• I believe the above capture of a tweet I made yesterday speaks for itself. It basically is me admitting something I was mortified to realize. That I’m an idiot. The end.
• I have recently re-listened to Harry Potter books 6 and 7 on several occasions. Probably 3-5 times each the last year. I just decided a month or so ago to listen to the entire series again from Book 1 on. The more I listen to them the more I fall in love with them over and over again. If that’s even possible. I decided by the time I die I’ll probably know them all by heart. Except for the few pieces I always skip over because I hate (The Ron/Harry fight from Book 7 is a good example) – but the rest of the books? I’ll be able to recite verbatim.
• In an effort to fix several issues with my sleep, my scalp, my hair, and my kneecaps (don’t ask) I’m attempting a major shift in my diet. I’m dropping 90% (or more) processed food from my diet for at least a month. Now, I’m not going to stress myself out with this change to the point of not allowing myself frivolous nights out at a restaurant or diet cokes. But, I am going to make sure that every time I can, I choose something that has minimal ingredients and bizarre chemicals like Magenta #435. I’m going to keep track of the changes I notice in everything from my energy level to my frizz diameter and see if I notice any changes. So far? So good. And guess what? I have a new love. Organic Peanut Butter. OMG. Best stuff in the WORLD. You should try it.
• I have been trying to understand the world of theater as LilZ spends so much time working on a musical that he’ll be part of in the Spring. I have been to a few rehearsals and a few parent meetings and often feel completely lost. There’s lingo I have to infer meaning from based on the context. (Like “Striking the Set” – I think it basically means taking stuff down.) I watch the rehearsals and the meetings and I just find myself in total awe of how it all comes together. This is going to be a huge production and it’s done by students and parents and I find myself convinced there must be dark magic at play because I just don’t see how it all comes together. I’m going to go to a set-building session next week and try to acclimate myself to the environment. It’s just such a new experience for me and I am just constantly looking at them all going, “How do they DO that?” I mean, these ideas for sets/props/dances/ all start inside someone’s head and then – (with the help of dark magic) – it materializes on stage. I hope everyone has the good fortune to have a child have interest in something totally foreign to them. LilZ loves teaching me about all this stuff.
• I am entering that phase I enter every few years when I start obsessing over short hair. This phase ends with me storming into a salon and saying, “Chop it off!” When then starts the Crying Until It Grows Out phase of my life. I hate myself in short hair. Always do. Yet the cycle still continues every few years. I need to figure out how to scratch the short hair itch without actually chopping off my hair. Maybe dye it again? The “temporary” brown I put in for Halloween is still hanging on. Maybe I should try something different? Red? Black? White? Magenta #435? What do you think?

I’ve been thinking a lot about secrets lately with scandal after scandal on the news. Thinking about how secrets really stay hidden. I mean, we hear about these stupid scandals all the time: Affairs. Drugs. Illegitimate children. Debt. Theft. Stories where we are all shocked because we are not directly involved, but I always wonder: Are the people involved shocked? Are there really secrets kept successfully? Can money and power really buy silence?

Because I am going to admit something: I can NOT keep a secret. I mean, I can imagine situations where I could, I guess. And maybe there have been a few times where I’ve kept secrets from some people, but only when I’ve had someone else I could tell. If I can chat about the secret with MrZ or a good friend, then keeping it from everyone else would be easier.

But what if I had to keep a secret from everyone? I don’t think I could do it. So, assuming the same is true in these big name scandals, how do the secrets get kept? How do the people involved not confide in at least one person? Or do you think they do? Is anyone really capable of keeping a secret from everyone?

And then I wonder…what if I had to keep a secret from my husband? He’s essentially my Secret Keeper, I guess. The one I can talk to about anything. When people tell me things they know I’ll at least be telling him, even if I can’t tell anyone else. But – what if I was faced with a secret to keep even from him? Could I do it?
I don’t think I could. I feel like it would eat at me until I was able to get it off my chest. I think I would have to tell the person, “Too bad, he’s going to know.” But I’ve never been faced with that.

So…here’s my question to you. Do you have a Secret Keeper? A person you can tell everything? Have you ever had to keep a secret from that person? Do you think anyone is really capable of keeping a secret or do you think we all secretly tell our Secret Keepers and just hope that, since we’re their Secret Keeper, then the secret won’t spread?

Parenthood is not easy. Did you know that? I mean, I hope I’m not ruining anything for you if you were under the impression that it’s all cute giggles and sloppy kisses all the time. But it’s not even that wonderful half of the time. I’d say, maybe, one third of the time it’s cute and sweet. The rest of the time? Disgusting. And painful. And also very difficult and complicated.

You constantly find yourself wondering what kind of effect your current decisions will have on their adult development. Are you teaching them manners and respect? Or are you squashing their creativity and personality? You can argue two sides of any decision. ANY DECISION. You will constantly find yourself seeing it from two points on opposite ends of the spectrum and you’ll never be 100% positive that the decision you make will be the best. Many times you’ll have a gut instinct and you’ll trust that because it feels right. But most of time? There won’t be a gut instinct. You’ll be flying blind.

You’ll go to your friends, your family, and god forbid: THE INTERNET. You’ll see/hear/read arguments for all sides of all decisions because THERE ARE NO RIGHT ANSWERS. Every parent is different. Every kid is different. Every situation has variables that make it unique and therefore different from other examples you may want to count on for supporting the decisions you make. You’ll take in all the information you can, weigh any instincts you feel, and then you’ll jump. And after all of that? Sometimes you’ll change your mind after seeing your decision in action. And the next time you jump? You’ll try something different. That may or may not work.

