Category Archives: My not-so-smart moments

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First Day Of School Embarrassments.

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We’ve discussed before how some of us are really sensitive to embarrassing moments, right? Well, have I got two stories for you then!

First – I had an embarrassing moment out and about the other day while the kids and I were running errands getting ready for the start of school. One of those things happened that are embarrassing to me, but the kids didn’t notice. After the embarrassing moment passed, I kept doing that thing you do as you relive a recent embarrassing moment in your head. I kept verbally responding to myself saying things like, “Oh, man,” or, “Ug, no, no,” or, “Jeez.” Yes, it’s kinda like talking to yourself, but it’s involuntary, so it’s different. And also may indicate I’m insane. Who knows.

So, Nikki and I are sitting waiting on something and I’m looking at my phone but replaying this moment in my head and to stop myself from replaying it (SO. EMBARRASSED.) I say, “Oh, man…” out loud. So, she looks at my phone and says, “What?” And I say, “Oh, nothing.” Because, you know, how do you explain your own insanity to your daughter? Except the moment was SO fresh in my life (it had JUST happened) that I kept doing it. INVOLUNTARILY. The next time I said, “Ug. Jeez.” And of course she looks at me (this time I wasn’t even holding my phone to cover my own insanity) and said, confusingly, “What?” To which I frustratingly said, “NOTHING.” Because, JEEZUS, CHILD…quit acknowledging your mother’s insanity.

And y’all? This was early Monday. The moment was embarrassing enough, that I kept doing the vocal/auditory tick and Nikki kept saying, “What?” ALL DAY. While we ran errands, while I worked, while I cooked, while I cleaned. ALL DAY. She finally started realizing something was going on that she was not understanding and was getting frustrated that I was responding with mild shock (at my own idiocy, of course) at something she could not see or understand. And I was getting frustrated that I couldn’t just cope with my own idiocy in my own certifiably insane way without some third party recognizing said insanity.

WHY CAN’T I JUST BE THE CRAZY LADY WHO TALKS TO HERSELF LIKE I WANT TO BE?

The embarrassment faded after Monday, but I still did it a few times yesterday and finally told Nikki, “Listen. If I’m not talking TO you, then it’s probably of no concern TO you.” Which does nothing but make her really think I’m losing my mind.

So! There’s that fun story!

(Sidenote: I just kinda let the moment play out in my head again and THIS time my involuntary response was to groan and cover my face. Had Nikki been here right now she would have looked at the computer, seen nothing exciting and been all, “WHAT????”)

And now for the second fun embarrassment story.

You know how if you’re really sensitive to embarrassment, the potential for embarrassment can even be a trigger? How a near miss can cause you to break out in hives? Well. Yesterday I had one of those but for the kids. Like, a moment that could have SCARRED MY KIDS FOR LIFE, it would have been so embarrassing. And I keep looking back and THANKING GOD that it didn’t happen.

After I dropped the kids off to their FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL, when EVERY parent is there walking their kids in, and all of the kids are reuniting for the first time after a long summer so everyone is hyper-aware and alert to the people around them…AFTER I left them inside (THANK GOD) do you know what I did?

I busted my ass. In front of the school and the drop off line and the incoming parents and teachers and IT WAS AWFUL.

Now. I was embarrassed, totally. But I fall all the time so it wasn’t too big of a deal for me personally. BUT. I kept replaying that over but thinking about the WHAT IF factor of it. WHAT IF I had done that while the kids were still with me? HOW HORRIBLE WOULD THAT HAVE BEEN? I tried to imagine if my parents or a grown-up I had been with had busted their ass in front of all of my friends…how mortifying would that have been? SO VERY MORTIFYING. I am just beyond grateful my klutziness waited 10 minute before showing it’s face. That might have haunted their nightmares FOREVER.

So. My first-day-of-school week has been fun. How about yours?

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Google Calendars Are Great For An Active Family…If You Actually Use Them.

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This is off-topic picture is of Paisley. Since he (she?) belongs to the girl I call my ‘Adopted Daughter’ I think it makes her my ‘Adopted Granddaughter.’ She’s cute, but she scared the crap out of me.

