I haven’t talked a lot about starting the chain reaction of awesome in my life, lately. While I was thinking about that this morning I noticed: I have a lot of “selp-improvement” type categories listed here. I think that observation says a lot right there, don’t you think? Like, maybe there’s a part of me hoping if I give it a category on my blog it will stick? Anyway…chain reaction of awesome…I’ve not been doing much to nurture that journey lately. Not just here on this blog, but here in my actual life was well.

When you’re trying to grow as a person in any way, whether it’s starting meditation, or exercise, or just eating better – it’s very easy to get distracted. It’s very easy to avoid the actions that further these goals when you have – what feels like – more pressing and real needs surrounding you. The dishes in the sink, the laundry in the dryer, the poopy diaper on the kid in the next room. All of these immediate needs tend to trump any tasks associated with long-term goals. So, my long-term goals? Get washed down the drain with the dirty dishwater.

Add to the daily mundane BIG activities like; putting your house on the market, high school musicals, estates in probate, or sick family – and those long-term goals or dreams? Really start gathering dust. Studying for the GMAT so I can get my MBA? Impossible when trying to get my house POD Ready (FYI: PODs are just portable container units, like renting storage that gets dropped off and then picked up and moved.) so we can get it on the market by the end of May. Getting back my running body? On the back burner while we wrap up dad’s estates proceedings in Knoxville. Meditating? Improving Nutrition? Parenting adjustments? Can’t think about those while I’m sealing the grout in my kitchen.

Do you see what I have here? A lot of really valid and truthful excuses to put off all of the things I want to be doing. The thing is? If you really examine some of those entries from the ninety million Self Improvement categories I have on this blog? You’ll see that the long list of really valid and truthful excuses? NEVER ENDS.

There are always going to be little things that get in the way day to day: Cat puke to clean up, plants to be watered, cars to be vacuumed. There are always going to be big things that get in the way week to week: illness, home improvement, community needs. If my six years of blogging about making myself better has taught me anything? Is that there will never be time. Time to do what it is I want to do that seems frivolous compared to the immediate needs in my life and in the life of my family members.

So…yet again…I find myself at a crossroads. A moment in my life where maybe some clarity will produce some change. Maybe the realization that I could actually put things off forever at the rate I’m going – is just depressing enough for me to stop putting things off at all. That maybe I pull in chaos in my life to help me avoid these great improvements I need/want to make – so that I don’t have to face failure head on. Maybe I encourage the perpetual list of chores as a way to keep me from actually accomplishing any of my personal goals, so that I’ll never have to officially fail at them. And while this clarity can be very depressing, it’s also nice to know that these changes can be in my power. I don’t have to wait on the universe to give me the perfect conditions to finally encourage me to eat better, harness my creativity, meet my professional goals. Instead, I can say I’ll deal with what the universe needs me to do…AFTER I meditate, or exercise, or eat this bowl of fresh fruit. I can prioritize my personal needs before the needs of my family and of the universe.

Now, I’m not necessarily going to leave my kid sitting in his dirty diaper while I go run – but I can put off folding clothes until after I meditate. I can take the time to plan my daily menu and put off paying the bills until after grocery shopping. Because – and here’s the kicker – I’ve proven over a lifetime of getting things done, THEY WILL GET DONE. The dishes will get in the dishwasher, the laundry will get folded, the holes will get caulked and the lawn will get mowed. If all of the procrastinating of my own wants and needs has taught me anything, it’s this: Everyone Else’s Needs Will Be Met. Just maybe not on the same timeline that ignores my own personal needs.

So, for the nineteen millionth time, I’m refocusing. I am going to spend the week shifting my priorities and digging into all of those entries about who and what I want to be. I don’t want to keep writing about starting these journeys to self-improvement under different categories with different focuses. I want to recognize that: THERE WILL NEVER BE TIME UNLESS I MAKE IT. And I’m going to start making time.

Right after I hang those pictures on the wall and clean my toilet.

(P.S. I categorized this entry in all of my self-improvement categories to prove my point with the excessive categorizing of my self-improvement. Except for one: Operation Marathon. Because let’s be honest, I did that once. And while some may discover their love of real long-distance running with their first marathon? I WAS NOT ONE OF THEM.)

Let’s start with the race, shall we?

As you all know by now, I chose to run with Team in Training for this half-marathon to raise money for the LLS in memory of my Dad. This was – by far – the best decision I’ve ever made. TnT is a huge organization that provides so much support in training and along the race that you can’t help but be swept up in the cause. Between the exhaustion of travel and the shin splints from the day before; not to mention the poor training I did – I was very concerned starting the race. However, the TnT group lifted my spirits and the cheers of “GO TEAM!” along the way from spectators who recognized the purple jersey? That was enough to pull me through. And with the mosaic above pinned to my back – I got back pats and words of encouragement along the way. Everytime I felt like walking someone would pat me on the back and say, “You’re doing great” or “Your Dad would be proud” and that reminded me why I was there. And of course – I cried the entire time.

