I started a project yesterday that I have been referring to as The Project That Made Call A Friend For Advice About Finding A Therapist. I decided to re-do the photo hall completely. As in - take ALL of the photos and frames down and put a completely new set (of photos AND frames) up in it’s place. Before there were just two walls of random wood collage frames. No matching or anything. Perfectly acceptable and WHY DID I NEED TO CHANGE IT?

Well - you see - we’ve spent a lot of money on portraits over the last year. Not “a lot” by some standards, but we did a photo session at Target a year ago with all of MrZ’s family for Mother’s Day. Then, we did another at Portrait Innovations for Christmas last year. Two sessions that produced some great photos that have been in the original envelopes since the day we took them. I’ve been wanting to frame several of them forEVER, and for some reason, thought yesterday would be the day to do it.

Looking back on it now - I realize I should have just pushed the idea to the back of my head along with the desire to wash curtains or scrub grout. Where the ideas that should be ignored are packaged in my brain. WHY DID I LET THAT IDEA OUT?

The one wall now has the photos in the same basic layout that you see on the bed - but it took me about FIVE HOURS. I mapped it out first, did a grid, measured exactly where each hole should go, and went to work. Only none of my numbers seemed to actually work in reality and I ended up balled up in a fetal position in the corner of the living room crying. While holding a hammer in one hand and a level in the other. It was not pretty.

Let’s not even mention the moment of idiocy I had when I stepped up on a step-stool HOLDING MY INFANT SON. Brilliant move, dumbass. Way to get both of you killed.

It’s all done now, thank god. But I want to make sure that I go on record saying that if my Uber-Perfectionist husband says anything whatsoever about anything being crooked or mis-measured, I will beat him with a lazer level. I know it needs improvement, but he is not EVER allowed to mention that in my presence. If he feels the need to correct anything (which he will because he’s that guy who can’t look at a crooked picture for five minutes without needed a stiff drink) he needs to do it WITHOUT ME EVER KNOWING.

Now, if someone finds him strangled in our garage with a tape-measure? You’ll know what happened.

I haven’t been posting much lately because the Powers That Be seem to be against me getting any time at the computer. Yesterday’s big challenge involved a full cup of coffee spilled all over the side of my bed (mattress AND box springs) and the carpet around the bed. I’m convinced the amount of the coffee in the cup quadrupled as it left the cup and hit the surrounding area. There is no way that cup held enough coffee to cover as much territory as that one spill. NO WAY.

So I used that “excuse” to steam clean the carpet in the bedroom. It’s been needing to be done since that is NikkiZ’s safe have for snacks. She can watch TV in there and eat a snack without being bothered by the dogs. Therefore, there has been quite an increase of stains on the carpet. (Notice I’m not blaming any of the stains on myself - even though 99% of them are probably from my coffee or sodas. What are kids for if not passing the blame?)

The funny thing? I had just washed all of our bedding three days before. And there I was, washing it all again yesterday. I hate having to re-do chores. And this has been the week of do-overs. I washed all of NikkiZ’s bedding on Monday, and then Monday night MrZ forgot to put a pull-up on her before putting her to bed. So Tuesday morning? She and the bed and the blankets and sheets and PILLOWS were all soaked in urine. That kid pees a LOT during the night. In case you were wondering. So Tuesday? Washed all of it. AGAIN. For someone who washes bedding twice a month (And that number has been properly inflated to make me look less disgusting that I really am) this week of double-duty sheet washing has been a royal PAIN IN MY ASS.

So - here are some non-dirty laundry related pictures! For all of us to enjoy!

NikkiZ has been making an effort to match all of her meal dishes for some reason. OCD? Here we come.

“Saving” her brother

I love the color of her eyes. And the Elvis lip.

AndyZ attempts the same look

I woke up at an unreasonable hour this morning thanks to a persistent allergy issue. And by “persistent” I mean “It’s been going on since the first day the temperature rose above 50 degrees.” I’m hoping the severity of my allergies this season is a symptom of my pregnancy and not some change in my tolerance level for pollen. If this happens again next year? I’m filing a complaint with whatever deity I can find.

