First – let me do a follow-up on yesterday’s post. You all are wonderfully amazing, truly. I felt much better about the “negotiating” thing by the end of the day. Which made me feel much better in general because sometimes I’m just not confident enough in my parenting decisions to let them stand alone without validation. And I’m aware that is a whole other issue right there, I’m sure. Bedwetting: Last night I took NikkiZ to go potty before I went to bed. I just snuck in the room, picked her up, brought her out to the potty and sat her on it. AND SHE PEED! A LOT! I’m hoping between that (Why had I never thought of the Wake Her Up To Pee Again method?) and the fluid restrictions after dinner (we eat dinner around 5pm, she goes to bed after 7pm) we will put the kibosh on this pottying in bed thing. Bedsharing: We decided to use the Sleep On The Floor method. If she comes in? She has to sleep next to the bed on the floor. I have a pillow and blanket already out just in case. Maybe if she does that a few times (she didn’t try anything last night) it will lose the appeal. That’s all of the follow-up I have right now, thanks for your ideas!

How about a follow-up on the whole Stop and Think adjustment to my life? Eh. Regarding my parenting? I think it’s going well. Now, I am using the method several of you suggested to explain to NikkiZ what I’m doing. That I’m trying to relax and not freak out and that would be easier if she would avoid certain behaviors. Now…in every other part of my life? FAIL. I’m still doing a lot of impulse eating. Especially now that I have a freezer full of cookie dough from a fundraiser. SOMEONE COME GET THE COOKIE DOUGH OUT OF MY FREEZER.

Here’s a long overdo follow-up to Greening the Zoots. Man…we are making solid improvements in this area and I’m totally proud of myself for that. Biggest step? I’m almost completely free of plastic bags at the grocery store. I’ve gotten an assortment of reusable bags that stay in front of AndyZ’s carseat all the time so I have to think about them every time I get him out of his seat. Target has started a great thing where they take 5 cents off your total for every reusable bag you use. I also bought a bag from Target for 1.27 that crams into a little pouch and stays in my purse. That bag gets used all the time, if I make an uplanned stop somewhere or if I forget my bags in the car.

We are also still recycling like madmen, I make trips to the recycling center twice a week to take in glass, paper and cardboard. I fill up two bins to be picked up curbisde every week. I’m sure we could do better, but not much. I have also been trying to switch all of my cleaners out in my home to Earth Friendly. This is a slow transition as I’ve not found suitable replacements for some things yet. Mainly I’m trying to be Phosphate Free with my selections when I can be. If you have any suggestions of good earth friendly cleaning products? I’d love to hear them.

Now…this week’s Kim is Kooking update. (Hee. Kooking. I’m a dork.)

Last night I cooked ALL THREE ELEMENTS of dinner from a recipe. I cooked country style ribs in the crock pot and then I consulted the PDub arsenal for Butternut Squash Puree and Roasted Garlic New Potatoes. The entire meal was amazingly delicious in every way. I thought MrZ and LilZ were going to fist fight over the potatoes and that squash? YUMMY. That was a first for me: cooking an entire meal from recipes. The most I usually do is an entree and maybe one side, but most of the time I just make ONE thing from a recipe and everything else is from a box or a can. Last night was a very awesome milestone.

And the night before? I cooked Guiness Pork Chops with Apples. I kept the potatoes out because I was cooking scalloped potatoes as a side. So…after that dinner? What did my husband do? He Facebooked it:

My husband doesn’t do much online other than the periodic Facebook update. So – when my dinner made it into his status change? I felt like I had won the Culinary Lottery! Of course…when he heard I had cooked with Guiness? It wouldn’t have mattered how it tasted. All that mattered was: “Mmmmm….beer.” But LilZ liked it too, so I consider him to be a little less biased towards the ingredients. Either way: TWO SUCCESSFUL MEALS IN ONE WEEK. I am just going to go ahead and admit it: I AM AWESOME.

So…there you have it. I’m becoming a better cook, a better Mom, and a better steward of this planet and I can honestly say I owe most of it to this blog and to you. You all deserve a cookie. Now…can you give me your favorite cookie recipe so I can make you one?

So…I’ve been baking.

I KNOW! Seriously! Me? What? When? WHY? HOW?

Anyway…I told my husband that he needed to take some stuff I’ve made to work. “Just roll your eyes and tell them your wife is going through a phase and the baked goods were piling up faster than we could eat them.”

