SO…basically that had me wanting to run with the 2:07 group (finishing in 2 hours and 7 minutes) but being encouraged to run a bit faster. THIS CONFUSED ME. I saw their point, even on my 9-mile run I ran at a 9-minute 25-second pace. That’s faster than a 2:07 half-marathon. BUT – that 9-mile run killed me. I knew I couldn’t run that fast for 4 more miles.

It was a tough few days trying to decide what to do. I finally just decided to ignore the faster group and still follow my gut, go with the 2:07 group because my brain was telling me that was the pace I could run and not want to die for 13 miles.

BUT – I can’t pace myself. I know that. I have to have someone pace me. And this is where the plan fell apart.

My coach, at mile 2, decided to hang back a bit. I realize now that she decided to hang back with the 2:07 group because I was pushing a bit faster. I wish I had processed that in the moment and just slowed down, because once she left? I kept going FASTER. I didn’t realize it. Not until I started hurting around mile 5-6 and then noticed the WORST THING OF ALL: I had almost caught up with the sub-2 hour group. That means for 3-4 miles I had been running FASTER than a 9-minute pace. On top of already running my first 2 miles a bit faster than what I wanted.

It went downhill from there. And I mean that figuratively. I WISH I WAS LITERAL.

I started getting bad quad pains/cramps and hip pains. I had to stop and stretch several times. Along the Greenway, the hardest part of the race because there are people coming back along the Greenway 2-miles ahead of you, everything got worse. And then, because I was slowing down, people were passing me going my way even. It was TOUGH.

Miles 8-11 about killed me. After mile 11 I was close enough that I could push myself to the finish-line. And I finished at 2:07. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? Basically, I met my goal, but in the most HORRIBLE way possible. I should have kept at the pace for the 2:07 for the entire 13 miles. Instead I started out waaaaay too fast and finished waaaaay too slowly. It averaged out okay, but lets put it this way: I finished 20 seconds ahead of the running buddy I should have run the whole race with. If I had stayed with her? I would have kept a constant, strong pace. Instead I crapped out halfway through and finished poorly.

BAH.

So, basically, on paper? I love my time. I’m so proud of my time! It was faster than I ever dreamed I could run a half-marathon. If that’s the PR I never suprass? I’ll be FINE WITH THAT. It’s a GREAT TIME.

But I’m totally disappointed in my performance. I wish I had been smarter. I wish I could share with you the dread I felt when I saw that sub-2 hour group ahead of me, meaning I had been running WAY WAY WAY too fast because I knew, “Shit. This is why I’m hurting. My muscles are not going forgive me for this pace.” And you know what? They still haven’t. My quads have been hurting for 48 hours now. THIS IS HOW BAD I AM AT PACING.

Everyone I know owns a Garmin but I don’t want one (yet) for two reasons. 1) They are expensive, even the cheaper one that I want is $120. 2) I worry I would obsess over it. I don’t want to spend a run staring at a watch anymore than I want to spend time over-pacing.

So…short story? I’m super-proud of my time and can’t believe I ran it that fast. Long story? I want to run the next one at the SAME TIME but with a consistent pace. Now, the problem is HOW DO I DO THAT? I think I’ll try to borrow Donnie’s Garmin for long runs until I get the hang of that pace. I don’t want to use it on race day, but maybe on my longer run days I could. Teach my body to learn what that pace feels like.

But cutting almost THIRTY MINUTES off my previous best half-marathon pace? PRETTY DAMN AWESOME. Even if my technique to getting there was dreadful.

I was never athletic growing up. (If my Dad were alive today he would laugh because that is SUCH AN UNDERSTATEMENT.) I naturally gravitate towards the television, rather than to the gym.

Wait…WAIT. There was that ONE time in high school where I ran track. Disclaimer: It was a small school, you could play whatever you wanted and my friends chose track! My first meet I decided to run the 400m, not because I had a coach that recommended it but because I thought “ONE LAP! I can do that!” Except I couldn’t. I sprinted the first 10 meters and then almost died the rest of the lap. I got to the end and didn’t want to come in last so I pushed it to try to pass the girl in front of me. Instead? I FELL FACE FIRST OVER THE FINISH-LINE. The entire crowd groaned and I shaved a layer of skin off knees-shins.

