will offer my assistance to the next Mom I see on the verge of a breakdown, and I will do it in Angela’s name.

Alice
I saw Alice Saturday night as well. (Do you see now why I was so uncomfortable there – being surrounded by so many amazing women?) I was not able to speak to her then. Kinda like with the other women around BlogHer, I was trying to sink into the walls to avoid talking to them for fear I would say something like, “OHMYGODILOVEYOU” and possibly drool a little. That would have been awesome. However, I was not able to escape her as my kids and I ended up on an elevator with her and Isabel from AlphaMom. Isabel was asking me how my interview went when Alice introduced herself. Of course I choked out the answer, “Um. I know you. I like you. I’m Kim. Hi.” or some such brilliant introduction.

Cagey
I have become quite close to Cagey the last few months as our children are almost the same age. They got to meet each other and created some sort of blog-baby vortex in the forcefield. I also got to meet her Mom who was super-cool and awesome. She’d better come again next year since it will be on the East Coast and hopefully I’ll be able to drink too!

Sweetney
I was hunting her down for awhile because I was totally looking forward to hugging her. Which I did when I finally found her and I’m sure she was only mildly terrified. She was even cooler in person than online. She also had some totally rockin’ toenail polish on. I also totally enjoyed her being on the MommyBlogger panel because I think she does a great job of showing how you can be a Mom but still blog about multitudes of other topics. Of course, did I bother to tell her that when I saw her? No. Because I’m an idiot and I get tongue-tied around strong women.

Heather
Just like with most (if not all) of the women I mentioned before, I was incredibly intimidated by Heather’s presence and found it very hard to bring myself to talk to her. I think the reason I do that (act like a fool) is because I’m so terrified I won’t be able to properly convey my admiration/love without sounding like a stalker. And no one wants to sound like a stalker. Luckily (for ME, not for HER) she was carrying this bag which I almost bought for BlogHer and I took that as a sign and went to introduce myself. When I chickened out and turned around, Brit shoved me back and I sucked it up and told her who I was. I don’t think I really conveyed how her writing has been such an influence on so much of my life. Especially considering I think I only said, “Hi. I’m Kim. You’re pretty.” But – at least I didn’t drool on her.

There were others I met who blog anonymously so I will refrain from calling them out in the open. But especially to the two women whose hotel room I found myself in on Saturday night? I love you both more than you’ll ever know and thank you for being so cordial to me – even when I was obviously such a social invalid.

First? My answers
1. Do your kids know about your blog? If they’re too young to know, do you plan to keep it open to them as they get older?
LilZ knows about my blog and reads it when I point him to a particular entry, or when he’s bored. I just assume he’ll read every entry. If I wouldn’t want him to read it? I put it on VOX and mark it as Friends Only. (Doesn’t that make you want to join VOX? I have plenty of invites left!)

2a. If so – do you worry they may get embarrassed later? What would you do if they asked you to stop writing about them? What would you do if they wanted you to take it down all together?
I do worry about the Embarrassment Factor. I am going to say what so many others said in that I just hope I have raised him to understand and value the ability to be able to life at yourself. I don’t post anything I think would hurt him, but I’m sure one day he may find some stories more embarassing than funny. Mainly I worry he’ll think I shouldn’t write about things like boob sweat, but as it is now? We are a pretty open family and I bitch about boob sweat out loud, and I’m sure he’d actually rather me save that one for the blog.

3. Do you think our kids will appreciate the archive of their childhood? Do you wish your parents had done the same?
God, I really hope so. I really hope he values this as an archive. It is a huge motivator in doing it. I’m too lazy and impatient to be a good scrapbooker, but this? This I can do. I hope he and maybe even his kids enjoy it.

4. Do you go back and re-read your past parenting milestones? Do you realize you forgot a lot?
Yes. I re-read a lot and Yes. I’ve forgotten LOADS MORE than I’ve remembered.

