In the words of Marilyn who shared this video on her blog: “Word up, yo.”

I went to a baby shower a few weeks ago in Knoxville and there were these Advice sheets we could put little tips on for my friend. I did one that basically said, “Trust your instincts.” We get so wrapped up in what the “experts” say and what the studies show that sometimes we forget to just listen to the voice inside our head that knows our kid and knows our home and knows what is best without worrying about any sort of professional instruction. I wanted her to make sure to value that voice, even as a first-time Mother.

If I would have filled out a second sheet? It would have been: YOU ARE ALLOWED TO CHANGE YOUR MIND.

In the last year, or so, I’ve changed my mind on two things I allowed to go on in my home. It’s tough to do that when you have kids old enough to argue, “But you USED to let us!” But let me tell you: Don’t let this stop you from doing it. Sometimes what worked with one kid, doesn’t work with another. Other times? You see side effects of your decision you didn’t expect.

The first thing I changed my mind about was letting LilZ have a DVR in his room. When he gave up his big room for the smaller bedroom so that his brother and sister could share the big one, we gave him two conciliation prizes: 1) He could paint the small room any color he wanted and 2) He could have a DVR in his room. At some point in time early this year, that DVR got taken away for a minor infraction. I have never given it back. While he thinks this is because we’ve enjoyed having it in our room, it is more than that. (Although I’ll be honest, I do love having it in my bedroom.) It is that I enjoy the extra family time I get now. See…when you have a busy life with multiple kids no one ever watches anything live. There are rehearsals and tball games and meetings and errands. So, we record our shows. When we sit down and watch them after the kids go to bed? LilZ joins us. Shows like Glee or Modern Family that we all love. Taking the DVR out of his room forced him to hang out with us more. When you have a teenager? You take what you can get. He got very frustrated when he realized he was never getting his DVR back, but I have stood my ground. Yes, on many levels it is unfair. But – I reserve the right to change my mind about anything.

The second thing I changed has been a more recent thing and it will probably shock you. I’ve mentioned many times before that I love some of the tween comedies you find on Nick and Disney. Things like iCarly and Sonny with a Chance. The main reason we started watching those shows was because when LilZ came home from school, he and NikkiZ would watch those type of shows together. She got really into them and on many levels I found them less annoying than the shows on Nick Jr. As a result, somewhere along the way, Nick Jr. got tossed as our Go To station for NikkiZ and replaced by Disney. Shows like Suite Life and Hannah Montana were added to our list of faves along with Wizards of Waverly Place. While these shows were entertaining for NikkiZ and the rest of us, I learned the hard way that 4-year olds should not be watching that stuff.

Well…let me rephrase. I do not know your four-year old. Yours probably was not born with a natural flair for attitude and defiance like mine was. Maybe those shows are just bad for kids born already a teenager, like NikkiZ.

It took me awhile to make the connection between her atrocious attitude and those TV shows. But when it finally did? Nick Jr. went back to being the only cable channel we allow her to watch regularly. I commiserated with another Mother about this recently, as she went through the same thing with her older child and noticed the same effect. Once the shows were no longer a part of their daily lineup? The attitude faded. It didn’t go away entirely – but it has made a difference in our home.

Let me tell you the three main reasons why these shows are NOT for my four-year old, who came out of the incision in my belly with a 14-year old attitude. The basic principals these shows teach as allowable behavior in children which I realized, when I saw the behavior in my own child, is not a good thing to teach impressionable kids. If your child is not impressionable (if these shows had been around when LilZ was 4 I don’t think they would have affected him) or already showing signs of being a teenager, then maybe these shows are fine for you. This is why they are NOT fine for us:

