Do you see the sign on the right there? It says This trail is 6.0 miles roundtrip descending 1000 feet. Participants need to be in good physical condition and allow 6 hours for an enjoyable completion of your hike. Here are some of the things I would like to add to the bottom of the sign:

Bring at least one gallon of water per person if hiking this during the summer. Don’t start drinking it until you are on your way back UP.

or

Not at all kid friendly. In case that needs to be said after the part about the distance and the elevation notes. We thought that would be understood but since some people are morons we’ll make it clear: DO NOT BRING YOUR CHILDREN

or maybe

Please do not take this sign as a challenge. If you are stubborn and ignoring the voice inside your head that says, “Maybe this is a bad idea.” DO NOT IGNORE THAT VOICE.

This is me, ignoring that voice telling me, “Maybe this is a bad idea?” The bad idea was not the hike itself, of course. The hike was beautiful. The bad idea was bringing the kids and thinking we could just carry them the whole way. You know, because we’re men of steel or something. Well…maybe I should explain how STEEP a trail is that descends 1000 feet in 3 miles. It is VERY STEEP. And when someone as clumsy as myself adds 30lbs on their back and tries to climb down that mountain? It’s not pretty. We ended up very quickly switching kids in the situation. NikkiZ, although heavier, is a lot less wiggly and therefore allows me to try to maintain some sort of balance.

Making it DOWN the mountain almost killed me. I probably make NikkiZ walk a mile of that journey. But even making her walk a mile, the other 2+ (because we just HAD to go 3.5 miles instead of 3) nearly killed me. My toes were aching and my feet were blistered and my back/shoulders were frozen in agony.

And then we had to GO BACK UP.

MrZ took this picture about 1 mile into our ascent.

Notice that my lovely daughter was asleep. Because we had worn her out. Poor thing. Except NOT because her mother WAS DYING. I passed her off to MrZ and I took AndyZ just for the break in weight (and we weren’t going down anymore so I hoped he’d be easier to balance) and that didn’t last long because I was unable to carry ANYONE at that point. So, 1.5 miles from the top and I woke up that angelic girl and MADE HER WALK. UP A MOUNTAIN. IN THE HEAT OF THE SUMMER IN ALABAMA.

(Are my caps making my point? That I’m abusive?)

By the time we made it back to the car MrZ had carried at least one child all 7 miles. He was in pain. We had to conserve the last 15ounces of water to last us all over 2 miles because we were worried we’d run out. After getting into the car and almost crying with relief we stopped at the first gas station we came to for 60 ounces of Gatorade, 60 ounces of water, and one Diet Coke.

(What?)

To reward NikkiZ for walking almost three miles today, I took her swimming this afternoon and then both kids pretty much crashed out before 7pm. This was, by far, the most exhausting trip I’ve every made. The hike would have been FINE if we hadn’t thought we could carry the kids. We could have carried the kids FINE without the steepness of the trails. And we might not have almost killed each other in that last mile if we had brought more water. *sigh* Lessons learned.

And now for the kicker. Which might should only be read by the females in the audience. If you’re male? Consider the end here and just skip to the pictures. If you’re female? Read along so you can truly appreciate my suffering.

When we packed the kids back on our backs to start the return trip UP the mountain? We had made it about 1/4 mile when suddenly: I started my period. FOUR DAYS EARLY. Because climbing UP a mountain with a kid on your back isn’t tough enough without hemorrhaging through uterine cramps. The kind of endometriosis-induced cramps that require I stay heavily medicated for four days. THOSE cramps. Those unforgiving cramps with the unforgiving bleeding. Because I was NOT crying enough already, evidently.

Now…onto more pictures of the day! Sans evidence of that last story I added for the women!

But…back to my point. My kids being in good hands while I work. I am so fortunate that I have found a great daycare for my kids. It’s not the most expensive in town (They actually just lowered their prices! Yay for us!) and it’s not the cheapest. But - we are so happy there it is ridiculous. Both of the kids have a great set of teachers who love caring for them and the facility itself makes a point to do organized activities like Weekly Water Day and Patriotic Parades. The word parade might be generous as the kids pretty much just walked across the basketball court wearing hand-crafted hats while their parents take pictures, but it’s so fun. And although NikkiZ looks pissed off in that photo, she was really just squinting in the sun looking for me as I screamed her name. Because I’m totally that Mom. What can I say?