But other than THAT glorious moment, I’ve never been athletic.

However, I have had several friends over the years go from SITTER to RUNNER and in 2006 I found myself thinking maybe I could do the same. I tried for 5 years with various “Beginner” training programs to run half-marathons. I was never able to run all 13.1 miles due to failure to really hold to any of the programs. I skipped almost all of the mid-week runs and usually cut the long runs short on the weekends. I guess the best I ever did was the half in Tucson, which I did in about 2:40 or so. The worst was in Disney where I ran for my Dad with Team In Training. I only ran 8 miles and only did those 8 with the emotions of my Dad’s photos on my back. The rest I walked.

I was starting to assume I would never be a runner.

After having some success this year getting in shape with boot camp, and learning to ignore my own limitations; I thought I’d give running a try again. First, I trained on my own to run that 10K in May that I was terrified of. Then I decided to give the local half a try again.

My husband and other friends had numerous successes in doing the training programs at our Fleet Feet, so at their urging I signed up for the Mizuno 13.1 training program in August. I’ve run 300 miles since then and our race is Saturday. I am so ready for this half-marathon, I’m not even nervous. Here is why I think this program worked for me, and why it would work for anyone else:

• They held me accountable. Both the coaches and the participants noticed if I wasn’t there. If I missed one group run, they’d ask me at the next one if I did it on my own. It’s much easier to lie to yourself than it is to other people, it turns out.
• The lead coach built a program that gradually led me to being able to run the distance. I was terrified at first because I was barely able to do 5-6 miles on my own. The program said I would do 14 miles…TWICE…before the race. But you know what? I stuck to the running schedule she gave us and BAM. I’ve done just that. Run 14 miles already…TWICE.
• There are plenty of other coaches who are wonderful and supportive. No matter what my pace or skill level, there was a coach who helped me along the way. Some helped me cut seconds off my speedwork, others taught me how to make it through the tough miles on the official course.
• I did training exercises I would never do on my own. We ran hills and did speedwork at a track. There is no way I would have EVER done that stuff on my own but it turns out? It really helps you when you do it. Who knew?
• Running in groups is great! If you have a big enough group, there is bound to be one or two people that can run about your pace. These small little groups that would form during our long runs made the miles fade away. I spent about seven miles one run talking Harry Potter with another participant. EASIEST SEVEN MILES EVER.
• The camaraderie. I am very sad to be saying goodbye to these participants. We’ve been on the battlefield together for 13+ weeks now. We’ve helped each other through injuries and successes. We’ve pushed each other when we’ve needed pushing and we’ve slowed down for each other when we needed support. They’re my team and I can’t wait to see each one of them meet their goals on Saturday.

I just can not tell you enough how much I loved this group and hate that it took me so long to finally sign up for it. Don’t make the same mistake I did. If you want to try to run something, see if you have a Fleet Feet. My friend is running with the Fleet Feet in Knoxville – so it seems like they have these programs at most stores.

Until then, wish the Mizuno 13.1 Training group luck for Saturday’s race! If you’re local, come out and cheer for us if you’d like, here is the course map. I hope to see you around at other Fleet Feet training events, because this is quite an addictive hobby. And it turns out that that you could wake up one day and say, “Damn. I’m a runner. When did that happen?”

Consider that your warning.