1. It is okay and funny to pick on people. Each of these shows has at least one character that gets mocked regularly. Whether it’s the other cast members rolling their eyes because they’re stupid, or siblings getting picked on for being dumb, or just physical comedy involving laughing at people when they fall down. All of these things seem benign when you’re laughing at them on a silly tween comedy – but the first time your child laughs at you when you hurt yourself? You’ll wonder, Who taught them that was okay? Not only did NikkiZ do that – laugh at me when I hurt myself instead of at least making sure I was okay first – but she also had this thing she did (and still sometimes does, the lessons don’t fade that easily) where she mocked me. Not in the obvious way – simply repeating what I said using a stupid voice. No, she did it in the subtle way I’ve seen done 100 times on this show: She would say, in her most 16-year old voice she could muster, something like this: “That’s just dumb that you did that, you know?” And let me tell you – it was like being smacked in the face. And then…to top it off? She would laugh at me. Because – on those shows? That kind of attitude, humor at the expense of others, gets you the BIGGEST laugh. BUT NOT IN MY HOME, it doesn’t.
2. Parents and other Authority Figures can be Deceived. You’ve seen it on all of these shows at least once. One of these tween kids gets a hair-brain idea to try to sneak and do something their teachers/parents/boat captains told them not to do. Often times? If the Authority figure is one of the above-mentioned characters that gets made fun of? The kids just get away with it. And the audience just assumes it’s okay because that Authority Figure is dumb! Ha! Dumb adults can be tricked! Other times, there may be a nice moment at the end where they “learn their lesson” but let me tell you – it doesn’t undo the damage done during the previous 20 minutes when the characters had hilarious hijinks surrounding their deception. It’s funny to sneak out when you’re grounded! Fun things happen when you do what your parents told you not to do! Trust me on this – if your 4-year old is like mine? Those sweet moments at the end where the kid learns their lesson? DO NOTHING. The seed has already been planted.
3. Negotiating Is Acceptable And Encouraged. Right before age 2 we started working with NikkiZ to learn the concept: When do you obey? FIRST TIME. We are currently working on that with Wes. But – by the time she turned four? We didn’t really need to keep reminding her. Basically – a stern look or an, “Excuse me?” – when she didn’t do what we asked was enough. Then something changed. And like I said before, it took me awhile to figure out where she learned this from, but she started negotiating. “One more book!” or “One more cookie!” I overlooked it at first, probably even gave in a few times. Then it got worse, and I noticed one of these cute little tween girls doing a, “Please Please Please Please!” dance on her show for what she wanted and it all clicked: These kids are the ones teaching my daughter how to negotiate. Which is fine, I guess, for an older child. But for my four-year old? No thank you. I was actually still letting her watch these shows with LilZ still because I hated taking away their time together. Until one day – in Target she says to me, “THAT’S NOT FAIR.”

   I would have loved to seen a picture of my face at that very moment. WHAT? First of all – since when did life get fair? Life isn’t fair and I’ve never tried to teach her it was. I’m a dictator, this is not a democracy. What I say goes no matter how it jives with your version of fair.

From that moment on? Those shows are not turned on for even a fraction of a second in this house. I decided to go all out for the reprogramming in hopes to undo at least a little bit of the damage. Yes, I’m sure these shows aren’t all to blame. I also am aware that my daughter was born sassy. She showed signs of the teenage attitude before she learned how to use the potty. This probably made her very susceptible to the programming on these shows. Also? She spends time with real teenagers who sometimes have these same time of attitudes. A more mild-mannered kid who didn’t have a teenage sibling? Might be able to watch these shows and never learn one bad habit. But my daughter in this environment created the perfect condition to breed a pint-sized drama queen. NO THANK YOU.

I feel like the reprogramming is working, and I’ve taken the time to show her examples on these shows to what I don’t like so that she sees exactly why I don’t like them. (It didn’t take long to find examples for each…why did I never notice this stuff before?) Should your child watch these shows? That’s up to you. If it doesn’t affect your child? I say go for it because they are actually kinda funny for an adult, way more entertaining than Max and Ruby. But if your child shows any of the characteristics that mine did? Or if you are already trying to explain why older kids have it differently than they do? Then you may not want to add the fuel to the fire.

But the larger advice I give any soon-to-be parents? You can ALWAYS change your mind. Just because you allowed something once, even for awhile, doesn’t mean you have to allow something forever. Especially if your instincts tell you to STOP ALLOWING IT ALREADY. Trust your instincts. Especially when they’re telling you to change your mind.

