Category: Grief

charlieblog 4

Missing Out

I’ll be honest – sometimes I make mistakes that I am VERY glad my Dad is not alive to see. Like that one time I backed into the brick retainer wall lining my driveway. Or the time I almost got the utilities cut off because I forgot the pay the utility bill while we were in the middle of a show at E’s school. Yeah. Those things? Completely fine with him never knowing about. However – MAN – I wish he could see my oldest child rock the stage these next few months. I’ve always wished he could see E...

lv 10

In Lieu of Prayer

I spent my lunch going over the news coming out of Newton, CT and I saw many tweets and Facebook statuses offering prayers to the victim’s families. I love that idea, that we can put out those kind of thoughts into cyberspace. I truly believe there is value to that. But I don’t really pray like that, so those words coming from me would ring false. And they would carry a meaning I don’t intend. So I stared at a Twitter box and a Facebook window wondering what to say. How do I convey my thoughts to the universe in...

FLowers 14

Empty Arms

There are many times in many days that my losses will creep up on me. But if it’s slow enough – I can squash it back down with a distraction or a re-direct. Daily, I feel myself thinking things like, “I wish I could go back to thinking about baby names.” But it’s a subtle, slow thought that I can push away before it controls my emotions. Sometimes my kids do things that make me think of my Dad and I try to react with a smile and a warm memory before the pain in my heart reminds me of...

Last night's 5-mile therapy session. 5

Not Something He Would Recommend.

I had my D&C one week ago today and I’ve already run 17 miles and have done 3 boot camp sessions. Everyone keeps asking me what the doctor said about this stuff, running and exercise, and I kinda mumble a lot in the response and just say something like, “He said it was up to me, if I felt good I could head out!” And that’s true! Kinda. What he really said is that I probably wanted to give myself a week for the bleeding and cramping to subside and then – if the bleeding had subsided – I could...

Clouds 5

Silver Lining

I am what I like to call a “high anxiety” person. My family prefers to use the common synonym “raging psychopath beeyath” because it has a nicer ring to it. Either way – I get stressed and things get UGLY. I’ll be very honest with the people in my family during these “ugly” times. I’ll just say, “Mommy is super-stressed right now and therefore we need to all be on our best behavior so that her head doesn’t spin off during a rage blackout.” To which Donnie says, “Please don’t refer to yourself as ‘Mommy’ like that. It freaks me...