When I went to go pick up the kids yesterday, I walked out to the playground NikkiZ is usually at. I saw the teacher talking to a group of kids obviously in trouble and sitting along the wall. She saw me and turned around to the playground to help me spot NikkiZ. Neither one of us could see her. Then, we both turned and realized NikkiZ was sitting with the group of kids in trouble along the wall. The teacher acted surprised, “What are you doing here? You’re not in trouble!”

Ladies and Gentlemen…more proof that disciplining my child is an impossibility. My kid likes to get in trouble.

As funny as it was that she chose to be in timeout with the other kids, it was more a shock because it’s a change from what she’s usually doing when I come pick her up. There’s a concrete play area on their playground where the kids can ride the tricycles. NikkiZ has not mastered the whole pedaling thing yet, but she is always out there riding on one of the 2-seaters while some other kids pedals her around. Her majesty, NikkiZ, being driven by the peasants of her preschool kingdom. EVERY DAY. She has just recently started playing with this class in the afternoons and seeing her on the driven around the tricycle area. I’m assuming her usual chauffeur was not there. If she can’t be driven around like the royalty she is, then I guess the next best thing is being punished with the rest of the kids.

My daughter is weird.

These are photos of my kids from the culture parade their school had on Friday. AndyZ is wearing a hat made of the American flag and the German flag as that is his predominate lineage. I think. It’s the predominate lineage of MrZ and there’s some German in me somewhere - so I made the call to use German when asked his heritage.

NikkiZ’s class was in charge of Ireland, but they’ve been without a teacher for almost two weeks so their “costumes” weren’t that detailed. Some of the classes had shirts and hats and even props to carry in the parade. It was all very cute. Of course, that didn’t keep me and another Mom from snarking a little. Because that’s what some of us do when we see our kids in funny hats. We just couldn’t help ourselves. I’d like to think my Dad did the same when I participated in such events.

Although - for the record? He most assuredly didn’t. I’m just pretending he did so I can feel less guilty about making fun of my own children.

Because, seriously…how can you not say something snarky about this situation? Isn’t that in the parenting handbook somewhere? That mocking your child is allowed in extreme situations? If it’s not - then I’m rewriting the manual to include that law. And I’ll also add that it’s okay to eat their Halloween candy when they’re not looking. We have to teach them to protect their belongings somehow, right?

NikkiZ is really pushing our limits of tolerance and patience in the Zoot household. Last night we were in her bedroom and she reached on top of the dresser to where some beads were. We’ve been working on a necklace and I’ve told her a million times that the beads can’t be on the floor because we don’t want AndyZ to get them. She looked at me, put her hand toward the back of the pile, and pushed them all on the floor. The ones that she missed with the first swipe, she went back to knock onto the floor as I sat there in shock at her blatant disobedience.

(Why? Why was I in shock?)

I immediately told her to go to timeout. She ran there excitedly. There are few things worse than trying to punish a child and seeing that it doesn’t phase them at all. She didn’t even act upset. So…I did what we’ve been doing a lot of lately. Piled on more punishments to see if anything else would upset her. I told her she had to help me put all of her necklace kits in a bag because we were going to throw them away. I braced myself for the tears…

“Okay!” She ran enthusiastically to the bedroom to help with that particular punishment. And later? She bragged to MrZ about it. “Momma threw my necklaces away because I was breaking the rules.” (Insert evil grin here.)

I find myself, at least 10 times a day, putting my hands over my face and taking VERY DEEP BREATHS. I also find myself savoring the few times any punishment actually seems to upset NikkiZ, because they usually don’t even phase her. She intentionally chooses NOT TO CARE. Because she knows it MAKES ME KRAZEE.

A family member told me this weekend that, “3 is the new 2.” As in…no one is talking about the Terrible Twos anymore. Twos? Terrible? What? No…now it’s all about the Insanity Inducing Threes. And we’re not even three yet. We still have another 5 weeks of TWO. I’m predicting that at some point in the next 12 months, I will find myself filling my first ever prescription for anxiety medication.

