Tomorrow is my BFFs birthday. I jokingly refer to him as my BFF but you know? If you rank your best friends in terms of those people who have known you the best for the longest? He would win. 17 years we’ve known each other. And during those 17 years we’ve been quite close. You know, we live together and all. He knows my favorite books, music, and movies; and he has since he was old enough to retain such knowledge. So, by all Junior High definitions of “BFF” – he would totally get the “Be Fri” charm and I would get the “est ends” charm.

He turns 17 tomorrow. If he were a wizard he would be considered an adult and would be allowed to apparate legally and fly out of Hogwarts on his broom if it was over taken by an evil Ministry of Magic steward. I’ll not reveal whether or not he is a wizard, of course, no one wants their memory wiped – I’m sure.

People tell me all the time how awesome E is and I never know what to say. “Thanks,” is usually what I go with but I want to say. “I know.” Because I do. If I could create a recipe that would tell everyone how to create a kid just like E, I’d be filthy rich. But I always have to admit: He was born awesome. He’s always been laid-back and easy-going. Even as a baby, so I probably can’t take too much credit for his awesomeness. Especially considering the hell he went through during my college years as we were living on quite meager funds and he spent many a late night up at a computer lab at my college. You know – kids love that stuff.

So tomorrow is his birthday. He’s had a bit of a stressful week. He has rehearsals and theatre obligations all weekend and the next 2 months most of his free time will be more of the same. He loves it all, of course, but it can make life a little stressful. So, for his birthday, I’d love it if you guys could help me wish him Happy Birthday. He’s on Twitter, as most of you know because if you’re smart you follow him because HE IS FREAKIN’ HILARIOUS. And we interact a lot on Twitter which, you know, I think is also hilarious but it may be one of those things that he and I find HYSTERICAL but the rest of the world finds boring.

So, follow him on Twitter. Or don’t follow him, just simply wish him a Happy Birthday through twitter. Or, if you’re not a tweeter, just do it here. I’ll make him read the comments. Either way – help me tell one of the most awesome teenage boys in the world to have the Happiest Birthday Possible. He rocks my socks off and since I’m not filthy rich and can’t take him to NYC for his birthday to see Real Broadway Shows, maybe I can make up for it by having everyone I know online wish him “Happy Birthday” an entire day early.

I mean, those two things are close in awesomeness, right?

Halloween came and went this year and I didn’t get one decoration out of the closet. This says a lot as I have as many boxes of Halloween crap as I do Christmas crap.

Christmas Crap is going to be the name of my Holiday album, by the way.

I decided I wasn’t going to let Christmas come and go with the same apathy, so I got all of our stuff out on Thanksgiving Day and we put most of it up that weekend. We also went and saw Santa at Santa’s Village and we decorated our smaller tree. Our damn Elf came to visit…

CRAP. Hang on, I got to go move him. Be right back. Okay! He’s reading Harry Potter! Now, where were we?

…so the Elf came to visit and we’ve been singing Christmas songs and reading our Christmas books. But y’all? This is my SECOND TO LAST Christmas season with E at home. (EDITED TO ADD: I used the phrase “Christmas Season” because I do know he will come around at Christmas. But, I know from experience having been a college student and as the family member of a student in college and older, that those visits are divided between friends/work/other family etc. Therefore, there is not a lot of time for the typical “extra” activities beyond Christmas Morning type stuff. Ya’ Know? )

I want to do some fun projects with him this year but I don’t know what. This is where I’m coming to you…what are your favorite Christmas baking/crafting projects to do WITH the kids? He has a VERY high tolerance for goofy stuff so, as long as we do it during a time when he’s free (the kid has some rehearsal about every day) he’ll be up for it. No matter how “young” it seems. What do you make with your kids? What do you bake? We could do Gingerbread Houses but we’ve done that before and I’d like to think of something different.

SHARE WITH ME YOUR GENIUS! I need to cram as many memorable activities as I can in the next 3 weeks.

For several months there was NOTHING on E’s walls in our new house. And then, for Christmas he received a few things for his room (One you see in the picture is this ‘Alice’ poster designed entirely with text from the story.) that we hung up at the beginning of the year. But until this summer? Those things were the only items gracing his walls.

This summer gave E some free time at home and he spent the every second of it cutting out things from magazines, digging through old stacks of posters, and buying items to hang on his walls. I absolutely love it. I’ll go in there some nights while he’s doing homework and just stare at his walls. There is a method to some of the madness, themed collage areas, and I think I actually like the Katy Perry area the best. He did a great job.