You see, I wake up with an urge every morning to try something new. I’ve been doing mostly baking because I can do that on my own time and I am less scared of baked goods than of things that involve meat or eggs. Unfortunately, each recipe yields several days worth of items. And that’s if we don’t care about the size of our thighs. While I’ve been trying to limit my baking to breads and muffins (as opposed to chocolate anything), it’s still not food we should be eating more than once a day. So…we have an excess. And by excess I mean that we can not even deplete our supply when inviting LilZ’s teenage friends to chow down. SEVERAL TIMES. So, it’s up to MrZ to pass off our extras from today (Pumpkin Bread and PDub’s Good Morning Muffins) on his office mates so that I can start fresh tomorrow with some carrot cake and/or pumpkin brownies. I haven’t decided yet.

CAN YOU BELIEVE I WROTE THAT LAST PARAGRAPH?

I know a lot of you have been around here for awhile and can recognize that last paragraph for the foreign language it is around this blog. But for the sake of any possible newbies, I must forcibly reiterate: I DO NOT COOK. I have never been a cook nor have I ever wanted to cook. EVER. In my LIFE.

But something happened when I got laid off (again!) and I spent several weeks looking at myself as worthless. Useless. Of no value to anyone.

Yes, I know that’s extreme. But…I got laid off for the second time from a company that I had honestly thought I would work for forever. I saw my future as a big-wig in this company as I saw it growing and growing with me at the top of the tier since I was employee #2 and very proud and involved in the success of the company. Getting laid off sucks, but getting laid off when you have envisioned years of success with the company that lays you off? Really does a number on the morale. I spent two weeks cleaning out the attic. I spent 2 weeks finally going through all of Dad’s stuff to fill the empty spaces I had finally created in the attic. I mowed the grass, I watched some TV, I got more and more depressed as each morning arrived with me still jobless.

And then my teeth started hurting SO BAD. And for some reason this inspired me to bake. I think I was humored by the idea of cooking yummy stuff I was unable to eat. So I pulled up a few recipes for things like zucchini bread and pumpkin muffins. And I made them and my family swooned. And then I cooked chicken with bones in it for my friend’s daughters and it was so good they ate it again…the next night! And then I made pumpkin cheesecakes that made people guffaw they were so good. (FYI: Recipe is on the back of the back of Pumpkin Spice Hershey Kisses which I think are technically Limited Edition and found solely at Target, but I may be wrong.) And then tonight? Cornbread Chicken Pot Pie that made my husband fall in love with me all over again.

Okay, maybe that’s a bit extreme.

But my family? IN LOVE with the new me. LilZ has been bragging about me to his friends and taking my baked goods to school to share. My husband walks through the door every day excited to see what I’m cooking for dinner. And me? ME? I was disappointed Monday night because I decided I had to cook one of the boxed dinners in the freezer just to make room for food I had gotten at the grocery store. Did you read that? I was upset that dinner would only involve opening a box! That’s all dinner has involved my entire life and suddenly? This upsets me.

I guess I’m telling you this because I have seen the other side. I am now living in the land of people who put TIME into their meals. And it has been almost a religious experience. And for once? I’m not exaggerating. I was so excited for MrZ and LilZ to come home yesterday so they could try my Good Morning Muffins that I practically crammed the food down their throats. Actually, I did force feed one to MrZ because he didn’t want to ruin dinner. I grabbed a muffin and said, “ONE BITE. You must try them NOW.” He laughed and obliged and ate two more later.

The Cornbread Chicken Pot Pie? I watched tentatively as they took the first bite and I said, “WHAT DO YOU THINK?” very aggressively while they were still chewing. It was an easy recipe from a Campbell’s soup cookbook I didn’t even know I had. Nothing fancy but I still watched them take the first bites like they were eating something I had harvested in my own garden.

I don’t know what I expect them to say, they’ve been eating frozen dinners for the past decade. They’d love anything I put in front of them, but I still quiz them emphatically. “Is it too bland? Are the chicken pieces too big? Should I try to put peas in next time?” And as they smile and praise the meal and go back for seconds…I feel a sense of pride like I have never felt before in terms of feeding my family.