You know how I always say I’m perpetually early? I am. I do this because I’m terrified of being late. The less familiar I am with the activity or location, the earlier I try to be.

So, when we had Nikki’s first “soccer evaluations” last night, I wanted to get there EARLY. She moved up an age-bracket and they have these evaluation sessions so the coaches can draft a team with knowledge of the players. I had never been to anything like this before, so I didn’t know what to expect. Since the boys started at 6pm and girls started at 7pm, I thought I’d get there close to 6:30 to watch the boys and let Nikki see the type of stuff they’d ask her to do.

THANK GOD I AM WEIRD.

I got there about 6:35, expected to watch the boys, when in reality? We were 5 minutes late for the girls evaluations.

Yep. I WAS FIVE MINUTES LATE. But in reality? I was 30 minutes late because I didn’t think it started until 7pm. I know some of the other Moms there and I was freaking out because we were late, but they were all, “Only five minutes!” To which I said, “Well…yeah, but that’s just luck. I didn’t think it started until 7pm!”

This, of course, put me on edge. And I had scheduled a bunch off stuff that evening around that session. I had asked D’s Mom to come a little after 7pm so I could leave and make it to my 7:30 meeting of this new running/training group I joined. So, she got there and I left and started thinking…

Wait. I know when planned to have her at the evaluations, I was looking at the calendars and schedules. When I knew in my head I’d have a 30 minute overlap, I HAD THE RIGHT TIMES. So, I screwed up the actual times after that day, but the 30 minute overlap still should apply. Which means…OH SHIT. I’M LATE AGAIN.

My half-marathon meeting? The FIRST one of the program where you meet the coaches and learn about group runs and such? Started at 7pm…NOT 7:30pm. I had somehow gotten 30 minutes off of EVERYTHING last night. And with this meeting, I didn’t have the luxury of “accidentally” getting there early because I was coming from something else. Something ELSE I had been late for. AH!

The funny thing is? We keep a Google Calendar of all of our family activities. One Donnie and I consult and add to. It allows us to have one central place we can check from anywhere before scheduling anything. And we have very busy lives so it’s a GODSEND. Seriously. With both of us doing training classes and workouts and my high school volunteering obligations, our schedules are INSANE. Google Calendars helps us keep a handle on things.

But here’s the thing: We started using Google Calendar because Donnie kept forgetting everything we were doing. I made the calendar with a HUGE HELPING of irritation and bitterness because…DAMMIT…why can’t he remember ANYTHING? GROWL. So, basically, the universe is laughing at me. We keep this calendar that I was angry at having to make and just about the time I get over the anger and start being glad we have this central point to organize from…I screw up by not looking at it.

The calendar was RIGHT. It had all the times CORRECT on it. But I didn’t consult it when making plans with my mother-in-law so I cemented the entirely wrong times in my head. Because I trusted my memory. Whereas Donnie, who doesn’t trust his memory, checks it constantly and would never make those mistakes.

FUNNY JOKE ON ME.

The moral of the story: Google Calendars are an EXCELLENT way to keep track of your family’s activities because everyone can access them from anywhere as long as they have a smart phone or a computer (which we do). HOWEVER, the excellence is negated if you DON’T ACTUALLY LOOK AT IT.

Then End.

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Ice, Ice, Baby.

I was slow to start using Instagram because some of my favorite bloggers/photographers use it so much that I have grown to miss their regular camera photography. However…it’s a great tool to add spice to an otherwise boring photo. And I really needed to use this photo here to show you exactly how I managed to turn a crappy injury into the STUPIDEST OUCHIE EVER.

What this picture is showing you is me: Icing my shin splint. I get anterolateral shin splints, which is a different variety than the average person. But – the treatment is still the same: ICE, ICE BABY. I have ignored them in the past because they go away after a day or two. But this time I didn’t have that luxury. I had my race I was running. So, I decided to do what the internet told me to do: ICE IT.

And it felt so good! So I left the ice on there until it was no longer cold.

Can you guess what happened next?

That’s weird. It’s been an hour or two since I took the ice off my leg and it’s still red. OUCH. It’s also sensitive to the touch. And maybe a bit more swollen. What the hell? What is wrong with my leg? Is my shin splint WORSE?

No, dumbass. YOU GAVE YOURSELF FROSTBITE.