My brain is mush thanks to many factors (allergies, excess driving, allergies, lack of sleep, allergies, cake poppers, and allergies) so I think I’m better doing another BULLET entry instead of trying to compose a coherent one using…paragraphs. Eh. Too much work.

• I went to Knoxville on Thursday and discovered that I only thought I was suffering from bizarre seasonal allergies. Once I crossed the city limits? I stopped breathing. Since then I’ve learned that Knoxville is the Allergy Capital this season. I was so miserable I accepted medicine from a stranger in the surgery waiting room. Luckily that medicine worked and has helped me stay alive the last few days. (ALAVERT!) I also started using eyedrops and felt great until yesterday’s trip to Knoxville. I’m hoping today gets me back to a medicated normal, but yesterday really killed me. Knoxville? I WANT TO PUNCH YOU AND YOUR POLLEN LEVELS IN THE FACE.
• Mom’s surgery went well. They couldn’t remove the tumor laparoscopicly because it had grown a bit into her bladder and part of that had to be removed as well. She’s still in the hospital (hence my trip yesterday) but doing okay…considering. I need to go back again in the next day or two but after yesterday’s allergy attack I’m feeling a big ragged so I may need to take more than just a day off from driving.
• MrZ did some home repairs this weekend to start the journey toward GETTING THE HOUSE READY TO SELL. Anyone got any tips they want to share on important things to consider? I think we’re going to rent some sort of storage to keep a lot of the clutter since this house is a bit too small for five people and we hear storage boxes in every room is NOT a great selling point. Beyond getting our excess crap out to make it look bigger, what other things should we be thinking about?
• The chaos of my life has had me cut out a lot of TV that I used to watch. I also haven’t been able to try a lot of the shows I’ve been wishing I could try. I’m still obsessing over Modern Family and Cougar Town of course, but I’ve given up Flash Forward, V, Human Target, Supernatural, and a few others I can’t recall at the moment. I’m watching Dancing With The Stars in FF mode which means I only watch the dances that contain people I’m interested in (NOT The Bachelor) and I’m not watching any of the critiquing or training. Except for Kate Gosselin’s segments. I never watched her show and don’t know much about her but her partner Tony Dovolani has long been one of my favorites because he seems to really be able to help anyone. I am obviously on his side in any argument because he has my loyalty since I don’t know much about her. BUT – in HER defense (since I don’t know anything about her) – I am an awful student. Granted, that’s why I wouldn’t let anyone film me doing something like this. I wouldn’t want my immaturity documented. But I feel like I would be acting in much the same horribly bitchy way. And I would probably not dance any better. While I do have rhythm (something I’m not sure Kate has) I do NOT have any grace. So – I can’t be too hard on her.
• When I read L. J. Smith’s Night World series awhile back (it’s another Young Adult Fantasy series) – I “knew” the last book would come out this month. Well, it turns out it does NOT. The best I can find is “Summer 2010.” I guess she changed the date since I looked last; because Amazon used to say April. This devastates me because I’m used to BIG SERIES RELEASES like Harry Potter and Twilight where you can count on release dates. If Meyer or Rowling had changed a solid release date for any of their books? There would have been bigger stories about it. *sigh* I’m obviously quite spoiled.
• I keep having to “MARK AS READ” huge chunks of blog entries in my feed reader and I’m still feeling horrible about it. First it was Seussical, now it’s traveling for my Mom, I’m longing for the day when I can catch up on all of my blog reading casually and maybe even, you know, comment! I have so much to say! I did squeeze in a comment with Michelle echoing her hatred of the Target double carts. My Publix has the BEST double carts (notice I’m not saying “Buggy” – it’s my gift to you non-southerners) EVER.
  

  All hail functional and entertaining double carts! That one even has TWO layers of cart so that you can pack in almost as much food but in a cart almost the same size as the others. LOVE IT.

