(This entry is a follow-up to this one. If you want to answer the questions on your blog, go ahead and send me the link and I’ll add it to the list.)

First? My answers
1. Do your kids know about your blog? If they’re too young to know, do you plan to keep it open to them as they get older?
LilZ knows about my blog and reads it when I point him to a particular entry, or when he’s bored. I just assume he’ll read every entry. If I wouldn’t want him to read it? I put it on VOX and mark it as Friends Only. (Doesn’t that make you want to join VOX? I have plenty of invites left!)

2a. If so - do you worry they may get embarrassed later? What would you do if they asked you to stop writing about them? What would you do if they wanted you to take it down all together?
I do worry about the Embarrassment Factor. I am going to say what so many others said in that I just hope I have raised him to understand and value the ability to be able to life at yourself. I don’t post anything I think would hurt him, but I’m sure one day he may find some stories more embarassing than funny. Mainly I worry he’ll think I shouldn’t write about things like boob sweat, but as it is now? We are a pretty open family and I bitch about boob sweat out loud, and I’m sure he’d actually rather me save that one for the blog.

3. Do you think our kids will appreciate the archive of their childhood? Do you wish your parents had done the same?
God, I really hope so. I really hope he values this as an archive. It is a huge motivator in doing it. I’m too lazy and impatient to be a good scrapbooker, but this? This I can do. I hope he and maybe even his kids enjoy it.

4. Do you go back and re-read your past parenting milestones? Do you realize you forgot a lot?
Yes. I re-read a lot and Yes. I’ve forgotten LOADS MORE than I’ve remembered.

5. What about your children’s friends/teachers/moms-of-friends? What if they found your blog? Do you tell your child not to tell anyone about it or are they free to talk about it? Do you worry their teachers or other parents will think it’s weird?
I have never told LilZ not to tell people about the site because in reality? I’m not too scandalous on it. HOWEVER, I am so open about how I am so not a church-goer, and so many around here are, I worry that someone who doesn’t understand my humor would be offended. All of that said? I think he understands who would be okay to tell and who might not appreciate the jokes about going to Hell.

Other Bloggers Contributing to our Mommy Blogging Panel (via their own blogs)

Wacky Mommy

Michele

Margalit

Shash

MamaSutra

Jennifer (The Other Georgia)

kristyk

Bethiclaus

Keltybug

Mrs. CPA

Leah

Moogie’s World

countrymom
(more…)

As many of you have read over the last few months, there has been a lot of analysis in the blogosphere of the word and the act of “Mommyblogging.” Are you a Mommyblogger? Is that a bad thing? What if you don’t write about your kids? What if someone uses it as an insult? What do you call yourself besides Hott Sexy Mama Who Blogs?

I have a short attention span and stopped caring about that debate/topic about the time I discovered that I can play games on my cell phone.

Well, I went to a Mommyblogging panel at BlogHer. The brilliant women on the panel were Mir, Sweetney, and Alice. I was really looking forward to that panel because I was hoping people would ask them the questions I wanted to hear answered.

(There was no way in hell I was going to ask because I’m a big fat chicken shit. If you doubt that? Just wait until you hear the story of The Time I Spoke To Dooce. Otherwise titled Why Am I Such A Goddamn Freak? or maybe Brit’s version titled Just Shut Up Already And Introduce Yourself to Her Because I’m Effin’ Sick Of Hearing You Talk About It. )

However, because of the recent debates over use of the word “Mommyblogger,” as well as the fact that some blogger posted an insulting post about Mommybloggers the night before the event - the panel turned out to be much more about the controversy instead of the act itself. Now - I completely understand this. Not everyone has adult onset ADD like I do and might actually not be done discussing these debates. But since I had already moved on in my head - I had some other things I wished to talk about.

SO! Without further ado - we are holding our own panel. Are you ready? I’m going to ask the questions and you’re going to respond. Either on your blog (if it inspires you to write about it) and you can leave a link. Or, just respond in the comments. I’ll post my responses and links to your entries about it later this week. Are you ready? Where’s the mic? tap, tap Is this thing on? Here we go…

1. Do your kids know about your blog? If they’re too young to know, do you plan to keep it open to them as they get older?

2a. If so - do you worry they may get embarrassed later? What would you do if they asked you to stop writing about them? What would you do if they wanted you to take it down all together?

2b. If not, what are you doing to make sure they never find it? What if they do find it?

3. Do you think our kids will appreciate the archive of their childhood? Do you wish your parents had done the same?

4. Do you go back and re-read your past parenting milestones? Do you realize you forgot a lot?

5. What about your children’s friends/teachers/moms-of-friends? What if they found your blog? Do you tell your child not to tell anyone about it or are they free to talk about it? Do you worry their teachers or other parents will think it’s weird?

Have at it!

Please be warned this entry is about possibly unpleasant bodily functions.

Okay. I’m nine weeks away from passing a child through my vagina. This is VERY tough for me because I am not at ALL at peace with my bodily functions. For example? MrZ calls me the “stealth pooper” because I am in and out so quickly that he never knows I’ve been taking care of business. I avoid pooting and burping when at all possible. I don’t even like anyone to see me NAKED. I am not at peace with any part of my body or any process it goes through.

But, this whole “labor” thing? Is very much a messy bodily function involving some, if not all, of my girly parts. And I’m not quite ready for MrZ to be witness to all of that.

Yes, MrZ has been witness to my Paps (whee!) and several vaginal ultrasounds (WHEE!). Yes, we’ve been together for five years, at times he’s even seen me naked (I know!). Of course it all seems very ridiculous but I am just so nervous about it. What if I POOP? EEK. I am totally not ready for this.