• Race Day Nutrition. And not in the “Eat Healthy” sense, but in the “What do I eat at mile 5 to get me through to mile 13?” sense. Everyone has a different method or system that works for them. And theirs probably won’t work for me. I’ve found a decent system, I think. I take a Gu pack 15 minutes before the long run (It’s exactly what it sounds like, a little pack of gooey substance that is filled with sugars and caffeine.) and gummy chomps ever 4 miles or so along the way. The gummies are hard to eat while I run, but they’re the only thing that doesn’t flip my stomach.
• Our Fleet Feet closes early on Fridays. Like, by 6pm or 7pm. This means that I need to remember BEFORE Friday to stock up on those Race Day nutrition packs. I forgot about the Friday issues for the first SEVERAL long runs. Now? It’s part of my ritual. Friday at lunch I go by Fleet Feet.
• Neon Colors ARE AWESOME! Turns out it’s kinda dangerous to run at night. Suddenly I value the hot pinks and neon greens in my running wardrobe. I am NOT a neon color person in general but if look at my running gear basket? You would not believe otherwise. I practically glow in the dark now.
• Pedicures are a think of the distant past. I have lost 2 toenails completely and I have 2 that might as well be gone as they’re all black. Now, I’ve fixed some of the issues that were causing that (bad shoe size, long nails) but my feet are just more prone to it than some so I’m going to get the black toenail periodically no matter how hard I try to avoid it. When I look at my feet I’m torn between repulsion and pride. It’s a delicate balance.
• Electrolytes. OH MY GOD. It turns out? Electrolytes are NOT just some fancy word Gatorade companies use in commercials to make you think their drink is better than water. Turns out? IT’S BETTER THAN WATER. Well, not really. But Electrolytes help you use the water more efficiently, helps you actually retain it, so that hopefully you won’t need to carry gallons when you run. I put electrolyte tablets in my water now, and I take and electrolyte pill before I run. YAY! for Electrolytes!
• Shirts with only arms. What? Yes. I paid 20 dollars for SLEEVES. Not even a whole shirt – just SLEEVES. Some people swear by them in cold weather because, as you warm up, you can push them down around your wrist or easily tuck them away in a pocket instead of tying a shirt around your waist. I’m not 100% sold because mine chaffed my biceps when I wore them. I like them in theory but I’m not sure I’ll wear mine on race day.
• WHAT AM I GOING TO WEAR ON RACE DAY? I’m more worried about this than I was during any formal in high school. The weather is going to be cold early but sunny and I’ll warm up. I’m thinking I’ll dress for warmer weather than usual so I don’t have to run with things around my waist. I’m just going to trust I’ll be okay. But I’ll have to wear my gloves and my ear covers because those parts of me never warm up.
• Pacing. OH, MAN. This one is stressful. I’m running with my coach who is going to try to get me to the finish line by 2:07. In theory I should actually be able to run faster based on some of my other long run times and based on my speedwork. HOWEVER, I wan’t to enjoy myself – that’s the key. I want to find the balance between PROUD OF MY TIME and FELT GOOD DURING MY RUN. If I go too slow, I’ll feel great but I’ll hate my time. If I go too fast I’ll be proud of my time, but I’ll have been in hell for 2 hours. I’m hoping 2:07 is perfectly in the middle.

What do you find your runner’s brain focused on that our normal brain ignores?

Week From Hell Disclaimer: I am not taking time to proof any of my blog entries this week. Not that they’re ever examples of perfect grammar or spelling even when I DO proofread them, but this week it will be worse. I APOLOGIZE FOR THAT.

But now, not only do I feel better in my own skin, but my lovely daughter has been teaching me her fashion brilliance! I put together that entire outfit based on her guidance the last few months. I’m really proud it. I’m developing my own taste and style, even. It’s very much influenced by her, of course, but even she is surprised by my decisions. She said, “Mom! I love the purple tights! That looks really good!” I felt like I had earned my “I Can Dress Myself!” wings for the night!

My point? I don’t mind having my picture taken. I’m still not a huge fan of it, but I don’t mind it as much. Which is a good thing as I’d like my kids to be able see evidence of me in their lives when they look back on childhood photos.

Especially if the evidence shows I was fit. Then it’s just bonus.

But lately? I’m not sure it’s true anymore.

When I’m doing an “easy” run with my group, on our Long Run days (last week = 13 miles) I think I actually enjoy it. I’ve found a good pace and I’m in good enough shape that it just feels nice. Especially if the weather is cooperating and if I have some running buddies to chat with. I mean, I know I no longer HATE it. That’s for sure. Those runs on those days at that pace? I definitely don’t hate it.

And I think I like it.

It takes a while in the run to get to that point. Sometimes 3 miles, before my legs are loose and my stride is comfortable. Some days it only takes 1 mile. But every long run has that point where I stop thinking about the run and start thinking about the conversation with my running buddy, or the music if I’m wearing headphones, or the scenery. The run is no longer in the forefront…it’s just something going on in the background while I try to enjoy other things. At that point? I think I can easily tell you, “I like running.”