Of course, I photographed it; not only to document how cool his room is, but also to prove how weird genetics is.

This is our office that I call my office because I’m mainly the one who uses it. My walls would be as covered as E’s if I had a solid summer to collect things to hang on the walls. This is basically me hanging up everything cool I get for a year. Pictures from the kids, performance posters for E’s school, pretty greeting cards and even one page of paperclips from Anthropologie. They’re just too cute to use! I prefer to look at them!

I’m sure there not a gene for Hanging Crap On Walls, but I do know that whatever it is? It’s obvious we share it. And it’s probably a good thing I’m married to someone who does NOT share this tendency or else there’s no telling what the rest of our home would look like.

E invited Nikki to go with him Saturday night to see the musical Hairspray at a local high school. That, in an of itself, was worthy enough for me to tell you about it. How awesome is that? He invited his little sister for a night out to an event that would be attended by many of his friends! HE’S SO RAD.

Then…she evidently fell asleep during the show. (It was late!) He ended up having to carry her (She’s almost SIX, she’s not a baby anymore, she’s a CHILD.) out of the theatre and hold her for quite some time while they waited for all of his friends to mingle. He evidently humored himself and his friends by joking about where he could put her down to give his arms a break. LIKE THAT BUSH! That looks sturdy!

(He’s funny too!)

And if that wasn’t enough…her booster car seat came apart from the back (which happens) and his friend had trouble putting it back together so E had to put Nikki down. IN THE GRASS. How hysterical is that? He said he just put her down gently, fixed the car seat, and then picked her back up. She slept through the whole thing.

And finally…on the way home he thought the night was essentially over. But Nikki woke up and had to pee. OF COURSE. He tried to encourage her to wait until they got home since it was 11pm and few things were open. She insisted she couldn’t wait. So what did they do? He pulled over to a Waffle House on the way home and ran her in to go to the bathroom. At 11pm at night. ON A SATURDAY. There could be many scenarios where he would be hanging out there at that same time with his friends, but not that night! That night he was participating in an emergency bathroom break with his 5-year old sister.

They made it home where I was waiting up for them. Nikki was wide awake, of course, and chatted enthusiastically about the parts of the night she remembered. E, on the other hand? WENT TO BED. He’d had a rough night, you know.

(He’s kinda awesome, isn’t he?)

This is Spring Break! Except…not yet. Due to that huge snow in January, we lost today and tomorrow of our Spring Break. They decided this a few weeks after the snow, and everyone who had already made Spring Break plans had to bring in “proof” to the school and fill out paperwork saying they wouldn’t be here these two days. That way their absences would be “excused”. We didn’t have any plans at the time, and I didn’t think about faking any. Turns out? Almost everyone E knows is either on vacation this week or…”on vacation” this week. If I had known so many parents were going to do this, I might have done it too, but it’s too late now and I don’t want E to have an unexcused absences.

My point? E will practically be the only one at school today.

The funny thing is, he doesn’t really care too much, other than just having to get up early. His theatre teacher is going to teach them how to do bullet wounds and cool make-up effects like that; and the rest of his classes have done things like scheduled movies and such. As a teacher, you can’t really plan on covering anything real since half the school (or more) will be gone. Which, of course, makes you wonder what the point is. Oh well.

My Dad would have made me go even if everyone I knew was skipping. But I probably would have wanted to go anyway. Our house had no heat or a/c so, depending on the time of year, it wasn’t necessarily a fun place to be for long periods of time. Either way, I consider it a kind of homage to my Dad that I’m making my kid go to school when no one else is.

What about you? Would your parents have let you skip? Would you let your kids – even if you had no trip planned?

This is a picture taken a little bit before I started my blog. I couldnt find one around the exact time because I wasn’t as organized as I am now. This is E. Back when he was LilZ. And then…I turned around and he was doing this.

Thank you David Phillips for the amazing photos!

I made E let me take this picture before he went on stage last night. This is how he starts out the show. Notice he’s in his makeup AND he has his mic on. HOW COOL IS MY KID? He starts out as the young prince for the pantomime story of how the prince became the Beast. There are no lines, and it’s done with some awesome special stage effects (I SO WISH YOU COULD ALL COME SEE IT) to make E suddenly be the Beast, and then he does a Quick Change (Definition: When you strip off one costume just barely off stage and put on another) to be in the ensemble as a simple villager in the next scene. It’s one of the more fascinating parts of a stage show, to me, is the Quick Changes. There are tons of them in this show, and these kids just have to learn to have no modesty. I mean, they basically get partnered with people before the show opens who will help them strip and change during the entire run of the show. It’s a logistical puzzle organized by a director: Who is on the right side of the stage at the correct time with nothing to do: Pairing those kids up with ones that need help changing. There are TONS of teams just for the Clock and the Wardrobe since those are huge costumes that the actors can’t really get out of alone, even if they had all the time in the world.

