Yesterday was an insane day. We had an appointment at NikkiZ’s dentist for him to look at her abscess at 9am. She loves the dentist so, not a big deal. At least not for her. I had AndyZ with me and he decided to challenge himself by pushing every button he could find and trying to grab sterile dental tools from any surface he saw them on. Oh – he also tried to climb in the X-Ray machine. Because what we really need is some sort of You Break It – You Buy It policy to kick in with something expensive like that.

The dentist took an X-Ray of NikkiZ and decided the tooth needed to be removed. IMMEDIATELY. Since we’re leaving for Florida on Thursday he made an appointment for us at a pediatric dentist at 10:30am. That gave me an hour to try to find someone to watch AndyZ. Luckily, it was a slow day for MrZ at work so he said he’d just come home for the day. He stayed with AndyZ while I took NikkiZ into her appointment. She did great. The only time she was difficult was when they tried to get her to drink the Demerol. She hates medicine. It was just a little bit and it didn’t taste bad, but she still freaked out. She ended up spitting it out into her glass of water, so we just waited for her to finish that. I told the hygienist, “She doesn’t eat cake either. She’s strange.” I mean…WHO TURNS DOWN DEMEROL?

She got really chatty the longer she wore Mr. Nose (he of the laughing gas persuasion) and kept trying to talk to the dentist while he was jabbing needles in her gums. “I CANT FEEL IT AT ALL!” she was saying. And she was talking about Dora (which is what was on the TV above her head) and the awesome games they had in the lobby. She talked the ENTIRE TIME we were there. She kept saying, “Is the tooth out yet?” It’s like she didn’t even know it was supposed to hurt so she wasn’t even scared one bit. Best Tooth Pulling Experience EVER. And I could totally understand why her normal dentist sent us to a pediatric dentist for the procedure. They have everything set up to make things good for the kids. AND for the parents. It was AWESOME.

The experience did stress me out a bit, however. And then I had to get home, try to finish some housework since we’re LEAVING FOR FLORIDA IN TWO DAYS. And then I had to go to a costume work session at LilZ’s high school from 3:30-6:00pm. MrZ and I have been going to as many volunteer sessions as we can since this production is SO HUGE. They’re actually flying one of the characters. On a harness. They don’t mess around at this theater program, that’s for sure. But it’s almost entirely run/supported by parents. And there are some amazingly talented parents in the group. MrZ has been helping with set builds and I’ve been helping with painting and sewing. Except that I don’t sew – so I am actually gluing and cutting. But I’m doing it WELL.

MrZ’s session started at 6pm so he brought the kids with him and I took them home with me. I came home, gave them baths and put AndyZ to bed while NikkiZ was supposed to be getting out and drying herself off. When I came in the bathroom, however, there were bath toys all along the edge of the tub alongside wet washcloths. She knows not to do this because it gets water everywhere. And I still was so behind on my day for chores that I simply lost it. I yelled, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” And of course, that scared the crap out of her as she didn’t even know I was there. She immediately started crying which actually made me angrier (Please tell me you do that too? Get angrier when they cry?) so I continued, “Young Lady! You know better! Look at this huge mess! You need to dry all of that up and get dressed RIGHT NOW!” All with my voice raised.

Now…I’ve yelled louder and meaner before. I’ve discussed my yelling here and here. It’s my least favorite parenting quality. I honestly think I’m a damn good Mom 90% of the time. And then the .05% of the time when I’m yelling? I kinda hate myself. BUT – that time was NOT a bad yelling time for me. Seriously. Last night was just more of a shock session. But it scared her because I snuck up on her. I left the bathroom – took a few deep breaths – and came back. She was crying and said to me (While sobbing), “I don’t like it when you yell at me.”

Heart. Broken.

I was still angry about the mess but I also knew I had scared the crap out of her when I yelled so I decided to start over. I helped her get dressed and we snuggled for a bit while I talked about why I yell. I told her I would try not to yell because I didn’t like it when my Daddy yelled at me when I was little. We basically commiserated on the sucktitude of yelling parents. Even though I was one of those parents. Which is the ultimate crux of parenting when you find yourself doing the exact same thing you hated that your own parents did.