You are only supposed to ice your leg about 20-minutes. No matter how good it feels. You know why? You can give yourself frostbite. Evidently, it can be worse: I read several stories of people falling asleep with ice on an injury and really damaging their skin. Mine was basically like a really bad carpet burn. The skin was very sensitive and raw, like a few layers of protection was missing. It stung when water hit it and shaving my legs made me cry. Now it’s just some grayish areas left around my shin, but it’s still completely unattractive and a constant reminder that sometimes? I am not smart. My husband said ice it 20 minutes, but I just assumed that was a guidline. AND IT FELT SO GOOD. The shin splints were hurting me so bad I couldn’t walk without limping. The ice? Made me HAPPY. Until, of course, it gave me freezer burn.

LET THIS BE A LESSON TO YOU. 20 minutes. That the maximum amount of time you should ice an injury. Some people even say 10 minutes. And trust me, in this situation? You want to err on the side of caution.

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The Moral Of The Story: Making Fun Of People Is Not Nice

If you do not spend a lot of time online, especially reading blogs, you will probably find this entry either (A) Boring or (B) Overly excited. If this is you, I apologize and suggest you ignore the entry entirely.)

Awhile ago I was alerted to a mistake I had been making repeatedly in blogging. I had been saying things like, “It didn’t even phase her…” when I should have been saying, “It didn’t even faze her.” (God, I hope I got that right this time.) Two different - very kind – people alerted me to this at the same time. Which was odd in the timing, and also a little embarrassing.

Okay, a lot embarrassing.

Once I read their information, I knew it was true. But I tell you this: At no point in typing “phase” in those instances did I actually know it was wrong. I use the wrong words a lot or spell things incorrectly when I’m typing fast and my brain is just not taking the time to re-read what I’m typing. No biggie. But this time? A total shocker.

I’m very glad they – very nicely – told me. One of them was even apologetic, like she knew it would be embarrassing and she really didn’t want to tell me. I appreciated that because..OMG…so embarrassed.

And in a similar situation, if I’m making the same obvious mistake over and over again. I want to know. If it was apparent that I didn’t know the proper spelling of something due to repeated errors, or some mistake I made over and over again. I’d want to know. Even if I was to be embarrassed by it.

BUT – there are two times I don’t want to know:

1) If it’s a periodic mistake because I’m not proofing what I write
2) If it’s a grammar concept not everyone knows or understands

That last one is going to bother some people.

Here’s the thing – I’m just as annoyed when I am reading a real article and I see someone use apostrophe’s wrong. (See what I did there? THAT’S FUNNY.) To me – that’s a simple concept we all learned a long time ago. Professionals with editors should not make those mistakes. But if they do it incorrectly on there blog (SEE? AGAIN WITH THE FUNNY.) I’m just not going to be bothered by it. In their facebok status? Nope. In an email? Nah. I just feel like the more casual the medium, the less worked up I can get about typos and proofing errors.

(Sidenote: I still want to see manners and courtesy. I completey HATE the fact that so many people email from their phone and therefore leave out courtesies like a greeting or salutation just becuase they don’t feel like typing it. I’d rather someone leave out apostrophes all together than to leave out something like, “Hey, Kim!” Or “Thanks, Frank.” I just like those courtesies in email. )

But not seeing perfect grammar or spelling on a blog or on a Facebook status? I’m fine with. And you know what? I think people who snottily critique another person’s grammar? Are just not nice.

There. I said it. NOT NICE.

I know this is personal because I’m not a grammar expert – but what do you expect me to do about it? Do you expect me to memorize some grammar rules just for my blog? I’m very intimidated by grammar and verb/tense//noun/adverb/conjunction/whatever agreement. I’m educated in many things – but grammar is not one of them. AND THIS IS DAMN OKAY. Please quit making fun of me. And please quit making fun of typos and misspelling on casual platforms. Do you see it on a Wet Seal t-shirt? THEN MOCK IT MERCILESSLY. But if it’s someone’s Facebook status, or personal blog, give them a break. Allow the periodic (or even frequent in my case) mistake that is obviously just a proofing error. These are CASUAL PLATFORMS.

