My mission yesterday was to clear out the 20+ 30-gallon bags of clothes out of our garage and take them to Goodwill. I wasn’t sure how it would work as I’ve never dropped off stuff at the new facility, so I took a small load the first time. There wasn’t anyone to help me throw the bags in the bins, but I saw where other people were putting their bags, so I did it myself. The next trip, I filled the car to maximum capacity: 15 bags. Again, no one was out there helping so I threw them all in myself. The third trip we were lucky enough to have MrZ join us because he was home after a doctor’s appointment. So, of course, the time he was with me there were two guys that came out to help. That is just my luck.

Needless to say, my back was a little sore yesterday evening. So - LilZ spent some time with NikkiZ in her room yesterday afternoon while I soaked in the tub. After I was done, I checked in on them playing in her room and found her in the excersaucer.

Swoosh!

I would have never put her in there as I just always say, “You’re too big!” But evidently? Not so much. LilZ used my camera to document their playtime which is where I found evidence of her in the basketball goal as well. Another activity I wouldn’t have considered. Put her in the basketball net? Why would I do such a thing? But LilZ did it and she cracked up over it.

The best, though, was when he put her in the pull-up boxes. She laughed that deep infectious laugh we don’t hear all that often because it takes extreme measures to produce it. Evidently, sticking her in the box her diapers came in is a good start.

So - new things added to my list of ways to entertain a toddler: Basketball Simulation, Excersaucer, and Cardboard Box Storage. I wanted to share these things with you in case you aren’t lucky enough to have someone living in your home that thinks outside of the boring “MOM” box when it comes to entertaining a child.

Notice how sweet and angelic she looks here? Well…it’s the photoshopping. In reality she was trying to scale the inside of the giant dogwood tree at the botanical gardens. BY HERSELF. I just took pictures while she tried (I have not desire to squash her adventurous spirit, even if it causes her to break her neck) and she kept getting stuck and frustrated and finally just gave up.

Then, when were resting in the shade and she was sitting in my lap, she started whining about the back of her leg hurting. I looked and the damn thing was covered in blood! And she got it all over me! (Wait. That didn’t sound very sympathetic, did it?) So I cleaned her up and we discovered she had a pretty hefty gash in the back of her leg from all of the monkeying around. The only thing is, it was stinging the crap out of her every time we held her because our sweaty bodies weren’t helping.

So - LilZ did what any good brother would do - and carried her like a superhero.

I’m telling you. She doesn’t even realize how good she has it.

You know - parents typically try NOT to openly compare and contrast their children in any way that risks sounding like Child A is/was better than Child B. But, I take pictures of my daughter pooping and post them to the internet with an angelic glow. I’m not trying to keep up a positive standard here.

I’ll be honest. I don’t remember a lot about LilZ’s youth. I have several reasons for this:

1) It was 10+ years ago. Give me a break. I’m old.
2) I was a very poor struggling college student. I was worried more about paying my utility bill than whether or not LilZ fit any sort of defined norm.
3) He was just a good kid. I didn’t have to do much. He was low-maintenance and laid-back. You remember more of the challenges and he wasn’t very challenging.

BUT - Number 3? Is something I’ve been thinking about quite a lot. I remember people telling me how lucky I was when LilZ was 2-3 because he was just so good. He was polite and followed the rules and just good-natured. I was harassed for not truly experiencing being a mother because I didn’t have to deal with the TERRIBLE TWOS.

OMG. Were those people right.

My daughter, on the other hand. Is evil in all forms. And this goes in two directions. She’s evil because she can just be mean and smack me in the face and yell, “Go Away!” to her Daddy and yell at her baby dolls. But - she can also be so intoxicatingly sweet and endearing you find yourself wondering what you did to deserve her affection. And she can do both in a span of TEN MINUTES.

I have truly loved this developmental age. NikkiZ learns something new every day. We have real conversations and she makes interesting and insightful observations. She’s developing a sense of humor and she really loves to play pretend.

