Category: Grief

I'm certain you would have stolen this off my fridge to hang in your office at work. 11

Dear Dad,

I’ve been really tired for over a week now, and that makes me super-emotional and weepy. Sad things are happening all over the place, which doesn’t help at all because I tend to feel what the world around me feels. So, my choice of sad topics predominant in my life are: 1) Missing You 2) My baby going off to college next year I’ve decided to focus on missing you, Dad. Because I’m still in denial about E leaving me. I spent some time in December with your new grandson. I so wish you could have met him. And of...

charlieblog 4

Missing Out

I’ll be honest – sometimes I make mistakes that I am VERY glad my Dad is not alive to see. Like that one time I backed into the brick retainer wall lining my driveway. Or the time I almost got the utilities cut off because I forgot the pay the utility bill while we were in the middle of a show at E’s school. Yeah. Those things? Completely fine with him never knowing about. However – MAN – I wish he could see my oldest child rock the stage these next few months. I’ve always wished he could see E...

lv 10

In Lieu of Prayer

I spent my lunch going over the news coming out of Newton, CT and I saw many tweets and Facebook statuses offering prayers to the victim’s families. I love that idea, that we can put out those kind of thoughts into cyberspace. I truly believe there is value to that. But I don’t really pray like that, so those words coming from me would ring false. And they would carry a meaning I don’t intend. So I stared at a Twitter box and a Facebook window wondering what to say. How do I convey my thoughts to the universe in...

FLowers 14

Empty Arms

There are many times in many days that my losses will creep up on me. But if it’s slow enough – I can squash it back down with a distraction or a re-direct. Daily, I feel myself thinking things like, “I wish I could go back to thinking about baby names.” But it’s a subtle, slow thought that I can push away before it controls my emotions. Sometimes my kids do things that make me think of my Dad and I try to react with a smile and a warm memory before the pain in my heart reminds me of...

Last night's 5-mile therapy session. 5

Not Something He Would Recommend.

I had my D&C one week ago today and I’ve already run 17 miles and have done 3 boot camp sessions. Everyone keeps asking me what the doctor said about this stuff, running and exercise, and I kinda mumble a lot in the response and just say something like, “He said it was up to me, if I felt good I could head out!” And that’s true! Kinda. What he really said is that I probably wanted to give myself a week for the bleeding and cramping to subside and then – if the bleeding had subsided – I could...