Yesterday was an insane day. We had an appointment at NikkiZ’s dentist for him to look at her abscess at 9am. She loves the dentist so, not a big deal. At least not for her. I had AndyZ with me and he decided to challenge himself by pushing every button he could find and trying to grab sterile dental tools from any surface he saw them on. Oh – he also tried to climb in the X-Ray machine. Because what we really need is some sort of You Break It – You Buy It policy to kick in with something expensive like that.

The dentist took an X-Ray of NikkiZ and decided the tooth needed to be removed. IMMEDIATELY. Since we’re leaving for Florida on Thursday he made an appointment for us at a pediatric dentist at 10:30am. That gave me an hour to try to find someone to watch AndyZ. Luckily, it was a slow day for MrZ at work so he said he’d just come home for the day. He stayed with AndyZ while I took NikkiZ into her appointment. She did great. The only time she was difficult was when they tried to get her to drink the Demerol. She hates medicine. It was just a little bit and it didn’t taste bad, but she still freaked out. She ended up spitting it out into her glass of water, so we just waited for her to finish that. I told the hygienist, “She doesn’t eat cake either. She’s strange.” I mean…WHO TURNS DOWN DEMEROL?

She got really chatty the longer she wore Mr. Nose (he of the laughing gas persuasion) and kept trying to talk to the dentist while he was jabbing needles in her gums. “I CANT FEEL IT AT ALL!” she was saying. And she was talking about Dora (which is what was on the TV above her head) and the awesome games they had in the lobby. She talked the ENTIRE TIME we were there. She kept saying, “Is the tooth out yet?” It’s like she didn’t even know it was supposed to hurt so she wasn’t even scared one bit. Best Tooth Pulling Experience EVER. And I could totally understand why her normal dentist sent us to a pediatric dentist for the procedure. They have everything set up to make things good for the kids. AND for the parents. It was AWESOME.

The experience did stress me out a bit, however. And then I had to get home, try to finish some housework since we’re LEAVING FOR FLORIDA IN TWO DAYS. And then I had to go to a costume work session at LilZ’s high school from 3:30-6:00pm. MrZ and I have been going to as many volunteer sessions as we can since this production is SO HUGE. They’re actually flying one of the characters. On a harness. They don’t mess around at this theater program, that’s for sure. But it’s almost entirely run/supported by parents. And there are some amazingly talented parents in the group. MrZ has been helping with set builds and I’ve been helping with painting and sewing. Except that I don’t sew – so I am actually gluing and cutting. But I’m doing it WELL.

MrZ’s session started at 6pm so he brought the kids with him and I took them home with me. I came home, gave them baths and put AndyZ to bed while NikkiZ was supposed to be getting out and drying herself off. When I came in the bathroom, however, there were bath toys all along the edge of the tub alongside wet washcloths. She knows not to do this because it gets water everywhere. And I still was so behind on my day for chores that I simply lost it. I yelled, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” And of course, that scared the crap out of her as she didn’t even know I was there. She immediately started crying which actually made me angrier (Please tell me you do that too? Get angrier when they cry?) so I continued, “Young Lady! You know better! Look at this huge mess! You need to dry all of that up and get dressed RIGHT NOW!” All with my voice raised.

Now…I’ve yelled louder and meaner before. I’ve discussed my yelling here and here. It’s my least favorite parenting quality. I honestly think I’m a damn good Mom 90% of the time. And then the .05% of the time when I’m yelling? I kinda hate myself. BUT – that time was NOT a bad yelling time for me. Seriously. Last night was just more of a shock session. But it scared her because I snuck up on her. I left the bathroom – took a few deep breaths – and came back. She was crying and said to me (While sobbing), “I don’t like it when you yell at me.”

Heart. Broken.

I was still angry about the mess but I also knew I had scared the crap out of her when I yelled so I decided to start over. I helped her get dressed and we snuggled for a bit while I talked about why I yell. I told her I would try not to yell because I didn’t like it when my Daddy yelled at me when I was little. We basically commiserated on the sucktitude of yelling parents. Even though I was one of those parents. Which is the ultimate crux of parenting when you find yourself doing the exact same thing you hated that your own parents did.

All in all? The day kinda sucked. But that’s OK. She and I had a good evening together. The Tooth Fairy came while she was sleeping. I tried to talk her into leaving the tooth somewhere other than under her pillow so the Tooth Fairy wouldn’t wake up her brother…but she was having NOTHING of it. She went through quite an ordeal, she was going to get the perfect Tooth Fairy moment out of it, dammit! I’m going to do my best to catch up on my To Do list today before we hit the road tomorrow night. I’m starting over today. I’m not going to stress out about yesterday or about my misstep in parenting. Because – like I very honestly admitted – I know I’m a good Mom. I focus on my failures a lot on this blog because I think about them a lot and am trying to always be a better person. BUT – I do honestly feel like I’m a good Mom. I could be better – but I’m not going to focus on my mistake from last night. I’m going to just continue being a good Mom who tries to be better every day. And since today is a new day…different from the sucky Mom yesterday? I’m already doing great.

The last tooth-filled smile you’ll see for awhile! Enjoy it!

I didn’t like the tone the last entry left on my blog so I thought I’d add another to brighten things up around here. I remember the days when I used to blog twice in a day…regularly. Hard to believe it’s an anomaly now!