But on my speed work days…that’s another story. We did 800m repeats on Tuesday night. That means we ran 800m at full speed (Not really running a “sprint,” but as fast as you can run at a constant pace for that distance, several times.) six times, with 3-minute rest breaks between each one. I was running with a girl who’s 5K time is about 40 seconds faster than mine. She was pushing me to do my 800s in 1:35. That’s about 20 seconds faster than when I was doing them on my own.

And I thought I was going to cry or puke during each of them.

Is that hate? Probably. I think I was hating it while I was doing it. But knowing I ran 800 meters in 1 minute and 35 seconds? OH MY GOD…I loved that.

While I was dry-heaving in the grass, of course.

It’s such a weird process…this learning to be a runner thing. It’s why I really want to figure out a way to keep it up over the winter. I feel like I’ve come so far. I used to hate even the slowest, shortest of runs. Now I look forward to them…the longer the better! I would have never willingly done speed work before, now I’m doing it – wanting to die while I’m actually running – but rejoicing in my accomplishments later. While crying into my water bottle.

So…I think I do like running. As a general statement. I think that there’s more like than dislike on any given day. Which is why I keep going back. Now, there are also moments of hatred, even on the easy long runs. The last 2 miles of my 12-mile run last month nearly killed me. My 4-mile tempo run last week had me wanting to hurl and cry simultaneously. (They go hand-in-hand in my mind.) But overall? Yes. I think I’m there. I think I like running. Even while I’m doing it, on most days.

And that may the most INSANE THING I’ve ever said. EVER. And I’ve proclaimed for the show Pretty Little Liars.

The last three days have been just that. My anxiety levels area about double what they were on Saturday. Every night, I have had multiple things going on after work and even more adding to my To Do list for when I get home. We have several BIG things coming up in the next two weeks. Two big theater events relating to competitions, a big party, a half-marathon, and GLEE FINALLY COMES BACK NEXT WEEK – MUST FIT THAT IN MY SCHEDULE! My anxiety levels are at code red…BE ON ALERT.

Anyway – I always find that when I come here and say, “I’ve been a bad girl,” it tends to break that streak. I’m hoping writing this downward spiral down will make it STOP HAPPENING. And that I can regain control of my senses before I undo all of the hard work from the last few months. Thank you for humoring me.

Now…ON TO THE REAL ENTRY.

CHANGES IN MY LIFE SINCE I BECAME ACTIVE (Or INSANE, depending on your definition of the word.)

• I love shopping. FOR GEAR. I’ve never been a HUGE shopper, I don’t mind it, but it often feels like a stressful experience. But lately, when I have an excuse to buy something fitness-related I GET GIDDY. I finally bought a long-sleeve technical shirt the other day and I WAS SO EXCITED! And I spent another 30 minutes just walking around the store fantasizing about more money so I could buy more stuff. MORE GEAR!
• My clothes smell AWFUL. I’ve gotten to that point where most of my running/workout clothes needs to be washed on hot – TWICE – before they don’t smell like death. This may not be necessary anymore as it’s gotten colder and I’m not sweating as much, but the last few weeks of warm weather? OH MY GOD. It was AWFUL. And I’m not typically a stinky person, but this new lifestyle MAKES ME UBER STINKY.
• I have weird stuff in my car. At any given moments there’s a rubbermaid container full of hand weights, at least one yoga mat, a water bottle or two, some Gu packs (Gu CHOMPS Watermelon flavor are my NEW favorite fuel!), a couple of blinky lights for nightly running, and at least 3 pairs of extra gloves.
• My baseline “I feel good” level has changed. I’m always sore somewhere, so now I only complain of the pain level is above a 5 on a scale of 1-10. Or higher. I actually kinda like the general achiness because it is a reminder of the hard work I’m doing. Who knew I’d one day think, I’m happy I can’t stand up without wincing!
• I talk about exercise crap ALL THE TIME. This blog is totally proof of that, but it’s even worse in the real world. I’m constantly talking about my 800 repeat times, or the 100+ push-up we did at boot camp. It’s like when your best friend had a new boyfriend and all she ever did was talk about him? I HAVE A NEW BOYFRIEND. And when we’re not together running or doing boot camp, I’m talking about him NON-STOP. I guess this is that newlywed/lust stage in the relationship, I’m sure I’ll eventually get tired of him and start complaining about how he left the new toilet paper roll on the floor again. WHY CAN’T HE PUT IT ON THE HOLDER? IT ONLY TAKES ANOTHER TWO SECONDS? But not right now, right now I still think everything he does is adorable so I have to tell everyone I know about him. Luckily Donnie is a fitness buff too, so he doesn’t mind the chatter about tempo runs and shoulder presses. If he wasn’t also in a relationship with the same awesome boyfriend? (This analogy just stopped working.) He might not be as tolerant.

