Once again - another weekend passed with no updates from me! What is this world coming to? Actually - I find myself getting ideas for blog material and deciding to hold off and save it for November - when it counts. I’ve seen several other bloggers mention the same thing on their sites. Nablopomo: Making blogs suck in October since 2006.

This weekends was pretty busy, as I spent most of it trying to get caught up on housework I’ve been neglecting the last month. I did a pretty good job too, as evidenced by the fact that I had to empty the vacuum’s dirt compartment three times before I was done vacuuming my house. THREE TIMES. That’s a lot of filth, my friends. Anyone wanna come spend the night? You might actually be able to breathe now.

We have a doctor’s appointment today at 10am CST. I’m fairly nervous about this one, but I don’t think any more so than usual. I’m always somewhat nervous about doctor’s appointments. This is my “New OB” appointment which means they’ll treat me like a “normal” pregnant woman and give me bags of “So You’re Pregnant!” goodies consisting of formula coupons and magazines about car seats. I got the same bag with my last pregnancy back in May, so I’m really wanting to decline the one today. It just seems silly. Has that much changed since May? It’s just one more thing to throw away should the pregnancy head south too early. I hate those bags. Throwing away the bag from the last pregnancy just pissed me off, because I didn’t even want that one either. I know I’m probably putting way more emotional meaning to these bags than needs to be given, but I can’t help it. I hate those bags with the fire of a thousand flames. HATE.

But, I’m also non-confrontational so I’m sure to take the bag, smile and grumble about it to MrZ all the way home.

I had some spotting this weekend. And while part of me panicked and had flashbacks of the last pregnancy terminating itself in my bathroom, I actually held it together pretty well. It was very light spotting, probably easily explained by the ultrasound we had on Friday. [Previous rant deleted because it was not very nice. Let's just say my ultrasound kinda hurt that day.]

In general - I’m actually quite proud of how calm I’ve been this time around. I’m nowhere close to “normal” - but I’m so far from hysterical that I might as well be a naive first-timer buying a crib at 7 weeks. I think the last pregnancy, and being so stressed and pessimistic, and realizing it didn’t hurt any less when the miscarriage came, really helped me truly see how fruitless the negativity is. I’ve been really proud of myself.

I’m still having the miscarriage nightmares, where I wake up and run to the bathroom convinced I’ll be covered in blood, but I don’t think those will ever go away. Especially since there have been times in the past when I have been covered in blood. It’s hard to undo those experiences. But overall? I’m in such a better place. The nightmares are such a small part of what I suffered before, I can cope with those just fine.

Now, if only I could quit dreaming about Big Macs and Banana Splits.

1) We went to Tate Farms and picked pumpkins and played in the petting zoo and rode a hayride and had loads of fun.

2) We went to the doctor’s office and had an ultrasound and we saw the baby’s heartbeat!

I’ve never really had that severe exhaustion that comes with the first trimester of pregnancy. I’ve never had the morning sickness (save for a bit of nausea with LilZ, no vomiting) either if you want to hate me now. The only exhaustion I get comes 30 minutes after I take my Progesterone supplement and only lasts for, at the most, two hours. Then I’m fine.

But last week, I started the ALL DAY EXHAUSTION. I kept thinking, “Man - this Prometrium is hitting me harder this time than usual,” because the physical desire to nap just never went away. I’ve been in a sleepy daze all week. And then yesterday, it occurred to me: OH. I’m pregnant. This is what normal women must feel like. I suddenly know what all of you talked about when you mentioned this exhaustion that haunted you no matter how much sleep you’ve had. I feel like a damn zombie.

I have tried to stay busy this morning, we went to the park, to Target, for a walk - because if I sit still for more than 15 minutes I’m afraid I’ll pass out. I’m hoping to nap when NikkiZ does, but I’m just staying active until then.

And I’d be lying if I didn’t act like this makes me SO HAPPY. I never really have any pregnancy symptoms the first trimester, so I’m always assuming that’s a sign I’ll miscarry. Of course, I didn’t have any symptoms with NikkiZ either, but still - sometimes I long for morning sickness just so I can at least feel pregnant.

So: I’m tired. SO DAMN TIRED. And this makes me very happy. Hang in there little zoot-bryo. You can do it!

Well, that hCG quantitative is not as depressing as the 22 result, but not as awesome as the 1,221 that NikkiZ gave us. It’s closer to “good” than the 123 from last time, so they’re not ordering anymore blood work. (Yay!) My progesterone was low (20) but nowhere near as low as it was with the last pregnancy (8). They are still prescribing me Prometrium, but I’m not as panicked as I was last time. In other words: Good news. I’m pregnant. MrZ is now in charge of changing out the kitty litter. It’s Friday and life is damn good.

I’m happy. I hope you are too.