5. What about your children’s friends/teachers/moms-of-friends? What if they found your blog? Do you tell your child not to tell anyone about it or are they free to talk about it? Do you worry their teachers or other parents will think it’s weird?
I have never told LilZ not to tell people about the site because in reality? I’m not too scandalous on it. HOWEVER, I am so open about how I am so not a church-goer, and so many around here are, I worry that someone who doesn’t understand my humor would be offended. All of that said? I think he understands who would be okay to tell and who might not appreciate the jokes about going to Hell.

Other Bloggers Contributing to our Mommy Blogging Panel (via their own blogs)

Wacky Mommy

Michele

Margalit

Shash

MamaSutra

Jennifer (The Other Georgia)

kristyk

Bethiclaus

Keltybug

Mrs. CPA

Leah

Moogie’s World

countrymom

Other Bloggers Contributing to our Mommy Blogging Panel (via my comments on the last entry)

RisibleGirl
My 23 and 24 year old ‘kids’ do know about my blog, and don’t mind that I write about them from time to time. They read my blog, as do their girlfriends, although it’s a good thing my oldest’s last girlfriend DIDN’T read my blog.

There are some topics that I won’t blog about because they have a right to their private life. Doesn’t mean I don’t yack about it in private with my gal pals! Sheesh- boys and the things they do…

I *wish* I had my blog when my kids were little, but Al Gore hadn’t invented the Internet yet (I kid, I kid…) Sigh…

I know they’d love to have the stuff they did when they were little all written down and saved somewhere. I don’t think they would have appreciated it in the, say, 14-18 year-old years, but now they really like it when I tell stories of pen caps up their nose and stuff like that.

For what it’s worth, I read a lot of mommy blogs because I love little kids and babies. There are some mommy blogs that make me cringe for the kid when they grow up, but yours isn’t one of them. You write with such love and respect for your kids, I know that they’ll treasure every word

Ida
My son is too young to know about my blog, but I’m sure he will know about it as he gets older and I’m sure it will embarrass him, but I’ll just tell him to get over it. It’s an outlet for me and the family loves it. (I grew up in a small town and by family I mean actual family and every one from my hometown.)

I do wish my parents had done something similar and hope he appreciates it one day.

I also occasionally re-read my posts, mainly to look at pictures of my son so small. (Bah, I can’t believe he is becoming a real boy already.)

Also, pretty much all my friends know about my blog since I use it to keep everyone up on Thomas’ life. I write about the ones I know won’t mind, ask the ones I’m not sure about, and don’t write about the ones that wouldn’t like it.

coolbeans
My kids know I have a website. But they’re not very interested. I was talking to my husband about my blog one day and one of my kids piped up, “You mean that one…’cool beans’?” I’ve told them we don’t really talk about it a lot because it’s like my diary and I want to be in charge of who knows about it. I’m lucky they’re disinterested.

I don’t talk about my kids a ton on my blog so some of the later questions don’t quite fit me. I hope that what I do write is fair and more about my side of the situation than theirs. Alice (Finslippy) said something about writing about her experience of Henry and less about just Henry. (LeahPeah interview, I think.) I don’t always have that in my head when I write something about my kids, but that’s what I hope I’ll do.

I mostly appreciate being able to look back at last month in my blog archives and confirm that we did take a kid to the ER that day. I use my blog for that too much. “Uh, what’s this bill for?” “Wait – I’ll check my blog.”

Cathy
In the beginning, only my husband knew. Then my brothers and my husnand’s brother were told and they created their own blogs. Then, somebody blabbed to my parents. That wigged me out a LOT. I got over it (mostly). Now I have started my two teens blogging and they both know about my blog. Since it is mostly about me, they don’t care and don’t read it. I’m not taking it down for anyone else, but I do use password-protection when I’m just venting.

Floyd
I’m not really sure if I fall into the “mommyblogging” category as I seem to be a bit different. I am raising my 16 year old sister (lovingly referred to as the “POD” or Princess of Darkness).