It’s Saturday night at 7:46pm. I want to be in bed sleeping, but I feel lame and fear waking up tomorrow at 3am, so I’m sucking it up and trying to stay awake at least until 9pm. THAT IS SO LATE.

This day has been one of the most insane of my LIFE. Let me start by summarizing my week. Every day this week I woke up between 4am and 4:30am for boot camp. Every night but Monday I ran in the evening. One of those days was 6 miles worth of hill work, another was 4 miles worth of tempo runs. Basically, before today, I had 22 miles over four days. BEFORE TODAY. I just want you to know how chaotic my week had been before I even woke up this morning, so you can REALLY appreciate the level of exhaustion I’m at this moment.

Now…on to TODAY.

4:30am – Wake up. Head to Fleet Feet by 6am with Donnie to run 13 miles with my half-marathon training group. We hired one of E’s friends to spend the night at our house so the kids wouldn’t be alone. (E is at his Dad’s.) While we were gone, one friend was going to pick Wes up at 8:30 to take him to breakfast, another friend was going to take Nikki to her soccer game.

6:40am – 9am – Run 13+ miles.

9am – Donnie goes home to shower and then immediately heads to E’s high school to help build/paint sets.

9am – Kim goes straight to Nikki’s soccer game after her run. Then after the game goes straight to friend’s house to pick up Wes.

11am – Go home, bathe.

12noon – Head to E’s high school to give the kids to Donnie so he can take them home for naps and I can have a meeting with a teacher about a meeting Monday.

1pm – 3:30pm – Start working with costumes for ‘Alice in Wonderland’ with the cast.

4pm – Pick up Donnie, Nikki and Wes and run to an early dinner before the football game.

5:30pm – Take Wes and go get groceries and birthday presents for Nikki as her birthday is Wednesday.

7pm – Come home, unload groceries and put kids to bed.

7:30pm – Sit on couch and decide the only way I’ll be able to stay awake until 9pm is if I write a blog entry.

Basically, I didn’t sit down for more than 10 minutes at my house until 7:30pm. And I’ve got about 5 days worth of exhaustion built up behind my eyelids which are TRYING TO CLOSE. The house is a DISASTER. Sink is full of dishes. Dirty clothes everywhere. Carpets need vacuuming, floors need cleaning, and I’ve got about 10 emails I need to send before bed but my brain isn’t functioning enough to send them. Hell, the grammar and spelling atrocities in this entry alone should show you I do NOT NEED TO BE SENDING PROFESSIONAL EMAILS.

Nikki’s birthday dinner with the family is tomorrow and she wants pumpkin bread instead of cake. I haven’t made it. My kids haven’t had baths today and I really need to shave my legs.

And this week? Big Huge Meeting Monday night. Group run Tuesday night. Nikkis’ Birthday Wednesday night. Book club and group run Thursday night. Boot camp every morning.

In other words…tonight is my night to catch up on sleep or miss my chance again until next weekend.

But, as exhausted as I am. And a little bit of a basket case because I’m so tired. I also had a really easy run this morning. And to run 14 miles and be able to say it was “easy” is a huge step. AND Wes was uber-sweet and loving today. AND we had some yummy hot wings for dinner. AND I’m drinking a beer right now. So life is good. I’m just tired and having one of those moments where I find myself thinking, Maybe…just maybe…I bit off more than I could chew this year.