We decided to take NikkiZ to a 200m track this weekend to show her how long her race will be in Disneyworld this weekend. She’s doing the 200m on Saturday, MrZ is doing the 5K that day too. Then my half-maratahon is on Sunday. She did fine running the distance, she even did it quite quickly. We’re a bit worried about how she’ll handle everyone else running with her (The race is for kids age 4-6) because even with just MrZ and I she couldn’t stop turning around to look at us back at the starting point. And our biggest concern about that? Her busting her face and then getting trampled by a bunch of 5-year olds. Either way – she’s excited and she just looks adorable in her running gear. That’s all that really matters, right?

My daughter can be moody sometimes. I’m not sure if it’s a girl thing or if it’s just her because LilZ never quite showed the propensity to the extreme level of FOUL that NikkiZ can show. Her moods can get so sour that no one wants to even look at her for fear of getting attacked with her venom. Sleep has a lot to do with that. A LOT. If she is tired? She gets so very grumpy that we just want to lock her up in her room until she sleeps it off. If she’s been up late for whatever reason, I warn her teacher the second we get to preschool. I say, “We didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.” That’s all she needs to know because NikkiZ without enough sleep? Is the stuff all of our nightmares are made of.

We’ve had talks with her about the Grumpies and how to deal with them. I think it’s valuable to learn these tools because let’s face it: We all get the Grumpies. We’ve explained to her that if she’s too grumpy to play with her friends, she needs to tell them she just wants to play alone. Or maybe lay her head down on the table and rest. Or sometimes have a beer. Wait – that’s me. Nevermind. Anyway, we try to give her tools to use on those days she’s just not in the mood for anyone’s anything. I mean, when NikkiZ has the Grumpies? We could all approach her with gifts, ice cream, and Disney Movies and she would still probably end up punching someone. She’s not easily swayed.

The other day we were going somewhere and I sensed a bad case of The Grumpies. I decided to try something new. LilZ and I took her and spun her around and swung her between us and just did general shaking/jiggling motions with her on the grounds that we were Shaking Her Grumpies out. We would do it until she’d smile and then ask her if they were all gone. Then we’d do it some more until she’d laugh. It actually worked out pretty well and while she wasn’t necessarily Queen Personality the rest of the evening – she did at least shift her mood in that direction. I just wanted to share this technique in case any of you have and petulant toddlers you have to deal with on a regular basis. We’re thinking about making a song to go with the motions, we’ll get back to you if we do. Until then just do a chant of “Shake…Shake…The Grumpies Out” with the periodic sneak attack tickle (preferable under the chin) in the middle of all the shaking and jiggling.

I would like to warn you that there is an age limit to this routine. I tried to do it to MrZ the other night after a long day spawned a foul mood. He was not humored.

Seriously. Don’t mess with me.

My daughter is a teenager now. In case you were wondering. She described something as, “Freaking KRAZEE!” the other day. She twirls her hair and smacks her lips when she talks. She flips her hair behind her shoulders when she is trying to charm you. She demands freedom of wardrobe selection. She gets together with her friends at school and pretends like their talking on the phone to their boyfriends.

I have no idea if this is normal or not, but I find myself constantly torn between cracking up hysterically or locking her in her room for the next 10 years. Sometimes I wonder if it’s because there’s a steady supply of teenagers coming in and out of our doors. Other times I wonder if it’s the preference of iCarly to Dora. Mostly though, I just think she was born this way. Born with this tenacious attitude that demands attention and a little bit of admiration. I feel like she’s going to be a lot more confident than I ever was, and she already shows having more of a spine than her mother. It’s one of those many times, as a mother, that I find myself both hating a behavior, and admiring it at the same time. As her mother? I feel like this Type-A Confidence is the stuff straight from my nightmares. But looking ahead to her future? I also hope the same traits will allow her to be more headstrong and driven than I am. I’d love that.

As long as – somewhere along the way – she maybe starts to tone down the patterns a bit. I don’t want her to impair the vision of those she works alongside with her bold outfit choices.

More and more lately I’ve been letting NikkiZ dress herself. Partly because I’m lazy and I can spend more time on my ass if she’s dressing herself, and partly because her outfits are always so amazing I feel like she is giving a gift to the world when she walks out the door. She doesn’t like pants at all, so she usually picks out a dress and some sort of crazy legging/tight addition to make it more winter friendly. She’s gotten a little taller since she last wore that polka-dot dress above, so I asked her to choose a skirt to go with it. I love that she picked the skirt furthest apart from polka-dots in her closet. And no matching colors whatsoever. And then…what you can’t see? The pink heart belt she put over the top of it all. That matched the red headband perfectly. When we went to Best Buy the cashiers all praised her gorgeous outfit. And they also somehow believed that me letting her dress herself was something I deserved a compliment for. “That’s wonderful you let her do that.” Why wouldn’t I? It allows me to be lazy AND it gives me great photographic material. WIN! WIN!

Here is another outfit that she put on yesterday. I swear, I’m going to start photographing every outfit she wears because they are all SO AWESOME.

I pointed out she needed a long-sleeve shirt under that dress and she said, “I want the one with the circles on it that Aunt Katie gave me.” (Circles = Peace Signs) She didn’t just find this one and grab it, it’s the one she wanted. Because it compliments the flowers in the sundress JUST SO. Throw in black leggings and black sparkle shoes and Ta Da! Look out Tim Gunn…you’re looking at Project Runway winner for Season 24! YOU JUST WATCH.

I expect this photographic journey to continue because I want to be able to show her all of these when she gets mad at me for crushing her fashion freedom when she’s 17. I can show her these pictures and say, “You used up all of your fashion freedom by age 6. Sorry. Now change your clothes, you look like a streetwalker.”