Our parade was yesterday since the school is closed today and there were twice as many parents at this one than usual. I was happy to see that because part of what makes it fun is the parental audience. Since we all work (hence our kids being in daycare) it’s a tough crowd to lure in. Especially for a parade that lasts 10 minutes. I had to go since NikkiZ had been looking forward to this parade all week and asking me daily if I was going to be there. (AndyZ? Not so much.)

NikkiZ woke up before 5am yesterday ready to dress for the parade. (At which point I might have been cursing the parade. I’ll admit.) She kept telling me they had made hats but she couldn’t show them to me because it was a surprise. She proudly marched with her friends and stayed in line. How do they make her follow instructions like that? I feel like they have power over my kids that I do not share. They can get her to even eat vegetables sometimes. Even after she told them that I don’t want her eating vegetables. Only chicken nuggets. (I have mentioned she’s manipulative, right?)

My point? It’s hard to go to work and deal with the guilt of leaving your kids at daycare. But when you find yourself honestly thinking they’re probably better off…then that’s a good thing. I’m a lazy Mom. I would veg out in front of the TV too much and make too many trips to the McDonald’s drive-thru for lunch. I’m good at weekend activities, but for a whole week, I’d be useless. It feels good to know my kids are having as much fun (maybe even more) than they would be in my care.

And it gives me an excuse to buy ridiculously expensive and highly impractical clothing.

FYI: I bought the skirt at Gymboree. It was the first day I had ever shopped there because It’s a little pricey considering how rough my daughter is on her clothing. She’s quite destructive for a dainty thing. But the skirt? In the front of the store shouting my name as I walked by. So I went and grabbed it and then the store had it’s hold on me. 2 pairs of sunglasses, 1 pair of sparkly flip-flops, 3 hats and 4 hairbows later…we were done. That place is evil.

I have written often in the last two years about NikkiZ and her tendency to be…evil. Her blatant rule-breaking (usually while smiling her evil little smile), her yelling, her abuse, and her manipulative behavior. I first categorized it all as The Terrible Twos - until she turned three. Then many of you pointed out that three is beyond terrible. But that four? Gets much better. I remembered cursing you all for not warning me about the Evil Threes and counting down the days to Four. And praying to all that is Holy that you all weren’t hiding the truth about Four from me as well. Is it even WORSE?

Yes…I know I have a teenager who supposedly was two and three at some point. You would think I knew all about these trends. However…LilZ was unlike any child on earth. Two and Three were as mild and sweet as all of the other ages. I knew nothing about real babies until NikkiZ was born because LilZ rarely even cried. He was just born…easy. Therefore…I was clueless when NikkiZ was born. Oh…so…clueless. So I was shocked by the Terrible Twos and the Evil Threes and just hoping I could trust you about Four.

Well, we’re three months away from turning four and I can say: You Were Right. It gets better with Four. We’re not four yet…but things are already better. We haven’t gotten a Your Child Beat Up An Innocent Bystander Today note sent home in a couple of months. We’ve had a few bad days, as we call them, but nothing consistently awful. NikkiZ has finally gotten all of her toys back from the garage (we cleared out her room after one particular bad set of notes from school) and she currently has no privileges taken away from her. She seems to be more aware of the feelings of those around her…whereas before? We were all her floormats…waiting for stomping upon.

It’s just a relief to know what you were telling me all along. It’s just a phase. I was worried the bad behavior was more of a personality trait than something she would grow out of. But you were right! You always are! It’s a phase…to be left behind. I feel relatively certain that Mother Nature planned it this way to give us a solid 8-10 years to prepare for the Teenage Years. Because those? Those years? Those are the years our nightmares are made of.

I think Lindsay makes many valid points…this one being my favorite:

As blogging goes mainstream, mom bloggers are starting to look and sound more and more like they came straight out of a diaper ad. And frankly, the moms who don’t make motherhood seem like an 18-year-long Hallmark commercial are getting harder and harder to hear amid the babbling about whateveritiswethinktheadvertiserswantustosay.