But she also can NOT be reasoned with. There are times when I try to put her in timeout and she’ll point-blank yell, “No!” and swing at me. Or she’ll physically try to resist being put in the corner. I’ll try to get her to respond to my assurances that she understands the rules and she’ll look me in the eyes, turn her head, and walk away. Blatantly ignoring me.

So - even though this is my second child to turn two, this is my first time dealing with the fabled TERRIBLE TWOS. And so I ask you - does this end when she turns three? Please tell me they’re called “Terrible Twos” for a reason and that, by the time she turns three, the devil inside of her will start to disappear. If it doesn’t, and if I’m dealing with a baby becoming mobile AND an demon-possessed preschooler at the same time, I may need to call in reinforcements. Like, military backup or police squads. Because the we need brute force over here, people.

I was saying yesterday that I’ve hit that phase of my pregnancy where I’m trying to take care of things I won’t want to have to worry about once AndyZ gets here. Stocking up on paper products and cosmetics is my mission for the next week or two. I have a hard enough time remembering things like paper towels or LilZ’s shampoo on a normal grocery day. For the month following AndyZ’s birth, I probably won’t be remembering crap. So, I’ll stock up now so that none of us have to worry about running out of toilet paper until I get my brain back functioning post-baby. I did it with NikkiZ and it really seemed to help because grocery trips were only about food, which makes it an easier task to handle when suffering from post-birth memory loss.

I was talking to LilZ about this task yesterday and mentioned that I should get my hair trimmed before AndyZ gets here. It’s something I don’t do but every few months, but I haven’t had a trim in a few months as it is. So - I should probably get it trimmed now so I don’t have to worry about it for awhile after AndyZ gets here. LilZ said, “I can do it.”

Hmmm…

Let me tell you, I hate spending anything more than $10 on a haircut. I just get my hair trimmed and I’ve let random friends and family, including MrZ, do it before. I don’t really care so much about it being even since it’s curly and you won’t be able to tell so much anyway. I just want the ends cut. Since it’s a task that I feel like anyone can do, I don’t feel like I should have to fork out big bucks for it. So, when my son volunteered? I jumped at the idea.

We sat down last night in the kitchen and he trimmed my hair for me. It’s not perfect, and if I had straight hair it would definitely show a bit of unevenness. BUT - the task is done. The dead ends are gone. My hair can be ignored for the next several months and I’m not out any money for it. Mission accomplished.

But I do find myself asking the question: Would I have let my teenage son near my hair with a pair of scissors if I were not pregnant and maintaining only a slight hold of my sanity as it is? We’ll never know.

One of the many things I’ve bragged about regarding LilZ his entire life is his ability to remember things I can not. He started the trend at a very young age as I recall him listing off things we needed at the grocery store, long before he could even read. As a teenager he has learned that anything needed for school or his social life needs to be written in blood on my forehead several times if he has any hope of me remembering.

When my own lack of memory wasn’t causing my father issues growing up, he would point out that maybe I had too much on my mind and that’s why I had trouble remembering the little things. I like to use that as my excuse because it says, “I’m A Very Busy Woman” as opposed to “Maybe I Drink Too Much.” Either way - my faulty memory has forced my son to adapt with a quite awesome memory to compensate. I have come to depend on this trait of his quite a lot as he has saved me from several major mistakes in my parental life with his memory.

When I woke up NikkiZ this morning, I told her today was a school day. She started to get a little fussy about that, which she does sometimes, so I distracted her by saying, “Don’t let Mama forget your pink naptime blanky!” It’s the one we had to bring home and wash after some child went home with the chicken pox. She said, “Okay!” - tantrum thwarted - and we went about our morning.

As we were pulling out of the driveway, my two-year-old daughter yells, “Mom! My pink blanky!” Oh, yeah. That. I pulled back into the the driveway and we ran in to get it. All the while I’m thinking…Thank God. Now I’m safe for another 16 years. I mean - what was I going to do when LilZ goes off to college if my other kids need things sent to school or made for homework? I can’t remember all of that crap myself. Good to see that NikkiZ has developed the same adaptive trait as her brother: Remember it. Because there is no way in hell that Mom will.