All in all? The day kinda sucked. But that’s OK. She and I had a good evening together. The Tooth Fairy came while she was sleeping. I tried to talk her into leaving the tooth somewhere other than under her pillow so the Tooth Fairy wouldn’t wake up her brother…but she was having NOTHING of it. She went through quite an ordeal, she was going to get the perfect Tooth Fairy moment out of it, dammit! I’m going to do my best to catch up on my To Do list today before we hit the road tomorrow night. I’m starting over today. I’m not going to stress out about yesterday or about my misstep in parenting. Because – like I very honestly admitted – I know I’m a good Mom. I focus on my failures a lot on this blog because I think about them a lot and am trying to always be a better person. BUT – I do honestly feel like I’m a good Mom. I could be better – but I’m not going to focus on my mistake from last night. I’m going to just continue being a good Mom who tries to be better every day. And since today is a new day…different from the sucky Mom yesterday? I’m already doing great.

The last tooth-filled smile you’ll see for awhile! Enjoy it!

This has not been that productive of a parenting week for me. I had one day where I covered the table with paper and let the kids go wild (pictured alongside a cute diaper butt above) coloring – but other than that I’ve been trying to do probate, estate, and tax stuff for Dad and for my family. It’s been day after day of struggling to complete paperwork while simultaneously trying to keep the kids from eating poison. In other words, not the best parenting week, even though I was productive in other areas.

So, today? I’m doing an experiment. Or a torture session, depends on how you look at it. I’m going to focus just on the kids today. No housework (plenty of time to do that this weekend), no paperwork, no TV as a babysitter, and no escape via the solitaire game on my iPhone. I don’t have anything crazy exciting planned, I’m just going to see what a day looks like when I just focus on being a Mom. Not a bookkeeper, not a maid, not a cook, and not a super-stylish trendsetter.

(I have no idea why I threw that last one in there. It just seemed completely opposite of the picture in my head and sometimes opposites make me laugh! You should see me around light switches. The On/Off concept gets me giggling for hours.)

Have you ever done this one day? Or are you the kind of Mom that has enough patience and takes the Motherhood job so seriously that you dedicate yourself to days like this every day? If you are that type of Mom, can you come show me how to be more like you? Because I’m worried this day may kill me. Or them. I’ll keep you posted.

Angela did a meme on her blog about Motherhood and technology as part of her participation in the BlogHer Momspotting project. I thought it was an interesting meme AND she’s giving away a hat to those of us who participate so…instant blog material for a Monday! CAN’T BEAT THAT! If you decide to do it too, leave your answers or a link in the comments. I’m not giving anything away but I’d love to see your answers!

1. Which expensive electronic device do you most often let your older children abuse or your baby drool on?
   Well – my kids have a lot of their own electronics that I try to encourage they use instead of ours. However, I used to sometimes let NikkiZ play games on my cellphone. BUT – since I dropped it and it became a lethal weapon, she is no longer allowed. She’s pretty good on phones though, since she has once of those leapsters, she knows a bit about handling small devices.
2. How many take-out restaurant numbers do you have programmed into your phone?
   One: Marcos. It’s a pizza place near our home that makes REALLY good pizza but it’s not quick so I’ll typically call before I leave the house so that I won’t have to wait too long when I get there.
3. How many hours of television do you so totally not let your kids watch a week?
   I don’t regulate television for my kids currently. My daughter probably watches 1-3hrs a day (I’m trying to be honest here…) and my oldest keeps his TV on all the time, so it’s hard to tell. Even if he’s not paying attention it’s on. I do NOT have a TV in my younger children’s room, however. I have this weird hangup against that until they’re much older.
4. Do you think people who say “we don’t watch television” at play dates but really mean “we just watch DVDs” are lying liars from Liarville?
   I have never had a real “playdate” – so I’m not quite familiar with this issue. HOWEVER, if I was invited to one and they Mother told me that they don’t watch TV…I would take that a little snottily I think. It would rub me the wrong way and if I then found out that DVDs were allowed? I would totally think she was from Liarville.
5. How many miles have you driven with your child and not one device of electronic entertainment in a single car trip?
   Before we had the minivan? 400 miles? Maybe? But since we got the minivan with the DVD player, any trip out of town gets a DVD played. We don’t use the DVD player in the van unless we’re going on a trip so it’s a treat of sorts.
6. What’s your record for calls to the pediatrician or Ask-a-Nurse in a single day?
   I’m not sure but I know it’s more for myself when pregnant than for any of my kids. I’m not hyper-sensitive about sickness, even with my kids. I think it’s how I was raised (never EVER going to the doctor for ANYTHING) but I have never been one to call the pediatrician. And thank GOD my kids have never been too sick. But, If they’re sick enough for me to consider a call? Then they’re sick enough to take in. And I’ve done the Emergency Room run before too in extreme situations. But typically? No calls. For me – on the other hand – when I was pregnant? I called constantly because I save up all of my medical paranoia for everyone in the family and cash it in when I’m carrying child.
7. What’s the sexiest thing your partner could text you after a hard day?
   Let’s have family movie night tonight, and YOU pick the movie!
8. What’s your favorite iPad joke?
   I like the various articles/entries I’ve seen comparing the iPad to things like rocks and stone tablets. They make me giggle.
9. What’s the dumbest parenting tool, gear, gadget or device you ever bought?
   Diaper Genie. I just had a huge issue with keeping the dirty diapers in that thing when the outside garbage is a much better place for them. We just felt really weird storing poop in the room. No matter how “clean” it smelled. And every time we opened it? GAG. So, after just a few weeks we donated it to Goodwill and started the trend of taking dirty diapers directly to the outdoor garbage. Wet ones get thrown in plastic grocery bags (reuse!) and taken out at the end of the day.
10. How many years will it take for your child to become more tech-savvy than you?
    My oldest teaches me tech stuff all the time. My youngest doesn’t know anything yet. My middle? Somewhere in between. I’m thinking by 8 or 9? If kids have access to the technology? They’ll probably have figured most of it out. My son has a friend who has even hacked her iPhone. That’s talent, right there.