I definitely have seen this trend. I’m not as overwhelmed by it as Lindsay is, but I do agree with the very true sentiment that maybe the MommyBloggers getting the most attention, aren’t the best voices anymore. Maybe, by becoming spotlighted so often, they are no longer as relatable. I wouldn’t say it’s true for all of the MommyBlogs in the spotlight, but I think it’s true for a lot of them.

But what is the solution? I HAVE THE SOLUTION!

For the month of July I’m going to spotlight several MommyBlogs that I’ve found and adore but who aren’t getting the attention they deserve. I’m going to call it Spotlighting Moms! Because if there’s anything I’m good at it’s Names Of Blogging Things! (Not really.) I’m going to try every day (but please recognize I’ll probably fail miserably at that) to spotlight one Mom you might not read but that I think you should. For Today? Snarky Mommy. She’s currently pregnant (with her last baby, as she puts it) and is currently asking your opinion about whether they should make the gender of this one a surprise. Amy’s initials are A.S.S. which I find as entertaining as she does. I’m sure she’d be happy to know that of all of the traits I could pass on to you convincing you to go read her, I chose that one. A.S.S. Come one! It’s awesome!

So…she’s my Spotlighted Mom today. Someone who is a fantastic voice and in need of a little attention for that. Tomorrow? Someone whose initials do NOT spell out a body part! (I don’t think…) Also - feel free to leave suggestions in the comments. I have a list already in my head of great unnoticed voices, but I’d love to see your list as well. Or, even better, do a spotlight on your own blog and link to it in my comments so I can come read it!

Other than the periodic night of anticipation, I’ve never been able to relate to people who go long spans of time struggling to fall asleep. The zombie types clicking through the channels trying to find things to calm their mind. That has never been me. Since I was a little girl I’ve quieted my sleepy-time mind the same way every night: Daydreaming.

That’s the best way I can describe it, anyway. Whatever is keeping my mind going, whatever has me anxious, whatever is stressing me out - I daydream it away. When I was little this often involved boys kissing me behind the school bus at recess. I would imagine these detailed situations that would allow me to just drift into sleep easily. When things have caused me stress as an adult, I have done the same thing. I imagine winning the lottery (Which, for the record, I’ve never played.) and I would dream about the ways my family would spend the money. When I was looking for jobs I would imagine that dream position that allowed me to pursue a career in napping while strictly enforcing the Weekly Pedicure policy by paying for all of my spa visits.

My very vivid imagination has been the key to quieting my mind in the night since I was a child. I have never been able to sleep late, it’s too difficult to quiet my mind again once I start waking in the morning. But falling asleep in the evening? Has never been a problem.

Until recently.

Since Dad died…falling to sleep has been a challenge. When I stop moving for the day and lay in bed, I think about him. I think about how real it is that he’s gone. About what I miss and what I’ll never hear or see from him again. And I can’t imagine it away. It’s the first time in my life that the painful thoughts following me during my day, can not be conquered by my imagination at night. This is the first time I’ve ever had a problem that is completely impossible to solve. The laws of nature prohibit it. While winning the lottery was never a realistic solution to my money problems in the past (especially since I never played) it was still possible. So it allowed me an outlet to escape to dream land.

My Dad will never come back.

It’s just been in the last week that I’ve finally been able to truly define the cause of my sleep problems. On days that his death is NOT in the forefront of my mind, sleep comes easily. But since Father’s Day and the weeks before, it’s been on my mind often. And I can’t make it go away. I close my eyes at night and just…miss him. I still have those moments that it hits me painfully that…he’s really gone. The logical part of my brain knows that and needs no reminders, but the active part that won’t quiet as I try to fall asleep at night? That part stays distracted enough during the daytime hours to not think about it. But at night? It’s there, stabbing me in the heart repeatedly. Keeping me awake and alert until I finally take some generic Nighttime Pain Relief to help me sleep.

I’m sure this is just another thing time will heal. My mind will focus on this less intensely as the months tick by. But the truth is: He is gone. And that…that simple truth…will still find ways to interrupt my peace forever. Because that’s how long he’s gone. Forever.

I used to have a KILL YOUR TELEVISION bumper sticker on the back of my car. And I meant it. I used to openly proclaim my lack of cable and my disinterest in anything on television. I used to give my son “TV TOKENS” (Poker Chips) that would allow him the opportunity to watch certain video tapes we had, but in limited doses. I was, essentially, anti-television in all forms.

Needless to say…that is not me anymore.