• Wow. Did I just get that excited over a well-designed two-seater grocery cart? I’m LAME.
• LilZ had his cast party this weekend and I made cake poppers again. It reminded me that several of you mentioned difficulty with the coating part. First of all, that’s why I prefer “Poppers” to “Balls” – no one knows they’re supposed to be spherical! Just coat the heck out of them, who cares if the chocolate pools around the bottom? Also – I used the chocolate designed for chocolate fountains (found at Hobby Lobby). When I switched it up and used the regular candy coating chocolates? I realized that stuff was much harder to work with. Finally, make sure the Cake Poppers have been in the refrigerator for an hour before you try to coat them. They handle better cold and firm. Just some tips to make Cake Poppers easier! From the person who screws up WATER ONLY muffins!

So…what’s going on with you?

Let’s just pretend there hasn’t been a cessation in posting around here, okay? Let’s pretend that the post below this one was written yesterday! And the one before that? DAY BEFORE! Let’s just all keep in mind that I’ve now been officially blogging for six years. SIX YEARS. As you can see by a glimpse of my dashboard above, I’ve written a lot of entries in those six years. (And I’ve captured a lot of spam, evidently.) So…enough entries that we can forget about the past few days…right? Good. Let’s move on to what’s important. NEW TELEVISION I’M WATCHING!

These are shows I’ve picked up this new year. Either because they’ve just started or because I’m just now getting on the bandwagon. Either way – new shows! And my long-awaited verdict of those new shows. It’s your lucky day.

Life Unexpected I started watching this show when Maureen Ryan compared it to Gilmore Girls. Three episodes in and I really like it. In the same way I liked Gilmore Girls. There’s wit, humor, but also emotion and angst. I struggled a little with how fashionable Lux is (REALLY? She’s from a foster home? Her and her best friend (another foster kid) look like they belong on the cover of Seventeen!) but I struggle with that on a lot of TV shows…it’s one of my things that I like to bitch about. Ask my family. But, aside from her appearance not fitting her backstory, I really like this show. If you’re look for a good family drama? Check it out.

Caprica I have a hard time with movies and TV shows with dark settings. I mean literally dark…lots of grays and little sunshine. That was my number one complaint about Battlestar Galactica…while I loved the stories and characters…the setting depressed me. Caprica offers a much different setting and as a prequel to the BSG series, I gave it a try for the excellent storytelling. So far? I’m very intrigued. It feels like it’s got great potential and I really like most of the characters currently. Especially Lacy who I fell in love with on Kyle XY. I’m not 100% convinced I’ll stick with it, but for now? Since I’m not watching American Idol or the Olympics? It’s a nice show to watch when my other shows aren’t new this week.

United States of Tara I know this show is not new, but MrZ started watching it over the holidays and he finally got me hooked. I had NO desire to watch it as I really didn’t like Weeds and I feared it would be another Screwed Up Family on cable television that I would have an impossible time relating to. While I enjoy a lot of the other characters on Weeds, my hatred of Nancy Botwin kept me from enjoying the show and I finally gave up on it. So…I was hesitant to join Tara and her family. BUT IT’S SO DIFFERENT. Firstly? John Corbett. Who I will forever love as the DJ in Northern Exposure, no matter how many other projects he participates in. He may be creeping into the Best Husbands On TV Club (along with Coach Taylor and Joe Dubois) as he supports Tara in her life with dissociative identity disorder but without meds. I love the entire family. Not to mention the excellent treatment of a storyline involving her gay son and his high school crush. I just love the entire first season and would love to know when the second starts.

Deep End I started watching this strictly for Tina Majorino and I haven’t been disappointed. It’s a cute show. Not at the top of my list, by any means, but a good filler on my schedule when my other shows are on WINTER BREAKS. (What is up with that?) I’m not sure if I’m attached enough to be heartbroken if it doesn’t get renewed, but I do enjoy it currently. It hasn’t gotten me invested yet in any of the characters…it’s just a cute drama to watch when I’m bored or can’t sleep (which has been a lot lately). I could see it becoming more, but for now? Eh. I like it but I’m not telling everyone else to start watching it. So…verdict still out.