(Sidenote: There is a line. TXT SPK IS ONLY OK WHEN TXTING IMHO)

And if someone (like me) is using commas incorrectly repeatedly, or never displaying proper verb/whatever agreement, please don’t make fun of me. Somehow, making fun of writers online and their incorrect grammar use became funny. And it’s starting to bug me. I would love to look at a sentence and know for a FACT that it was perfect. But I don’t know how. And when I try to examine it, or listen to edits and such, I get overwhelmed by how little I know.

BUT I KNOW A LOT OF STUFF. Just because I don’t know exact grammar rules does not make me dumb. And only grammar snobs think that. The rest of us? Don’t associate intelligence with perfect grammar. I have degrees in sciences. I work with computers and design and code. None of these educational paths led me to intense studies in grammar. It was freshman comp in 1993 and that was the LAST TIME anyone taught me anything grammar. Don’t judge me because of that.

I just like to write. I like to share my stories and my life. I write as I speak, so talking to me would probably annoy you too. (Except I have a much thicker drawl in my speech, of course. The southern accent doesn’t read well.) And if there was a Grammar For Dumbies book I might try to read it. Someday. But maybe not because I’m not sure if I care. Because, often, the people who are bothered by my crappy grammar, are also making mean-spirited jabs. Do I want to stress out about pleasing mean people? No.

Some of us just want our thoughts to be heard in an understandable fashion. Sometimes that means we forget an apostrophe or we use the wrong TO/TOO/TWO. Sometimes these errors are accidents and sometimes we actually don’t know the rules. But why is it okay to mock someone for not using punctation properly, but not okay to mock them because of their weight? If I saw people make snide comments about someone’s weight as often as I do about their grammar skills – I would not follow/read/correspond with those people any more.

It is never nice to make fun of people. PERIOD.

The two people who I mentioned earlier were perfect. They noticed a mistake that I made consistently – indicating I just didn’t know it was a mistake. They knew it was easy to explain and not a difficult grammar concept. They approached me kindly and gently. They never made fun of me. I thank them for that.

So, it’s okay if you don’t know all of the rules of grammar. I don’t either. It won’t stop me from reading you. And you’ll never hear me make fun of you. As a matter of fact? Your incorrect comma use won’t even faze me. I promise.

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Seussical Day…What Day Is It Again?

So…yesterday I ordered tiny bouquets for the 6 Marching Band members (NikkiZ’s Who cohorts) for “Tomorrow” which is what I said yesterday. Evidently yesterday I thought “Tomorrow” would be FRIDAY. (Are you confused yet?) But it turns out that today is Thursday and I will now have flowers for tonight and tonight is not Friday so the kids won’t even still be there after the show to hand them out. Because, you see, tonight is actually Thursday and we are sending them home to go to bed each night after they do their small bit on stage. The point of this very confusing story? Seussical has taken my brain. I forgot to send my daughter with pants to preschool on Monday to wear after dance. On Tuesday when I packed LilZ’s bag after doing laundry – trying to make his life easier by taking care of some things for him – I packed him with only ONE of his costume socks. Meaning MrZ had to backtrack home Tuesday morning to grab the other sock out of the dryer and bring it to us at school. Which didn’t make LilZ’s life any easier, if you’re wondering. I also forgot to put the powder on the Grinch’s makeup last-night after his intermission touchup. The powder is required to help some of the makeup set. One of the girls assured me since it was just a touchup he’s probably be fine, but STILL. How do these parents do this all year round with kids who perform several times throughout the year? My kid does one musical and my brain disintegrates.

But my daughter on the other hand? THRIVING. I’ve been catching her singing the songs at every turn and dancing when no one is looking. She loves this. She has also developed quite a crush on Horton since Horton is the savior of Who, you know. And she lives on Who so really he’s saving…her. Every day she draws him pictures while he gets his makeup done and she blushes fire-engine red as she tries to give them to him (and usually chickens out at the last minute) – I wish I could videotape THAT as much as I wish I could show you video of the show itself!

We’re about at the midpoint here, I guess. Finally getting a good groove on…and learning how to function on minimal sleep. Here’s a picture I snuck watching NikkiZ perform this weekend. Here she’s improvising her own story about how Horton saves the princesses.

I caught her performing
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