I write about her quite a lot so I thought I might comment on a few of your questions.

No, she does not know that I blog. I don’t even mention the word “blog” to her and fervently hope she does not stumble across it.

I write about some very personal issues regarding her and I do get concerned about invading her privacy. However, it clearly doesn’t stop me. I do write under a pseudonym but I am not completely anonymous as several friends follow my blog.

If the POD was to ask me to stop writing about her, I would reluctantly comply with her wishes but I don’t know that I would wipe out my previous work entirely.

I hope one day that she is stable and mature enough to be told about my writings. I have this little dream where she’ll look back and chuckle at her teenage years and my record of them. But that is probably just wishful thinking!

And good god, NO, I hope none of her friends’ parents EVER find about her weirdo sister who writes bizarre things for all to read.

Jessica
I’m having my baby tomorrow – a baby will shoot from some part of my body tomorrow – OH MY GOD, crap! I recently started up a blog, again, and haven’t fully gotten into the swing of it, but I started it so I had some way to document at least the first year of our lives together. I think tonight I will post about how excited/nervous/anxious I am feeling today and how much I can’t wait to have myself torn in half just to meet her.

i hope I am able to stick with it better this time, as at least this time I have more motivation for keeping it going. Whereas in the past I blogged because I was bored and wanted to tell my friends about how bored I was all day long, and blogging was more fun than an email, and I got to clog the internet with mindless stuff about me

I hope it’s something that has enough substance to it that she will eventually want to read it and I will want her to read it, and maybe one day she will thank me for sharing what life was like with her, or at least be thankful that she has a record of how much I screwed up when we were first learning how to be a mom , dad, and a kid together; thereby proving she needs to write off therapy as a medical necessity. And yes, I do wish my mom had done something similar. I ask her now “What was I like as a baby” and her response is often “Oh, I don’t know – baby-like. you cried, you pooped, you didn’t poop more than you’d poop though, you’d eat at odd times, never when I’d like you to…you made me crazy, but I loved you anyway.” I want to be able to tell our little girl a little more than she had abnormal bowels and she ate on her own terms, and I loved her in spite of those things.

I haven’t shared my link with anyone yet as I am still getting my bearings with what I want to say down. I still feel like it is just for me so i can get out all my nervous blogging jitters…stupid, i know. And also, because I don’t’ post as much as I’d like to right now. And I know having a baby around frees up a world of time (hahaha) but I think having her will inspire me, and make me want to document things more frequently. Right now I feel like all I say is “come out baby” and “i ate this much today” or “i didn’t do a damn thing I wanted to do today” and I have a feeling that a year from now I really won’t care that I ate two packages of Krimpets and fell asleep for three hours. Well, maybe I WILL care, but then I will cry because days of three hour long naps will probably be a thing of the past that i will long for, and those two packs of krimpets are why none of my pre-pregnancy clothes fit anymore.

When I feel ready to share my blog, I will – until then though, I’m keeping it under wraps – it’s like my own little online diary. If people stumble across it, fine – but I’m not advertising it until I’m ready for all the pains that can go along with blogging…(so, maybe never?)

I love reading other “mommy-blogs” it has given me a glimpse into what life might be like, and what type of things I want to document, or not document in my own blog. Sure I’ll share the embarrassing stories, but mainly I want to capture the little stuff that you know you’ll forget…like how you knew it would be a hard job, but never, ever expected it to be quite like THIS…

31 Girl
1. My kids are too young to know/care about my blog. It would be neat to let them know about my blog one day so they can think their mom is way cool.

2a. I could see where they would be embarassed. If they asked me to take it down I probably would but then start another one that they didn’t know about and just not mention them – altough it would suck.

3. Yes, they better appreciate the archive of their lives!! I put a lot into this stuff! I so wish that my parent’s could have done this for me.