He wears this for about 1 minute on stage, but he’s the first person you see. He is the opening face of the show and to me? That’s the coolest part of this very small job. He also gets to be part of a cool, tricky scene that even my husband – who KNOWS how they do it – said he didn’t realize what was happening the night we saw it. He was all, “Suddenly it was the Beast there and not E!” It’s so cool. And if I could show videos of it, I would, but they don’t allow it. It’s really too bad, too – because there are so many high school productions on YouTube that just pale in comparison to this one. I’d love to be able to show off – even small parts of it. But they won’t allow it for several reasons, many being creative ones.

So I can only give you pictures. And descriptions that are totally insufficient. Just imagine 40+ kids as awesome as mine…loaded with talent and energy…performing the HELL out of this show. And then imagine me crying during the entire thing and screaming and clapping after each song because I’m just so filled with pride for each and every one of them.

Especially this one.

1. When you were 2 or so, I was in college and we were poor and unable to put any money towards entertainment. After a festival downtown one weekend, the tents were left up by the organizers. It was raining so we decided to go with our friends and have a picnic under the tents. We packed lunches and you guys loved it. It was like we were outside, but we weren’t getting wet. We had just as much fun with our picnic as you guys did.
2. Another time while in college, my university held an event where they let students spend the night camping on the lawn in front of the mascot’s cage. Our mascot was a LION. We camped out with a LION. You loved Leo and spending the night in front of his cage was one of the coolest things in your eyes.
3. You and I went camping with Papaw once to see Hale-Bopp up at Big South Fork. It was a funny night because I carried you most of the hike (in the dark) and Papaw got irritated I wasn’t making you walk. IN THE DARK. When you were TWO. Typical Papaw. It smiles to make me think about it, but you loved it. You thought camping with your Grandpa was super-cool.
4. During my last stretch of time in college I was working up at a computer lab in my department. You had to come up there with me often and one late night of working you fell asleep on the couch. I was SOOO tired and I thought I’d lay down with you for a bit. Next thing I knew? I was waking up to the sunrise. We had spent the night in the computer lab and you thought it was so funny. You told everyone at school the next day that you spent the night in the castle. (Wesleyan Hall – the building that inspired your brother’s name.)
5. When we moved to Huntsville in 2001 after I graduated, we got our first taste of a normal life sans government assistance or accruing debt. It was a nice phase in our life as we finally were able do things other people did. Like eat out. And buy new clothes. One of the funnest things we did in the beginning was go to the opening of the first Harry Potter movie. This was before midnight showings, but the radio stations were there and we won a free movie poster. One of many Harry Potter memories we’ve made in the last 16 years.

6. We took one of our first “vacations” to Las Vegas to see my brother and some friends and go camping at Lake Mead. We ended up camping only one night (It’s damn HOT in Vegas) and ended up staying the rest of the trip at the Circus Circus Hotel. That’s where we found out that you didn’t really like scary amusement park rides. You did love the water park, however. And you also loved that your Uncle carried you everywhere. Great trip.
7. We had our first midnight Harry Potter book release in July 2003. I had gone to one by myself for the 4th Harry Potter book, but this was the first one we went to together. The first of three.

8. You and the neighborhood kids helped me plan my wedding to Donnie. You all helped me with party favors and decorations. You walked me down the aisle along with Grandpa. You and I have often discussed that day as one of the best of our lives. You and I danced to Kelly Clarkson and we did the Hokey Pokey at the reception. We then went to Florida for our “Familymoon”. Maybe I should just say it was one of the best WEEKS of my life.

9. When I was pregnant with Nikki, you went with us to the ultrasound that told us she was a girl. I remember us all going to lunch afterwards, and being just overwhelmed that it was REALLY HAPPENING. We were having another kid. You were finally going to be a big brother! You were as excited as we were.
10. My friends threw me a surprise party that year for my 30th birthday. It was the night of the 6th Harry Potter release (Do you notice how many of these moments revolve around Harry Potter?) so you, Donnie and I – and all of our friends – were all wearing our matching shirts. Great party. Great shirts. Great book.