Don’t you love it when you find something your toddler just loves? Like the first time I tried Criss, Cross, Applesauce on AndyZ and immediately asked for MO! MO! I’ve loved that so many people have emailed or commented about tried that on their child and being so entertained by how much they love it. Well, it occurred to me, what do YOU do that I may be missing out on? What are some of the cute little games or gestures that you do with your child that they love so much? I would love to have some new little things to introduce to my kids. I mean, you can only toss a kid in the air so many times before they start to get bored with it. Let’s face it – sometimes getting through a day with a toddler is all about variety and the little things. It’s not necessarily about big trips to the library or park. We know our kids love those big outtings. But, sometimes you just need some of those small moments to get you from hour to hour, and if you have different small moments than I do? I’d love to steal some of yours. But before you tell me some of yours, I’ll give you a few of the others we do to illicit smiles around our house. Anything to break the monotony of the endless piles of laundry I have to tackle.

• AndyZ loves butterfly kisses. You know, the one where you bat your eyelashes against their cheek? Instant giggle inducer. Often he kisses my eyes afterwards, which is so cute it makes my heart melt. He doesn’t do it every time, it’s like he saves it for when he really wants some ice cream.
• If I can’t get him to come to his room for a diaper change? I get down on all fours and offer him a ride on my back. He always obliges then. (And it’s a good workout!) Although, there is a downside to this as he likes it so much sometimes, if I’m just sitting on the floor, he tries to jump on my back for a surprise ride. This often hurts.
• Sometimes NikkiZ and AndyZ are too busy to give me kisses. When I finally get them to come to me for a kiss, I’ll zerbert their lips. They find this hysterical and often will come back for more. AndyZ even tries to do the same to me, but it often just results in me with a mouthful of spit. GLAMOROUS!
• When I drop NikkiZ off at school, sometimes I demand an upside-down kiss. This is me bending at the waist, over her head (from behind her) so that my face is upside-down from hers. Then we kiss. It’s getting harder the taller she gets (as I’m only 5′3″ on a TALL day) but she still gets a kick out of it.
• AndyZ loves, loves lotion. He calls it “Moe-Dee” for some reason. I keep a tube at the changing table and give him a skirt to keep him occupied while I change his diaper. He thinks it’s really funny when I put some on his belly.
• Sometimes I let NikkiZ wear old shirts of mine to bed. She thinks this is a really special (and funny!) treat. I did this the first time out of necessity as we had forgotten to get her PJs out of her room before he brother went to sleep. Now? It’s almost a reward.
• AndyZ also loves chapstick. But this is sometimes a BAD thing as he finds it and eats it when I’m not looking. He actually sees it somewhere now and says, “Eat Eat Chapstick?” (Which, actually sounds like, “Eat Eat Daddy?” – a completely different sentiment.) So, before you introduce this, make sure you know where all of the chapstick you own is. Chapstick poop is gross. TRUST ME ON THAT ONE.

I’ve been working on a series of posts in my head for awhile now. Things I’ve learned about being a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM) since getting laid off in August. Because I was essentially a SAHM with LilZ for the first 3 years I was in college, none of this is new or surprising. But since I have a blog now, I feel like it’s a good place to address it since so often women find themselves comparing the two. I find myself able to contribute to this comparison from a unique perspective: As someone who has done both recently. And I’d like to first address the two BIGGEST changes in my life since the layoff. They are the two things I find myself thinking about the most when comparing my life before to my life now. One is super-positive and one is super-negative. I’ll give you the full range spectrum of what the change has meant to me. The extreme HIGH to the extreme LOW.