4. I forget everything.

5. I think I would feel kind of weird knowing that other people like that read my blog. I don’t really care people reading it – I just don’t want to come off as being lame or stupid or some mom trying to be cool (although I so don’t have to try, you know…). It kind of freaks me out that my mom will occasionally read it – but the bottom line is that it is mine and I should be able to do what I want. Unfortunately I am such a people pleaser and I don’t want to offend anyone…

Emily
My daughter is obviously to young to know about my site but I do intend to share with her what I have written. I began my site to keep my friends and family in the loop of my life as they live hours away from me. But then both of my parents were diagnosed with Cancer and it morphed into something new. Now that I am a Mom, I enjoy the connections that I have made with other Moms. I’ve enjoyed looking through my archives and reliving some of the moments I have already forgotten about, especially those early days of learning to be a Mom and living with a newborn. I also wrote a lot about my pregnancy which helped when I went to do my daughters Scrapbook as I marked each pregnancy milestone. I do hope my daughter appreciates all of the memories that I kept for her. Growing up, my parents have very few tangible items from my childhood. I have held tightly to the few things that they did have. I vowed to give my kids more. I have a memory box for my daughter, scrapbooks full of stories of life before she came, and of course my site. I began all this journaling when I was 12 years old, I have always been ahead of my time!

callistawolf
I agree, I think that discussing the “controversy” gave those who bash mommy blogging too much credit. It was a shame it went the way it did… maybe we can change that for BlogHer 2007?

1. I think my older son knows about my blog. But does he care? Naw. I don’t think he really knows what a blog IS anyhow. But as he gets older then yes, he’ll be aware of it.

2a. He may be embarassed. But that’s a parent’s job… to embarass her child. I wouldn’t stop writing, but I might stop including certain things if they made him uncomfortable. But I will never, ever take down my blog unless its something *I* want to do.

3. I think it would have been cool, to have something I could go back and look at and see that HEY, I did that to my parents too. It might have been cool, it might have been creepy. I think any sort of archive of someone’s life is a good thing to have, far more than it being a bad thing.

4. I haven’t been blogging for super long, but already I’ve gone back and read things that I’d already forgotten and I’m very glad to have the opportunity to note things down “for posterity”. Blogging captures the emotion of the moment more than anything else (such as photos) so it’s really awesome to be able to re-experience that emotion.

5. I doubt Harry will ever advertise that I have a blog.. but if they find it.. they find it. I won’t tell him NOT to tell anyone, I’ll leave that up to him. I’d hate to think of soemone using it as ammo against him (in a bullying sort of manner), so that’s a tough one. But I definitely don’t worry about someone thinking it’s weird. That’s their problem if they’re that closed-minded.

Leah Peah was asked by Alpha Mom to do interviews of various bloggers. How in the hell I got on the list, I’ll never know, but I was so excited when I got the email from her regarding it, I might have peed a little bit. I’m sure I called everyone I knew to say, “GUESS WHAT?! I’m being interviewed!”

I’m kinda regretting that move now, because they’ll be expecting the link when the thing goes live. And I am thinking I’ll reveal that about the time I reveal the circumference of my thighs. Which is NEVER.

I was actually really nervous about meeting Leah. She is one of those writers who I’ve always thought had the power to change people’s lives with her stories. She writes so truthfully, her entries are so raw and honest and she has moved me with her words in ways few have. I just knew there would be an aura of wisdom around her that I could have only hoped to be permeated by. I was right.

Leah had emailed me the set of questions she would ask days before the actual interview. I memorized my answers and rehearsed giving them so often I could do it while sounding casual and relaxed. Little did I know how much would change when I got in front of a damn camera.

When I got to the appointment, Chris made me beautiful while Mario mic’d me up. It was very surreal because I felt kinda like a rock star. They sat me down and did a few sound checks while Leah got ready. Leah then made sure I had answers to all the questions, and I responded that I did. Because, well, I did. At that moment.