What about you? Any new shows you’re watching I should know about?

I wrote earlier this season about shows I was trying out. I thought I’d revisit the topic and let you know what I was watching now, shows I’m not watching, and what I’m looking forward to in the second half of the TV Season. (Also, if you’re struggling to keep up with what’s coming back or what is new? Here are two resources: TV Addict’s January Calendar and my favorite critic’s Winter TV Preview.) There are a lot of shows listed below. But I still feel like I’m missing stuff, so I may add more if you bring up stuff in the comments I forgot about.

New Shows I Haven’t Given Up On Yet

• The Good Wife I really enjoy the individual stories every week as well as the greater Wife Of Cheating Politician arc.
• Modern Family I hope this shows stays on forever.
• Cougar Town This show is probably more female humor, but it cracks me up EVERY WEEK.
• Glee Of course.
• Flash Forward Although I fear for the longevity of this show. It’s high cost but the ratings aren’t great.
• V I think I missed the mid-season finale though…so maybe I’m not as hooked as I thought.
• NCIS: Los Angeles Love this for the same reason I love the original: It doesn’t take itself too seriously.
• Community I’m not 100% hooked on this show yet, but I feel loyal to Joel McHale so I’m sticking with it.

New Shows That Haven’t Started That I’m Going To Check Out

• Human Target: I kinda like cheesy action TV
• The Deep End: Mac from Veronica Mars and Fiero from Wicked? Of course I’ll be there.

Shows I Once Enjoyed But Have Stopped Watching

• CSI Unlike NCIS, this show takes itself too seriously and I finally got annoyed.
• Desperate Housewives Eh.
• Ugly Betty Eh. Eh.
• Heroes This one pissed me off the same way Lost did, but never redeemed itself as Lost now has.
• Vampire Diaries I only stopped watching this because I’ve decided I want to read the books.

Shows I Just Can’t Get Into No Matter How Much I Tried Because You and/or The Critics Told Me To

• Mad Men
• The Office
• 30 Rock
• Parks and Recreation
• White Collar

Shows I’m Still Watching Past Their First Season Because I Love Them So

• Castle I can not get over how much I love this show.
• House Although it is losing it’s appeal for me a bit…I do still love it.
• Bones Another show I hope stays on FOREVER.
• NCIS One of my favorite ensemble casts on television.
• The Closer It took me awhile to accept Brenda’s accent, but I love her character too much now to notice.
• Psych Man…it is unhealthy how much this show typically cracks me up.
• Mentalist This show might be losing the appeal too, not sure if I’ll still watch it next season or not.
• Lost Redeemed itself completely last season and can not WAIT for the final season to start next month.
• 24 I give this show a try every year but I haven’t made it through a full season since season 3 I think.
• Friday Night Lights The only reason I wish I had DirectTV
• Burn Notice Another show that is good because it doesn’t take itself too seriously. And has a female lead I adore.
• Ghost Whisperer I have no idea why I still watch this show but I CANT MAKE MYSELF STOP. Even after her husband came back in another man’s body and they NEVER seem to address that.
• Medium I love that nothing has changed about this show even after it switched channels.
• Numb3rs This show is about to end which will make me sad because I’ve been loyal to it’s incredibly cheesy and unbelievable foundation since it started.
• How I Met Your Mother Looking forward to the 100th musical episode!
• Fringe Another show I love but I fear may cost too much to make to keep going with low ratings.
• Chuck Can’t wait to see how this season is different with Chuck’s new arsenal of knowledge.
• Criminal Minds Another show I may not watch next season because it’s losing it’s edge to me.
• Leverage LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE this show. LOVE!
• Supernatural This season has been outstanding and can’t wait to see how it all works out.
• Dollhouse I stopped watching this weekly since it got it’s death sentence because I’d rather watch it on DVD without breaks since I know there won’t be a third season (sob).
• Greek Not sure what’s going to happen to this show once most of the main characters graduate in May, but I’ll enjoy seeing how the end of the year plays out.

So…what about you? What are YOU watching/loving/hating?