Let’s start with the positive, shall we?

Number 1: I No Longer Feel Like I’m Half-Assing Everything

I’ve written dozens of blog entries before about how I felt like I was always half-assing everything. Here is one example. I was spreading myself so thin that I never felt like I was doing my BEST at ANYTHING. Hell, I didn’t feel like I was even doing GREAT half the time. Mostly I was just getting by. Both at work and at home.

Now? Now that my home life is my job? I feel like I’m giving so much more. I’m cooking meals for my family, I’m staying caught up with laundry. Toys are staying organized and lightbulbs actually get changed! (If a fixture had more than one bulb in it? I waited until they were all burnt out to change even one of them.) I even cleaned out from behind the dryer yesterday. And I scrubbed LilZ’s shower last week. I’m able to keep up with the clutter in the kid’s room (They share a room, the clutter becomes life threatening in 3.2 hours.) and put DVDs back on the shelf after they’ve been watched as opposed to letting them stack up next to the DVD player until they’re as tall as the TV itself. I’m making regular trips to the recycling center and to Goodwill. I’m much better about remembering things the kids need for school. (Not perfect…but much better.) I’m able to pick up and drop off when they need me to instead of when I’m able to.

There are just so many things at home that I do better than I did before. It’s amazing what this does for my self-confidence as a Mom and as a Wife. Don’t get me wrong, you can’t eat off my floors or anything…but that’s because I’ve never put cleaning to that degree as a priority. I still don’t scrub baseboards. Not because I don’t have time, but because I just don’t care. And that’s okay! Because I’m playing many more games with my kids. AndyZ has started asking for “PahTee” which means “Dance Party” – his new favorite game which simply involves us dancing like maniacs. I’m not against running errands at night like I was when I worked, so when there are last-minute things needed for home or school? I’m on it. I have not felt like I’ve half-assed hardly anything since August. And let me tell you: THIS IS A GOOD THING.

Now, for the BAD THING.

Number 2: I Know Longer Get Any Validation For My Job

Man. This job is hard. I work 60+ hours a week now doing much more physical work than when I sat at a desk. I get no days off and there is always more stuff to do. But the worst part? There is no one to validate my work. No one who notices that I’ve completed a task. When I worked in an office there were things that needed to be done. People knew when they were done because they either (a) asked for them to be done or (b) needed the product of the completed task to do their own job. There were always people who knew what I had done during my day. They didn’t necessarily praise me for it, and that’s fine, but they at least KNEW about it. I feel like no one in my family actually recognizes 99% of the shit that I get done around the house. If it’s major I’ll point it out: “Did you see? I scrubbed the baseboards in the bathroom!” And since no one really notices the work getting done, there is definitely no praise or congratulations given.

If I had worked in an office job that never had anyone recognize any of the work I had done, I think I would have quit. What’s the point in doing the work if no one notices? I know a lot of people who get bonuses or accolades or even just pats on the back in their office jobs. When you are a Stay At Home Mom? None of this happens. I do not consider this a slight on my family, I don’t think I would notice it either. It’s just part of the job, I guess. It’s definitely work you have to enjoy because the money sucks and no one is going to reward you for surviving the day your toddler decided not to nap. Do you know how hard of a day that is? The non-napping toddler day? It’s hard for two reasons: 1) You don’t get that break from hearing, “Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! MOOOOOMMMMMMYYYYY!” every 1.2 seconds and 2) They turn into demons without their naps. That was yesterday. Yet I still managed not to lock anyone up in the closet. I feel like in the corporate world this would be something that would warrant a Certificate of Awesomeness, or a Mega Bonus because it’s a VERY HARD THING.

But honestly? If the kids did notice I washed and changed their bedding, or if my husband stopped to think about me dragging all of the Christmas stuff back up in the attic by myself, I’m not sure anyone would consider this anything more than just me doing my job. And while in an office environment, doing your job gives you at least a paycheck for validation, and time off and health insurance (if you’re lucky) – being a Stay At Home Mom means you do your job without recognition or compensation. And that? SUCKS GIANT DONKEY BALLS.

So, in summary: I feel better about myself as a Mom and a Wife because I feel like I’m finally able to be the Wife and Mom my family deserves. But also? None of them notice how awesome I am so sometimes I want to punch them all in the face.

The End.

Seriously woman? More of the topless monkey shoes? Stop it, already.

That’s what I’m talking about. This is how I want to be remembered. AS A STUD.