In a little over an hour, I’ll be taking LilZ to his first day of 8th grade. I offered to hold his hand and walk him in to help him find his classroom, but he turned me down. He’s independent like that. My brave boy.

This means he officially survived seventh grade. I’ve documented my horrid memories/experiences of 7th grade several times, so the fact that he made it through alive? Means I’ve done something right as a parent. He even finished the year out with his first ever straight-A report card.

He asked me if him starting 8th grade made me feel old (No - but you ASKING me does!) and I honestly said, “No.” Starting middle school? Yes. Turning 13 and therefore a teenager? Yes. Next year when he starts high school? Definitely will. But this year? Not too climatic for me. I remember the excitement of 8th grade. Being the oldest in your school and impatiently counting down the minutes until you are a high schooler. Being terrified and excited for the entire year. This will be a good year.

This summer has been awesome. I couldn’t have planned a more perfect maternity leave. I got to spend an entire summer with all three kids at home. I doubt that will ever happen again. I hope I did a good job doing fun stuff all summer, even if it was the same fun stuff every day. As evidenced by the million pictures I have of the kids playing in the 12-dollar pool from Wal-Mart. I’m hoping LilZ will look back on this summer fondly and not as That Summer I Was Stuck Home With My Nagging Mom, My Annoying Sister, and My Crying Brother.

I’m thinking not.

LilZ’s paternal great-grandmother passed away this week. She watched him while I was in classes for the first several years of his life. She has been suffering from Alzheimer’s for awhile now, and her health has been deteriorating, so her passing was expected. But - it’s still a figure from LilZ’s childhood that is gone now and he is spending the weekend with his Dad’s family attending the funeral and such.

I drove him to the town of the funeral on Friday and we spent some time at a local park until his Dad called to say he was in town as well. It was a nice little trip and hopefully a bit of fun to cheer LilZ up before dealing with a few days of sadness. We took NikkiZ on a train ride around the park and she really enjoyed it. I also found a shaded corner of the park to nurse AndyZ in - adding Spring Park in Tuscumbia, AL onto my list of Places My Boobs Have Been Exposed To Feed My Kids. The swamp boat tour in Florida is still the best place on the list, but Spring Park is a nice addition.

After we rode the train, LilZ asked to take this picture:

He often thinks of stopping and taking pictures of me with the kids. I’m so glad he does to prove that I’m around in a lot of our adventures. Since I’m typically the one with the camera, I worry they’ll wonder where I was during each of these outings. Luckily, he stops and considers this periodically and takes pictures. Proving I wasn’t at home on the couch watching endless episodes of Buffy and Angel while pigging out on Potato Chips and Ice Cream.

Even if that is what I might want to be doing.

I did something really crappy this weekend. I yelled at my son for something that was totally ridiculous. And I was mean about it. And in reality? It was just an outburst because I was feeling insecure and he just happened to have done something that I could twist into a “cause” enough to justify yelling. So I yelled and was just simply…a royal bitch. I mean - I was the biggest bitch I’ve probably ever been to ANYONE. EVER. And you’ll just have to trust me when I say, I’ve been quite a big bitch in the past. So this time? Was really ugly.

I apologized and tried to backtrack a short time after my initial outburst. And I think I’ve padded on a healthy layer of positive reinforcement to help negate the SUPER BITCH action I applied first. BUT STILL. I can not shake the feeling of disappointment in myself.

I know many of you can see how amazing my son is in my stories and pictures. But none of them truly paints the honest picture. He is beyond amazing. And the shit he’s had to live through in his life, and the great attitude he still has in spite of it all, is inspirational.

He is sympathetic and understanding. He feels the pain of those around him and often gets the most frustrated when he can’t do anything about it. He sticks up for the little guy and puts up with a bunch of shit from the bigger guy because of it. He’s more mature at 13 than I am at 32. He is kind and loving and has an amazing sense of humor. I can not praise him as much as he deserves. I have tried, but it all just seems to fall short. He has blessed my life and made me want to be a better person. And I shoulld probably find a better way to repay him besides letting my stupid insecurities manifest into total freak-out sessions at his expense.

I hope maybe he’ll stumble upon this entry today. He doesn’t read my blog everyday, but sometimes he gets bored and likes to entertain himself by reading my embarrassing stories I’m admitting to the world. So, today? I’ll just tell him, “I’m sorry.”

My mission yesterday was to clear out the 20+ 30-gallon bags of clothes out of our garage and take them to Goodwill. I wasn’t sure how it would work as I’ve never dropped off stuff at the new facility, so I took a small load the first time. There wasn’t anyone to help me throw the bags in the bins, but I saw where other people were putting their bags, so I did it myself. The next trip, I filled the car to maximum capacity: 15 bags. Again, no one was out there helping so I threw them all in myself. The third trip we were lucky enough to have MrZ join us because he was home after a doctor’s appointment. So, of course, the time he was with me there were two guys that came out to help. That is just my luck.

Needless to say, my back was a little sore yesterday evening. So - LilZ spent some time with NikkiZ in her room yesterday afternoon while I soaked in the tub. After I was done, I checked in on them playing in her room and found her in the excersaucer.

Swoosh!

I would have never put her in there as I just always say, “You’re too big!” But evidently? Not so much. LilZ used my camera to document their playtime which is where I found evidence of her in the basketball goal as well. Another activity I wouldn’t have considered. Put her in the basketball net? Why would I do such a thing? But LilZ did it and she cracked up over it.

The best, though, was when he put her in the pull-up boxes. She laughed that deep infectious laugh we don’t hear all that often because it takes extreme measures to produce it. Evidently, sticking her in the box her diapers came in is a good start.

So - new things added to my list of ways to entertain a toddler: Basketball Simulation, Excersaucer, and Cardboard Box Storage. I wanted to share these things with you in case you aren’t lucky enough to have someone living in your home that thinks outside of the boring “MOM” box when it comes to entertaining a child.

Notice how sweet and angelic she looks here? Well…it’s the photoshopping. In reality she was trying to scale the inside of the giant dogwood tree at the botanical gardens. BY HERSELF. I just took pictures while she tried (I have not desire to squash her adventurous spirit, even if it causes her to break her neck) and she kept getting stuck and frustrated and finally just gave up.

Then, when were resting in the shade and she was sitting in my lap, she started whining about the back of her leg hurting. I looked and the damn thing was covered in blood! And she got it all over me! (Wait. That didn’t sound very sympathetic, did it?) So I cleaned her up and we discovered she had a pretty hefty gash in the back of her leg from all of the monkeying around. The only thing is, it was stinging the crap out of her every time we held her because our sweaty bodies weren’t helping.

So - LilZ did what any good brother would do - and carried her like a superhero.

I’m telling you. She doesn’t even realize how good she has it.