A little over a month ago NikkiZ and I saw our first commercial for the movie, Princess Protection Program movie on the Disney Channel. Since Disney over-hypes their movies, this gave us plenty of time to get hyped up about it. Since then I’ve been answering the question, “When is that coming on again?” on a daily basis. To say she was excited alone would be a lie. Her excitement had me excited. We’d pause previews for the movie when we’d normally fast-forward through commercials. We’d watch the D-Com EXTRA behind-the-scenes spots and the music videos. Everything we could until it was to air on June 26th.

I woke NikkiZ up this past Friday saying, “Do you know what comes on tonight?” To which she screamed, “Princess Program Protection!” (That’s what she called it.) When she got to school she excitedly talked about how we were going to watch it that night. When I picked her up that afternoon she enthusiastically asked if it was on yet! We made pizzas, we ate ice cream, we put on our pajamas.

And then the whole family (sans AndyZ who was already asleep) congregated in the living room to watch the movie. She curled up on the couch with me and excitedly discussed each scene as it passed. Did I see that pretty dress? What about the worms? Why is she scared of lizards? We’re not scared of lizards! Are the bad guys going to get her? Carter is brave! LOOK AT THOSE PRINCESSES!

It was so much fun. We proceeded to watch it three more times throughout the weekend, as the enthusiasm finally began fading.

But we did it all together. It gave us one more thing to enjoy together. To talk about. To giggle about. TOGETHER.

Yes, I’m a lazy parent and often I use television to quiet the masses while I wash dishes or fold laundry. And sometimes while I do something really selfish…like bathe. But it also often pulls us together. Whether around Cat Deely on Wednesday nights or the Jonas Brothers on Sundays, we’re gathering as a family. (MrZ would like me to point out he is NOT watching the Jonas Brothers with us. He does have his limits.) It’s hard for a family of five with this range of ages to find unifying interests…television helps us do that. And that justifies my cable bill right there.

Being able to also drool over John Barrowman during the summers is just an added bonus.

I had taken a four-day weekend to deal with that stuff and decided as soon as I got back to Huntsville that I was going to try to cram enough family activity into the remaining time so that we could all pretend we spent the four days together doing family stuff. So I can look back on my “weekend” very proudly. I didn’t vacuum and I barely finished the laundry…but we played in some fountains, in a creek, went shopping, and wore hats. We even cut hair! (You’ll have to break away from the feed reader to check out my sidebar if you’re curious about that statement. Sorry!) You can’t beat that on paper but you really can’t beat it when I show you the awesome photos as evidence.

How was YOUR weekend?

MrZ called me just now to let me know how the daycare dropoff went and he had a great story. On the way to school, NikkiZ was chatting away like she does every morning. MrZ was wondering what AndyZ was doing and so he asked, “NikkiZ? How’s your brother?”

He’s fine. He’s just lookin’ out the window at the trees and the houses…he’s thinking, “What the Hell?”

HA!

MrZ maintained his composure and reminded her that kids shouldn’t use that type of language. He tried to explain that we shouldn’t even use that word because it just makes some people upset.

Yeah. I shouldn’t use that word because then the little kids will start saying it.

Yes. You, the 3-year old, should NOT use that word because the little kids might pick up on it. You, the 3-year old, should be the role model to these poor children.

I always miss the best stuff.

I recently read Superhero’s take on the To Do List. This is a common topic in the blog world and often I walk away from the entries I read commiserating, understanding, but rarely enlightened. But this entry? Got me thinking. Is this TRUE? Am I stuck in this To Do List cycle forEVER?

Oh my. I think I am. I think she’s right. There will ALWAYS be something new on that list. ALWAYS.

I don’t mind the To Do List so much. (I act like I actually have one organized, which I don’t. But for the sake of this entry let’s pretend I do.) On the days I don’t make it to the end of my list I feel disappointed, but that’s EVERY DAY. I never finish everything so I just accept it. BUT - I always go to bed thinking, Tomorrow. Tomorrow I’ll do more.

But…she’s right. It’s never really done, is it? So why do I let it bother me? Why, on many days, do I let it overwhelm me? Why can’t I got to bed thinking, Damn. I did good today. A paradigm shift is right.