Unfortunately, somewhere between Leah explaining to me how I’d have to wait a beat after she asked the question before I answered and when Mario started filming, I forgot all of my answers. (I also forgot to wait a beat after the questions…because I’m an idiot.) I was unable to speak without saying the word, “Umm…” or “Like…” I also don’t think I used any words with more than two syllables and possibly the two-syllable ones were used incorrectly. Let’s just say I suffered a complete lack of any remotely intelligent conversational skills. All while Leah stayed poised and calm and intelligent and just all-around superb.

As Leah asked me the questions, I racked my brains for my well thought out answers. With most of them? I was quickly able to salvage the precontemplated answers into a mildly intelligent answer. MILDLY. Except, of course, for the question: What is your hot parenting tip?

I’m not even going to tell you what I said, because it was the ONLY thing I could think of since I had used it in a question earlier. And when the interview was almost over? I still couldn’t remember my pre-thought-out answer. And that night? I still couldn’t remember. As a matter of fact – I didn’t remember the answer until the next morning at the airport. My hot parenting tip: Keep a collection of old clothes and jewelery around for play time/dress-up. I mean, it’s not that hot of a tip, but it’s ten times better than the one I gave. I’m a MORON.

After the interview was over, Mario had to film me nodding. Yes, you heard me correctly – NODDING. It was hysterical. The footage would be spliced in with the rest of the interview later – and they did the same for Leah. Except – Leah had to do specific nods as Mario called them out, “Interested nod. Entertained nod. Concerned nod. etc” Leah then sent me off with some Alpha Mom swag as well as a rockin’ bracelet I have shown off to everyone, “Look! Leah made this! I’m so cool!” And yes, I’m well aware that declaring my own coolness is actually quite self-defeating, but I can’t quite help it.

All in all? It was an okay experience. Meeting Leah and the privilege of being interviewed made my fumbling during the interview seem less severe. I’m just praying Mario can perform some voodoo magic and make the final product make me look at least a little intelligent. If that’s at all possible.

All of that said? Strictly speaking of it as a hotel I happened to stay in this weekend? IT SUCKED. Our room smelled like stale laundry and the mattresses in our room had craters in the middle of them so that we wound up on top of each other by morning. The faucet to the bathroom broke and there was no bathtub. Only a shower. And showering with a baby is difficult because babies are SLIPPERY when they’re soapy and I just knew I was going to drop NikkiZ on her wet head. There were mystery stains on the floor and the pillows had hairs that were NOT mine on them. The elevators were dirty and the stairwell was scary. But do you want to know the worst part about it?

It was a Pepsi place. As in – of all 20 or so soda machines on the property? They ALL SOLD PEPSI. Do you know what that means? I went four days only drinking the Diet Coke that Brit and her husband were willing to share with me. I had to have Diet Pepsi the whole time. NO DIET COKE. I thought I was going to die. As a matter of fact? I did die. I died from Diet Coke deficiency and I am now nothing more than a Diet Pepsi hating ghost, wandering the world haunting facilities like the Hyatt in San Jose.

I have a short attention span and stopped caring about that debate/topic about the time I discovered that I can play games on my cell phone.

Well, I went to a Mommyblogging panel at BlogHer. The brilliant women on the panel were Mir, Sweetney, and Alice. I was really looking forward to that panel because I was hoping people would ask them the questions I wanted to hear answered.

(There was no way in hell I was going to ask because I’m a big fat chicken shit. If you doubt that? Just wait until you hear the story of The Time I Spoke To Dooce. Otherwise titled Why Am I Such A Goddamn Freak? or maybe Brit’s version titled Just Shut Up Already And Introduce Yourself to Her Because I’m Effin’ Sick Of Hearing You Talk About It. )

However, because of the recent debates over use of the word “Mommyblogger,” as well as the fact that some blogger posted an insulting post about Mommybloggers the night before the event – the panel turned out to be much more about the controversy instead of the act itself. Now – I completely understand this. Not everyone has adult onset ADD like I do and might actually not be done discussing these debates. But since I had already moved on in my head – I had some other things I wished to talk about.