11. I don’t know if I can pick a moment from Nikki’s early years – but I loved that phase of our life. You were such a natural as a big brother. You were always such a great help. You have been ever since. You play as big of a roll in her life (and Wes’s) as Donnie and I do. But the most amazing part was those first few months when we got to see you and your mad brother skillz in action.
12. We took a trip to Chattanooga right before I got pregnant with Wes. We stayed in a cabin and went to the aquariums and several other tourist spots. We also ended up at a Drive-In to watch Transformers. It was my first Drive-In and it was tons of fun, until you got a dreadful earache and we ended up having to leave early. I just remember trying my best to console you but you were in such pain. While it had that bad moment, it’s a good memory because everything else about the trip was great.
13. One of the first outings we went on when Wes was little was up to Burritt on the Mountain. You carried Wes in a carrier on your chest like a pro. I took tons of photos that trip of you and your brother and sister and I look on that day very fondly. You still are so amazing with them, but how many teenagers would carry their baby brother around in a carrier? Not many.

14. You and I went to see Wicked in April of 2009, just a few weeks after Dad died. It was exactly what I needed after losing my Dad. EXACTLY. It was an amazing show and we had an amazing time. It started our infatuation with stage shows and I hope we continue adding more and more as the years go by. We added Legally Blonde just recently and that was almost MORE fun because the excitement level was even higher. I love seeing all stage shows with you. Everyone of them stands out in my mind as one of my favorite memories. I hope they do for you as well.
15. We went to Disney World last year with your sister as I ran a half-marathon to raise money for Team in Training. That whole trip was amazing. It will stand out in all of our minds forever.

16. Being part of Seussical with you last year was one of my most favorite times since you’ve been in High School. We were both working so hard towards the same big event and we got to enjoy it all together. Nikki was even in the performance and Donnie helped with the set. It was a family event. It was also the first time we got to see you in a big-budget show and it didn’t disappoint. Can’t wait to add Beauty and the Beast this year.

Happy Birthday, E. You truly are amazing and I love you more than these 16 bullet points can explain. I hope you have a fantabulous day!

I get asked all the time about my son, E. How did I score one of the rare awesome teenagers in the world?

I’m always very flattered, how can you not be when someone is enamored by your child? My instinct and dominant responses usually revolve around reasons that have little to do with me. If they’re speaking in reference to how awesome E is with his brother and sister – I give him all of the credit. I explain that E wanted to be a big brother for years. He suffered as much through my struggle to have a child and resulting miscarriages as I did. He had just started his 5th grade year a few weeks before his sister was due to be born. During the Getting To Know you exercises from the teacher he said, for the first time ever, that he was the Oldest Child. When she asked him how old his sibling was he said, “She’ll be born in a few weeks.” His teacher made him change his answer because he was still – technically – an only child. He was NOT very happy about that, but it explains his excitement at no longer being the dreaded…ONLY CHILD.

(I have no idea why he dreaded that social status so much, maybe that’s an entry for another day.)

I believe this anticipation over having young siblings helped form a good basis for his relationship with them. He truly enjoys their company a lot of the time. Not ALL the time – they are small and often annoying. But, many long days are best ended by play sessions with his little brother and sister. He just loves chasing them around and playing with them. And they worship the ground he walks on. Great situation for me, but I take none of the credit.

Other times I blame my awesome teenager on the media. What? Well, I’ve realized as I get to know all of my son’s friend’s that there are a LOT of awesome teenagers in the world. Way more than primetime television wants to tell you about. With all of the crazy reality shows and scripted teen dramas painting The Teenager as everything from trashy spoiled brats to drugged out deviants – we tend to have false negative expectations of what The Teenager actually is. I know because I was surprised too! I thought my son was an anomaly so when I had to interact with his classmates, I braced myself for the worst. Lo and Behold…they were awesome too! In other words? My son is totally just one of a very large, but very under noticed population of Good Kids. Don’t loose hope, America!

BUT…sometimes the question or compliment I’m given regarding E is more specifically about our relationship. How are we so close? How do I get him to hang out and do things with me and the family? How have I built such a great friendship with him while still being his Mom? I can’t always pass the buck off in these instances. Sometimes? I have to accept some of the credit myself.

I credit our close relationship with the same thing that adults need to have good friendships: Having Common Interests. Somewhere along the way when E was child, I learned the value of having something to talk about at dinner. I think it must have surely started with Harry Potter (That’s where it ALL starts in our home.) since he was 5 when I discovered those books. Once he started reading them awhile later, we had so much to be excited about together for the following years. Midnight movie and book releases, and recently we even had our own Harry Potter party!

