I think part of my problem in the Social department is that I totally over-analyze the people around me and what they may or may not be thinking about me. The logical part of my brain understands that Person B is probably not thinking anything about me, but the insecure paranoid part of my brain thinks these type of things daily:
- Are my neighbors judging us because the edges of our yard still look so crappy? Should I get out there with scissors until I master the weed-eater?
- Does Nikki’s teacher think I’m trashy because I always come in to pick her up covered in sweat, grass, or grime? Or does she understand I’m just a hardworker who doesn’t want to waste a shower on a simple run to preschool?
- Do I sound too sarcastic on Facebook? I worry that since these people only see the periodic status update from me, that maybe I come off as too bitter and irritated.
- Does the checkout lady at Target wonder why I’m here everyday or does she see a lot of customers shopping one meal/day at a time?
- Was I really rude to the parent who just came by to pick up their child or was it obvious I was just trying too keep my dogs from escaping?
I’m not that judgmental in the slightest, but for some reason I assume every person I encounter is thinking the worst of me. Not only is this sad because it makes it seem like I have a crappy opinion of the general human population, but it’s pretty self-absorbed to worry about anyone thinking that much about me. Even my own friends and family! And on the logical conscious level? I’m not putting that much energy into these thoughts. But they are there, under the surface, after every encounter with every person. I’m not sure why A) I assume everyone is thinking negative thoughts about me or even why B) I assume they’re thinking about me at all. I’ve had passing interactions with people and barely was able to remember their name, much less form any sort of opinion about them in that 2.7 seconds. Why do I assume people take that quick chance meeting and build up these horrible impressions of me?
Whatever the cause for this type of insecure view of the world: It’s there. And it’s one of the traits I come back to when I wonder why I have such a hard time turning quick social encounters into friendships. Because I’m insecure and by the time I’ve completely over analyzed the initial encounter? The potential-friend in question hates me. Because I’m weird.
I have gotten better over the last year or so. If I have more than one encounter with someone I don’t avoid talking to them because I assume they think these negative thoughts. I used to. I used to avoid the person because of course – THEY HATE ME. Now? I’ve let the more logical part of my brain take over and I do the opposite. I try to assume we’re friends after that first encounter. We know each other’s names, we have _____ in common (Kids in the same school, same team, same hobby…), and we’ve already met once. The second time? I try my best to engage them more without worrying about whether or not they are confirming their previous negative assumptions about me. I’m fighting that insecure habit, slowly but surely. One of these days? I may be normal!
What about you…do you do this type of insecure evaluation of encounters? Or do you have another trait sabotaging your social life? Please share because I’d love to feel better about mine.