I also loved the race itself. I highly recommend the Disney Princess Half Marathon to any beginning runner. It’s a very fun and casual atmosphere. My only regret was not having a running buddy because so many runners stopped along the way to take pictures with the Disney characters cheering us on. And there were so many tutus! And tiaras! Everyone seemed to be dressed up and it was GREAT. Just a feel-good event in all senses of the word. Next time? I’ll bring a friend. Any volunteers?

All in all – the race was wonderful. The shin splints started crippling me about mile 8 so I started taking walking breaks. But – I still ran most of those last few miles. Considering my training did not go well I am very proud of my success and I thought about Dad the entire time. I knew he’d be laughing at me and rolling his eyes at my tiara. It was an emotional day and I thought of many of you along the way. Thanks for your support. I’ll come back tomorrow and talk about the rest of the trip, but here’s a few race-related photos for your enjoyment.

I thought I’d give you an update on my half-marathon training for my Team in Training event in March. I’ve got a few more giveaways to do but I’m SO behind on mailing out thank you cards to those of you who have already donated, that I don’t want to solicit anymore donations until I’m caught up. My hand cramps up after about 5 cards because when training for a marathon? THE HANDS ARE NOT STRENGTHENED. Just an FYI, you know.

I started Jillian’s 30-day shred this week as an attempt to add some cross-training type fitness to my running schedule. Everyone tells you this is important but let me tell YOU something: I skip my runs some days. Actually, I skip my runs many days. So, if I don’t even make it to my training run for my half-marathon, you can rest assured I won’t do my cross-training. I’m just trying to be honest. But, the 30-day shred video? (Which is on my OnDemand box for FREE right now) only takes about 28 minutes. Start to Finish. I promise you, if I don’t have to leave the house? I can find 28 minutes to work out. The tough part of doing my runs is getting out of the house. Do I wait until MrZ is home so I can run without worrying about the kids? Do I try to schedule a time when the daycare at the Y is open? (Which means the chances are much greater the treadmills are full.) Do I go before or after I pick up LilZ from rehearsal? All these factors have me often just skipping the runs. WHICH IS NOT GOOD. Lucky for me, I run slow and have a pretty resilient body so this has not actually set me back too much. I do, however, want to do better. So, I added in Jillian. I’m on day three now and so far? Pretty Good. I really like it and it’s easy to just do when the time is right. I even still ran my five miles last night! Even when I was in Jillian pain! Woo Hoo!

I’m still up 7lbs from the holiday gluttony. I actually put on 9 all together, which is so embarrassing when it took me 8 months to lose 20. But, I’m back on track this week and I’m ready to get those 7lbs back off and maybe even a few more before the race in March. All in all? Not a bad place to be. Not the best place, but I’m running five miles without stopping, I’m doing my 30-day shred workouts, and I’m not eating cake for breakfast. For me? This is awesome.

Today is the day I launch my Official Fundraising Efforts for Team In Training. On March 7, 2010 – I will be running 13.1 miles in the Disney Princess Half-Marathon in Disney World as part of Team In Training. I have signed a form saying I will raise at least $3500 to be part of the Team In Training Program. I am financially responsible for any amount I lack – but that doesn’t phase me because I know I can raise that much plus some. Today is the official day I start my fundraising and I have already raised over $900 thanks to many of you jumping in early. You have made me feel much more confident that I can raise the amount needed and much, much more…thank you. If you’ve already donated, feel free to move along. However, I do go into a little more detail as to why I’m doing this and you might want to read it to understand what your donation means to me.

WHY THE LEUKEMIA AND LYMPHOMA SOCIETY?

You’ll see on the LLS Home Page that this organization raises money for research for all of the blood cancers. One of which is Myleoma – the cancer that took my Daddy from me on March 31, 2009. It seems serendipitous that the race I’ll run in Dad’s name will almost be exactly one year after he died. Myeloma did awful things to my father before it took him from me, awful things I’ve not really talked a lot about because it seems so terrible that it happened to him. However…to help you understand why I really want to do everything in my power to someday prevent others from the same suffering, today I’ll share some of them with you.

My Dad was initially diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma based on many tests and exams from many doctors. However, to make it a solid diagnosis he had to have a bone marrow biopsy done. This is when they take a huge needle and jab it in the largest bone in your body (your thigh) and suck marrow out of it. We all know from medical shows how much this hurts and Dad knew it was going to hurt. They did it to him when he was in ICU. Here’s the thing — he was in so much pain already from the damage the cancer had done to his bones? That he actually was shocked at how little the procedure hurt. He said to the doctor, “No, it was great…” with a surprised tone in his voice. That’s how much pain he was in – the bone marrow biopsy didn’t hurt him compared to everything else.

Myeloma does so much damage to the cells in the marrow that one of the first symptoms is bone pain. But Dad was notorious for thinking pain was just normal with aging and didn’t get it looked into until his kidneys started failing (one of the other symptoms of the cancer). By the time he was hospitalized, he had micro-fractures and lesions all over his skeleton. This is why he was in so much pain.