I never understood you foodies. You people who put thought and time and effort into your meals…I just assumed you were cut from a different mold than I was. I didn’t like cooking. Why waste the time? I’d rather use that time with my family. And I guess I meant it when I only had 2 hours at the end of the day to be with family AND cook meals. But now that I have more free time? It seems more feasible and the rewards? Beyond what I expected. I cooked that meal they’re eating. Maybe not entirely from scratch…but I looked at a recipe, I mixed ingredients, I seasoned, I stirred, and I served. And I smiled with pride and joy as they ate.

I get it now. I mean, I still have a long way to go. This week I learned that when a recipe says to “Sift the dry ingredients together” – it is referencing something called a “sifter.” Which is a device I’m not sure I understand the point of, but I purchased anyway. I learned that green onions don’t look like regular onions. (They have stalks!) I still can’t find “Wheat Germ” and don’t even know what I’m looking for as I wander the aisles aimlessly. I’m no Pioneer Woman (although I do worship at her website now because she has PICTURES…a novice’s necessity) – but I’m on the other side. Even if I got a full time job tomorrow, I think I’d try to find a way to cook. I’d sacrifice laundry or vacuuming or something because I just don’t think I could give it up. The feeling of playing a big part in feeding my family in a way that makes me proud. With food that is good for them (mostly) and makes them smile. I’m a convert and now it’s time to finally commit to this change.

I’ve officially created a category for cooking stuff. A friend put the idea in my mind when expressing her pride in me and why not? I’m sure there are others like me…Newbies in the Kitchen…who can relate. More importantly, many of you can help me learn and improve. (And maybe send me photos of Wheat Germ and suggestions of aisle in the grocery store to locate it.) This will probably be more about “What Stupid Mistake Did I Make This Week” than about recipes…but it’s still a place to talk about cooking. A category I never thought I’d ever make, but I’m very happy to share with you.

When composing an entry intended to keep the attention of your readers, it’s best to start with some sort of shocking hook. Something to grab them and make them want to hear the rest of what you have to say. My hook is actually something I tweeted yesterday:

Anyone who has been reading this blog for more than a few months knows that the above tweet? Must have been written by someone else because…me? COOKING TOO MUCH? Never have I uttered those words in my entire life. And if I have? It’s because I had to open two boxes to prepare dinner instead of one. And the extra effort exhausted me.

But…if you’ll recall. I was laid off recently. And this – not surprisingly – has made me feel like a total asshole. I mean, I thought I had security issues before. Turns out getting laid off…again…made my previous security issues look healthy. Now? I kinda feel worthless. Combine that with the last few weeks tooth pain which kept me from eating, and suddenly I felt the urge to cook. It’s like knowing that I couldn’t eat what I made…somehow made me okay with cooking. Because I am batshit crazy.

In summary: Since last Friday I have baked two pumpkin spice cheesecakes, two loaves of zucchini bread, one dozen extra giant pumpkin spice muffins, and Chicken Spaghetti Casserole. And that’s what we’re hear today to discuss…that project. If you’ll recall, I attempted the recipe another time but only after Zoot-i-fying it. As in…taking out the hard stuff and replacing it with A) Nothing or B) Something Easy. But yesterday? I decided to brave the real recipe. And this is the story of that adventure.

I will start by saying that the reason I braved that recipe is because PDub is amazing with her documentations and I felt confident her photos and instructions could guide a novice like me. For that, I want to have Ree’s babies.

Let’s start with the ingredients and the trouble I had there. Because, of course, I had trouble there. What I did was print up the printable version of the recipe which is not really for novices. It called for 2 Cups of Cooked Chicken and the instructions to create those two cups simply mentioned cooking a “Cut up fryer and pick out the meat to make two cups.” I had no idea what that meant. So, I ditched the printable version and just stared at her actual blog entry for the rest of the adventure. Since she photographs her ingredients (thank god) I saw that I had to buy something I had never bought before. Chicken with BONES in it. BONES! I didn’t even know they sold something so weird at a regular grocery store. Did you know they did? I almost photographed it I was so proud of the purchase. Kinda like the first time I bought a pack of cigarettes with my real ID.

The other thing on the ingredients list that threw me for a loop was 1-4oz jar diced pimentos. Luckily, when I made the Zoot-i-fied version last time I figured this one out. Did you know that pimentos do not originate in the green olives? I thought that someone sat and picked them out of the olives and put them in a jar just for me. Because I’m stupid.