Which is another way of saying, let’s love each moment as much as possible. I can see how simply doing what’s in front of you, with as much mindfulness and joy as you can is a piece of the puzzle. Maybe we should trash our to-do lists and create some to-be lists instead.

Man. I love this sentiment. I love the idea of being in the moment. I often, as a Mom, wish I could be in the moment with my kids more. But I never thought about how that would benefit my whole life. What’s the point? What’s the point in taking care of my home, my job, my self? What’s the point if I don’t find someone way to enjoy it? I mean, I’m never going to happily scrub the toilets. Okay? I’m not saying that. But how amazing would it be if I could simply enjoy taking care of my family. Taking care of my home.

I’ve read book after book about putting the energy into the world that you want back from it. A basic karmic philosophy applied to everyday living. And this sentiment fits right into it.

This is the best thing about the blog world. Every day that I open my feed reader I open myself up for inspiration. I find inspiration for cool crafts, meals (Ha! Like I ever cook them…), decorating tips and blog topics. And some days? I find inspiration for even more.

I don’t know exactly the best way to try to shift my perception but I’m going to try. Instead of ending the day thinking about the things that didn’t get done, I’m going to wind down patting myself on the back. (’Cause we all know no one else is going to do it! Am I right?) Instead of grumbling about putting up the shoes for the 10th time that week, I’m going to ask myself, Why do I care? If I’m doing something that makes me bitter, maybe I should make sure there’s a reason for doing it. If there is no good reason, maybe I can remove it from my To Do list. Or at least put it on someone else’s list. (Like the owner’s of the shoes!) If I can think of a reason I do something, like putting up laundry to clean up the clutter, then maybe I find a way to enjoy the clutter-free result. Bask in the product of my good work.

I love these type of revelations. These type of inspirations. These type of realizations that there are ways out of the rut. We’re not bound to these often frustrating patterns. If we’re open to the lives of others around us, different or not, we can find those ideas to inspire us. Thank you, Andrea. I need that kick in the ass out and out the doldrums.

(Hee. Love the overly-dramatic blog metaphors.)

I thought I’d share with you guys some of the ways I revived my blogself in case you find your blog in the same place. Of course, I’m no professional on blog advice, but these are a few things that worked for me.

• Don’t write. (What? Seems contradictory?) For one night, instead of writing…cruise blogs. Start with a familiar one and start linking to others from there. Read entries everywhere you go. Click through links in the comments of the blog (because that will take you to other active bloggers) and try to choose ones you don’t normally read. Seeing new blogs, no matter how off-topic they are from your own, will open your mind to new blog topics. This will inspire many topics for your own blog, I guarantee it. Even if that topic is, “Why I Don’t Blog About _______.”
• Continue the conversation on your own blog! I started emailing myself links from blog entries or articles around the web that I thought would give me good blog topics. Example? I emailed myself Marilyn’s entry linked above. Sometimes you read something and feel like you could respond with more than just a comment - but you don’t have time at that moment. Email it to yourself. Then, when you do have time, it will be there waiting in your inbox.
• Carry a notebook around. Or maybe a piece of paper. Something small so that when that idea pops in your head throughout the day, you can jot it down. Sometimes, just the fact that we have something to document an idea with, aids in the idea being born. It will have you looking at things with wider eyes, scanning your experience for blog ideas. I’ve been amazed at how many more interesting things I observe now that the back of my mind is waiting for blog material. For example: There are THREE fire hydrants on my street between my house and the end of the road. About .8 miles. THREE. And I never noticed them before. WEIRD. Look on your street today…how many do you see?
• Dig through your archives. Just sit down one afternoon and dig through some of your older entries. You’ll be amazed how inspiring it is because you’ll be reminded that it’s important you write. You’ll need those words later. Either to make you laugh. Or to make you cry. Or maybe just to make you wonder, “What in the hell was I thinking?”
• Remember…unless you’re really trying to make money…this should always be simply: FUN. If it’s stressing you out maybe you need a break. If it’s not bringing you joy, why do you do it? There’s nothing that says you HAVE to do it. Some of the best relationships I’ve made blogging are with someone who no longer blogs. They don’t disappear, they just stopped blogging. No big deal. But remember, if you stop or take a break, backup your blog. You might want to start back and you don’t want to lose all of that hard work. The world would be a smaller place without entries documenting our stupid moments don’t you think?