And then, they put him on dialysis. Took someone living every day in agony and forced them to be hooked up to needles for four hours a day several times a week and sit still while blood was filtered. This was one of the huge catalysts for him deciding not to fight any longer and to enter into a residential hospice to let the kidney failure just end his life. But it didn’t stop there.

The worse part was between the kidney failure, the pain, and the initial chemotherapy – Dad’s digestive system pretty much stopped working. The man who lived his life with more dignity and pride (for good reason) than I could in a million years – he spent some of his final days dragging his agonizing body to the bathroom. First, in his home and then in hopsice. He didn’t always make it and he shamefully had to apologize to us for the mess he left at the home we had to clean out once he was in hospice. He also shamefully asked us to buy him protection to wear in case he couldn’t make it. None of this mattered to us at all, but to my Father – the man who deserved a long and proud life – it would have killed him alone if he wasn’t already dying. The cancer broke him. Into pieces. It will be my mission in life to raise as much money to research this cancer so that maybe somebody can be spared the death my Dad had.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING WHILE WE GIVE YOU MONEY?

Good Question! First of all – I’m training to run 13.1 miles. When I’ve trained for past long-distance runs, I would call my Dad every weekend to tell him what distance I was up to. He ran 5Ks several times a week for his entire life, just to stay healthy. But, he never understood why my brother and I wanted to run more. He was very proud, and loved hearing about it, but never quite got it. He supported all of our efforts, however. He went out to Nevada to cheer on my brother when he competed in an Iron Man distance race. (Over 140 miles of biking, running and swimming.) He came to Nashville to cheer me on for my marathon. He fed me crackers along the way. At one point when I was reaching a spot he was at near the end of the race, I started running just so he’d be proud when in reality I had been walking for miles. That stupid move popped my double-layered blisters. I’m a genius. So – 13.1 miles! That’s a lot!

I’ve also decided to make one big sacrife while I raise this money: I am giving up Diet Coke. For those of you who know me well, you know this is probably my biggest vice ever. I’ve never given it up completely, even when pregnant. I won’t tell you how much I drink in a day because it’s embarrassing. But – my family and friends in the real world? They are all scared for me. They see me drink it every second of every day. They’ve all been with me when I’ve gone through the McDonald’s drive through just for a Diet Coke. (They have the best fountain drinks, you know.) But until I meet my $3500 goal? None for me. And not just Diet Coke, no sodas at all. I don’t like Diet Pepsi or Diet Dr. Pepper as much, but if I’m desperate I’ll drink them. So, I’m taking that all off the table. I’m hoping this will help motivate me to keep pushing the efforts.

WHAT IS IN IT FOR US?

Giveaways! Giveaways! Giveaways! I’ve already emailed the winners of the Pioneer Woman Cookbooks and the $100 Visa Gift card. That could have been you! Every week I’m going to have a batch of prizes to have drawings for. Anyone who donates that week is eligible. I’m trying to make a smattering of prizes to appeal to everyone. I’m choosing prizes that I either love myself, or that somehow support other writers or artists or crafters that I support. This week’s drawings are for:

1. $25 gift certificate to Julie Rose Jewelery at Etsy. You could get almost THREE RINGS with that if you wanted!
2. No One Cares What You Had For Lunch: 100 Ideas For Your Blog by Maggie Mason of Mighty Girl.
3. The Glee Soundtrack Vol 1 which comes out Tuesday.
4. One “Pro” membership (for one year) to flickr
5. One Camera Strap of your choice from VMJESS whom made both of my straps for my Nikons.

I’ll announce the winners on Sunday!

WHY SHOULD WE CARE?

Because I feel like it is entirely unfair for my Dad to have died so early. I’m pissed off and angry at the universe that took him from me. I’ve been aching all year to do something to give a little bit of reason to his death. Make some good come out of it. This is my first attempt and I hope to make many more. Because this short video below is one of the examples of the little things he is missing every day. If any of this money helps keep someone else from missing out on the little moments? Then maybe some of my anger at the universe will eventually fade.

Man, I know times are rough. They are here too. I got laid off this year. If you can’t donate? Please don’t. Seriously. But maybe post a link on your next blog entry for me? If you do, email me the link so I can see it and thank you on my sidebar. Maybe send the link to anyone in your family who may have someone affected by a blood cancer and want to donate. Anything you can do to help, even beyond the money, I appreciate. And if you can spare a few dollars, click the logo (or here) and give what you can.

Thank you. From the bottom of my heart – and my blistered feet.

Today is my first long run of my half-marathon training. It’s just four miles since I’m doing the novice training which starts assuming you’ve at least made it to the 5K level. Which I have. Barely. So, the first long run is 4 miles. I’ve taken Hal Higdon’s 10-week half-marathon training program and extended it to give me must more reasonable transitions between distances. The 10-week program worked fine for me last time, but I don’t have as much confidence this time. So today? Four miles. The weather is going to be great and I have a running partner this time, so I feel good about today.

Wish me luck. I’ll be later with predictable reports of pain and agony. And hopefully success.