But, since I’m too tired to do anything about it, I’m just going to go to bed.

So…a half-marathon. That’s 13.1 miles. I’ve trained on my own in years past using online programs, and never stuck with it very well, hence poor performance come race day. Therefore, when we had to fill out our “goal” in this running group, mine was just, “Run the entire race without walking.” No need for a lofty goal or anything, I had done THREE of these before and never once run then entire 13 miles. I figured that alone would be sufficient.

Well, we’ve hit the 13.1 distance TWICE so far in our training and I ran it all the way both times. So, um, GOAL REACHED! Ta da! I can go home now!

Now, I find myself doing something I’ve never done before: THINKING ABOUT MY SPEED. Last night, one of the girls in our group summed it up in a nutshell in a passing comment, “It’s all mental now.”

That is a sentiment several people have mentioned in this training program. How much of this training stuff is a MENTAL challenge compared to a PHYSICAL challenge. I’m amazed every time it hits me how VERY MUCH the balance is mostly mental for me. Like, now that I’m near the end? I’d even say 80% mental.

My body is ready. It wasn’t even that difficult to get my body ready. I followed the program given to me. That easy. The hard part was each step along the way, feeling like there is no way in hell I can do this. Several times along the way I’ve almost skipped a long run just to avoid proving I was incapable of it. I got myself out the door with varying degrees of success along the way. EVERY TIME I thought about not doing it because of self-doubt and EVERY TIME I did it.

So now we’re getting down to speed. I’ve never thought about speed before because I just wanted to SURVIVE. Now? I’ve proven I can survive.

2 weeks ago, Donnie ran my 10 miles with me. I had already done 14, so I was relaxed about the 10. Donnie ended up pushing me faster than I would have run alone and we did 10 miles in 93 minutes. That’s a 9.3 minute per mile pace. That is FASTER than the pace I ran my 5K pace last year. A WHOLE LOT FASTER.

When I got ready for my 5K this weekend, I thought I’d set my pace for 9.3 minutes per mile, but Donnie convinced to aim for 9-minute miles. I ended up doing it in 8.5-minute miles. And then, last night? I had to do a 4-mile tempo run with my group. Because I don’t have a watch that tells me my pace, I had to do find someone to run with. After the first half-mile I realized I needed to catch up with the group in front of me because I was too far from the group behind me. I let the FAST GROUP pace me last night. They are the FASTEST in the group. The ones the first few weeks that just bolted ahead of me. This time? I ran with them. We ran four miles in THIRTY-THREE MINUTES. And that’s when one of the girls said to me, “It’s all mental for you now.”

Now…those four miles nearly killed me. It took everything I had to stick with them, but I did it. I DID IT.

So now we come to the point: I have NO IDEA how to pace myself for the actual race. Pace calculators tell me I should be able to do it in under 2 hours. THAT SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE. The four miles last night near killed me, but that was at about an 8.25 pace. My half would be at a 9.3 pace or so. That’s a chunk slower, but is it slow enough that I could hold it for 2 hours? I HAVE NO IDEA. It’s all mental, how do you push yourself mentally? How do you find you’re limits?

No clue. I have a few long runs to figure it out. I also have the luxury of already reaching my goal so everything from here is cake. One things if for certain: I am blown away by how easy it was to do the physical part of the training, after pushing past the the mental barriers at least. Getting myself out the door was the hardest part of each of those milestones. Now, I just have to stop slowing myself down and we’ll be golden.

This is why I’m dead serious when I say: I NEED MY SLEEP.

I know women who do it all and when you ask them how they say, “I don’t sleep.”

I HATE THOSE WOMEN.

Okay, not HATE. But – I’m very jealous they have that as an option, because I do not. I had a rough week last week, not getting to bed as early as I’d like. Mainly because these evening runs keep me wired too late, but that’s beside the point. I didn’t get enough sleep last week, so I tried to catch up Saturday night and Sunday night. Well, it obviously didn’t work because all day yesterday I was in EXHAUSTION HEADACHE HELL.