SO! Without further ado – we are holding our own panel. Are you ready? I’m going to ask the questions and you’re going to respond. Either on your blog (if it inspires you to write about it) and you can leave a link. Or, just respond in the comments. I’ll post my responses and links to your entries about it later this week. Are you ready? Where’s the mic? tap, tap Is this thing on? Here we go…

1. Do your kids know about your blog? If they’re too young to know, do you plan to keep it open to them as they get older?

2a. If so – do you worry they may get embarrassed later? What would you do if they asked you to stop writing about them? What would you do if they wanted you to take it down all together?

2b. If not, what are you doing to make sure they never find it? What if they do find it?

3. Do you think our kids will appreciate the archive of their childhood? Do you wish your parents had done the same?

4. Do you go back and re-read your past parenting milestones? Do you realize you forgot a lot?

5. What about your children’s friends/teachers/moms-of-friends? What if they found your blog? Do you tell your child not to tell anyone about it or are they free to talk about it? Do you worry their teachers or other parents will think it’s weird?

Have at it!

And by awesome? I mean that I may need intense therapy before I’ll ever take a plane trip with NikkiZ again.

FRIDAY: We got on the plane to Atlanta pretty easily. Between that and NikkiZ sleeping all the way to Atlanta, I was incubating a false sense of security about how the rest of the traveling would go. “This is easy!” After landing in Atlanta, we had to drag the baby, two laptop bags and two regular carry-on bags for about ninety miles to another concourse.It was then that I realized that an infant should totally count as a carry-on; if only but to keep morons like me from carrying two bags as well as an infant all over the country and back.

ME = MORON.

We ate lunch somewhere between the arrival gate and the departure gate. Paying way too much for way too little, of course. Lunch at an airport is not relaxing, especially when afterwards you find out that your already long hour-and-a-half layover was turning into a three hour layover. What do you do with a mobile infant during a long layover? You let them crawl around on the gross floor and contract god-only-knows what germs and eat who knows what crumbs all while you pop xanax and count the seconds until the plane boards.

You also say repeatedly to your life-saver of a son, “Why don’t you walk your sister around while Mommy drinks this beer?” You also may buy things like lotion from The Body Shop simply because it peaked your daughter’s interest for more than three seconds.

After an insanely long wait, and being hit with an incredibly aching back and shoulders from dragging my shit across the airport forever, we finally boarded and thank GOD, NikkiZ slept the entire flight.

SUNDAY: We left our rooms around 4:45am and drug our shit across the Hyatt complex because I’m too stubborn to ask for help, even from hotel staff. We left the hotel at 5am so I could try to get new seat assignments to get LilZ and I since we were actually about 15 rows apart. It was painfully early. The ticket lady when we checked our luggage pointed us in one direction to security. Because it was so damn early, I didn’t check the signs and just got in line at security. We made it all the way through security, even passed TWO people checking our boarding passes. Then? Some maintenance guy stopped us and pointed out we were on the wrong concourse.

I am such a dumbass.

We re-crossed the airport (dragging much lighter carry-ons this time) to the correct concourse and after we went through security, I realized there was no food past the security checkpoint. LilZ hadn’t eaten breakfast yet and in one hour we’d be getting on the plane for 4+ hours with no food in our bellies = EVIL. LilZ, being the best kid in the world just said, “It’s okay, Mom. I’m not really hungry.” I’m betting he knew my emotional stability was at risk so he was trying to keep me calm. Smart Kid.