And other times you’ll just act in the moment. You may not have time to think or ask or research. You’ll just act immediately. If you’re lucky – that moment will pass without regret. Unfortunately, many times you’ll look back at a decision made on the fly and you’ll want to punch yourself for that decision. These are the rough moments that you’ll find yourself keeping in some part of your mind reserved for the clearest of memories. You’ll learn that the bad parenting decisions you make will be saved in your memory with a sharp clarity none of your sentimental memories will have. That one time you spanked your child and then regretted it 2.2 seconds later? That moment will stay more clear in your memory than any birthdays or graduations or sporting events. And you’ll constantly be amazed at how truly unfair this is.

So you’ll wonder…

Should I make him each his vegetables or feed him chicken nuggets every night?
Do I need to force a bedtime?
Should I let her sleep with us when she says she’s scared?
What kind of extracurricular activities should I encourage? How many?

There are just no rights or wrongs. Every parent knows a story about a kid who was raised one way and turned out bad and another kid raised the same way who claims it’s why they’re perfect. There are examples and research supporting just about every decision except for: Should I lock my kid in the basement and get drunk after a bad day? Most everyone agrees that is bad. Go figure.

So you do your best…one moment at a time. You learn valuable lessons and make mistakes you hope to only make once. And then you just hope some more. Hope that even if you screw them up somehow, they just won’t hate you too much for it. Or if they do, that they’ll find a good therapist to help them through it enough to make them able to at least visit you at Christmas. If you promise not to write about it on your blog.

Well…today is the last day of 2009. The year I lost my Dad and got laid off. My Mom was also hospitalized for a week, needing to have her gallbladder removed. And just two days ago, my in-laws lost their canine matriarch after a long life. No matter how long you’ve had a dog, the loss is always still very sad and Prissy dying just solidifies 2009 in my mind as THE YEAR FROM HELL. But…there have been a lot of moments I won’t forget, or don’t want to forget. And lucky for me, I capture most of them on camera. So…here is the full slideshow of random photos from 2009. Or the smaller/embedded version is below.

Happy New Year’s to you all! Thanks for sticking with me this year, without you I think I would have had a much more difficult time coping. You really are the best. Love you all! EVEN YOU!

Have you ever done something SOOOOOO stupid that you decide it’s better to never ever speak of it again? Well, what if it kinda has to be addressed because people who don’t realize your stupid mistake keeping bringing it up. OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN? Well, if you have a blog, you write a blog entry about it.

But then you’re faced with the dilemma: How do I write about this in a way to make myself seem maybe not so terribly stupid?

And then you realize: You can’t. You’re a total dumbass.

Where to begin? Let’s start with Halloween when I first fixed Red Velvet Cake balls Poppers. I didn’t make them fancy, just did the chocolate covering, no sticks. They weren’t pretty but EVERYONE LOVED THEM. I mean, people mentioned they were the best things they had ever eaten, they could not get enough of them, HOW DO YOU MAKE THEM? They were my first truly successful party contribution as the world swooned over them. I made several batches over the next few weeks and they were all equally adored.

Fast Forward to two weeks ago. I made a batch to distribute to the teachers at NikkiZ’s school. I felt like they didn’t turn out as red as the previous batches, but the teachers still loved them. As a matter of fact, one of them mentioned them to me TODAY. And said, “I’m finally done with them…can we get some more?” I made another batch, also not as red, for my family for Christmas. Everyone LOVED THEM. Just as much as the first few (and redder) batches. I kept telling everyone that I think I must have bought a different brand of Red Velvet cake this time because the last two batches weren’t as red as I remember in October.

You would have thought at some point I might have double-checked the recipe. Right? Because I swear by Pioneer Woman and her pictures, and one glance at her blog entry would have told me why they weren’t as red as the first few batches…the ones that I actually LOOKED AT THE RECIPE.

See? That’s where I went wrong. I assumed I could do it from memory…and I couldn’t. The End.

NOW…before I tell you my fatal error let me remind you: EVERYONE LOVED THEM. I swear, in terms of taste? I don’t think there was that much difference. The main difference was in appearance. Everyone LOVED THEM. I want to repeat that over and over again. And now? I will tell you what I did wrong.

Okay…I can’t do it. I can’t tell you. I’m that embarrassed. I’m embarrassed because my family and I actually talked about this one thing and I totally blew past it in conversation. I basically said, “Yeah! I did it wrong!” over and over and over again…never quite realizing that I DID IT WRONG.

It took someone going home and looking up the recipe at the website I told them to visit before I got a text that said, “Um…Pioneer Woman says to cook the mix first.”

I’ll let that sink in for a moment…let my full on stupidity REALLY soak in.

Yes…I made Red Velvet Cake Poppers and didn’t COOK THE MIX FIRST. I basically just mixed the cream cheese frosting in with the powdered mix and rolled into balls, coated with chocolate, and served.

And yes…everyone was amazed that you didn’t cook the mix and I kept saying, “Don’t cook the mix!” Even though several times before? I cooked the mix. As a matter of fact, if I had thought about it for two seconds I would remember how irritated I was that I had to wait for the cake to cool after cooking it. When I realized what I had done I was so SO mortified that I tried to just forget about it. Except everyone keeps emailing me and facebooking me and stopping me in public to tell me HOW AWESOME THE UNCOOKED CAKE POPPERS ARE! So, I have to come clean, and admit to the world: I did it wrong. Yes…they were good. No…they wouldn’t kill you. (It’s not like I put the eggs in or anything…just the powdered mix and the cream cheese icing.) But I did it very terribly wrong. And this is why I should never EVER EVER EVER cook without the recipe. EVER.

Please don’t tell Pioneer Woman or Bakerella about my ridiculous mistake. I’m new to the club and I’d hate for them to boot me out before I even get an excuse to buy one of those cute mortar and pestles.