This is he and I at the last book release when I was dressed as a character from the book.

Harry Potter was easy – we both loved it. It gave us plenty to talk about and that, to me, has always been the key. Kids like being excited. About anything. If you can take advantage of that and share the excitement with them – then forming a bond is EASY. They want someone to share their excitement. As long as you can be sincere about it and don’t fake interest in something you don’t actually like? They’ll come to YOU. Harry Potter was only a few times every few years. When the books came out, or the movies, we were all about it. But it takes more than just a few days a year to build a relationship.

With E, there are a lot of things that he likes that I just can NOT get into. There are TV shows he watches that drive me crazy, books he reads that bore me to death, and movies he gets excited about that I’d rather stab my eyeballs out than watch. BUT – I keep trying. And since I do sometimes find things I love – he keeps making suggestions. He gives me books to read and music to listen to. And I try everything. We now have a fantastic foundation of shared interests to build on. I even recommend stuff to him – like the most recent Hunger Games series.

I also take sincere interest in stories he tells about school or recreational activities. If he’s proud of a good grade or mortified by an embarrassing moment. I don’t just nod and hum. I actually engage in conversation and become seriously interested. He had a theater competition this weekend and I listened to every story he had to tell about the event. He told me the things he was proud of and the things he wasn’t. Then…last night? He got into the car after another event and said, “Mom! GUESS WHAT? They tallied the votes wrong…our One Act actually won a trophy!” He had just heard the news from his teacher and – since I’m always sincerely interested in his stories – he knew I’d be thrilled to hear the news. So he excitedly passed it on to me.

These small moments are what keeps us close even between the periodic punishments and groundings for non-ideal behavior. Of course he’s not perfect. Sometimes he’s grounded. And these moments suck. But we can still have a friendship even around those moments because we have so many shared interests. We’ve got a book release in May we’re very excited about, we’ve purchased tickets to a few performances this year we’re anticipating and we both just bought the same album on iTunes this week.

Is any of this easy? Sometimes – yes. Often – no. It requires a lot of failed attempts but I don’t give up because every shared interest adds to the foundation of our friendship, just like it would if he was simply my peer. This friendship allows us to stay close and gives us plenty to talk about which is key. The second you lose conversation? They grow further and further away with every car ride and meal that comes and goes in silence.

Does this make me a great parent? Not really. I just stumbled upon this valuable tool during the beginning days of Harry Potter. I realized how much I enjoyed having someone to share the excitement with, and how easily it could work the other way too. Give my son someone in the same house to share excitement with. And that’s all it is. A relationship built on shared interests. Just like every friendship I’ve ever had. Does this mean he never disobeyes? No. Does this mean I never have to yell or punish? No. But it gives us a foundation that holds up our friendship even between those instances.

And in the end? I’m very dependent on that friendship. I love having someone to tell when a favorite author is writing a new book or a band is releasing a new album. And when that someone eats several meals a day at the same table I do? Best. Best. Friend. EVER.

I remember the first time I heard about someone getting busted for skipping work when they called in “sick” because their boss saw their pictures from a drunken outing on MySpace. Then there were cases where kids had let friends take revealing pictures of themselves and those pictures were emailed out to their entire school. Of course, there’s always the token American Idol contestant who ends up having people from their past pop up with incriminating photos of things they’ve done in their less-famous years. Every where you turn in the last several years, someone’s poor judgment – documented digitally – comes back to haunt them.

Since that first time I heard of such a thing I thought 2 things: 1) Thank all that is holy that there was no digital photography when I was a teenager and 2) Oh, Crap. This could totally happen to my kids. Especially E, my teenager who is in high school and on Facebook with every single one of his friends.

Here’s the thing I’m realizing: E’s generation – kids that are in high school and college right now – are the guinea pigs for coming of age in the social networks. They are learning the hard way what should and should NOT be posted to their Tumblr, Facebook or Twitter accounts. Kids in elementary school right now? Hopefully they’ll have heard all of the horror stories by the time they get on Facebook and will be scared to post anything online. But E’s generation? They’ve not been beaten senseless yet with scary stories of other’s mistakes. Instead? They’re making the mistakes for the younger ones to fear.