I made it home from the grocery store with only one more struggle. The recipe called for onion but it did not tell what kind. And there are a LOT of different kinds of onions. Did you know that? I was terrified I bought the wrong one but when I got home and compared the one I bought to the picture of her ingredients…it matched! Yay! So I made a note on the recipe card that says, “Not the all white kind…get the kind with a brownish tint.” Look out for my recipe book coming soon!

Next I had to COOK the chicken WITH THE BONES IN IT. I was so proud I texted my friend Shannon just to say, “Hey! I’m cooking chicken with bones in it! RIGHT NOW!” Of course, I had to google “Rolling Boil” to make sure I cooked it right. I’m sure those type of revelations no longer shock you.

I cooked the chicken, let it cool, and then pulled off two cups of meat. And then I jumped up and down with pride because I was SO AWESOME. I felt like a settler back in the old days before microwaves. Chicken…WITH BONES IN IT! The rest of the recipe went relatively well and everyone that ate with us last night (we had 8 people for dinner instead of our usual 5) was totally impressed with my mad cooking skillz. And also wishing I would quit talking about the Bones! in the Chicken! Because…for some reason…none of them were quite as impressed as they should have been.

Next up…Why Are There So Many Different Types Of Flour?

Today is FINALLY the day. Let’s hope. The day they get cut out of my jaw once and for all. I’ve already discussed with my brother and he agreed that if anything cancels this appointment, he’s going to bring a vice grip and some pliers and take care of it himself. And I am very okay with that. Between the pain that was so bad the other night that I considered breaking my own arm in an attempt to get real pain medication (Hydrocodone evidently doesn’t do much for this type of pain) and the swelling that has me looking like that guy from House last night…I’m beyond ready to get these things OUT ALREADY.

I spent yesterday getting the family ready for me to be out of commission today. I did all the laundry, cleaned bathrooms, baked zucchini bread (I know!), set the DVRs and packed lunches. I made arrangements for soccer games and carpool. I laid out uniforms and warmer clothes for the kids so that MrZ won’t have to dig through the drawers if it’s a little chilly tonight. I put a sign on the door that says, “Don’t Forget Water For Soccer” so to avoid getting in trouble again. As I did this I thought about so many of you who will inevitably mention similar habits. I feel like I know you all well and know you are like me. If you go out of town or are disabled for any way, you do everything you can to make the lives easier of those left in charge. Whether it’s a spouse or a friend or another family member. Heaven forbid we leave them to not only feed the kids but also have to decide WHAT to feed them! We do everything we can to make sure the work we do continues to be done even if we’re not able to do it ourselves. And you know what? That makes us damn awesome.

I think I kinda want a wife.

This picture is here for one reason and one reason only: IT’S ADORABLE

Me: I wrote a poem for the kids’ teacher’s today, for a craft I’m making them. It sucks BAD.

LilZ: What…did you rhyme, like, “Daughter” with…”Taught Her” or something cheesy like that?

Me: First of all, that’s not cheesy. That’s AWESOME. Where were you when I was writing that damn thing? Second of all…when you said “Daughter” my brain went immediately to “Slaughter”. I definitely suck at poem writing.

****************
It’s Teacher Appreciation week at the kids’ school. Since I am very fortunate to find myself really liking all of my kids’ teachers, I decided I needed to make sure I celebrate. I brought them candy today as a preface to my token Glitter Glue/Cardstock/Kid Photo gift which I do variations of for every event and/or holiday. (Many in my family are saying, “Yes. Yes she does. I can vouch for that.”) I am not naturally crafty, so I make due with things that require no skill. I’ve learned two things: If you can add a NAME and a PHOTO to a craft, it doesn’t matter how much talent it takes to make it. The receiver will love it no matter what! So, I took a photo of the kid they teach, added a cheesy poem (not using the word “slaughter”), and used glitter glue to write their name. The result? Most Awesome Teacher’s Gift EVAH. If I do say so myself.

And for those of you who just must know how cheesy my poem is? Here’s a copy JUST FOR YOU.

Some parents who work away from the home,
Have a difficult task they must face.
It’s not their job that challenges them so,
But finding their child a place.

A place to be loved and taught
And most importantly for a child: To Play!
A place to be hugged and read to,
That offers them kindness throughout the day.


It’s tough to find people who fit the dream,
To tend to your child and stand in your shoes,
I’m lucky to have found that place and those teachers,
As nurturing and wonderful as you.

I’m fairly certain that Mrs. Beeler, my high school English teacher, just woke up having a nightmare just now and she has NO IDEA WHY.