MrZ is so casual about that stuff. He talks about poops, poots, and burbs like they’re chores in his day. He is very open about his sphigmoidoscopy and talks to everyone about it without even a HINT of embarassment. He is just aware that these are the facts of life and they are NOTHING to be ashamed of. I totally wish I could be more like him.

(Well, I don’t want to be all BRAGGING about my bodily functions like most boys do, but you know, just acknowledging them is a start.)

He was even calm while I had to remove a tick from his private parts. That took a LOT of bravery on his part. And trust in me (and in my steady hand with tweezers).

But I dont want him to see me poop! Or wet the bed. Or cry. Or scream. Or bleed from girly parts. Or POOP!

I used to HATE Autumn.

In October of 1999, my friend Stace confronted me about something dreadul I had done to her and her family years before. She had just “found out” and called me out on it. It was one of the most devastating nights of my life, but one I would never erase.

I lost a lot of friends that night, as I should have. I lost Stace and her daughters, Lauren and Leah, as well as Junkie and Ariel. I spent the next several weeks bracing for public confrontations which occurred quite often. Especially from my ex-husband and his gang. It was just an ugly time for me. I remember walking around campus, looking over my shoulder, bracing for another encounter from someone who wanted to call me out. Looking at people stare and whisper.

I did a lot of growing during that time, but I also remember the hurt of being alone. I would sit outside between classes, feeling the gorgeous fall breeze, and wonder if I would ever survive the loneliness. Wondering how I managed to be such an idiot. Trying to imagine my life without the friends I had come to depend on for years.

Well, the years went on. I stopped looking over my shoulder, and I started building a new life, with new friends, as a new me.

Yet every Autumn, when the leaves would begin to change, and the breeze would become chilly, those feelings of despair and loneliness would overtake me. I really started hating the season that was once my favorite.

Fast forward to April of 2003. Junkie and I had “rekindled” our friendship the year before. Stace and I were still NOT friends, and I never dreamed we ever would be. MrZ had just proposed to me and it was time to set a date for the wedding. I decided I needed to find new feelings to replace the sad ones surrounding Autumn, so I set the date for our wedding as October 25th.

Fast forward to June of 2003, I’m knee deep in wedding plans and I get an email from Stace. I was in another world, one I had never dreamed I’d get to be part of again. She was offering forgiveness for a mistake I had never forgiven myself for. She missed me. And I dont even think I realized how much I missed her until that day.

Fast forward to October 25th, 2003. I was standing outside the banquet room MrZ and I were getting married in. I was watching my wedding party walk down the aisle to James Taylor’s “You’ve Got a Friend”. Leah was a flowergirl, and Lauren was a junior bridesmaid alongside of Junkie’s daughter, Ariel. Junkie was a bridesmaid and Stace was going to read a poem I wrote during the ceremony. We were all friends again. We were all family again.

At that moment, I felt it was all okay. I think it was only then that I forgave myself and it was only then that it all seemed right. Junkie, Stace, and myself - together for the first time in almost four years. It was then, that I began loving Autumn again.

Happy Autumnal Equinox, Stace and Junkie. Thank you for your forgiveness and your friendship. And most importantly? Thank you for giving me back my Autumn. I love you both.

I used to HATE Autumn.

In October of 1999, my friend Stace confronted me about something dreadul I had done to her and her family years before. She had just “found out” and called me out on it. It was one of the most devastating nights of my life, but one I would never erase.

I lost a lot of friends that night, as I should have. I lost Stace and her daughters, Lauren and Leah, as well as Junkie and Ariel. I spent the next several weeks bracing for public confrontations which occurred quite often. Especially from my ex-husband and his gang. It was just an ugly time for me. I remember walking around campus, looking over my shoulder, bracing for another encounter from someone who wanted to call me out. Looking at people stare and whisper.

I did a lot of growing during that time, but I also remember the hurt of being alone. I would sit outside between classes, feeling the gorgeous fall breeze, and wonder if I would ever survive the loneliness. Wondering how I managed to be such an idiot. Trying to imagine my life without the friends I had come to depend on for years.

Well, the years went on. I stopped looking over my shoulder, and I started building a new life, with new friends, as a new me.

Yet every Autumn, when the leaves would begin to change, and the breeze would become chilly, those feelings of despair and loneliness would overtake me. I really started hating the season that was once my favorite.

Fast forward to April of 2003. Junkie and I had “rekindled” our friendship the year before. Stace and I were still NOT friends, and I never dreamed we ever would be. MrZ had just proposed to me and it was time to set a date for the wedding. I decided I needed to find new feelings to replace the sad ones surrounding Autumn, so I set the date for our wedding as October 25th.

Fast forward to June of 2003, I’m knee deep in wedding plans and I get an email from Stace. I was in another world, one I had never dreamed I’d get to be part of again. She was offering forgiveness for a mistake I had never forgiven myself for. She missed me. And I dont even think I realized how much I missed her until that day.

Fast forward to October 25th, 2003. I was standing outside the banquet room MrZ and I were getting married in. I was watching my wedding party walk down the aisle to James Taylor’s “You’ve Got a Friend”. Leah was a flowergirl, and Lauren was a junior bridesmaid alongside of Junkie’s daughter, Ariel. Junkie was a bridesmaid and Stace was going to read a poem I wrote during the ceremony. We were all friends again. We were all family again.

At that moment, I felt it was all okay. I think it was only then that I forgave myself and it was only then that it all seemed right. Junkie, Stace, and myself - together for the first time in almost four years. It was then, that I began loving Autumn again.

Happy Autumnal Equinox, Stace and Junkie. Thank you for your forgiveness and your friendship. And most importantly? Thank you for giving me back my Autumn. I love you both.