Locally we had a mild story this week about kids being disciplined at a local high school for flipping the bird in a photo, a photo that (of course) ended up on Facebook. One of the girls even tried to remove it, but as many of us know, once it’s there? It’s hard to completely remove it. I’m quite connected to this story as it happened in my community and here’s the thing: I’m sure these students are not bad kids. Their parents are not bad parents. I do not care that someone flipped a bird and got caught doing it on camera. I don’t even care that it was obvious they were at school when they did it. I actually feel really sorry for the kids and hate they are having to deal with this fallout.

But – I will say this: I have no problem with the action the band director took in disciplining them. The band director said it best:

In his e-mail to the parents, Connell tells them that the Facebook incident was particularly upsetting because Cox and the other senior pictured, co-captains of the color guard, are in leadership roles.

“We have discussed many times with the leadership the fact that they are representing an organization at all times whether they are with that group or not,” Connell wrote.

This is something I really hope to teach E as a way of life. He is not in band, but I want him to know he is always representing himself. Especially while he’s having his picture taken. If you want to do something stupid and foolish in a moment of bad teenage judgment? GO FOR IT. We all did it. It happens. Just do not – UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES – let anyone photograph you doing it. And in regards to saying/doing things that aren’t that incriminating you still have to keep in mind you are representing YOURSELF. I do not use a lot of foul language, just not my thing. But, if E chooses to? That’s fine. I don’t care. I just always tell him to recognize who is around when he is saying/doing stuff. If no one is recording you in video or photo? Then you just need to be aware of who is in your proximity at that moment. But if you’re being caught on camera? You have a lot of other people to consider. Teachers, grandparents, neighbors and future bosses/school admissions counselors.

Basically – this is how I’ve broken it down to him: Rules To Please, PLEASE, PLEASE Live By

1) Don’t ever let anyone document something you’re doing (picture/video) if you would NOT be comfortable with your grandmother seeing it. I mean, all kids at some point hope to be famous, right? E would love to be an author, or on stage somewhere. I point out that the second that dream comes true, it could be ruined if someone from his past pops up with a picture of him [insert random stupid thing we all did as teenagers here] and posts it all over the internet. And then, on a more realistic scale? What about your significant other’s family stumbling upon that picture? Or a future boss or admissions counselor? And then – always be wary – because inevitably? Your Grandmother might one day see it. What would SHE say?

2) Know Your Audience. Making perverted jokes around your friends at school – Who cares? Making the same jokes in your sister’s pre-K classroom? NOT COOL. While those are two extremes, there are plenty of situations in between to consider. This is not about possibly offending some stranger with your language, this is about just being a respectful citizen of this planet. Don’t change yourself or who you believe, just be aware of who is around you. If I’m surrounded by my bleeding heart liberal friends I have no problem openly mocking people who are against Gay Rights. But – if I’m around people I don’t know? I may be a little softer with my views. I make them known, but in a way that might encourage someone to discuss it, not just be offended. When it comes to things like saying the F-Word or flipping someone off? These things are offensive to a lot of people. Is it worth it to possibly upset the mother of the kids you babysit who saw the photo on Facebook? Or the minister who was behind you in line at the grocery store when you were ranting with foul language? If you really think about it and decide those words/actions are important to you – then go for it. Offend everyone – but just take a moment to think about it. Like I said before, if you’re not being recorded then your audience is just the people in your immediate surroundings. But if you are being photographed or filmed? Your audience could very well be everyone you know. Do you want them seeing you do that? Hearing you say that?

Now…let me go back to one more point I made earlier: I AM SO GLAD THERE WERE NO DIGITAL CAMERAS WHEN I WAS A TEENAGER. Do you see that picture of me there? THAT GIRL WAS PROBABLY UP TO NO GOOD. That is one of the few pictures that exist of me, THANK GOD, and it had to be scanned to be made digital. Would I have scanned it if it were more incriminating? NO WAY. Does that mean I wasn’t doing anything incriminating? I HAVE NO IDEA. I don’t even remember that picture being taken. I don’t even know where I was and OVERALLS? REALLY? Jeezus, Kim.

I had absolutely zero awareness of the cause/effect of my actions. I did so many things I’m not proud of and I’m pretty positive I would have still done them, even if I was being photographed and filmed. I was an idiot. So, god forbid, if any of my kids do something stupid that ends up all over the internet? Part of me will just sigh and think about how I probably would have done the same thing. But I’m going to make sure I’ve at least repeated those two rules above enough to them that I can VERY LOUDLY and VERY CLEARLY say, “I TOLD YOU SO.” And I promise you I’ll say it at least 1000 times.

Because, really, that’s mostly what parenting teens is about. Covering your bases so when they eventually screw up, you can at least rub your rightness in their face.