I’ve been sleeping in the recliner next to our bed for a few weeks now, because it seems I have less of an issue if I’m upright. This allows me to get some sleep, but not quality sleep. So, I tend to wake up a bit earlier (3:45am) because GOD HATES ME.

So, I decided to tackle the kitchen with my “extra” time this morning. I’m slowly working my way around the house, cleaning that deep My-Parents-Are-Coming-To-Visit clean that my house only sees about twice a year. (Neither time being when my parents actually come to visit, by the way.) I did the bathrooms last weekend, scrubbing the showers with SOS pads for the first time since…um…we bought the house? Yeah. That’s probably (embarrassingly) right. Thursday I tackled my bedroom and vacuumed the baseboards for the first time…since we bought the house.

You know when I said I’m cleaning the kind of clean that my house only sees “twice a year?” Scratch that. Let’s change it to, “Never.”

So, today was the kitchen. I do clean that pretty deep a few times a year because our house has an open floor plan and the kitchen is almost the centerpiece of that. I scrubbed the fridge, the microwave, the floors and the coffee-maker (because every newborn wants their coffee brewed from a clean coffee-maker, you know). And it’s now only 7:06am. I am feeling quite accomplished. And I just want to document the extreme effort I’m going to in order to prepare this house for AndyZ’s arrival. So that, when he’s questioning whether or not I really love him when I take away his cell phone for bad grades, he’ll be able to look back and say, She cleaned the showers for me. She must love me.

Because it’s got to mean something, right? I’m definitely not doing this for my own health. I could live with dirty showers AND a dirty coffee-maker FOREVER. And I will, after this kid gets here.

I woke up this morning ready to clean. Gawd, I can’t believe I just said that. But seriously - the last few weeks I’ve been cataloging all of the things that I really need to do before AndyZ gets here, psyching myself up for the Big Clean that I knew was coming. I think I finally woke up ready to do it. I need to clean baseboards, wash couch covers, clean windows - the type of things that I only do if either (A) I’m expecting out of town company or (B) I’m having a baby.

Of course, the Out of Town Company stimulus doesn’t work if it’s just one of my parents visiting. They both are very aware of my imperfections and would probably fear I had lost my mind if they showed up at my house and found clean curtains. It only counts if it’s people I’m still trying to trick into believing I’m some sort of domestic goddess.

I’m not going to get started yet, though. I want to finish my coffee and watch the TV I slept through last night. I mean, I’m not feeling that awesomely productive.

Even though I haven’t posted to my blog yet today, I have gotten so much other crap done that I would like to officially declare: I DESERVE A COOKIE.

I started my day off painting the last coat of paint on NikkiZ’s closet door. Then I went to the attic with the simple goal to get down the Easter baskets. But - while I was up there I decided I should drag down the boxes of NikkiZ’s old baby stuff to (A) See if there is anything AndyZ can use and (B) Narrow the amount down a little to clear out more storage. Not only did I go through all of that stuff, but I actually drug two of the containers back up to the attic! If you are not sure why that’s impressive then you have not tried to carry boxes up an attic ladder while 29 weeks pregnant.

THEN I went out and found a skinny hamper for NikkiZ/AndyZ’s room and organized the few things left in their room onto shelves and into baskets. Other than the big things left to do (re-attach closet door, assemble crib, find LilZ a dresser so NikkiZ can have his, eat donuts…) I have pretty much gotten their room ready in order. Then I vacuumed their room - AND THE REST OF THE HOUSE.

Dude. Am I nesting or what?

Of course now it’s 11am and I feel like I have absolutely no energy left in my body to sustain me for the rest of the day. How likely do you think it is that I’ll be able to get NikkiZ to take a four-hour nap and then drive the car to go pick up her brother from school? Not very likely? What if I promise her candy? Think then she’ll do it?