I was feeling bad for starving my child but I couldn’t fret for long as I had to get in line to get our seats changed. As I was sitting in line there was a huge verbal war between two people on either side of where LilZ was sitting. He looked incredibly uncomfortable as I just mouthed to him, “I’m so sorry” for the nine hundredth time of the trip. I felt so bad for him and I think it was at that moment that he started considering finding another relatively sane looking woman in the concourse and offering to be her new son.

As I was in line, and the crowd for other seat requests was gathering behind me, NikkiZ decided to start screaming. Like – SCREAMING. The kind that made everyone give me dirty looks and scowls. I heard one person say, “Well, this ought to be a fun flight.” I wanted to shoot them in the face. Then, when the employees started making announcements over the loud speakers, no one could hear them over the screaming. He had to pause and spit out what he needed to say between her screams. It was AWESOME.

The computers were down, the lines were long, the crowd was rude, and I was on the verge of shooting myself. They finally took my boarding passes and promised to get our seats changed. As I was just about to burst into tears, Angela (a blog idol whose blog I’m sure you read) stopped me and asked if she could help in any way. Even though I considered handing her my screaming daughter and running for the hills, I declined her offer politely. However, the offer itself and the kindness it showed, rejuvenated me so I didn’t feel on the verge of an anxiety attack any longer. We eventually made it on the plane and I kept my boob in NikkiZ’s mouth the entire flight so she’s sleep – and she did. Much to the pleasure of the passengers of that same flight.

We were pleased to only have an hour layover at the Atlanta airport and planned to grab lunch to go to eat on the short flight home. HA! Can you guess what happened?

The hour turned into 3. Of course. And when we finally boarded the plane? We sat parked for another 45 minutes because of fueling issues. So, if we had rented a car when we landed from San Jose, we could have been home faster than flying.

So, the moral of the story? If I ever have to travel with NikkiZ but without MrZ again? I’m either hiring anyone someone to escort me or I’m shipping her with UPS. Depends on the time of year because I’m betting a box gets hot in the summertime.

• The hotel was a little, um, used to say the least. And my room did not have a bathtub so I had to shower with NikkiZ and that was ROUGH since babies get so damn slippery when they’re soapy and wet.
• Some people are WAAAY cooler in person
• It is fun having your make-up done by an expert. It’s even more fun when he comments on how great your foundation looks and you know deep down you bought it at target.
• I am NOT comfortable being filmed. AT ALL. I felt very alien and moronic and idiotic and foolish and every other negative word you can think of. Remind me not to take Oprah’s job when they offer it to me.
• The one panel I was looking forward too ended up disappointing me (more on that later when I finish processing it all) but the one I just went to because some friends snuck in there was AWESOME.
• I found new blogs to read! Who would have guessed?
• I’m going to miss these women. I need to take them home with me.

So, I’ll let you know when and where that pops up for your viewing pleasure. Hell, I’m looking forward to the chance to have someone do my damn makeup for me. I’ll be sure to take lots of pictures afterwards. I hope I don’t send the make-up guy running in fear from my eyebrows. Maybe he’ll see me as a challenge to embrace and not a lost cause.

Well – I’ve already met three bloggers face-to-face. First? I was talking to two women at the Atlanta airport yesterday as we waited for our VERY DELAYED flight. As we were talking, we eventually figured out we were all going to Blogher and it got very surreal and OHMIGOD THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING there for a minute. Those two women? The lovely Mom, Ma’am, Me and Table for Five.

Then, after we finally made it to the hotel (flying with an infant? STUPID AS HELL. I will not dwell on how stressful it was or I may never fly home) and got settled in (read: put on jammies and take off bra) Brit came over and brought me diet coke and then I kissed her and gave her my children as gifts. Okay, maybe not, but the joy at having those diet cokes almost made me do it.

I’m still sick to my stomach with faulty nerves and NikkiZ did NOT sleep well last night and I’m kinda feeling a little bat-shit KRAZEE right now and OHMIGOD I’M FINALLY HERE.

I’m going to go throw up now. Thanks.