Damn. 36 hours without internet access can make a girl Krazee! Especially a girl like me who is totally addicted to the internet. It was like someone forced detox on me and I was NOT happy about it. There were hot/cold flashes, intense sweating, hallucinations and massive amounts of anxiety eating. But we’re home. We have the internet. And I have gained 50lbs in three days. I LOVE THANKSGIVING.

I have to unpack and transfer the 19 million pictures I took to Flickr. I’ll be back later to tell you all about our trip, my race, and about that time I accidentally took LilZ to see naked women.

(Now you have to come back!)

I am up very early this morning to allow for time to pack and get ready for the drive to Slidell today. If you’ll recall, NikkiZ hates being in the carseat with every fiber of her being. My 30-minute drive from her daycare produces fits that allow me to know something not all parents know about their children. What it sounds like if they were suddenly turned inside out and barbecued. The screaming…my god, my child has a set of lungs on her.

So, were allowing plenty of time on this trip for stops at random Wal-Marts throughout Alabama where we can let her walk around and forget car-trauma for a little bit. I say Wal-Mart because if there is anything you can be sure to find along the highways heading south: It’s Wal-Mart. I’m also hoping to use those opportunities to refill my flask since I’ll be self-medicating my anxiety with whiskey.

LilZ is the one who has it the worst. We can sit in the front and do our best to pretend like she’s not screamy bloody effin’ murder in the backseat. We just won’t turn around and look at her. We can try to carry on conversations or listen to music. LilZ will be stuck back there with her where she can stare at him while she’s screaming and he has no other choice but to see her in her misery. Pray for him. And let me know if you think I should share my whiskey with him.

We’re home. Finally. Good visit with the family, even under the circumstances. NikkiZ slept so horribly last night that I’m insanely loopy with exhaustion. At one point on the ride home I was laughing myself to tears about whether or not “homemade fudge” was a euphemism for pooping. Evidently when I’m tired, I become a 12-year old boy.

I’m hoping to catch up on some sleep tonight so that maybe there’s a chance that I can get prepped for NikkiZ’s birthday party this weekend. And by “get prepped” I mean “make LilZ clean the house and do the laundry while I catch up on my TiVo.”

I’m nothing if not a dedicated mother tv watcher.

I drove LilZ a lot of places when he was a child. This was before the dawn of the portable DVD player. Hell, it was also pre-money since I was in college, so it’s not like we would have had one anyway. I think it’s thanks to this and the fourteen million rounds of The ABC Game that has morphed him into the world’s greatest traveler. This has helped his life immensely since he has to spend so much time driving to see his Dad. Of course now he’s armed with a DVD player and Season 1 of Veronica Mars which makes any drive pleasurable.

I realized today, that maybe driving NikkiZ every weekend could have the same effect on her. Maybe we could breed another easily-entertained child that would keep road trips from being something of my nightmares. She slept about half the trip both ways, and then entertained herself part of the other half. This only had her screaming blood-murder for about 45 minutes of each leg. This is much better than the screaming for four hours she did on our way to the beach.

Of course, you would think I had a rough day since I’m actually sitting here drinking wine STRAIGHT OUT OF THE BOTTLE. (Classy!) In my defense though, it is one of those mini-bottles (7oz) (Classy!) and I just didn’t feel like dirtying up a glass. I’m also mildly doped up on cold medicine when I’m sure will mix with my mini-bottle of wine very well.

I’m soon to be on the road, heading South for 200 miles to get LilZ. I’m taking NikkiZ because she can’t go that long without nursing. I’m not sure how this is going to go seeing as how she kinda hates the car when she’s not sleeping. MrZ has been making this trip by himself since NikkiZ was born, but he’s kinda sick of it which I understand completely since I did it for the 3 years prior to that point. It’s about as boring of a drive as you can get. But, he deserves a break so I’m going to do it this week.

I have a feeling when I return I may beg him not to get sick of it again until after NikkiZ stops nursing mid-day.

Hopefully the weather will at least hold up for me. I hate driving in the rain. I am betting I’ll hate it even more if I have a screaming baby in the back seat. Let’s hope I don’t find out.