And I will be doing it with a smile on my face and a 3-year old locked in my trunk.

“Ha! Just wait, Mom. You ain’t seen nothin’ yet.”

Do you ever struggle to find a title for an entry only to find yourself typing something random in the Title Box that has nothing to do with the entry itself? Really? Just me then? Hmm. Well…this time it actually made me think of something entirely different to write about. So, this entry topic popped into my head AFTER I wrote the title. I have officially lost my mind.

I mentioned last year that NikkiZ fell in love with a certain Halloween book. In the last year we have probably read that particular book to her 95 million times. And I swear, I AM NOT EXAGGERATING.

So, when I saw this entry at Cagey’s, I knew I had found a new book for this year’s Halloween obsession. It worked out perfectly that Barnes & Noble emailed me a 15% Off! coupon the same day. (Sometimes the universe loves me.) We went to B&N one night last week and bought the book. And I have officially read it 9 thousand times already. (I swear! No exaggerations!)

If you like to get seasonal books for your kids, and if your kid loves Halloween as much as mine does, you totally need to get this book. It’s a play on “Goodnight Moon” and has GREAT drawings throughout. It did scare NikkiZ every so slightly the first few times, but she has since started begging for us to read it to her so that she can point out all of the scary things to US. She loves it.

Just call it NikkiZ’s Pick Of The Season in terms of Halloween Books. It gets her stamp of approval. And mine.

NikkiZ’s school put her in the 3-to-4 year preschool class when I came back from maternity leave. They knew they’d be moving her up in a few months, so they thought it would be easier to just avoid that drama and put her in it now. Which - makes TOTAL SENSE. I have no complaints with the logic or the decision from an educator standpoint. She is capable of being in the class, it would be easier on her, so why not?

BUT —

She’s so TINY. Some of those kids are almost four. That’s a huge difference. That’s old. So, from a parent’s position? A position that wants to protect her child from any conflict even if she must learn to deal with it eventually anyway? I’m struggling.

She came home from school in the beginning saying that they call her Baby - because she’s so small compared to them. She kept saying, “I’m not a baby!” You could tell that really bugged her. “I’m a BIG girl.” Luckily, that part seems to have curbed now that they know her name, but it does come up periodically and it still really peeves her.

Another thing that bugs the over-protective mother in me: Whenever I come pick her up, she is only playing with other kids if it’s some sort of group activity that the teacher is leading. If it’s free play? She’s by herself. Every time. She hasn’t made any friends in this class yet. I know that part will get better as her old friends from the other class trickle in. And honestly? It doesn’t seem to bother her too much. But, I’ve seen her approach the other kids and they tend to ignore her. While she just brushes it off, it kinda pains me a bit.

(Sidenote: No need to discuss any sort of options at daycare, I firmly believe this is something she and I need to learn to cope with. I’m just venting. It’s part of life that sometimes you don’t fit in. If she can’t cope now (and really it’s me having trouble coping, not her) then junior high will kill her.)

Lately she has been talking a lot about how the other girls always wear dresses, “Can I wear dresses too sometimes?” Since there’s not a whole lot I can or want to do about the other situations, I thought I could at least get her some dresses to wear to school.

Since we don’t go to church - we don’t usually buy dresses. I know there are no laws saying you can only wear dresses to church, but I have a hard time undoing that mentality. In my head, dresses are bought for (a) church or (b) special occasions. I know that seems beyond silly. Why does it have to be that way? Why can’t she wear dresses just for the hell of it? It’s not like we spend good money on dresses (Less than $10 at Target, $2 at Goodwill) so why can’t she wear them whenever she wants?

So, we bought her a few dresses. Nothing spectacular, just cotton t-shirt type dresses. She’s very excited about wearing them to school this week. We even got her tights to go under them in case it’s a little chilly. I don’t know, maybe it’s pandering to the girls who will always be there to make her life hell. The ones who will mock her no matter what she wears. Maybe I should have taught her to just deal with it now to make the later years easier.

But — I just couldn’t say “no” to this smile.