Guess what I just did? I just walked my 2+ mile route with BOTH kids (one in a stroller and one on my chest) for the SECOND TIME THIS WEEK. I didn’t want to brag about the first time because I feared that may have just been a fluke and that I’d never get the courage to do it again. BUT I DID. Baby steps to my September 5K…just taking baby steps.

Well. My eye is better this morning. Either the particle that was irritating it is gone, or the allergy attack has waned. Either way - the reminant swelling will hopefully fade as the day progresses so I can get back to being the totally hott and sexy 36-week pregnant woman I know I can be.

Speaking of that…my weight gain this pregnancy looks like I’m going to hit the exact same weight at delivery with AndyZ as I did with NikkiZ. Since I started out 10lbs heavier this time, that means I’ll have actually gained less. But, that still puts me at 40lb weight-gain. Which is not bad considering I’ve gained 65 and 50 before, but a little daunting when considering my anniversary plans would have me losing all of it by late September.

So…here is my question. When will I be allowed to do anything post-op? I don’t remember what the restrictions were the first time around. (Hey - it was over two years ago - give a girl a break.) When will I be allowed to at least walk around the block? Is that pretty much when I feel like it? What about running? I’d like to run the half-marathon in November, but I’m not sure if I’ll have enough time to train. What about diet - what kind of diet should I go on to lose the weight if I’m still nursing at the same time?

Essentially - what worked for YOU? I didn’t worry so much with NikkiZ because I didn’t have any solid plans on the calendar. This would be why I never lost those last 10lbs. But this time around, I have a little bit a time constraint. I’d love any input you have on the matter. Especially if your plan involves watching a lot of TV and eating chocolate cake with daily doses of beer for good measure. That would be awesome.

LilZ and I are in our fancy (and waaaay over-priced) hotel room winding down for the night. I’m still not puking, but I’m feeling a little woozy. I’m hoping it’s nerves and not the bug NikkiZ has. MrZ and I have been touching base all day and she has not gotten any better. This means I’m going to have to do this without him and I’m so sad about that I’m trying not to cry. Knowing he won’t be there for me at the finish line is just heartbreaking.

BUT - My Dad and brother and son and future sister-in-law will all be here. And hopefully even my mom! We’ll see.

Okay - but the highlight of the night? And a TOTAL sign that I’m going to finish tomorrow because it’s the best good luck charm ever? I got stopped at the airport and recognized from my blog! And I was totally freaked out and amazed that it happened (in front of my Dad!) that I totally acted like a totally moron to the lovely girl and kept saying “Thank you!” to everything she said. I was so amazed and flattered and amazed I totally didnt even hear her tell me her name. Are you out there? Will you re-introduce yourself to me? I’m an idiot! I’m sorry!

Anyway - I consider her talking to me one of the best good luck charms I could have asked for. Thank you!

I’m going to bed now. I don’t know if I’ll have time to update in the morning. But - I’m hoping to snap pictures of mile markers along the way and send them to Flickr so if you check back you can see how slow I’m going! And if I quit halfway!

Here goes nothing…I’m beyond terrified…

I went to the gym last night and there were zero treadmills available. At 7:30. Luckily, I know the cycles well enough that I knew to just wait a few minutes. Five minutes later? There were two available. 20 minutes into my run there were five. So - not too big of a deal, I guess. Although I wasn’t sure where to wait, It’s not like there’s a line behind the treadmills or anything. I just sat in the lobby area where you can see the treadmills through the windows to that room. I wondered if there was a situation (someone waiting actually inside the room who could get to the treadmills before I could) where I might start a fight with someone over a treadmill. Wouldn’t that be awesome? Especially if it involved fisticuffs? I’m not exactly sure what “fisticuffs” are - but I really like that word and would love to be able to apply it to my own actions someday. Unfortunately - I just couldn’t really imagine any situation that would cause me to fight for a treadmill. I’m just not that into my workout. As a matter of fact, if someone came up to me seconds after I started my run and asked for my machine? I’d probably give it to them.

If you’re someone who has struggled with weight loss (and really - is there anyone out there who has never tried to lose weight? I don’t think I want to know…) you understand how fragile of a cycle it is. It takes a lot of effort to lose a few pounds, but not much effort at all to gain it back. I’ve been really frustrated with my battle this time around (there have been several battles in the war with my body over the years) because I had pretty much hit my pre-NikkiZ weight in July. I came within 1 pound according to my scale (yes, I know, everyone says not to get hung up on the numbers, but I have too, I’m sorry) . Since then I’ve put 10lbs back on. You know the sucky part? I started my marathon training around that time. Only I could actually put on weight while training for a marathon. I’m an idiot.

It’s like this. After my nightly runs I come home feeling like I haven’t eaten in days. Hence my commentary this week about eating brownies every night. Last night? It was See’s Candy and a bowl of cereal. I know while I’m eating it that I’m eating my run PLUS SOME but I just can’t make myself stop. So the pounds add on just a little bit at time. And for those of you who struggle with weight loss, you understand how quickly those pounds can add up. And it frustrates me because it’s just this damn cycle. Why can’t I just be a smart eater? Some days give myself rewards. Hell, give myself small rewards everyday since I run! Why do I have to be all Crazy Psycho Binge Girl every night? BAH. It makes me so angry with myself.

But what do I do? Come home again the next night and do the same thing. And the most frustrating part is that I’ve been doing great this week during the day. I’ve only eaten a few pieces of candy from the Evil Office Candy Bowl. I’ve eaten healthy for breakfast and lunch and light at dinner. It’s been that damn hour after I come home from the gym where I’ve still got a bunch of shit to do before I can go to bed, so I eat the entire supply of chocolate first. I think If I could just come home from the gym and go to bed? I’d be better off. Maybe? So tonight I’m going to finish all of my housework before leaving for the gym. So that I can just come home, put on my pajamas, and go to bed. Bypassing the kitchen along the way. And I think I’m going to throw away the rest of the candy.

(Note to MrZ and LilZ: I’m throwing away the rest of the candy. Get it now or lose it forever.)

(Who am I kidding? Like they even eat the stuff. That’s all me baby.)

And I know the advice: Stock up on healthy snacks. Well - I can overeat healthy stuff just as easily as I can chocolate. Last night I ate half a pack of Ritz crackers and a giant bowl of Frosted Mini Wheats. And even though I may be fine with the current size I’m at, I’ve been on this roller coaster long enough that I know 10lbs now becomes 20lbs and then 30 and then before we know it I’m back at my heaviest non-pregnant weight ever. 188. And in reality? That whole “heaviest weight ever” thing is always a passable limit. Before 188 my “heaviest weight ever” was 150lbs. I blew that limit out of the water. When I aim to pass a record? I do it FULL ON. So, if you’ve never been on the weight-loss ride, you think, “10lbs is not a big deal” - but if you’ve been trapped on this ride, trying to get off, you know. 10lbs is like the gateway drug. It gets you back on the Weight Gain part of the cycle, and turning back around to the Weight Loss is a very difficult thing to do. And there is no limit to the Weight Gain cycle.

Especially when there is See’s Candy in your kitchen.

Or Frosted Mini Wheats.

Or pretty much anything edible.

So - I’m going to document my eating on this site. The best luck I ever had with weight loss was when I did that pre-wedding. But, I know nobody really wants to read that crap, so I’m going to do it as “private” entries. If you are battling the same issues and would like to commiserate with me, I think you can click the “register” link at the bottom of my sidebar and it will allow you to sign up to see the private entries. I just don’t want to bore the people who are just stopping by for stories about ass sweat and Super Target.