My exhaustion headaches are a lot like the headaches I get when I’m trying to give up caffeine. (The times in my life when I’m obviously GOING CRAZY.) They affect my vision and my moods. And if that’s NOT ENOUGH to convince me to prioritize sleep above all else – I learned another down side to sleep deprivation last night.

Evidently I eat when I’m exhausted.

I’ve been doing much better with the anxiety eating at night thing, I’ve even dropped a pound or two. However, it turns out that I have the same reaction when I’m tired.

THIS – my friends – is why a lot of losing weight is as much emotional as it is physical.

I was so tired last night, and the headache was killing me, so I found myself CONSTANTLY eating until I could finally go to bed. I mean, I think I ingested about 3000 calories just last night between the time I got home and the time I went to bed. THAT’S A LOT OF EATING.

So…when you read those articles that say a huge key to losing weight is sleep? BELIEVE THEM.

I already feel better this morning. I guess it takes me 3 nights of good sleep to recover from 5 of not-ideal sleep. And that third day before I’m officially caught up? IS AN UGLY DAY full of headaches and bags of melting chocolate chips. (What? We don’t keep a lot of junk food in our house! I WAS DESPERATE.)

It’s funny how your body changes when you get older. I don’t think I had the mental stamina to run 14 miles in my 20s, but I could definitely survive on no sleep no problem. Now…I can run 14 miles but if I get less than 7 hours sleep several nights in a row? I’M A MESS.

What about you? Do you have the luxury of being able to live without sleep? Do you have trouble getting to sleep after exercise? Have you found a cure for that? Because, I don’t have one. I’ve dealt with not being able to sleep in my whole life. I wake up naturally at 4am, no problem. But this Not Be Able To Get To Sleep thing? Is new. I used to be able to just get in bed and crash when I wanted, but now that I’m running at night? Not so much. Any advice? And should I just lock the cabinets after night two of not sleeping well?

I’m currently living their Hell.

NOW…let me say. In a weird, twisted way – I’m kinda liking it. Boot camp in the mornings, running with my training program in the evenings. Two workouts a day. Yesterday I did stretch/core workout at 5:30am and did a 6 mile run last night, with about 3 miles worth of speed work built in the middle. And while it sucks, because I’m worn the hell out, it’s also AWESOME because I FEEL AMAZING. I did my 1200m runs last night (3/4 of a mile) in under 6 minutes. I’m sore from Wednesday’s boot camp, I’m tired from doing two-a-days three times the week, but I feel GREAT.

Now…Let me put out this disclaimer. I know this all ends in four weeks. After that I’m not being held to a group running schedule. If I want to run it’s something I can do on my free time. As opposed to during my daughter’s soccer games (which I’ve missed MANY times due to my group runs) or on night when I’ve got a million things that need to be done. I can deal with the chaos in my life for four more weeks. I could NOT do this forever.

So I’m tired. I’m behind on my housework and my party planning (I’ve got a couple things I am planning in the next few weeks). Some days my brain is friend and I stare at the screen at work looking at CSS I wrote myself and can’t make sense of it. Other days I get headaches no medicine cures because my body just wants to SLEEP. I feel periodic twangs of INTENSE GUILT over missing some of the evening stuff the kids are doing. (In my defense, I’ve also missed a lot of group events for soccer. I’ve done many of those runs alone. But they’re MUCH better in a group and this late in the training I need all the help I can get.) I’m sore in a new place every day. I have nasty blisters and I’m losing toenails.

Still…I FEEL GREAT. And I know that makes me COMPLETELY INSANE.

But guys, I woke up naturally at 4am like I do most mornings. I jumped out of bed and did air punches. I DID AIR PUNCHES. That’s how good of a mood I was when I woke up this morning. I ran 6 miles last night, 3 of it speed work, AND I WOKE UP FEELING AMAZING. So amazing I did a Stallone impersonation in the dark by myself. See? AWESOME and INSANE.

This is our last boot camp of the session, so it’s our Personal Challenge day. Our goal is to do a series of exercises faster than I did them four weeks ago. I woke up doing Stallone punches, so I’m hoping I’m going to kick my first week’s time in the ass.

And if I don’t? I’ll blame that fact that I’ve obviously LOST MY DAMN MIND.